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See I'm a Detective, who is also very good at my job and most people don't know that I have a PhD in Forensic and Behavioral Science. Although, I started out like all other officers, at the Academy. I'm a rarity as most forensic people aren't Detectives and vice versa. I'm good enough that a lot of people owe me favors. I have done nothing illegal but I have pulled off some miracles. Therefore, I don't exactly have a supervisor. I'm also so good at what I do that no one wants to be on my bad side. When Santana or Agent Solo requested me I was kind of shocked that she wasn't a pompous prick who tried to force me to do what she wanted. Her wife on the other hand well she has been shit listed, this is going to be her worst nightmare.
I was told that Agent Butler would give me anything I needed and I have a budget that allows for upgrades.
"Hi, Agent Butler this is Detective Prescott. I was just calling to let you know that I need a ride to the airport. Your wife knows where I live, so the faster you get here the faster I get to the crime scene. Thanks." I hung up, explain that Santana.
I know it might have been childish, but one: I needed this character to know that I was a force to be reckoned with. Two: I needed to make her work hard if she was going to get me to work with her. She would have to call in favors and that's always fun. Three: I needed time to think about how I would handle Agent Solo.
Sin City here I come.
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This is my entry into the 2012 Halloween Contest so please remember to vote. Thank You and I hope you enjoyed my story! Comments and feedback are always welcome.
- COMMENTS
okami1061over 1 year agoOkay. Fantastic work. So good, in fact, I'm taking this seriously, so it won't be flowers and cheers...
“… walked Jordan and I to the car.” No. She “walked Jordan and me to the car.” All you have to do to get it right is pretend “Jordan and” aren’t there. She definitely didn’t “walk I to the car”, so it has to be “me”. I know that is SO fucking pedantic, but it’s the one noticeable scar on this otherwise fantastic piece.
In fact, in colloquial english, “Jordan and I” is never right. Even though we’re supposed to say “It is I” and “It was Jordan and I”, no one does; and it sounds just plain wrong. For the ambiance of this story, “and I” in any circumstance sounds just too awfully stick-up-the-ass. Just be natural. You’ve certainly demonstrated you have the skill.
And speaking of ambience, I am SO fucking jealous. The ambiance in the story is beyond first rate. And as I writer I only wish I could pull off something this nice and clean—modern gumshoe city. Unless, of course, you really are an LA lesbian Detective working with the lesbian FBI, and then you don’t get credit for the ambience. But then I’m jealous for completely different reasons.
Technicality a defense attorney would drive a semi truck through: broken chain of evidence. They left evidence unattended in the car to go into IHOP. No mention that they kept it under 100% surveillance while inside.
And ... moving on to the next one
HiddenInTheOpenover 7 years agoI love strong female leads, and so far you've got three of them in this one story. I can't wait to see how this plays out...
FiveWolvesabout 10 years agoInteresting story and characters. Because of problems with punctuation, it was difficult to read sometimes. Literotica has a volunteer editor program - getting help with punctuation will make your story easier and more enjoyable to read.
