A Letter to an Ex

It's been years since I've actually seen Cheri, but we still exchange emails every once in a while. In the course of trading emails, Cheri's gradually admitted to me a lot of things that she never told me when we were together. Seems she didn't particularly enjoy giving head before she met me. She didn't like to have a man cum in her mouth and she didn't swallow. She also dropped a few hints that she wished I had been more assertive, demanding. I don't know if I'll see her again, but I'm pretty sure if I did, she would be willing to go down on me again, one more time for old times' sake.

With that in mind, here's what I would write to her:

I want to cum in your mouth again, Cheri. Yeah, I know that that's a boy thing and not exactly what you're looking for. But I want to do it right. The way you wanted me to do it... at least once.

I'll look you in the eye so you can see the intensity of my desire. And so I can see in your eyes how much you really want to do this. It'll almost seem like a staring contest. You'll be the one to look down, of course. You'll see something in the way my blue eyes are twinkling, in the slight smirk on my face and you'll just know. You'll know that you're going to do what I want... and you're going to get very turned on doing it.

Then, with a nod, I'll say, "Go on, Cheri. Get on your knees." Your eyes will snap back to mine again. There will be a little bit of uncertainty in your expression, won't there? It's not normal for me to be so direct. But you won't say no, will you? This is something that you've thought about before. What it would be like to have me take control and tell you what to do. I wonder if you'd be a little more turned on than usual?

You might hesitate for a second or two. You'll get a bashful grin on your face, maybe you'll even blush. But you'll feel the wetness growing between your legs, won't you? That's probably why you're blushing, isn't it? Because nice girls aren't supposed to get wet when they're told to get on their knees, right?

There's also the Cheri factor... you aren't the type to take orders, are you? Especially not overtly male-dominance sexual orders. Maybe you're blushing because you know this isn't the person you usually are, the strong-willed, independent woman everyone else knows you to be? But even though it's unusual for you, you're going to obey, aren't you? You're going to get down on your knees in front of me. Humbly.

And I'm sure that, even as you comply, you'll start running your hands over my chest and abs, moaning, "Mmmmmmm" softly, trying to re-assert yourself, take back some of the control. As you kneel, you'll kiss my belly just above my belt. Yeah, you know what that does to me and you'd be loving it.

But I'd anticipate this and have a plan of my own...

"Cheri," I say in a low, soft voice. You stop kissing me and look up. "You know what's going to happen next, don't you?" I ask. The bashful grin springs back onto your face and you give a slight laugh to cover your embarrassment. Of course you know what's next. That's why your panties are so wet, right?

I know you'd rather just do it and not think too much about it. And certainly you don't want to talk about it. So that's the card I'm playing now.

"Tell me, Cheri. Tell me what you're going to do." You know I'm pushing you and you push back.

"Suck you dry," you answer, pressing your half open mouth against the front of my pants and exhaling your warm breath on the bulge growing there.

"I see," I reply, trying to keep my voice steady despite the effect of your lips pressing against me. "So you want me to cum in your mouth?"

"I want to make you happy," you reply evasively, kissing the front of my pants.

"Do you want me to cum in your mouth?" I repeat, a little more emphatically. You hesitate. We both know what the answer is. You just don't want to say it out loud. You try nodding, but I bet you knew even before you did, that I wouldn't be satisfied with that. "Where do you want me to cum?" I can see the color in your cheeks as you look up and, trying to keep a straight face but failing, you finally answer.

"In my... " you say, opening your mouth. I'm getting totally turned on by your reluctance to say the words. You're on your knees about to put me in your mouth and suck me until I cum. And I bet you're almost as aroused as I am by that knowledge. But your sheepishness is getting me so wound up that I want to keep pushing it.

"Say it, Cheri. Say the whole thing. Tell me you want me to cum in your mouth." I don't know if you just want to get past this part and get on with what you sooo want to do. Or if you really wanted to say it and you just needed to be pushed a little. Whatever the reason, you finally say what I wanted to hear.

"I want you to cum in my mouth."

I can't help wondering if you aren't as turned on by your words as I am.

"Yes, that's what I'm going to do," I say as I unzip my pants. "And you're going to swallow it for me, right?" I don't say it like it's a question. I pull my cock from my pants about three-quarters hard. You look up at me.

"Every drop," you reply with renewed bravado, grinning foolishly and blushing again.

I wish I could freeze this very moment in time... have a snapshot of your thoughts, feelings at that exact point.... on your knees, about to take my cock into your mouth... both of us already knowing that this isn't foreplay. I'm going to cum before you stand up again. And you're going to taste it, thick, salty and hot, filling your mouth, coating your tongue. What thoughts and feelings are running through your head, your body, at that instant? When you know you're only a few minutes away from swallowing my cum? When you're eager to do it? For me, obviously, that's an incredibly hot moment. If only I could know what that moment of anticipation is for you, how your mind and body react to it.

I doubt you could articulate how you feel at that moment, or if you could put a finger on your thoughts. Sure, you could tell me you were wet, turned on, hot at the thought of what you're about to do. But could you really put into words how you feel when you wrap your lips around me and feel that first shudder and shake of pleasure shoot through me? What could you say to describe looking up into my eyes at that moment? As I'm looking down at you, you can see in my eyes and on my face how good you're making me feel.

But there's something else too, right? When I don't look away, when I keep my eyes fixed on yours, that gives you a little bit of a thrill, perhaps? This is different than before, isn't it? When you went down on me before, it was always something that you initiated. You always did what you wanted and how you wanted. I always let you take the lead. And I always looked away when our eyes met, as if I was embarrassed that I got caught watching you suck me.

But this time I've taken charge, telling you what I want and how I want it. I look down into your eyes without glancing away. I look into your eyes expectantly... like I know that you will do whatever I want and however I want it.

That's another part of this moment I'd like to freeze in time and dissect: why you want it this way. Why would you want me to take charge like this? Tell you to get on your knees and put me in your mouth? I never suspected you had this submissive side. I knew you had a soft, tender and passionate side, of course. But this is different, isn't it? This is about me standing over you, dominant, telling you what I want you to do in a way you find impossible to refuse, right?

Maybe being told, ordered to do it, releases you somehow from your own boundaries? It's okay to suck cock like a slut, to ravenously bob for the contents of my balls because you've been told to do it. Is that it? You can pretend that you're not really like this... that you're only doing it because you were told to?

Now here you are, looking up at me, wondering if I'm going to look away as you open your mouth and take my stiffening shaft between your lips. I'm not going to look away, Cheri. I'm going to look right down at you and watch you suck my cock. I'm going to tell you exactly how I want you to do it, how slow and sensuous I want this to be. I'm going to tell you to put your hands in your lap and, using just your mouth, take me as deep as you can. I may even want you to take me in until you gag on me. There's some perverse thrill I would get from watching you gag on my cock. Are you willing to let me use my cock to dominate you that way? You're on your knees, giving me your mouth for my pleasure... how far will you let me take it, I wonder? How much of this is play-acting and how much is true submission?

You open your mouth and take me inside, bathing my shaft with your saliva. I tell you how good it feels, the warm wetness of your mouth around me. I tell you how good it feels to have you suck me. Yeah, I do the shakey, spasms-of-pleasure thing too, but this time you have the words too. Not vague words, not euphemisms. I tell you what a good cocksucker you are, how I love the feel of your mouth on my cock. How I know that you're pussy is dripping wet, because sucking my cock turns you on so much. I may have to stop you, take my cock from you until you confess how turned on you are. Will you blush again as you admit that your panties are soaked? I think so.

I give my glistening shaft back to you and let you resume sucking it. When you start to bob faster, I put my hand under your chin to stop you.

"Nice and slow," I remind you, then release you to resume sucking me the way I want. I let you suck for a few minutes more, until your hand comes up from your lap to wrap around my shaft. Once again I stop you and tap your hand, pointing back to your lap. You look up at me, your brow arching in surprise. I was never so audacious before, was I? Do you expect me to shrug and grin sheepishly? I don't. I arch my eyebrow sternly at you and your hand returns to your lap and your lips return to my cock. I feel your body shudder slightly, telling me that you really are getting in to being submissive.

Now you're doing it just the way I want, slow and deep, not using your hands at all. Your eyes are closed as your lips slide gracefully up and down my throbbing cock. God, I love watching you suck it.

After a few more minutes, I pull away from you again, my eyes watching your reaction. You look up in surprise at first, but you offer no resistance when I rub it on your face. That's something that I always would have considered ridiculously crass, if not degrading. Something that would have thought would absolutely put you off and spoil the mood. But you close your eyes and moan. I smear your saliva across your cheek and you get even wetter. I put my balls up to your mouth and you lick them gently as I drop my erect cock across your nose. I'm mildly surprised to see your body shudder again with pleasure. I'm using your face in a way that I would have expected to turn you off, if not make you outright angry. And yet your response is one of involuntary pleasure.

I let you resume sucking me, that deep, slow and powerful way... almost tidal in the way it builds up my orgasm. You close your eyes and let your mouth make love to my throbbing organ. The bliss on your face is unmistakable as it is priceless. For a woman who never particularly liked sucking cock, you look like you're in ecstasy with my member in your mouth. That's it... bob deep as I moan and run my fingers through your hair. You lose yourself in sucking me.

I tell you when I'm about to cum, but I also tell you, sternly, not to go any faster. I tell you I want you to go slow, sucking patiently, building me up to a huge release. And you keep bobbing deep and slow because you know that's how I want you to do it. I tell you to look up at me and make eye contact, and hold it through the very moment I erupt. I want to see that little furrow on your brow as my cum explodes into your mouth. Can you keep your eyes open and looking up at me as you take my load? Try.

No, don't 'try.' Just do it... keep your eyes open. Look into my eyes as you swallow my cum, Cheri. I need to see what's in your eyes when you do that. I need to see in your eyes what you can't explain in your words about why you're willing to do this for me. Why it's special for you to do this for me. I need to see in your eyes why I'm the only man who's sperm you willingly, even gladly, take into your mouth and swallow.

It takes every ounce of self-control I have to keep my eyes open and on you as you suck such a powerful orgasm out of me. It roars up out of my balls, threatening to yank my eyes shut, force me to throw back my head and groan my ecstasy to the heavens.

But this is it, Cheri... the one chance I have to stand over you and look you in the eye as you swallow one last time for me. As that flood of wrenching pleasure engulfs me, as the thick, hot contents of my sac pump furiously into your mouth, I keep my eyes locked on yours. I watch expectantly as I put a finger lightly on your throat, so I can feel the muscles contract as my masculine seed slides down your throat.

"Yes," I pant. "Swallow it, Cheri. Swallow my cum." You shudder and moan in response.

I tell you not to slow down as you wring every last drop from me. That's how you would have done it anyway. You always did take pride in draining me completely, didn't you? But I tell you to do it this time, because this time I'm in charge and I want every drop to end up in your belly. I push you away for a moment, wrap my hand around my shaft and pump out a glistening drop and tell you to lick it away. Obediently, you comply. Then I let you finish draining and cleaning me in that incredible, thorough way you always do.

When you're done, you sit back on your heels and look up at me. You see the look of bliss on my face. Yeah, you know how incredible you make me feel. But this time I'm going to give you more than a moan and a sigh and a few vague statements about how good you made me feel. This time I'm going to tell you specifically what I liked and how much I liked it.

I tell you that seeing you on your knees is one of the hottest things I can think of. That I loved the way you bobbed slow and deep, just like I told you to. I loved the way you sucked my cock with passion and enthusiasm. And I loved that it's you, Cheri, the tough-as-nails, don't-take-no-shit-from-nobody woman... no one knows this side of you but me... it's our little secret... our smokin' hot dirty little secret. I love that you're a woman who doesn't particularly like to give head or have a man cum in your mouth, but you kneel there grinning, sheepishly proud of the load I've put in your belly.

And I loved the way you were obviously turned on by being told what to do. I never knew you had this submissive side. If I had... god, the nights you would have spent on your knees swallowing my cum. Perhaps blindfolded or with your hands tied behind your back, just to make your submission more complete.

Cheri, if I could have you one last time, that's how it would be. And I think if you're reading this, you're probably dripping wet and reaching for the phone...