A Little Pussy

I have heard some people say that being a firefighter is long stretches of boredom with short intervals of extreme terror. I guess that can be true of other jobs as well.

I don't know if I agree with that or not. My name is Barry, I fight fires. I love my job. As of the start of my story I have been doing it for 7 years, and never wanted to do anything else.

My wife Marcy and I met in 2nd grade and have been inseparable since high school. She works as a graphic designer. How can she hate my job and worry about me all the time when I keep telling her that with the training and equipment we are given there is little chance of anything happening at work.

Her best friend, other than me, from school is Alice Phillips. Alice writes songs and poetry. Alice always writes about love and caring. Her work amazes me.

Her twin brother Fred uses mainly her songs in his band; they have been slowly making a name for themselves.

Alice managed to talk Marcy into doing some artwork for the cover of the first CD that the band is going to release early next year. The band calls themselves Phreddy Fillups and The Greasy Finger Mechanics. They almost do a decent job; I can not say they are very good. They recently got a contract only on the strength of Alice's songs.

Fred and I were in classes together. Some people are top notch sleaze balls; that would be Fred. He always bragged about his sexual conquests, most of which never happened. He was all talk and no action as far as we were concerned.

His one conquest, sort of, was the preacher's daughter; he managed to get a pair of her underwear while on a date. She was too skinny and ugly to get many dates and about as smart as a box of hair. Later the next week her father took them back, then he spread the word that Fred took them off their clothes line. Fred had shown his trophy around, they were not clean. We tend to believe him on that one.

Marcy was invited to a recording session to show her designs to the producers. When she got there the backup singer was sick and did not show. Marcy was asked if she could fill in; all she had to do was moan during one song and scream like a cat in heat on the other. She did so well that they wanted to hire her and release the other girl.

I told her "No!"

We argued about it for better than a month; the day before the 3 month tour started she told me "...she was going. Alice and I are going to share a room, I will be fine. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity."

I still said that I did not want her to go. I told her I was concerned about Fred's reputation. She called me jealous.

The next morning when I returned from work she was gone. There was a note that said she would call each evening. She never explained why she felt she had to sneak away. She just avoided the subject when we talked. If I brought it up she changed the subject. She was true to her word and called every day for the first month or so; then she started missing a day here and there. After the umpteenth miss I called Alice and asked what they were doing that was so important that Marcy did not call me. Alice said she had no idea; she had been in Nashville since the second week of the tour.

I called Marcy and left a number of messages for her to call me. Marcy called the next evening and sounded a little drunk. She denied getting any messages from me. I told her it was time to come home. She screamed at me about how I was trying to stifle her ambitions; and then she hung up. I did not hear from her for three days.

I took a week off of work and flew out to where they were supposed to perform next. When I showed up at the arena I was told I was not on the list to be allowed in. Marcy was not answering her phone either. When they called him, Fred came out and looked at me; he said he "...did not know who I was." The police came and escorted me out. I got most of it recorded using the digital camera that was just hanging around my neck.

I called Alice and informed her of the situation. She called the producers and they sent an order that I be allowed backstage. The show was over for hours by that point. When I was escorted to the band's dressing room. Marcy was so out of it that she did not recognize me. Marcy was topless. She did offer me some awesome sex; I managed to get that on tape too. I got a nice close up of all the hickeys on her neck and chest. Fred was smirking.

I said "No thanks." and left.

I took the next plane out of town.

The tour was over in the next few weeks. The band came home. They all looked like shit. They blamed it on being tired; I knew better.

Marcy came home that day to find the door locks had been changed. When she rang the bell at 2 that afternoon I let her in. She sat down on the sofa and fell asleep. She was still asleep when I returned from work the next morning. She slept until 6 that evening. I had to be to work at 9.

The next morning when I returned from work she almost looked human again. I told her we needed to talk; she had some explaining to do.

I showed her the video of my being denied access to the show and waited for an explanation.

"I am sure Fred was just joking around; he never mentioned you were there though."

I showed her the list I had of all the times I had called her and left a message.

She just shrugged "I never got them."

"You are through with the band if you want to be married to me."

"Give me one good reason why I should quit!"

"I don't like your behavior since you took up with them."

"Just what is wrong with my behavior?"

I played the video of her in the dressing room. She saw Fred smirking and grimaced.

"That's not me. Who gave you that video?"

At that point the camera was turned toward me and she saw the tears running down my face in the video.

"You will go into rehabilitation, we will go to counseling or the marriage is over. You were under the influence of drugs, which is the only reason you get that one chance."

Her response was to stare at me until the doorbell rang and Alice came into the house.

Alice had already seen all the evidence of Marcy's time on tour; she was pissed like you would not believe. They sat in the kitchen for the rest of the morning going over all the things Marcy had done on tour. I overheard a few comments and did not like what was said.

Much later when Marcy finally came out and wanted to apologize to me, I was gone. Every time she tried to call me I answered saying "rehab and counseling". Then I hung up. Finally I turned the phone off so I could sleep. I slept at the station that day; I left instructions that I was not to be disturbed.

Marcy came by twice; they told her I was not there each time.

I had been back on duty for about an hour when we had a fire call. I knew the address well. It was Fred's house, where the band stayed.

As we arrived there was a report of someone stranded in a second floor bedroom. We put a ladder up to the window and I climbed up to see what I could find. Alice was blacked out leaning against the window frame. I reported that I had found someone, loaded her on my shoulder and began to retrace my steps when I saw 2 tiny kittens jump onto the window sill. I scooped them up and placed them inside my turnout coat and headed down. I was about halfway down when there was shouting and pointing; I looked up to see Marcy climbing out of the window and heading down the ladder. I yelled for her to hurry.

I handed the kittens and Alice over to the others and headed back up to help Marcy down. Just as I reached her there was a loud explosion; she went limp in my arms and I headed back down. My ears were ringing and my head hurt badly from the concussion.

I handed her off to the others before I saw all the blood on my gear. Something from the exploding LP gas tank had pierced her neck and she was bleeding heavily. I knew it was not good. The Captain came over and removed me from the area. She died before she got to the hospital. I know the crew did everything they could to save Marcy.

The autopsy showed that Marcy died from loss of blood; she had varying amounts cocaine, and other drugs, in her system. She was also 2 months pregnant; no it was not mine.

Alice and the kittens had inhaled a lot of smoke, but they would be fine in time. The rest of the band died in the fire.

The drugs in her system were determined to be of a small enough quantity that they were sure she had not taken any since she had returned.

The fire marshal determined the fire was started by careless drug use and that everyone in the band except Marcy had died before we got there.

The band was cremated and placed in a single urn for burial at sea. The tragedy that befell the band caused their sales to spiral through the roof.

Marcy was buried in her family plot the next week. The only ones to attend were her parents, Alice and me.

Alice and I were allowed to adopt the 2 kittens after the shelter determined they were healthy. I got the gray, long haired one and named her Smokey. Alice got an orange tabby that had markings like a lightning flash on his left side; she named her Flash.

I was required to undergo counseling for stress before I could return to work. 3 months later I was cleared to return. I was not allowed to go up the ladders for years.

A little over 7 months after the fire Alice and I were called into court for a determination on the dissolution of the band's assets. The producers and record company had already taken their portion; what was left was 3.7 million dollars. The court decided that since the band died before Marcy she would have inherited the balance of the money. The contract was written so that anyone who died surrendered their share of the money to the remaining members. As her husband I was next in line when she died. Alice only got the royalties from her songs. She was awarded clear title to the land the house had been on, since she and her brother had inherited it when their parents died.

Alice returned to Nashville and continued to write music, she was nominated for 3 Grammies in one year and 2 the next; her songs came to be in great demand. We wrote and called each other often.

That year for Christmas she made a surprise visit into town to see me. She personally brought my present over on Christmas morning. I returned from work that morning to find her in my living room with a beautiful Dalmatian puppy in a big red bow, I promptly named her Stripe. Smokey had her paws full raising that puppy the way she wanted. Alice stayed with me, in my guest bedroom, for the next 2 weeks.

We both wanted to support something of importance with the money from the band. Finally we decided on a funding a drug rehab program and community drug education effort. The programs were set up in conjunction with a local university's teaching hospital. I donated half of the proceeds from the band, which now was over 5 million. Alice donated all of her profits from their music to the cause. She also donated her land to the city for use as open land.

We spent time together often over the 5 years she spent in Nashville. We wrote emails, called, sent cards and letters to each other. Over the years I noticed that I missed her more and more when we were apart. Finally on Valentines Day I sent the usual card and roses to her that I did when we could not be together. She called my cell phone and we were talking when I heard her doorbell ring over the phone.

She ignored the bell and we kept talking; the bell rang again. She ignored it again. On the 3rd ring I asked "...if her bell was ringing."

"Yes, I'm going to ignore it" she said.

"I don't think you got everything I sent. You should go and answer it."

When the door opened Alice received the shock of her life to see me in a tux, on my knee, with another couple dozen roses in my left hand. In the right hand was a small blue box. "Alice I love you with all my heart, will you please be my wife."

It was a good thing I was down there; she slowly tumbled down like a pile of rocks. I was able to catch her and take her to the sofa. As she came around she looked at me in surprise, as if she had no idea what I said or why I was there.

I held her hand and repeated my question; she shook her head to clear it. As the words sunk in, slowly a smile broke all over her face. She wrapped her arms around my neck and cried.

Playing dumb I asked "Is the answer yes or no?"

The answer was close to a sigh "Yes!"

We kissed for our first time. We had hugged and kissed each other on the cheek, but never as lovers.

You have an hour to get dressed, we have reservations for dinner.

The second surprise that evening was when we rounded the corner to a private dining room and it was full of many friends she had made there in town. There were the famous and infamous and just plain folk too. I had 2 speeches ready; lucky for me I was able to use the short one. I held up her hand and said "She said YES!" The applause was deafening.

The party lasted into the small hours of the morning. She was happy but seemed to be a little preoccupied all evening.

On the taxi ride home she said "We need to talk about a lot of things tomorrow." Then she smiled and kissed me.

The next day I found Alice making a list of items she wanted to discuss. She did not want to miss anything important.

I fixed lunch for the two of us and she continued to write and think. After supper we sat down to start talking.

"If this causes us to break up I am sorry. You need to know some things before we get married. I can't hold this in and live with you everyday."

"First", she said "I want you to know I have loved you longer than Marcy ever did. I never told anyone because I did not want to create a problem where there didn't need to be. You have been the inspiration for so many of my songs."

I was astounded to hear her say that. I remained quiet and let her continue.

"Second, I am truly sorry that Marcy died the way she did. You lost your wife; hopefully she would have been your life partner and I lost my best friend that day. We went over to the house that day to pick up her things and tell the group that she was quitting. When we got there they were all so high that they heard nothing we said. It was like talking to a wall. While we were getting her things smoke started to roll up the stairs, I called in the fire.

I still have the letter she wrote you that day, I was supposed to give it to you the next morning when I returned from taking her to rehab. I never opened it; I have no idea what it says."

I nodded as she continued.

"She told me about the tour and why things got the way they did. My brother lied to Marcy when he told her we would be roommates; he knew I was only going to be there for the first week. The first 5 weeks she had her own, private room everywhere they went. After I left she started to feel funny in the morning, not sick or anything, just out of sorts. After the band had their community lunch everyday she always felt better. She started to eat breakfast on her own, but it did not help so it was not hunger. Soon she didn't feel better even after lunch. She suspected there were drugs in something they were giving her. Finally Freddy just came right out and told her that she was hooked and the only way to get relief was to have sex with him and he would give her what she needed to feel better. To prove it, he gave her the shit. When she passed out because the dose was stronger than she was used to someone, or ones, raped her. She was afraid to tell anyone anything because she did not have any proof; Fred had her convinced of that. Marcy was to become their personal sex toy. Whatever they wanted, she was expected to give them; yes every band member. They always gave her the drugs after their shows. The timing is right for her to have conceived from the rape."

I was turning livid by that time.

"I had no idea what was going on or I would have pulled the plug on it all and helped her press charges against the whole damn group. Again, I am truly sorry that it all happened."

I stood and walked out onto her balcony. It was cold, windy and rainy outside. I had pants and a light shirt on and not much else; I never noticed. After a while Alice brought me a quilt to wrap up in and some slippers to put on my feet. I just sat there, cold and miserable, lost in my thoughts.

I guess it was almost 2 hours later that I walked back into her place. She asked me to hold her. We kissed and cried.

"Are we still OK? That was the worst of it."

I could not bring myself to speak, I just shrugged and cried. We held each other forever. I guess it seemed that way.

I woke the next morning, on the sofa, with my head on her lap and tears in her eyes.

We started back where we had finished the evening before.

"As long as I was able to get away after a short period of time I was able to live with the information I just told you. I never wanted to hurt you the way I just did. I have lived with it for a long time; as bad as it hurt you to hear, it was as good for me to let it go. There was no way to do it without being honest and I can see that honesty hurt you deeply. I am truly sorry for the renewed pain."

I still remained quiet.

"You tossed and turned throughout the night last night. You were growling, moaning and crying. Every time you did I just held you tighter. Please, I need to hear you say we will be all right when this is over. Do you still love me?"

I choked and softly said "I still love you. I had no idea what you were going through. I was not sure if I was going to make a big fool of myself when I came down here to see you."

We kissed; we cried and held on for dear life.

Later we both stood and headed for the kitchen and bathrooms. She started to make some coffee; I told her she could skip it if she wanted. She stopped.

"May I continue? I would like to finish this while I still have the ability."

I indicated that she should continue.

"I am really sorry that the words that I had to tell you have hurt you so badly. When we are through remind me to give you her letter. I feel ten years younger after sharing with you last evening."

"I have loved you far longer than you can ever guess and would not hurt you that way unless it was necessary. I believe that Marcy loved you the same way. I know we were always good friends with a mutual love for her, I never intend to replace her in your heart. I would love to live beside her there. When I found you outside my door the other day it was the best and the worst thing that ever happened in my life all rolled into one. I knew there was an affection between us and hoped it would mature into something wonderful; I just did not expect it that evening. You are a wonderful and caring man. I love you dearly with all my heart."

I finally spoke then, "I suspected many of the things you said. With time the pain has decreased; I still miss her often. I only came to see you when I realized I missed you even more. Marcy will always be a part of me, and of you. We will have to find a special way of keeping her in our lives. It must be a happy way and we must not dwell on it all the time. I am finally ready to be with someone again, and I choose you to be that person. As recently as a few months ago I was still not ready to receive the information you gave me today. Frankly, I was not aware you knew as much as you did. I love you deeply and want to make you my new life partner when you are ready."

"I have always been ready, you dear, sweet man."

We hugged and kissed for the longest time. I was starting too really like this. Then a loud rumble seemed to shake the foundations of the building.

She blushed and suggested we needed to eat.

After we ate she brought me the letter; I took it outside on the balcony. The weather was greatly improved; the sun was out, the world had dried and it was a balmy 43 degrees. I just sat there for a while holding the last connection to Marcy. I was almost afraid to read it.