tagHumor & SatireA.H. University

A.H. University


The A.H. University cafeteria was humming with its usual activity.

"Damn it! This sucks!" I silently ranted.

I stood in line behind a small group of students who argued and whined about the prices of the food. One student even declared it a conspiracy. The cashier patiently allowed them to complain, but stood firm on the prices. Finally, they conceded and paid for their meals. I quietly paid for my meal and headed towards my usual table. I usually sat alone, periodically and pleasantly interrupted with niceties and conversation with passersby. Sitting alone gave me a vantage point to witness the bustling, bashing, and cliques of A.H. University.

As if on cue, a mangy-haired student walked past my table. He was talking to himself about himself as he usually did. He always carried a peculiar, plastic satchel. The outside of his satchel displayed a label that read "G.A.B."

"People love me!" he exclaimed with his arms wide open as he entered the men's restroom.

I tiptoed to the restroom door. Tentatively putting my ear against the door, I heard a loud huffing noise.

"Drugs?" I wondered.

A group of popular, young women were chatting at a large, circular table. They were always pleasant to me. Of course, as any group of young adults, they have their occasional tiffs. This didn't bother me. One of the popular girls gave me a questioning glance with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm normal. I'm okay," I assured myself as I resumed my seat.

I heard a bizarre noise emanating from the bathroom. Being nosey, I returned to the restroom door. The noise was a combination of grunts and distinctive thumps, as if someone was punching a balloon.

"Weird," I thought as I discretely returned to my seat.

I noticed one, young girl post something on a bulletin board. I casually walked over to it and read her notice. It was a brief notice asking for peer-review of one of her papers. I sighed. I knew that this poor girl had just invited some of the less-scrupulous students of A.H. University to give her low reviews.

"Oh, well. She'll know better next time. Maybe, she will get lucky and someone other than me will give her a fair review," I silently wished for her.

Scanning the rest of the notices that cluttered the bulletin board, I saw an interesting one. It read, "Please submit your papers to the appropriate classes. For example, do not submit your psychology paper to your English class."

"Well, that's bizarre! Who would do that?" I laughed.

As I walked back to my seat, I passed by what I like to call the "Poet's Corner." I often sat with them. There's not nearly as much petty drama at their table as is common at others. As I approached my table, there was quite a commotion in the distant corner of the cafeteria. There was a male student standing on top of a table.

"Look what I did!" he yelled, dramatically waving his arms.

"Look! Look at me! Hey, you over there. You're not looking!" he continued.

"Look! I gave my soda to that poor student over there. I had some, so I gave all mine away to someone who had none. I don't need extra soda. I always give my spare sodas to people who have none!"

I rolled my eyes and returned my attention to the sandwich on my tray. His gesture might be noble if he didn't tout his generosity once a week.


The hiss came from the restroom seconds before the mangy-haired, delusional student emerged. As he walked by my table, I was able to see the label on the other side of his satchel. It read, "G.A.B.: Girl Auto-erotic Body.

"Oh! Well, that explains a lot," I chuckled.

His visit to the restroom seemed to have calmed his psychosis. However, before he was out of earshot, I could hear him talking to himself again. Watching him exit the cafeteria, I noticed two new students who were obviously flirting with each other at the next table.

The slender brunette was nibbling on the neck of her male companion. I didn't recognize either of them. Her long, brown hair cascaded over his shoulder as she pushed her face against his neck.

"Is she a vampire?" I wondered. You never know at A.H.

Her lips leaving the side of his neck, she kissed up his jaw and cheek. Her glossy-red lips met his. Wrapping his arms around her, he pulled her tightly against him. Tilting her forehead against his, she playfully unbuttoned his shirt. She leaned forward and kissed his hairy chest several times.

"I thought you were going to shave for me?" I heard her ask.

"Maybe later you can shave me," he suggested.

"Oh. This is not sexy," I thought.

"You know what would be fun? If we had a threesome with your roommate," he suggested.

"Oh, we will. After we have one with your roommate," she replied slyly.

I chuckled. Trying to hide my eavesdropping, I pretended to be engrossed with my boring sandwich.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her get up from her chair. She hiked up her long skirt and straddled him. Kissing his shoulder, her fingers quickly unbuttoned her blouse.

"Are they going to have sex right here in the cafeteria?" I questioned, more amused than disgusted.

You never know at A.H. By this time, I saw that I was not the only one curiously eyeing the couple. Some writers, er, I mean students, were taking notes.

She eased backwards on his lap and opened his pants. I couldn't see if he had an erection, but I can safely assume that he did. Flinging her arms around his neck, she pulled herself against his bare, but woolen chest. She held onto him as he lifted his hips off the chair enough to lower his pants slightly.

She squealed as he held her hips and slowly lowered her onto his erect shaft. She wriggled and gasped. He opened her blouse wider and traced her cleavage with his tongue. She leaned backwards, showing off her creamy white breasts barely covered in a black, lacy bra.

After he bathed her breasts in kisses, she pressed her breasts tightly against his chest. While smiling at their audience over his shoulder, she rocked her hips and let out small screams of delight. He caressed her breasts, gently tugging on her nipples. She emitted shallow moans as she bounced on him. Her body tensed and trembled as her fingernails dug into his back hair.

"Oh, I hope this is not their only inspiration," I thought as I remembered the students taking notes.

He grabbed her waist and thrust his hips against her. His grunts echoed through the cafeteria. Forcefully, he pulled her against him and gave several deep, quick thrusts. A few of the other students were standing for a better view of their orgasms.

"The seated students didn't miss much," I thought, as I returned to my half-eaten sandwich.

Well, I guess you can expect a little bit of bizarre behavior, especially on National Nude Day. You never know at A.H.

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