A God Called Bruce Pt. 04

"I know what we need here," said Marge and disappeared.

Bruce and I fully expected her to come back with a fancy bed and an invitation, but she didn't. Bruce whipped up some beer and nibblies instead and we sat down to a session. He and I hadn't done that for a while. We were almost half cut when Lachesis turned up. I greeted her with a kiss. Bruce immediately got his antidote out, took some for himself and handed the rest to me. I guess he figured talking to a Fate half pissed wasn't a good idea.

To my surprise he had overcome, at least partially, his fear. He wasn't up to kissing Lachesis yet but he wasn't shaking in his boots any more either. Always the impeccable host, he did however conjure up some very exclusive champagne and some glasses. I guess that was because I had told him Lachesis and her sisters liked the stuff.

Lachesis thanked him and took a sip.

"Where are your delightful sisters?" I asked.

The moment I said this Lachesis separated into three. Bruce conjured up two more glasses, filled them and handed them to the sisters. I introduced him to Clotho and Atropos.

We sat down. I was curious what had brought the Fairies, as Marge called them, to us. I was just about to ask when Lachesis said: "Ares will challenge you to a duel at Hera's party. We cannot interfere, but we can make sure it is a fair fight."

Atropos grabbed me and gave me a deep passionate kiss. She put something in my pocket. While nibbling my ear she whispered: "You did not get this from me, fight Ares with it. It will not kill him but it will assure victory."

As quickly as the three had appeared they dematerialised.

"What the fuck was that all about?" Bruce was somewhat taken aback.

"I think those three have just saved my life. I shall put Ares in his place."

"You are not going to this fucking party, are you?"

"Of course I will. I'd much rather fight him in the open in front of witnesses than have him jump me when I am not looking. With the Fates on my side, I have a better than even chance. I don't want you to say anything about this to anyone, including Marge. Get that?"

"You are asking a lot."

"I know I am, but please, Bruce, trust me, it has to be this way."

"Alright. You are my mate. If you want it that way, you have it."

I could see he wasn't happy with it, but he is a man of honour and he would not go back on his word. Even if he is a God.

Just in time too, because Marge turned up with Kia in tow. I had no idea how Kia made it in here, but I had given up guessing how far her powers go. I imagine even Endora is no match for her. I had already figured out she is senior to the Fates. Even Lachesis acknowledged this.

"Alright Arseholes," Marge addressed Bruce and me, "get off your butts and let me show you what we've done."

Marge and Kia had a surprise for us. They had been playing interior decorator. When we entered what we thought was a huge hangar we wound up in a faithful replica of Bruce's place, right down to the barbeque and the farm animals.

"We will have our barbeques here from now on," said Marge. "We can be ourselves and no idiot can spy on us."

Bruce was touched. He went up to Marge, gave her a tender kiss, something I had never seen him do, and thanked her. Marge blushed; another thing I had not seen before.

"This is wonderful Marge," I said to break the awkwardness. "We are all going to enjoy it here."

"Wait until you see your office." Marge pointed up a gravel path, "Kia made it for you, it's a masterpiece."

We went up the gravel path, through a hedgerow, past a small stream and into an olive grove, complete with waterfall and marble bench, an exact replica of Zeus' haven, except Marge had added a cabin with bedroom, bathroom, kitchen and an outdoor barbeque area. I had never seen a cabin with a well stocked wine cellar before, trust Marge to add that in.

I was overwhelmed. I thanked Kia and got a lick across the face in return.

A short time later we were having our meal in Bruce's new domain. I decided to stay the night in my new office. Panacea and her sister wanted to join me but I told them I needed some solitude. Grudgingly they accepted this.

Some time later I sat in my new home away from home and had a beer. Ares and his mob would not find me here. I felt it was better to stay out of reach until the party in case he changed his mind and attacked out of the blue.

I had a restless night.

Chapter 33: Countdown

I got up early and made myself some coffee. I felt awful. I only had this one day to work something out, tomorrow at Hera's party I had to face Ares and God knows what else. I remembered the package Atropos had given me. When I opened the small plastic box, I found inside a tube about three inches long and an inch in diameter, as well as a set of instructions. It looked like a miniature laser pointing device.

I wasn't far off with my guess. It was a laser pointer alright, except it had a nasty little surprise built in; it was also a very powerful Taser. The way it worked was simple. There was a small slider on the tube, which when slid back engaged the laser and exposed a small red button. You simply pointed the device at your opponent aimed it until the little red spot of light was where you wanted to hit and pushed the red button. This fired a small dart that delivered a powerful electric shock, strong enough to incapacitate the largest man. The range was about fifteen feet for maximum impact. At that distance the dart could even penetrate heavy clothing. There were two darts in the magazine. It came with a warning. The device was disposable. Two seconds after the last shot was fired a small charge melted the mechanism inside.

I had seen and used Tasers before but never anything this compact with that much power. I guessed the weapon was designed for clandestine operations. I could see it in a CIA or Mossad box of tricks.

All very nice. The question was, would it be effective against a God? Probably not. There must be a way to use it against Ares though or Atropos wouldn't have given it to me. I couldn't think of a way. I felt lousy, even the coffee didn't help. I went for a beer instead. I was on my second can when Marge turned up.

"You are hitting the piss early," she chastised me. "On an empty stomach no less. What are you trying to do? That's not going to help in your fight against Ares tomorrow."

"Thanks very much Bruce. I asked you to keep your mouth shut," I said in anger.

"Hang on lover boy, Bruce has nothing to do with this."

"Oh yeah? How come you know about it then?"

"Lachesis told me."

That took the wind out of my sails.

"When did you see Lachesis?"

"I didn't. Remember, when we were on that ledge and Lachesis said: You'll do! Sisters! and hugged me?"

"Yes, so what?" I had no idea what Marge was driving at.

"I didn't realise it at the time, but it wasn't just something she said. When she hugged me they actually adopted me as their sister. Since then I am connected to them the same way you are through the cigarette case, except there is no need for an artefact. There is a space of consciousness we share through which we can communicate any time, regardless of where we are.

You've made the fairies something other than what they were. They in turn changed you and me into something other as well. In a way we are part of them and they are part of us. What that means only time will tell."

"So what else did Lachesis tell you?"

"She said you must challenge Ares into setting aside his God powers during the fight. If you can trick him into accepting this you will fight man to man, not man to God. And now you are coming with me to get something to eat before you get pissed."

It felt strange just to walk up a path, through the hedgerow straight into Bruce's backyard, even if it was a replica. Bruce loaded up a plate as soon as he saw me and put it in front of me the moment I sat down. He must have sensed the mood I was in, because instead of the usual coffee at this time of day he served me a beer.

It felt good sitting amongst friends sharing a meal, even if they were all Gods. As nice as it was, I did miss contact with humans. It hadn't occurred to me until now. There had always been so much to do and I had not been in this environment for all that long.

On Olympus there would have been little I could have done about it, but I had my own empire now. If I wanted to bring some humans here there was nothing to stop me. There were some people I dearly would love to have around me. They would come too, given the opportunity. It would do me good to embark on a new project and take my mind off Ares.

After the meal I asked Panacea and Iaso to come with me to my office for a while. They followed me eagerly, probably thinking I was after some fun and games. I sat them down in my little entertainment area outside the cabin and gave them some drinks.

"I need you to help me with a project," I said after they were settled. They tried not to show their disappointment, rather unsuccessfully I might add.

"Spoilsport," said Iaso, "What do you want us to do?"

"How long will it take you to calibrate your machines to cure humans?"

"Not long," said Panacea. "It will be a lot easier than with the Gods, because we are both experienced in treating humans and understand their anatomy and physiology well. Say a day or two. What do you have in mind?"

"I want to populate this place with some humans. It seems silly to have all this space for just the few of us. The people I have in mind will fit in well. There is one couple in particular and with them we have to move quickly. One is an old professor of mine, he is ninety, riddled with cancer and confined to a wheelchair. His mind is as clear as a bell. He could go any time. The other one is his wife, twenty years his junior and a superb intellect. She is comparatively fit, but would not survive her husband for long. They are very close."

"With the equipment here I can cure them of any disease and restore them to prime condition, if you can get them to me alive." Panacea seemed very sure of herself.

"Will they survive teleportation to here?"

"There is no reason why they shouldn't. It is only after treatment they will have to be careful for a while until the new bonds have firmed up."

"Will you get on this straight away? I will tell the others what I am trying to do."

"Leave it to us," said Iaso. "We will tell you when we are ready, we'll start straight away. Do you want us to work tomorrow or can we still go to the party?"

"We need to go to the party, especially you two, since it was you who cured Hestia and Vulcan. Everyone would be most upset if you weren't there."

"Good," said Panacea, "we will start right away. You owe us a little private party afterwards. As long as that is understood."

"You can have your private party you blackmailing little bitch."

The girls laughed and disappeared.

Marge had been very thoughtful when she set my cabin up. She had included a computer with internet access via Endora and a lovely large screen. I scouted a while until I found a picture of a small picturesque village in England I knew. To me this place had always epitomised tranquil rural living. I left it on the screen and called Marge.

According to her I was connected with her through the Fates or Fairies, as she called them. I figured if I held Lachesis' cigarette case and called Marge it should work. It did. She materialised right beside me.

"Can you build me something like this here?" I asked, pointing at the screen.

"Where do you want it?"

"I thought maybe next to Bruce's place, a little country lane going from there to the village a leisurely walk away."

"I need to move a couple of bulkheads to get the necessary space, but yes, I can do it. I'll ask Vulcan to shift the bulkheads for me. I will need the boys too from time to time to give me a hand and maybe Kia if she wants to. She is really good at this. What do you want it for?"

I told her.

"Wonderful, they are all going to love this. Can I bring some of my girls from Shagger's paradise?"

"I don't see why not. There is this lovely pub in the village. Your girls can work as barmaids and entertain guests later upstairs, if you like."

"Wonderful, where is this village located?"

I told her. She asked Endora if there was a power spot nearby. Endora said there was one about half a mile from the village at the edge of a forest. Marge waved her hands and made herself look like an American tourist, complete with three cameras around her neck and a map in her hand.

"What are you up to?" I asked.

"I am going to have a look at this place, the photo doesn't give me enough information to replicate it." Turning away from me she said: "Alright Endora, let's go." She was gone the moment she'd said it.

Three hours later Marge was back. She was beaming.

"What a wonderful place you chose as a model. I love it. The warm beer was a bit offputting but I soon fixed that. The pub is really special, like something out of the middle ages. Loved the thatched roofs and the cosy cottages. This will fit in here well, the feeling is just right. I shall show it to Vulcan after the party and perhaps to Kia, if she wants to."

"I am not surprised the pub has a medieval look and feel about it," I said with a grin, "it was built in 1175 and has been trading ever since. Anyway, have fun with it. Now let's go and join the others, we have to get organised for tomorrow."

It seemed everyone had the same idea and had called it quits for today. They were sitting around Bruce's table, talking and drinking beer. I decided it was time to tell them what was in store tomorrow. When I told them about Ares' plan there was first silence and then pandemonium broke loose. Everyone started taking at the same time.

"Silence," Vulcan's voice boomed. It had the desired effect. "This is totally out of the question. Alec cannot fight a God, I shall fight in his stead."

"No, Vulcan. This is something I have to do myself. I shall accept his challenge. I have a plan."

I told them that Lachesis had suggested I should get Ares to agree to set aside his God powers and fight me man to man.

"This might work," said Vulcan. "My brother is not a warrior, even though he thinks he is. He only ever fought creatures that couldn't hurt him. He relies on his immortality and invulnerability. Ares is a murderer, not a soldier. He has two major weaknesses that will give you a chance. He is terribly conceited and he has a very foul temper. If you can get him angry enough he will accept your conditions without considering the consequences. Work on his vanity.

"By the way," Vulcan added with a grin, "he has a very small dick and is extremely self conscious about it. Use it."

"Thanks, Vulcan. This is good advice."

Suddenly I knew how to fight Ares.

I asked Vulcan: "Can we go to your workshop? I want you to make me a weapon to fight Ares."

We went to Vulcan's workshop and I showed him the Taser Atropos had given to me. I explained how it worked and showed him the activating mechanism.

"Can you make me a quarterstaff and put the Taser into one end? I need to be able to fire the device from the centre of the staff."

"No problem. I have some tubing made of a very strong and light alloy, just the job. Give me about an hour. Incidentally, why not use it the way it is?"

"Because if I fight with this little thing he will expect some trickery and might insist on a more conventional weapon. He will laugh at a quarterstaff, though if truth be told, a quarterstaff is a formidable weapon in its own right. I have some experience fighting with it. He will never know what hit him."

An hour later Vulcan was finished. I picked up the staff and went through a number of motions with it. It was beautifully balanced and handled like a dream.

"I see you can really fight with this thing. I feel much better now." Vulcan was grinning.

"I need you to do one more thing for me Vulcan."

"Just ask. What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to stash this thing somewhere where you can reach it and give it to me when I need it. I would look silly turning up at a party with it."

"No problem," he said, grabbed it and it vanished. Sometimes it is really handy to have the help of a God.

One more thing to do. I needed to talk to Endora. I told Vulcan to join the others and said I would follow shortly. When I went into the lavatory he just grinned. I told Endora what I wanted her to do. She listened to my plan and said it would not be a problem to do as I wished. Everything was set.

When I went back to join the others Marge took me aside.

"I just spoke to Lachesis. Apparently Zeus visits his dragon often. She went to see him there and instructed him to be the umpire in the coming fight. Zeus will set up a circle where God powers don't work and ensure there is no cheating. He has agreed to do this, if Ares agrees to give up his powers for the duration of the fight."

"Good. Let's all go to Olympus, we will go to the party from there, it will look better."

"Where will you stay?"

"I thought you might have a bed for me for the night."

She gave me her wickedest grin and said: "Have I got a bed for you, lover boy."

We all had a meal and some drinks at Bruce's place on Olympus and had an early night. Marge and I made good use of it.

Chapter 34: The shit hits the fan

We assembled shortly after five in the morning in Bruce's yard for a light breakfast before going to the baths. The routine was the same as last time and at eight we were at Hera's for breakfast. I gave Hera a bunch of roses and kissed her cheek this time, rather than her hand. Let them talk. Hera was subdued. She evidently knew what was in store later on.

We went to the atrium where all the action was.

Breakfast went well and the party started to liven up. Ares, Eris and Malabubu were sharing a table and looked grim. I pretended they weren't there. There was the usual entertainment with jugglers, dancers, wrestlers, musicians and so forth but I didn't pay much attention.

I was talking to Demeter and Hestia when Eris came over. She greeted me like an old friend.

"I miss that big dick of yours," she said, "will you give it to me later like you did in your backyard?"

If she had expected to create problems between me and the girls she was mistaken. They both knew what had happened at my place and that screwing Goddesses in my backyard was out of the question anyway.

"Just keep your twat nice and wet for me, you never know your luck," I said. "Maybe your brother can fiddle with it for a while so it doesn't dry up."

She gave me a crooked smile, not quite knowing what to do with that remark and went back to her table.

"Not very subtle, is she?" said Hestia.

"I would have thought a Goddess of discord would be more skilled than that in stirring up trouble."

Hestia grinned at my comment and said that sometimes crude is best.

The performers had cleared the floor. Hera went to the centre and asked Panacea and Iaso over. She thanked them in front of everyone for curing Vulcan and Hestia of a life-long affliction.

"Thank you Hera," said Panacea. "We only had a small part in curing your son and your sister. The real credit belongs to Alec. Without him none of this would have happened."

Hera motioned me to step into the centre.

"It was a blessed day when you turned up amongst us. You have done much for Olympus in the short time you have been with us. I thank you with all my heart."

"I am here to serve," I lied. "If my help pleases you, I am rewarded beyond measure."

Hera stepped up to me and kissed me full on the lips in front of everyone. It was more than Ares could handle.

"Since when do the Gods need the help of a puny human?" he yelled, standing up. "He is not one of us and should not be here. Throw the bastard out, I say, and finish this charade."