A Lust For Life Ch. 03

Too long, I know. I've been beating my brains trying to write this chapter. Har, har.

+

The banging at the back of the house grew louder. My hand tightened around Flynn's. Sean looked over at his brother, communicating something silent and frightening to him. Kristen, the girl who'd drunkenly pursued Flynn not even 24 hours before, whimpered and grasped his other arm. He shook out of both our holds and picked up a bat his father must've placed beside the front door.

"What are you doing?" Chelsea, Kristen's friend, asked.

Flynn didn't answer. He started walking toward the back of the house, not sparing anyone a second look. I desperately wanted to grab his arm and pull him back to me.

"He'll be fine," Sean whispered in Sara's ear. She looked as convinced as I felt. "I'm going to go help him, okay?"

All the others in the room averted their eyes. Some even shut them. They wanted to pretend Flynn wasn't marching to what could very possibly be his death. I did, too, but remembering the stink, the stare, and the unrelenting hunger of the rotting corpses who were hellbent on eating us all, I couldn't just close my eyes and ears and hope for the best.

Without thinking it through, I grabbed the fireplace poker and trotted after Flynn.

"Julia!" Jen gasped. She must have started after me but Josh yanked her back. He said something reassuring but I couldn't hear.

I walked through the quaint kitchen, my heart pounding. Someone tugged on my arm. I looked over my shoulder and saw Sean standing there, a gun in his hand. "Dad didn't want the others to know he had a gun just yet... That Frank guy is kind of a sketchy asshole, you know? So is Rob."

I only nodded. Sean took the lead, bringing me through a little storage room. Flynn rested his head against the back door, listening to whatever was happening at the other side. He was pissed when he saw me standing behind his brother, trembling with the poker in my hands.

"Go back," he told me.

"It's not banging anymore," Sean said, ignoring his brother's glare. "What happened?"

"It must be looking for a way in," Flynn whispered. His green eyes narrowed at me. He opened his mouth, probably to tell me to go away again, when we heard a large crash and screams from the living room.

Sean darted out, nearly knocking me over in the process. I ran after him with Flynn close behind.

We rushed in to find one of those creatures rolling around on the floor with Chelsea, glass shards sticking and cutting into them with every turn. She was writhing beneath it, gagging and screeching. Josh was whacking it with a big log of firewood but the large being that once must have been a formidable man hardly reacted to his crushing blows. Rob the coward sat calmly on the sofa while everyone else stood watching in shock and horror.

While I was frozen with fear, Sean rushed over and swung at the zombie's head. It twisted with a sickening crunch. The body went limp over Chelsea's shuddering form and then Sean and Flynn lifted the disgusting thing off of her.

"Please," Chelsea gasped, reaching for Kristen. I don't know what she wanted; I assumed comfort. Kristen didn't move forward.

She looked at her friend like she was a strange and vile alien from another planet, not the same friend who was likely forced to be the designated driver at the party the night before. If I didn't like Kristen before, I hated her now. I understood fear and survival, but this was cruel.

I made to go over but Rob rushed by me, ripping the poker out of my hands. Without any hesitation at all, he rammed the sharp object into Chelsea's chest.

"No!" I screamed, running over. I was too late.

I forcefully pushed Rob away while everyone else watched. He fell backwards, but even that couldn't satisfy the swelling rage I felt towards him.

Chelsea's body shook and her throat worked furiously. The sound of gurgling blood turned my stomach. I knew I couldn't remove the object that Rob had all but impaled her on without doing more damage. Helpless tears sprung to my eyes. She was going to die.

"I'm so c-cold," Chelsea whispered, shaking less now.

I knelt down, wiping some dark strands of hair from her forehead. I saw Flynn kneel down beside me out of the corner of my eye, and I was grateful for the support. Kristen sniffled somewhere in the background but I ignored her. If she refused to be a good friend to the girl in the last few minutes of her life, I would have to be. I took off the sweater draped across my shoulders and tossed it over her.

"Why is this h-happening?" she asked me. She was so pale.

I didn't have an answer to that, so I just whispered, "Shh," to her and stroked her hair.

She looked down at the large pole jutting from her chest and then back at me.Tears trickled down her cheeks. "I want my mother!"

"I'm here," I said helplessly.

"Mom! Mom, I need you!" she kept screaming. I rocked her a little in my arms, whispering whatever came to mind. I didn't tell her it was all going to be okay, or anything else someone should likely tell a person who was slowly dying in a pool of their own blood.

"Can we do anything?" I heard Flynn's father ask from behind me. I just shook my head.

"I want my mom," she said to me again. "Please, I don't want to die."

Her lips were blue and blood dripped down her chin. Her gaze was unfocused and glassy. It wouldn't be much longer. Not knowing what else to say, I just whispered, "You're loved."

Any other time, I would have thought that was a stupid thing to say to someone. Now, holding a dying girl in my arms, I assumed it was fitting. Doesn't everyone want to believe they're loved by someone?

Her eyes shut and she exhaled one last shaky, trembling breath. I tried to remember if I ever really spoke to her before. She and I had been to a few parties together but that was it. I didn't think we even shared a class together. I knew nothing about her. It was depressing to think she died totally alone in the arms of someone who didn't even know her last name. Someone who knew "of" her, but didn't know what she liked, what she hated, what her fears were, if she was in love.

I placed her head gently back on the floor and noticed numbly I was covered in her blood.

I turned slowly and locked eyes with Rob who still hadn't gotten up. He seemed a bit scared; I'm sure I looked murderous.

"Why the fuck did you do that?"

He put his hands up. "Hey, she was gonna turn into one of those things. He bit her."

"He didn't bite her. Even if he did, you should have waited."

He snorted and jumped up. "Right, like we should take that kind of risk. If you get bit, you sure as hell can bet I'll do the same thing to you." He looked around. "Or any of you. I don't care."

I stood slowly, dripping with Chelsea's blood. "You are a piece of shit. You killed her and you don't even care."

"No," Rob said. He shrugged, grabbing a bottle of water from the table. He gulped a big swig down, never taking his little black, beady eyes off me. When he finished he rubbed his arm against his mouth. "No, I don't care. I'm alive."

"She's better off," came Vanessa's detached, calm voice.

It frightened me. It made me furious. I went over to her in a rush and slapped her, leaving a red, angry handprint on her cheek. I knew there was no excuse for what I did but there was no excuse for what she said. It was cold and insensitive and utterly unlike Vanessa. I knew she lost Matt- she had to see him turn into one of those things, and then get beaten to death by one of our friends- but I needed her to hold on to what she was. All of us had to.

The rest of the room didn't say anything. Vanessa didn't react; she just looked at me with her dark eyes. The hippie, Brian, walked over to her and brought her over to the other side of the room. He murmured things in her ear, but her attention was still on me.

"How do you know she didn't get bit?" Frank asked after a few minutes. He was the crotchety old man whose wife Denise still hadn't said a word. I watched in horror as he touched Chelsea's body with his shoe, nudging her lifeless form a little. "Seems to me your friend here did the right thing. There's a child here, for God's sake."

I stared at him, appalled that someone who was older could be so callous and without sense. "She was still alive! And he is most definitely not my friend."

Frank met eyes with me. "I'm sure he feels the same way about you."

"Well, this is my house," Tom cut in, "and I don't want anyone attacking another person whose body is still warm." Tom's eyes burned into Frank until he nodded and backed away.

Everything around me sounded and looked like it was happening miles away. I swore I could feel Flynn's eyes on me, but in my disturbed state of shock I just stared at the blood on the wood floor.

He helped his father and brother bring first the zombie's body outside, followed by Chelsea's. I heard them say they planned on digging them graves. Josh went out with them, kissing Jen's forehead first. He said he wanted to help and be the lookout.

Rob, of course, sat next to Mallory, the woman who like Denise hadn't said a word. Her child- Timmy- still sat quietly in her lap, as though it hadn't just witnessed a horrific scene. It creeped me out. If I was freaking out at my age, then someone Timmy's age should be almost knocked out with fear and terror. Instead he sat there on his mother's lap, much like he did when we first came to the house, and observed us all with large eyes.

Then there was Vanessa. She sat next to Brian, still staring at me.

Jen and Sara came over to me, thankfully distracting me from Timmy and Vanessa's freakish stares.

"Are you okay?" Jen asked.

Sara shot her a look, telling her with her expression that it was a stupid question. I couldn't have agreed more. She looked back at me and explained what happened. "After you guys went in the back, that thing just jumped right through the window."

I didn't say anything. The blood stiffened rapidly, making my clothes hard, too. The metallic odor was making me ill.

"Come with me," Eileen said to me gently. I looked at Tom's wife, the mother of Sean and Flynn, and desperately longed to fall apart in her arms. She seemed so sweet, so kind, but it didn't escape my attention that she brought a bat with her. This outbreak was changing everyone. She took my elbow and lead me upstairs.

She was silent as she brought me down a long hallway. A small bathroom was at the end with a bucket of water already waiting on the side of the tub.

"Would you like to be alone or would you like me to help you?" she asked me. She took a bar of soap out from beneath the sink. "We can't use much of this, you know," she added apologetically. "We don't have a lot left."

I sank onto the side of the tub. Eileen didn't wait for my answer, nor did she ask her question again. She closed the door and locked it, then started to take my ruined clothes off.

"I have something else you can change into," she said. Her voice was soothing. "You know, it was very nice what you did for that girl."

Swallowing, I helped Eileen get the rest of my clothes off. She sat me in the empty, cool tub and tilted the pail of water over me. "It was the right thing to do. Everyone should have someone when..."

"Yes," she agreed, running a washcloth over me. The blood swirled off of me and down the drain. Steaks of pink warred with one another against my skin as Eileen let the water course down my body. "I'm so glad you're all okay. When the news started... Well, I was so afraid. You have no idea how wonderful it is to have my sons here, and to see that even more people survived with them."

I forced a smile at her because her warmth was very much appreciated. I let her run some shampoo through my hair. "After this, we'll just save it for luxuries," she giggled. "Right now, I think, you deserve it."

I heard the voices below us. My curiosity brought me out of my silent funk. "Do you guys know Frank and Denise?"

Eileen's face clouded a bit. "Yes. They are our closest neighbors."

"And Mallory?"

She squeezed the soaked washcloth. "Her car broke down a few miles away. She deserted her husband back at her house after he turned into... Well, you know. Then she took the car and drove. When she got here, she told us her story and she hasn't opened her mouth since. Same with Brian. He got into a car accident; the other person didn't make it."

The water was cold and I began to shiver. She let the water drain from the tub and helped me up. I was wrapped in a nice fluffy towel and for a moment, I let myself savor being mothered by someone. I tried to push out all thoughts of the undead and the end of the world from my mind and grab on to these all too brief feelings of comfort.

Then I thought of my dad. Fear dominated every other emotion in my body. I was likely an orphan now, and the thought was depressing. I didn't have anyone else in the world. Then I told myself to get over it; I wasn't the only one orphaned now, and I wasn't the only one bad things were happening to.

"Stay away from Frank," Eileen whispered close to my ear.

The back of my neck prickled with fear. "What do you mean?"

She looked over her shoulder, almost as though she expected him to be there. Then she turned back to me. "I never liked him," she confided. "He's always been an odd man. To be honest with you- and this is truly shameful- I didn't want Tom to let him in. I don't want anyone to have to deal with the horror outside but... He makes my skin crawl."

"What about his wife?"

Eileen started putting things away, carefully wrapping up the bar of soap and hiding the shampoo behind the pipe under the sink. She looked up at my reflection in the mirror. Her eyes, so much like Flynn's, were troubled. "She might as well be one of those things."

Then she put her hands up to her lips. "I shouldn't be saying things like that, but it's true. I've never known her to talk much, and when she does she just echoes her husband."

"I don't like him either," I said in a low voice. Something occurred to me. "Stay away from Rob, too. Seriously, he'll never be any help."

Eileen took my arm and opened the bathroom door. "Sweetheart, I knew that the moment I laid eyes on him. Come on, let's get you something to wear."

She brought me into her bedroom. It was plain but nice enough. The whole house was so cozy and warm; it was such a contrast to the hell outside. She went through dresses in her closet, mumbling about trying to find an old one she still held on to.

"Do you think we'll be safe here?" I asked her.

It was a dumb question, one she couldn't possibly answer. It also wasn't fair of me.

"I have to believe we will, honey." She popped back out of the closet and pasted a smile on her face.

She handed me a pale blue dress that was so pretty tears nearly came to my eyes.

"I'm sorry I don't have any pants to give you."

"This will be fine," I said, feeling my lips try to smile. "It's beautiful. Almost too nice to wear."

Eileen shrugged. "It doesn't matter."

+

When we made it back downstairs, Tom and his sons were boarding up the windows. Frank was nailing wood to the front door begrudgingly, eyeing Tom with hostility that he either didn't notice or chose to ignore.

Sara hopped up from the sofa when she saw me and grinned. "Nice dress, babe."

I saw some crackers on the table and took one, munching absently on it. It had no taste and offered me no real pleasure but it was something to do.

"Seriously, you trying to bang Flynn?"

"Sara, please."

She bumped her body into mine. "He's been really protective of you, haven't you noticed?"

I stared at her, feeling pissed off and tired. The truth was any other time I'd love to have this conversation. A part of me knew this was her way of coping, of not going absolutely insane. As a friend, I should have given it to her. I guess I was just too exhausted to play pretend. I snapped.

"No, between watching people die and being chased by things who should be dead, I didn't notice. Leave it to you, though."

Sara's blue eyes filled with tears. "I just..."

I put my hand on her arm to stop her, squeezing her and telling her with my eyes I was sorry. I didn't mean to be a bitch. Then I walked away from her so I wouldn't say anything else I'd regret.

Jen joined Sara a few minutes later and I saw the two of them smiling, so I figured she would be okay. She was a tough girl.

Kristen slithered over to me a couple of minutes later, managing to look snooty and terrified at the same time. She looked my borrowed dress up and down as if we were at a party instead of a shelter from a world gone crazy.

"Thanks for what you did," she began, totally surprising me. "I still can't believe Chelsea is gone."

I jammed my nails into my palm so I wouldn't hit her. "There's no need to thank me. I didn't do it for you."

Her eyes popped open. She expected me to fall all over myself with gratitude she was acknowledging me, I suppose. She turned on her heel and disappeared.

The guys went upstairs to finish all the windows. It was going to be a long night.

+

Tom and Eileen prepared us a simple canned meal. It was nothing to rave about, but it satisfied the uncomfortable hunger pangs.

After they cleaned up, they gave us all room assignments. Denise and Frank could sleep on the pull out sofa in the back room downstairs. Josh, Rob, and Brian would share a guest room upstairs. Jen, Sara, and I could take Sean's room while Kristen and Vanessa would sleep with Mallory and her son in Flynn's room, both of which were upstairs. Sean and Flynn would stay in the living room to guard us.

I couldn't imagine any of us actually sleeping, but it would be good to rest a bit. We were all tired and it was becoming apparent in our attitudes.

Sara and I shared the bed; Jen slept on a makeshift bed on the floor. I kissed Sara's cheek.

"I'm sorry for before."

It was dark in the room but moonlight drifted across her cheeks. I saw her smile and she hugged me. "I think I can forgive you. It's not every fucking day people start eating other people."

"Guys," Jen whispered from the floor, "Vanessa is scaring me."

"Me too," Sara agreed, shuddering next to me. "I know what happened was fucking terrible, but Jesus."

"When you slapped her, Julia, I almost cheered. I thought it might wake her up or something."

I sat up and looked down at Jen. "Seriously? I feel really bad about that. I should probably say sorry."

Sara snorted. "No way. She deserved it. If you said sorry to her, she probably wouldn't even understand what you were saying. She's totally gone."

I thought about her empty eyes, the vacant stare afterwards. I didn't think she would snap out of it.

Vanessa, Mallory, and Denise were three people who technically had a pulse, who had human needs, who weren't trying to eat us up... and yet for all I knew they might as well be zombies. They had no drive left, and it was fucked up they'd probably outlast us all.

"I think I need to have sex," Sara said.

Jen sighed. "Sara, come on. Sean needs to keep watch."

My friend slipped out of the bed. "He probably needs a break. Guys, I wasn't kidding about the spell. It's like his penis is calling to me."

"Gross, Sara," Jen said. "Plus, you're in his parents house. They'll be right upstairs when you're have sex. Not to mention, where the hell will Flynn go?"

"Not my problem. His parents don't bother me. They're sweethearts."

Jen playfully tugged on Sara's pants as she passed but it certainly didn't stop her. It felt nice to have a moment of normalcy with my friends, even if it was superficial. Even if it wouldn't last.

Sara grinned and waved at us, disappearing out the door. I was beginning to wonder if Sean had put a spell on her after all. She never was this crazy over a guy before.