A Misanthrope and Artichokes

"Billy?" She asked again when he didn't respond.

"Y-y-y-y-you know m-my n-n-n-n-" Wilbert was looking right at her now.

"Name? Of course I do, silly, we went to school together for so long, how could I not? But that's not important. Are you ok?" Penelope was beginning to get worried; she knew the dangers of concussions. He had hit the floor hard, and her nurses training, before she dropped out, had gotten well beyond that, just uncertified.

"Um... m-m-my nose b-burns... and-d-d m-m-my h-h-h-" he spoke as if he were shivering, obviously struggling.

"Head hurts? Yeah, you hit the floor pretty hard. The smelling salts made your nose burn," she held up the small tube; "From the first aid kit. Here... follow my finger for a second," Penelope said, holding a finger up and noting his eyes were a soft light green behind his newly unadjusted glasses. He followed it well; he was probably ok, but definitely in a daze. "Do you feel tired?"

"Y-y-y" Wilbert chose to nod his head 'yes' instead of attempting to finish. "B-b-but-t-t I-i've b-been w-w-wor-work-king n-n-non-n s-s-"

"Non-stop? Like all day?" This wasn't good, Penelope couldn't tell if it was work, or the hit, that was making him tired and aloof, she had to check his balance. "Can you stand up? Here... let me help you." She stuck out her hand as she stood.

Wilbert got lost in Penelope's legs as she moved higher. They were perfectly shaped, tanned past her naturally light brown skin, and smooth as oil. Her skin almost appeared to be glowing in the harsh food-sale lighting. Around her right ankle, just above her sneaker and tiny sock profile, was a tattoo that said "CHAINS" with each letter separated by a link.

"Billy?" Penelope saw him staring at her legs. She knew he liked her; he always had with silent brutal honesty. She had acknowledged it in passing amusement a few times in the past, but left it at that. The longer she studied him now, though, the more details of their quiet past floated foreword.

"S-s-sor-r-rr- sorry," Wilbert said, finally accepting her hand. She grunted trying to lift him, and ended up having to lean back with the effort. He was heavier than his solid frame looked. Penelope nearly fell herself as he finally got to his feet under his own power. Up close he was a short length past her average height - Alfalfa hair length not included - and he smelled like a shower.

"It's ok, don't worry about it. They are nice legs from what I hear," she was almost giggling at him again as she spoke in her sexy voice, and she could tell he was ok. His balance was steady and even now, like when he had arrived - but before staring at the can.

"So are you ok?" She asked him even though she knew, she wanted to be safe. His fragility was cute enough to almost turn her on, as it didn't fit his body, and it was reminding her of the lottery ticket's conundrum. Two things that don't belong together.

"Y-y-y," he nodded 'yes' again, Ys were never his strong suit, and yes was always far behind. When he finished nodding, his head twisted to the side, and he studied her, and her blue eyes, for a long moment, as if something had suddenly become clear.

"Want some help with this stuff?" Penelope didn't wait for his answer as she bent down and started gathering packaged goods from the floor.

"R-r-r-right, y-y-y, t-thanks, P-p-p-en-nel-l," he didn't finish; instead he slowly bent down and began to help with the mess he had made, glad that nothing was in glass.

"Just call me Penny, Billy, it will probably be easier, I think... and I don't mind," she said while her smile seemed endless, pearly whites on display. Arms full, she turned to lift and drop the contents onto the counter. When she had finished, she made her way around to the other side and began to ring the various items up. Wilbert watched her stunning rear and sculpted calves as she went about, but caught himself before Penelope did.

"Ok-k, P-p-penny, s-s-sor-r-ry ag-g-gain-n f-f-for f-f-" Wilbert was turning to look at the floor where he had fallen, feeling dumb, and embarrassed at his actions. He was turning slightly red because of it as he tried to speak, even if he was quite tanned from the summer sun.

"For fainting and the mess? Don't be sorry for that, Billy, and don't worry yourself. I'm not going to tell anyone. Besides, it's not the first time I've seen you do it." She stopped talking as she picked up the can of artichokes to check the price - his fascination - making a 'grossed out' face at it, and sticking her pink tongue out for just a moment before returning to her personable air. "I've never seen anyone buy this stuff, do you actually eat this? Isn't it gross?"

Wilbert had heard her speak; he couldn't react: her tongue had shocked him, and she had used it in the sexiest way he could have imagined, between her bottom lip and top teeth. He just stared at her blue eyes, her perfect skin without make-up, and especially her juicy lips, hoping for a repeat performance.

"Billy?" Penelope was starting to have fun, for the first time in a long time. She knew she had a huge effect on men, their rude comments and vulgar stares gave them away. Wilbert was different. He wasn't just attracted; he was enamored with her presence. By speaking again, she snapped him out of his gawk.

"Uh... w-w-what? Oh, t-t-the ar-rt-t-tic-c, it's g-good. T-t-they j-j-just-t g-g-get-t-t a-a b-b-bad r-r-rap's-s-sall." He let out a breath as he finished speaking. Penelope figured this must be hard for him to do, talk this much. In fact, she had not heard him speak since language class back in the day, which was 'barely' even then. It was not like they ever interacted since - as far as she knew.

He suddenly had a look of fear on his face as she gave him his total, and bagged the various foods up. Wilbert pulled out his wallet and paid, Penelope noting just how stuffed full of green it was. She knew he was smart, and now she assumed he had found success, but that mattered little compared to his expression.

She could tell he was going to ask her something, that he wanted to, but it looked as if the fear would not let the words form. Sympathy struck her again, but not in a sorrow or pity type of way. She was going to help.

"Just ask, Billy. Whatever it is, just ask. I won't be mean to you, I promise." Penelope was smiling between speaking, like angels and good mothers do. "You're too sweet for me to do that. You've always been nice from what I've seen. Don't worry, handsome." Penelope changed her smile to 'beat hell' as she finished and his body tensed to relaxed. She really did love the fact that he did not have a mean bone to throw at her, she knew it. It had been a long time since she felt that way.

"D-d-d-do y-y-y-y-ou w-w-want t-t-t-t-to t-t-t-try s-s-s-ome? T-t-t-this-s i-i-is m-m-mmy d-d-din-n-n-r, b-b-b-" Wilbert was taking his chance, this couldn't be anything else but a perfect chance, and he wasn't going to lose it now. The effort on his face was visibly strained, mostly from the word handsome.

"You want to have dinner with me? Aren't you so sweet? Are you trying to ask me out tonight, Billy Powers?" Penelope felt her heart leap, she had forgotten the sensation. A smart and kind person was asking her out for the first time in two years, someone who she knew liked her. Lucky for her, as extra from her boredom, she had forgotten to snag some food.

Three years ago, she would have continued to pay him little mind. The thing on his mind though, was what she was paying attention to now. Not for his obvious money and surely not to use him. She could feel love, love from a person she did not know. A person, whom like everyone else, surely heard the rumor, and still desired her like men previously had in her old life - not because of lies.

"Y-y-yeah, k-k-k-kinda..." Wilbert was looking at the floor, with his one hand rubbing his head, but not where he had hit it. The other hand was holding onto the counter with white knuckles. His nervousness was blatant, obvious, all over him. Penelope thought he might faint, again, if she wasn't careful.

"I would love to eat artichokes with you, Billy," Penelope slid her soft hand on top of his, very slowly, in view of his down turned eyes, trying to reassure him and catch his gaze, praying he did not faint. She did not think Wilbert could take another hit like that onto the tile floor, let alone to the counter. "Did you drive here?"

He didn't faint. In fact, Wilbert looked relieved from her attempts to reassure, he smiled for the first time since he had arrived, and it was a beautiful, genuine smile.

"N-n-no, I-i-i W-ww, I-i l-l-live c-c-c-" He was pointing to a wall at the store with his free hand as he spoke, trying to get his point across without words though looking vastly confident beneath the strain. For the first time, he thought trying to be with Penelope might just be easier than the myths of anxiety foretold.

"You walked here, and you live close by?" Penelope asked question on her face. Wilbert nodded 'yes' in reply. "Great! I wanted to make sure you got home safe anyway. C'mon, let me walk you." He looked full of sorrow as she pulled her hand away, grabbed her phone, and walked around the counter, keys suddenly jingling in one hand with her phone in her back pocket.

His sadness was short lived, as it floated away when she hooked her arm in his, and grabbed the bag of goodies with her key filled hand, the pair making their way to the door.

"You ready?" she asked him as she locked the door from the outside. She was looking into his eyes as she spoke, giving him proper chills.

This time though, he didn't attempt a 'yes' verbally, he only nodded and lead the way to his home, just two blocks away.

***

"When I said 'you need a girl' I didn't think it would be tonight!" The Old Man was smiling wide. He had caught a glimpse of the pair from his porch, strolling up Wilbert's driveway. The groceries were still in Penelope's hand and swinging slightly. The pair were still arm-in-arm.

"Who's that?" Penelope asked Wilbert, her face full of divine curiosity. They didn't speak much during the short journey, Wilbert only asked enough to get her to answer about the medical training. At a glance, it was a pair strolling in the silence of contentment, all smiles at the clear evening and the sudden company.

"T-t-th-tha, MMr. Eev-vans, m-my b-b-best f-f-friend. Y-y-you w-w-wa-n-n-want-t-?"

"Yeah, let's go say 'hello' to him," Penelope knew the best way to learn about a man's heart was through his friends, after his stomach. She was going to be, at least, Wilbert's friend from now on.

"Well hello there, pretty young lady. Name's Lord Alfred Evans the Fifth, Esquire and associated to royalty among other things, how to you do," the Old Man was bowing to her, with an invisible hat removal included.

"You dirty old flirt," his wife said to him immediately after he finished speaking, smacking his side in tandem.

"...and this is my wife, Deloris," he said, motioning in his wife's direction with a hand flick, as if it took too much effort. She remained seated, but shook hands with the stranger nonetheless.

"It's nice to meet you both as well, Alfred and Deloris. I'm Penelope Alvarez, how do you do." The Old Man didn't miss a beat, but his wife cringed ever so subtly, missed only by Wilbert.

The Old Man kicked his wife's foot with his own as he watched his friend. Penelope had all of Wilbert's attention, especially the phone pressed into her back pocket, and the ass it was against. The Old Man knew the name. This girl was the only person Wilbert had ever spoken of, and at great length. Plus, there was that rumor.

"So you finally found her, eh, lad? This is her, huh...? Took you long enough." The Old Man turned to Penelope when he spoke next, he could tell Wilbert really wasn't paying attention anyhow, for the first time.

"You know, I've lived next to this young man his whole life, and you are the first woman I have ever seen him with." The Old Man was trying every subtle trick he knew to throw the message to her, along with a few other things she should know, among which was "don't worry about my wife, she'll live."

"Really?" she replied to the Old Man, her gaze shifting to Wilbert, her mouth going slightly agape. Penelope knew what the older gentleman was saying, even if the wife was snubbing her. He had, as casually as he could, warned her of Wilbert's virginity and inexperience. The Old Man knew his friend could never tell her himself.

Wilbert was suddenly looking very nervous and red; he had started paying attention.

"You know, Billy here has been telling me for years about you. Did you know that? He thinks you are the greatest thing in the world - besides electricity - so go easy on him, huh?" The Old Man was grinning generously, both at his ploy and at Wilbert's nervousness.

"Oh, I will, don't you worry..." Penelope said, turning from Wilbert to the Old man, then back again. "Well, we just wanted to say 'hello' before Billy here makes me a light dinner. It was a pleasure to meet you both." Penelope was smiling to mirror the Old Man as she spoke, looking only at Wilbert.

Finally she understood so much, from such a short conversation, about the boy who became a man, but still fainted, and never spoke to her when he had the chance.

"Same here, little lady, you two have a fun night. Me and the Misses are heading in soon, so don't you worry about us watching you kids in the pool." The Old Man lightly punched Wilbert in the shoulder when he finished speaking, making the younger man jump out of his nervousness, and stare a 'thank you' and 'what the heck' at his best friend.

"S-s-see y-y-y-you b-both l-l-later, t-t-t-then," Wilbert said nodding and turning, Penelope still at his arm. The pair left and made their way to Wilbert's porch, through the gate to the back yard, to the door towards the back of the house.

"You have a pool? Oh that's wonderful, Billy..." was the last thing the Old couple heard as the pair slowly disappeared.

"That's that girl who-" the Old Lady began to say as their neighbor entered his house.

"Oh shut up you old nag," the Old Man said, smiling to his loving, and longtime, wife. "That boy deserves what he's got there, and you know as well as I do that rumors don't mean diddly. Hell, if I believed in them, we wouldn't be married."

"I wish..." the Old Lady cut in without interrupting.

"So quit being a prude and let's go to bed. I'm feeling frisky tonight." He offered his hand to his wife, almost curtsying as he did.

"Aren't you always? You are such a sleazy old man..." His wife said, taking his hand and smacking him in the ass this time. The older couple disappeared into the house, shortly after an extended kiss on their back porch, flicking off most of the rear outside lights on the way.

***

"Your yard is beautiful. I've never seen anything like it. Did you do that yourself?" Penelope had placed the grocery bag on the kitchen counter as she spoke to him, looking around at the kitchen and pulling items out of the plastic. All of the countertops were marble, and all of the cabinets retro, but unfinished; though the appliances looked as new as they did fifty years ago. Each had the soft teal color of the older styles, the fridge being the kind they warned about climbing into, latched with a chrome handle.

"Uh...y-y-" Wilbert nodded 'yes' again.

"Did you fix all these up? Is that what you do, like appliance repair and stuff?" Penelope was pointing to the various items in the kitchen; she couldn't imagine how his entertainment system looked if he was using stuff like this in here. She was impressed at his skill, and the order and quality of the things she could see.

Wilbert nodded again, another silent 'yes' as he began to get out a cutting board, and some plates, for serving the light meal. "I-i d-d-do s-s-s-ome-m other-r s-s-stuf-f t-t-too." He managed to speak as she floated towards the doorway to the dining room and living room, leaning in to glance. Through the stuttering he watched her single lifted leg and curious looks while leaning into the other rooms with a hand on either side of the frame, peering out of the kitchen.

"D-d-do y-you w-want a-a-a b-b-beer?" was all he could think to ask, her person was cluster-fucking his mind.

"Sure, thank you. You sure have a lot of albums in there, it looks like some set-up," Penelope commented as she headed towards the fridge ahead of him. She couldn't help but smile more at the note held by a fruit shaped magnet on the upper door of the fridge. She grabbed two beers, popped them with one of her key chains, and then placed the caps in the trash. Her keys and phone went onto the far end of the smooth counter, near the door, soon after.

"Tt-thank-ks," Wilbert said to her as she set a beer down to his left. "W-why d-d-don't-t y-you p-pp-pick-k-"

"Pick an album out?" She knew what he was asking, but after the sight of that stereo, she was not sure she could ever turn it on. She knew how to work vinyl, but that stereo was a whole other issue.

Wilbert nodded, but he could sense her unease, he had seen it on her face before, the day he never saw her again. "J-j-just h-h-hit t-t-the b-b-big r-r-red b-b-but-t-ton. Y-y-y-you'll-l d-d-do f-f-fin-ne. D-d-dont-t w-wo-worry. I-if y-y-you-w b-break-k s-s-someth-thin-ng, I-i c-c-can f-f-f-fix it," he was teasing her as best as she could tell.

She smiled, the worry gone, it was the first time, in a long time, that anyone knew what she was thinking or bothered to take the time, let alone tease her with kindness. Wilbert really was sweet. Before she went to pick the album of her choice, she kissed him lightly on the cheek of his stunned face, with a foot lifted and a hand on his solid chest, the other on her beer.

"Thanks, you really are a sweetheart," she said after the light touch, making her way to the living room. This man was letting her use his stuff, she knew how big of a deal that was.

Wilbert had set the knife down when he saw her coming; he really didn't think he could stay conscious with the vision before him or with her bouncy breasts touching his arm. He was amazed that he had not fainted, again - so far - to begin with. He didn't pick the knife up, or continue setting things out, until he followed her frame out of view. He also waited until after a very large and deep breath, followed by a chug of his beer.

When Wilbert heard Buffalo Springfield start to play, he knew he was in love. Well, he knew it after he fought the urge to faint, again. Penelope had picked one of his favorites without his suggestion. He finished re-seasoning the various foods to his taste shortly after, and made his way to the living room table, two unopened beers and a bottle opener included.

"So what's your turtle's name?" Penelope was asking him, hands on her knees, and bent to look into the small creatures face. Wilbert could only stare at her bottom as he set down the tray. He didn't respond, until she turned her head to face him, winked, and asked again - with a smile.

"T-t-t-or-t-t-toise..." His intention and her interpretation finally went all wrong after he spoke this time.

"Your turtle's name is Tortoise? That's kind of silly..." Penelope really thought it was.

Before she had ever finished, Wilbert was laughing. It was the first time she had heard him laugh, and she knew what she wanted to do for the rest of her life. She wanted to make this man laugh forever. It was the sexiest thing she had observed a man do, and he did it well. Not to mention it was the most wonderful sound she had ever heard. It would become her goal; nursing job and wealth be damned. His laughter came clear, and stutters free, with the beauty of its honesty shining through the full body movement.

It was at that same time that she decided to try and sleep with him, his whole self was making her wet, to her own surprise.