A Mother's Sacrifice

I was going to tell him to stop brownnosing, but stopped when I noticed his gaze had dropped and he appeared to be looking down at my legs. I looked down and saw that the short dress had ridden up and was bunched up around my mid thigh. I went to push it down, but instead continued to watch him. Tommy was fidgeting, his foot tapping and his fingers drumming on his leg. That reminded me of the fact that he had seemed nervous a lot lately, but as with his break up, I couldn't get anything out of him.

He didn't seem to notice I hadn't replied. I watched closely and it seemed as if his eyes were not just looking at my legs, but moving up and down, as if he were checking me out. That was ridiculous; he was just avoiding looking at me, which was another weird habit he had developed lately. Even though he was spending a lot of time with me, he always seemed to be looking away from me, even when we were talking.

No, that wasn't true; he did look at me, but when I wasn't looking. Whenever we were on the couch watching TV, I would look over and he would immediately look away. I was beginning to fear he was becoming fixated on me, as if he were afraid to leave me alone for fear of losing me. I had sent Tommy to counseling before and after Bill passed. He stopped going a few months ago and I was starting to wonder if it wasn't time for him to start going again. Noticing he was still looking I asked, "Is something wrong with my legs?"

"Huh?" Tommy snapped his head up and immediately got that nervous look on his face.

"My legs, you look like you're staring at them."

"Oh, ummm no there's nothing wrong with them, they're fine." He stopped and shaking his head continued, "I mean not fine like hot, I mean fine like there's nothing wrong with them, they look...."

He stopped and gave me that shrug that was becoming a permanent way of expressing himself lately.

I did push my dress down and that seemed to get him going again.

"I wasn;t looking like that Mom really! I just was....I think I was just kind of thinking and my eyes were...."

"It's okay honey." I said quickly afraid he was going to get really upset. "I was just asking, why would I think you were staring like that?

"Umm, " he shrugged again and sighed. "Sorry, just jumpy lately."

"I can see that. You want to talk about anything?"

He shook his head.

"Okay." I nodded. "But you know you always can right?"

"I do." He said giving me what looked like a relieved smile.

"About anything," I added reaching out and putting my hand on his cheek.

As he had done since he was a child Tommy leaned his cheek into the palm of my hand and gave me a sweet smile. Then when I removed my hand, asked

"Anything?"

I felt my hopes rise, but keeping my expression neutral nodded.

"Anything honey, I'm your mom there's nothing you can't tell me."

Tommy took a deep breath and I sat there in anticipation. A moment later he gave me a forced smile and said. "That's good to know."

I smiled back hoping I didn't look disappointed.

"Hey Mom?"

"Yes Tommy?"

"Why are you home?"

"Oh." It was my turn to shrug. "Well I..."

"Things not go well tonight?" he asked.

I paused before I answered. Tommy had an expectant look on his face, as if that's what he wanted to hear. I briefly considered telling him things went well, but that would be messing with him and I didn't want to do that to him.

"No." I said quietly. "No Tommy, they didn't."

"That's too bad." He said slowly as if trying to control his voice. "Was it....was it the same thing you told me about?"

"Yeah Tommy it was." Talking to him had gotten Jeff off of my mind, but now I could feel my eyes beginning to fill up again. "I...I just couldn't."

"Hey Mom, its okay!" Tommy slid over next to me and put his arm around my shoulder.

"No it's not." I said miserably. "Jeff was a nice guy Tommy and good to me. I just want to be able to let someone be good to me." Knowing it was going to sound pathetic, but not caring, I whispered, "Is that too much to ask?"

I could feel tears starting to flow down my cheeks and Tommy immediately hugged me. I folded into him, grateful for the closeness. Tommy put his arms around my shoulders and feeling as if I was the child being comforted, I put my head on his shoulder. I felt his hand begin to rub my back, then slide up under my hair and rest against the back of my head.

"You deserve to be treated good Mom," he said quietly. "Maybe Jeff just wasn't the right one."

"He seemed it." I said into his shoulder. "He was so nice, but I just got nervous again."

"I bet when it's the right guy you won't." He said comfortingly.

"You think?"

"I think so." he nodded against my head. "The right guy will be really good to you, treat you right and you won't be nervous at all I'll bet."

My reply was cut off when Tommy turned his head and kissed the top of my head, then slid his head down and nuzzled his face into my neck. It was an odd gesture and I could feel his lips against my skin. He wasn't kissing my neck, but it felt a little uncomfortable and I eased back to face him. he seemed to resist me pulling away from him, but after a second dropped his arms from my shoulders. He looked at me sadly and I felt bad that I had let on I was upset. He started to speak then stopped.

"What is it honey?"

"I...umm." He hesitated and I resisted the urge to reach out and shake him and ask what was on his mind.

"you what Tommy?" I asked, trying to keep the edge out of my voice.

We both jumped as his cell phone rang. Tommy picked it up and looking at the number, turned and looked out the window.

"Ron's here." He said, looking relieved.

He quickly stood up and said, "I'll probably be really late the club is open until two am."

"Have a good time honey, you could use one." So could I, but he probably had a better chance than I did.

"I'll try." He started to turn away, and then abruptly turning back, leaned over and kissed my cheek.

"I love you Mom."

"I...I love you to honey," I replied, a little surprised at the emotion in his voice.

Without another word, he turned and quickly left the house, giving me a little wave over his shoulder as he did.

I sat back on the couch and putting my feet up on the table looked down at my long shapely legs. What a waste I thought disgustedly. I looked up and rolled my eyes at the sound of Ron peeling out from the front of the house. Tommy had been acting weird again tonight. It was time to talk to him about talking to someone. Looking down again at my legs, the ones that should be wrapped around Jeff right now, I thought that maybe it was time for both of us to talk to someone.

*****

I stood in the shower letting the hot water beat down on my shoulders. I had gone into the bathroom immediately after Tommy left and hopped into the shower, hoping to wash away tonight's frustration. After standing under the hot water and soaping myself up, I started to relax and once I relaxed, decided to ease some of my frustration. Sliding my soapy fingers through the lips of my smooth pussy, I moaned softly. Finding my clit with my fingers I started rubbing it in slow teasing circles. I sighed and leaned back against the wall. I envisioned my fingers as Jeff's tongue and started rocking my hips into my fingers.

I began moving my fingers faster and took a deep breath, enjoying the steamy air around me. Bill and I had always love to play in the shower. We....I dropped my hand from between my legs and brought my hands to my face. I couldn't even keep my mind on another man while playing with myself. No longer horny, I stood under the hot water and let the tears come again. At first they were tears of sorrow that Bill had left me so young. Those tears turned into ones of bitterness that I couldn't enjoy myself the way I wanted too. I should be lying in Jeff's bed, spent and satisfied. Not crying in the shower or worse yet, letting my teenage son comfort me. Wiping the tears from my eyes, I recalled Tommy's words, that I wouldn't be nervous with the right one.

It made sense in a way, but what was I supposed to do, keep going through this? With a disgusted sigh I shut the water off and stepped out of the shower. After drying off, I slipped on the short red silk robe I only wore when Tommy wasn't home. It was my favorite, but barely went down past my ass. I liked wearing it because it made me feel sexy and I needed all the help I could get right now. As I started to pull the robe closed I stopped and looked at my reflection in the mirror behind the door. I took in my long legs, still flat stomach and perky tits. My long wet hair was draped over the right one and I had to say I looked damn good. A shame I couldn't let anyone enjoy it.

I went out into the kitchen and made myself a cup of tea. As I sat and drank it, I idly flipped through the paper. I was only skimming the articles, but it was enough to keep my mind off of things. When I finished the tea I looked at the clock and saw it was only nine fifteen. It seemed much later and I was exhausted, but then again my emotions had really taken a lot out of me. Going into the bedroom, I lit a couple of scented candles and lying back on the bed sighed and stretched.

The silky material of the robe rubbed across my nipples, making them hard and reminding me of what I needed. What I really needed was to not be in this bed alone, but what would have to do is yet another self induced orgasm. Slowly, the way a lover would, I untied the robe and opened it. I slid my hands up my stomach and cupping my tits gave my nipples a squeeze. My breath hissed between my teeth and closing my eyes, I started teasing my nipples, rolling them between my fingers.

I could feel my pussy heating up and keeping my left hand on my nipple slid my hand back down my stomach and through the wet lips of my pussy. I gasped as I slipped two fingers inside and started thrusting my hips into them. I contracted the muscles of my pussy and moaned as it clenched around my fingers. I definitely felt tighter than before and just the thought of what a nice good sized cock would feel after all this time caused my fingers to start to thrust faster. I reluctantly let my nipple go, but released a loud moan as those fingers now started rubbing my clit on hard fast circles.

I needed to cum and giving up all pretense of trying, thought of Bill. He loved to lick pussy as much as I loved sucking cock and there were nights that we didn't even fuck, just lied there licking and sucking. My throat would be sticky from swallowing several loads of his cum and his face glazed from my sticky juices. Closing my eyes, I pictured Bill down there, looking up at me with his big brown eyes, while his tongue masterfully played my clit. His strong fingers would be buried in my pussy and when he knew I was on the edge he would slip one into my ass and....

I threw my head back and cried out as that image sent me over the edge. I had always been loud, but with Tommy here I would either bite my lip of bury my face in the pillow. But whenever he wasn't around, I took advantage of it and screamed as loud as I could. That was exactly what I did now. Driving my hips hard off of the bed and into my fingers, I squeezed my clit and let out another loud cry. I arched my back and moaned as the orgasm had its way with me, before I collapsed panting into the bed.

I lay there with my eyes closed until my heart stopped pounding and sitting up, slipped the robe off. I realized that I hadn't gotten a nightgown out, but fuck it. I slipped under the covers naked for the first time since... well for quite awhile. It occurred to me my bedroom door wasn't locked, but Tommy always knocked. Turning my head, I frowned. My bedroom shade was up a few inches and the window open. The house next door was very close and I hoped no one had heard me.

The orgasm was nowhere near as good as the real thing, but it did relax me and with a sigh, I closed my eyes and began to drift off. A moment later my eyes snapped open.

"Fuck!" I exclaimed.

I had just been struck by the thought that I hadn't put in my final sales numbers before I left work tonight. I'd been so distracted by the thought of going out with Jeff I had forgotten. If the numbers didn't go in by midnight, my commission would be bumped back to the following week and the mortgage was due before that. With a groan, I forced myself out of bed and slipping the robe on, left the bedroom and went down the corridor to my office.

Flipping on the light, I sat at my desk and opened my lap top. It was off and I pressed the power button. I frowned when nothing happened. I looked over to see if the charger was attached and rolled my eyes. Tommy's charger had shit the bed a couple of days ago and I told him I would pick him up one Saturday and had said he could use mine. Getting up, I walked down the hall way and stood in front of his bedroom door.

I prided myself on giving Tommy his privacy and not being nosy. Especially lately when he was acting weird and part of me wanted to go through his drawers. Well there was no choice, I needed to use his lap top and he wasn't due home for a few hours yet. I entered his room and after rolling my eyes at his unmade bed, and the piles of clothes, books and Cd's everywhere made my way over to his small desk in the corner.

Sitting down, I went to open his lap top and stopped. On the desk in front of me was Tommy's journal. Since he was a young boy Tommy had kept a journal and somewhere in his closet was a box that contained all of them. I knew he started this one shortly after Bill died and as if it had a mind of its own, my hand reached out for it. I stopped myself from picking it up. The journal was his private thought and feelings, I had no right to look. Considering his recent behavior however, it was tempting. I sat there tapping my long red nail on the leather cover, then finally pushed it away from the computer and looked at the screen which had come up.

"Damn." I said aloud.

Tommy had been watching porn and must have paused the video and forgot to close it out. I was looking at a still of a good looking young blond guy who was sitting in a chair. Between his legs was a redhead who upon closer look was a lot older then the guy. The woman was topless and looking up at him while holding his rather impressive cock. It didn't bother me Tommy was watching porn, hell he was a nineteen year old boy. I did find it odd he was watching something involving an older woman. Then again I'd heard that older women, cougars they were called were in vogue these days. I shook my head as I recalled laughing when Tommy once told me I was one.

Putting my hand on the mouse, I went to close the link, then staring at the look of lust in the woman's eyes; I hovered over the play symbol. Looking over my shoulder as if I thought someone was going to come in, I shrugged and clicked the video.

"Ohhh, is this all for me?" The woman purred while stroking the guys cock.

"Oh yeah," he whispered, "All of it."

I couldn't help thinking that there was quite a bit of it and as I watched the redhead lean over and teasingly flick her tongue across the head of his dick, I felt a warm feeling between my legs. Stp that! You're in your sons room! Still I sat there transfixed while turning her head to the side, she slid her lips along the length of his shaft. I licked my lips at the memory of how good a nice hard cock in my mouth and could feel my nipples hardening.

"Yeah baby?" The redhead moaned, "You want me to suck your cock?"

"Oh, please!" he moaned

Hell at this point I wanted to see her suck his cock.

"ooooh," she cooed, "Please, I like that! Then again you should ask nicely shouldn't you?"

She smiled and again, moving with a will all its own, my hand started to slide down between my legs.

"After all," she continued, pumping his cock hard and fast, "I am your mother after all!"

"What?" I asked out loud, my hand stopping inches from my pussy.

"Oh, mom!" he whimpered, "Please don't tease me!"

My mouth dropped open and I shook my head as she smiled wickedly, "Oh, don't worry baby, your mothers no tease!"

She opened wide and in one motion took his cock into his mouth and began sucking it like it was sporting event.

"Oh Mom!" The kid cried out, "Oh yes, please keep sucking my cock oh! I...."

I clicked pause on the video and brought my hand to my mouth. My god that was disgusting! What the hell site was this? Looking up at the top of the screen I saw the name; "Loving Mothers"

I felt my stomach begin to twist. Why the hell would he be looking at this? Had he just stumbled on it and liked the woman? Even as I thought that, I looked beneath the title and saw "welcome back Tom93". Oh my God he was a member. Just under that was a link "Your favorite videos."

My finger trembling on the mouse I clicked it and let out a breath as I saw about a dozen videos there. My eyes wandered across the tag lines and I wrinkled my nose in disgust . "Billy rubs his mom's feet and she lets him rub more!"

"Joel's Mom makes his wet dream, a hot reality"

"Oh that's nasty," I muttered while looking at an older woman dressed in sexy Santa lingerie.

"Matt's Mom introduces him to a special Christmas Tradition."

I shuddered at the photo of a video where a mother was in her hands and knees, a look of absolute pleasure on her face as her son fucked her doggy style. The son was not only fucking her, but pulling her long red hair and....

I stopped and again scanned the stills of the videos. Every woman had long red hair. Tommy wasn't just watching mother son incest videos but bookmarking women who....

"Oh my fucking god!" I exclaimed.

They all looked like me.

Quickly clicking the site off, I closed the lap top and picked up the journal.

I opened it at the book mark and saw that he had made an entry for today. My hands were shaking so badly I couldn't keep the book still enough to read it and put it down flat on the desk.

This is terrible! Mom told me she's not coming home tonight! That means she's going to let Jeff have sex with her! I wanted to say something, to just blurt it out, but I can't! As much as I hope she would want me too I know she'll be upset. I just let her leave. Now that asshole is going to get to enjoy her the way I want to. I know it's a bad thought, but I hope she gets scared again.

"Oh, no." I said softly.

I wanted nothing more than to close the book and pretend I hadn't seen it. Instead, I flipped backwards through the book. Many of the entries were typical, about work, school people he knew. I lingered over one entry that simply said, "Had a tough day today, I really miss dad."

I grabbed a bunch of pages between my fingers and flipped them back. I skimmed the entries and stopped on one that was dated three months ago.

What the hell is wrong with me? It's bad enough I can't stop looking at Mom, but last night I dreamt of her. She came into my room in that short little red robe and after she took it off, got between my legs and went down on me. I woke up so hard I jerked off. I tried thinking of Lisa, but kept picturing Mom!

I jerked my hands away from the journal as if it had burned me. I took several deep breaths, trying to calm down then forced myself to keep looking through the book.

I've given up fighting it. I want my mother. She's the most beautiful most desirable woman I've ever seen. I dreamt of her again last night. This time she was riding me. She was moving nice and slow and her tits were....

I hurriedly flipped past that and stopped when I saw Lisa's name.

I broke up with Lisa today. I felt bad because she was really upset. I was a little too. Lisa's a great girl and always good to me. But it's not fair to her. For the last couple of weeks every time we had sex I kept picturing mom. Hell, I even thought about asking her to dye her hair red. I have to let her go. Mom would never want to be with me if I was still with Lisa. No, when I tell her how I feel I want it to be just us.