A God Called Bruce Pt. 01

"G'day Chief," I said. "Greetings from Australia."

"You sound like Bruce," he said. His voice sounded grumpy.

"I take that as a compliment."

"Why is that?" He sounded even more grumpy than before.

I decided to go for broke. "Well, I figure if the Boss of the universe tells a mere mortal he sounds like a fucking God that would have to be a compliment."

Marge was horrified, she didn't know where to look. Zeus looked at me and I could see he was having problems trying to keep a straight face. His effort was futile, he burst out laughing and the stern look had completely disintegrated.

"I don't believe the hide of you. No one has ever spoken to me like that, not even Bruce would dare. Aren't you afraid of me? Don't you know that I can kill you with a thought or torture you for centuries if I so choose?"

"Look Chief," I said. "I have been shot at and had to duck bombs before I was old enough to count to a hundred. There are cars, planes, ships, machines all around me where I live, not to mention crocodiles and snakes and criminals, any of which could kill me if things went wrong. If I were afraid of what might happen I'd never put a foot in front of another. What will happen will happen. In the meantime, at least I am alive and not paralysed by fear."

"You are either a very brave man, or a very foolish one."

"A bit of both I reckon, a bit of both."

"I like you," grinned Zeus. "What I want to know now is, can you deliver what you promised to Marge."

"Marge, come over here," I said.

When she came over I grabbed her and gave her a passionate kiss, one hand squeezing her tit.

I let go, looked at Zeus and asked: "Convinced?"

"Now fuck her," he commanded.

"What? Here? In front of you?"

"Of course. Marge is not shy, she is begging for it."

He waved his hand and I found myself lying next to Marge on a huge bed. We were both naked. I had not seen Marge naked before, she was beautiful. My dick came up like an old fashioned railway signal and was ready for action. I put my hand between Marge's legs. She was dripping.

"Get on with it then," urged Zeus.

That was it. I went up her like a rat up a drain pipe and gave her one of the best. Three times I came. I lost count of how many times she got off. I forgot all about Zeus and revelled in her like a horny college boy.

Eventually I was spent, and so was Marge. When I pulled out and declared a break Zeus applauded loudly and complimented me on my technique.

"That was as good a root as ever I did see," he said. "No wonder we like screwing humans, they are so much more inventive and enthusiastic than the Gods."

Next minute we were clean and fully dressed again. The bed had disappeared.

"You go home now Marge," he said. "I want to talk to that miscreant here alone for a while."

Marge gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek, bowed to Zeus and disappeared.

Zeus waved his hand and we were sitting on a table laden with food and drink, still in the grove though. He handed me a golden goblet filled with some golden fluid and said: "Here, drink that, it will restore your strength."

"What is it?"

"Ambrosia, nectar of the Gods. You can only get it here on Olympus. Few mortals have tasted it."

It was actually quite nice, a bit sweet for my taste but not overwhelmingly so. It did however refresh me thoroughly. My aching muscles were restored to full strength and my tiredness was gone.

"Good stuff, isn't it? One more of these and you could do Marge all over again. Want another one?"

"I appreciate the offer, but right now I could do with a beer."

"Just like Bruce. You fellows are like peas in a pod."

He handed me a beer and we got into the food. Simple Greek fare. Fresh bread, olives, fetta, stuff wrapped in vine leaves, that sort of thing. I loved it.

"What you did is really very nice," Zeus said after a while, suddenly looking pensive and worried. "It will be nice to fool around with humans again, but I'm worried that the same old pandemonium will start all over again and the thing will get out of hand."

"Tell me, how many of your mob know about the gate I came through?"

"They all know about it but only I, and now Marge, know how it works."

"Then I can solve your problem, I think. Tell Marge not to talk about it and keep her trap shut how come she got fucked today."

"So what are you going to do right now?"

"I'll go back home and do a few experiments. If I'm right you can have a complete plan in about three or four days. Just make sure no one else knows how the gate works. My plan would stuff up if that gets around. And I don't want anyone to know she fucked me, otherwise I have every horny Goddess on my doorstep and I'll get nothing done."

"I'll see to it. Good luck my boy, see you in a few days. Just call out for me when you're ready." Zeus waved his hand and I found myself back in Vaucluse, next to the lighthouse."

Suddenly I had this idea. The sheer audacity of it stunned even me, but I knew I was going to try it even if it brought the whole pantheon down on me. Ave Zeus, morituri te salutant.

Chapter 6: A backdoor to Olympus

I figured that if Bruce's medallion could take me from the human plane to the Olympus plane in my house it might work here on the power spot. Green for Earth, red for Olympus, he had said. I took the thing off my neck and rubbed the red side. There was a weird feeling, as if it didn't know what to do. I thought about it for a while. Perhaps it needed to know where I was going. I pictured the little temple where we had arrived in my mind and rubbed the red side again. A second later I was there. Before anyone could spot me I pictured the ground at Vaucluse and rubbed the green side. Back on Earth again.

I had created a road into Olympus the Gods didn't know about. It gave me a feeling of power and victory. I caught a cab home and got into the beer. I was celebrating.

There was a fly in the ointment though. All well and good to get there, but then what? I needed an ally on the other side. I only knew four people from there, Zeus, Bruce, Marge and Lil. Zeus was out, I didn't want him to know, so were the women. Never trust a woman with a secret, sooner or later they get pissed off with you over something and blabber your secrets all over the universe as an act of revenge. Afterwards they feel remorseful, but by then you are fucked. Your dirty linen is blowing all over town and there is no way to retrieve it.

That left only Bruce. You can't really trust a God, but I had little choice. Maybe he would be alright, he was bit of a rebel for sure. He had criticised some of the Gods and even called Zeus an arsehole. Besides, he was the only game in town. He had said all I had to do was call him if I wanted his company.

He didn't say how, so I took a punt, went into the back yard and yelled:

"Fancy a beer and a chat Bruce?"

"I knew you'd call," he said and sat down.

I gave him a beer. I didn't really know where to start. Bruce gave me the opening.

"You fucked Marge today, didn't you?"

"Did she tell you that?"

"No, but I kind of know. She looks and acts five hundred years younger. I actually enjoyed her company today. You've done the whole of Olympus a favour."

"Alright. I did. My system works. But there is more. I have discovered things about Earth and Olympus that even Zeus is unaware of. To benefit from my discoveries I need an ally on Olympus. Will you be that ally?"

"I've been bored shitless for centuries. Then you come along and suddenly I feel adventurous and alive again. Yeah, I'll string along. What do you want me to do?"

"For the time being I want you just to be my mate and ally. I'll tell you what I've found out and then we'll see if we can do something with it."

He stood up and stuck his hand out. "Done," was all he said and we shook on it.

I got us another beer and I told him about my discoveries about the house and my backdoor into Olympus.

"You know, if anyone else had told me what you just said I would laugh in their face and say that's impossible. I'll go as far as giving you the benefit of doubt. A back door for a human to get into Olympus on his own? No one, not even Zeus, would believe that this can be done."

"That's the beauty of it."

"You realise I need to see this for myself. It's just too outrageous."

"Okay, fair enough, let me give you a demo. You know the old lighthouse in Vaucluse?"

"Sure do."

I stuck my hand out. "Take me there."

When we got there I showed him the power spot.

"I can see it. You want to use that? Not even the Gods know how to use these."

I described the temple where Marge and I had arrived on Olympus. He told me he knew the place.

"You go there now and I'll join you. Will that be a convincing test?"

"That'll do it," he said, and vanished.

I rubbed my medal and joined him.

"Well I'll be fucked. You're for real!"

"Let's get back to Vaucluse, I need you to get home."

We were back sipping our beer. Bruce was very quiet. Evidently what he had seen had rattled him. I let him brood for a while. When I figured he'd had enough of that I asked: "Bruce, that medallion that you gave me, what does it do? How does it work?"

He laughed. "That fucking thing does bugger all. It is only an aid. All you need to do is focus on the colour as well as your destination. Red for Olympus, green for Earth."

Then it hit me. That's how the power spots work.

"How would you like to come with me on the greatest adventure since Zeus pooped in his nappies?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I mean like going to the stars, visiting other realities, go places where no God or human has been for millennia, if ever."

"You are talking about the power spots?"

"Yep."

"But no one knows how they work."

"Correction, I know how they work."

"Are you telling me you can go to the stars right now?"

"No, I need a map."

"And where will you get one of these?"

"I was hoping on Olympus."

"There is no such thing on Olympus, the Gods would know if there was."

"Pardon me Bruce, with all due respect, the Gods don't seem to be very bright. They have been putting up with Zeus' hex for a millennium and didn't know how to get around it. Then I come along and solve it in no time at all. The Gods seem to have their heads so far up their own arses all they can see is shit. I bet there are maps on Olympus but you don't know what they are and you've never been curious enough to find out."

"And you smart Alec reckon you can find these maps? Don't make me laugh. You have only been on Olympus in the temple and in Zeus' place and already you reckon you know it all. Get real. I have been on Olympus for a very long time, I know every nook and cranny of it and I am telling you there are no such maps."

"You wouldn't know what to look for."

"But you do." Bruce's voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"Yes. I have a fair idea what such a map would have to look like. It wouldn't look like any of the maps we know of, that's why no one recognises them for what they are."

"Alright Mister Smart Prick. Tell me what these maps look like and why the Gods aren't clever enough to figure out what they are."

"You haven't even asked me exactly what I do to get to Olympus. That's the whole key to it. Remember how you gave me that medal and showed me how to get from my old house to my new house, how to flip from Earth space to Olympus space?

"After Zeus had dropped me off in Vaucluse I got to thinking if the same technique might work on a power spot. I figured the power spot was some kind of a portal that connected Earth with Olympus somehow. I stood on the spot and rubbed the red side of the medal. It kind of felt like it wanted to send me off but didn't know where to. So I imagined the temple where Marge and I had landed and rubbed the medal and - Bingo - I was there. Remember, at that time I still thought that medal of yours had magical powers.

"A little while ago you told me that the medal is only an aid to focus on a specific colour. That's when I figured out how the power spots work. There are only so many colours and possibly millions of spaces, so it stands to reason that there are many spaces that use, for instance, red or green and so forth. You have to know the colour of the space you want to go to but that isn't enough. You also have to be able to picture a power spot in the space you want to travel to and that makes it difficult if you haven't been there before. Are you with me so far?"

"Yes, I think so." Bruce had dropped his sarcasm and was listening attentively to what I was saying.

"Alright, now that we know what you need in order to travel we can get an idea what a map would have to look like. It would have to show a colour and an associated picture of a power spot. Perhaps a picture of a landscape or a building with a coloured frame around it or something similar. We also know this knowledge is old, so old in fact that even the Gods can't remember it. Perhaps it's older than the Gods on Olympus themselves.

"The ancients put important imagery up by way of buildings and monuments. They knew not to trust paper, vellum or papyrus. These are too easily destroyed. So what we are looking for are pictures like the ones I've described on an ancient monument or in an ancient temple, maybe as a frieze or something, possibly on the walls of a cave. Perhaps we can find some here on Earth, but more likely on Olympus where nothing decays."

"I owe you an apology my boy. You are right. There are indeed places with pictures like that on Olympus. To us the images are a curiosity, we think they are just weird decorations, but they are like you described."

"Look Bruce, it's getting late and I am rooted. I need some sleep. Can we continue this conversation some other time?"

"Sure my boy. Good night, sleep well." And he was gone.

In spite of being tired I had difficulties going to sleep. The possibilities were just too staggering. Eventually I drifted off.

Chapter 7: I become a Demigod

The smell of sizzling bacon woke me up. I threw on a pair of shorts and went to have a look at what was going on. It was Bruce. He had fired up the barbeque and was making breakfast. There was already a can of beer in his hand.

"Go have your shit, shower and shave. By the time you're finished it'll be ready," he said in lieu of a greeting.

"Alright Bruce, see you shortly."

I did what I had to do. When I went back to see Bruce the breakfast was on the table and some coffee for me.

"I thought it might be a bit early in the day for beer for you. We Gods don't need to sleep. Mornings mean little to us."

"Thanks, mate."

When we were finished he did his hand waving again that did the cleaning up.

"Have a look at these, Sport." He said. He handed me half a dozen colour pictures of the kind of thing we had been talking about.

"Where did you get these?"

"Took them. You think you are the only ones with digital cameras and computers? I am even on the net. Got my own website. Not bad for a God who's not too bright, eh?"

I knew he was having a shot at me so I just laughed. I studied the photographs. They looked right. There was only one way to find out if my theory was correct and that was to travel to one of those destinations. I picked one with a primordial landscape and a purple spot beside it, rather than a picture with buildings where we were likely to come across other sentient beings. I thought nothing much could happen in a Jurassic type world if we were careful. I showed it to Bruce and asked if it was okay with him. He just nodded assent.

Bruce grabbed my hand and we were off. We went to the power spot, concentrated on the picture and the colour and we were there.

The first thing I noticed was the smell of sulphur in the air. Active volcanoes. Two suns lit the landscape, one bright yellow, the other, smaller one, almost red. Definitely not Earth.

We were standing on what looked like a granite ridge overlooking a valley. Huge dinosaur like, brilliant blue creatures were feeding on what looked like bright yellow grass. Bruce pulled a camera from his pocket and took some pictures. A huge bird like creature spotted us and came for us at a rapid pace. Time to piss off in a hurry. Minutes later we were back at my house.

Without a word Bruce plugged his camera into my computer and printed out some pictures. I was sitting outside, really needing a beer after this. Bruce joined me when he was done and put the pictures on the table. He grabbed a beer for himself and looked at me.

"You know we have to tell Zeus about this, don't you? If he finds out what we have here, and believe me, sooner or later he will, our lives would be worth Jack-shit if we were to keep this from him. This is too big for the two of us."

I hated to admit it but Bruce was right. We had to tell Zeus.

"I'll go and make an appointment for an audience."

"No need to, Bruce. I'll call him and ask him to come here."

"You are going to ask Zeus to come to you?" Bruce looked at me as if I'd gone mad.

"Sure. He and I have a deal."

"This I've got to see. Call him then."

"Not so quick, there is something else I have to do first. Can you get Lil to come here now?"

"No probies." He waved his hand and Lil and Marge materialised.

I went up to Marge, gave her a hug and squeezed her tit. Of course she got horny and Zeus' hex cut in. She vanished.

"You did this on purpose," laughed Bruce.

"Yes, I needed to get rid of her. She mustn't see what I am about to do."

I turned to Lil. "Lil, I need your cooperation. You and I will give a demonstration to Zeus shortly. I promise you it won't be unpleasant but you are not to tell anyone about it for now, especially Marge. Will you help? I guarantee you Zeus will love you for it."

"Okay, what do I have to do?"

"Just play along with me, I'll take the lead."

"Alright, this sounds exciting."

"Now I better call Zeus and ask him to come and join us."

Lil stared at me the same way Bruce had done. She stepped back from me a little, suddenly a bit weary.

"Uncle Zeus, I need to talk to you," I yelled into the heavens.

"Good," a voice came back. "I'll send Marge to get you."

"No good, Chief, you need to come over here. I want to show you something and I can't do that at your place."

"This better be good," he said after he materialised.

"Oh it will be," I said, pulled up a chair and handed him a beer. "Here, sit down, have a drink and enjoy the show."

Lil and Bruce were open mouthed. I had actually summoned Zeus.

"Right. Lil, will you please step inside the house but only a couple of metres so we can still see you."

Very reluctantly she did as I asked.

I went in after her, put my arms around her and gave her a passionate kiss. She responded eagerly, oblivious of the fact that this really shouldn't be happening. I undid her gown, sucked on her nipple and stroked her sex until she came with a squeal. I fastened her gown again and asked her to go into the back yard. When she was back in the yard I tried to touch her back. The hex cut in and she vanished.

"This solves your problem with the extramarital liaisons," I said to Zeus. "I'll explain in detail later how I see this working. Right now I want to show you something even more important."

"Very impressive so far," said Zeus. "What else have you got?"

I told him about the power spots, how I had discovered what to do to get them to work, and showed him the photographs Bruce had taken as proof.

"Who else knows about this?"

"Apart from Bruce and myself, no one. We felt it wasn't our place to take someone else into our confidence. If others are to be involved that has to be your call. You are the boss."

He seemed pleased with that.

"And you got in and out of Olympus twice that way, on your own, without help?"