A Newfound Desire Ch. 04

I went to get some caffeine at the drink machine as I knew I would no longer be able to lay down and sleep with this newfound knowledge. I was in for a long night. I returned to my room trying not to wake my colleagues who had already turned in.

I settled in at the computer again and began looking at every screenshot in those time frames and the days that followed. It seemed Amber had been creating these videos and posting them over the course of several days. She obviously attracted some immediate attention and had some notes back and forth with some men who wanted more. When she began to be frustrated by YouTube's policy against nudity, they began suggesting that she look into some other sites where she could post. She followed their suggestion and found another website that seemed less concerned with her showing off her tits.

She reposted some of the videos she had posted on YouTube there as well as two more new ones. As I followed through the string, several days later her posting abruptly stopped and she began changing everything to private or took things down. She had engaged in some conversation with several men who had found her videos about their content, but it didn't seem that this was something she was doing for anyone specific, just something that had attracted attention and she responded to that attention.

My heart was pounding. My beautiful but shy, always demure wife, was making videos of herself nude and posting them on the internet for other men to see. I was turned on, furious, excited, frightened and a couple of hundred other emotions all wrapped together. I laid down that night and tried to sleep, thinking about what I would do with this new information and how I would approach this with her. I wasn't going to leave it alone, but I had no idea at the moment how to approach it.

Amber and I had to work together with our teams over the course of the next few days. I had to pretend that nothing was wrong and I had no idea what she had done. Every time we were with our team for a casual dinner, I was wondering if any of our partners at work had seen her videos. I looked around the restaurants we ate in and wondered if any of the other patrons had seen her tits or jerked off to the shots of her exposing her pussy. It was tantalizing and infuriating. A year before, she had been the one telling me she was ready to leave me over me simply chatting with another woman via instant messenger. Now she had been sharing pictures and videos of her body with other men and was acting every day like nothing had changed between us. In reality, EVERYTHING had changed, but I was the only one that realized that yet.

One night after dinner, she pulled me off alone so we could go get some coffee and chat. We got some hot chocolate at Starbucks and as we sat down to chat about the day and the trip, she rubbed her foot up and down my leg. She talked about looking forward to getting home so we could share a bed again. I smiled not wanting her to know I was aware of her "experiments" yet, but she had to sense something was wrong. She asked me what was wrong and I made some lame excuse about having a headache and needing to go lay down. She joked about how now I was the one with a headache. We both laughed but headed back to crash. A pretty sexy kiss from her was my good night present as we parted ways and headed to our suites.

I got back online that night and looked back through every moment of the time frame around her original postings. I looked forward and was seeing nothing after she had started shutting things down and making things private, but she had NOT closed the sites. I logged into the websites (finding her usernames and passwords in the keystroke monitor) and didn't see anything more than what I knew. She had more of the same in the two videos she had posted on the new site it seemed. Nothing more explicit, but more of the same just experimenting with different clothes and different bras for her striptease. We finished the business trip and headed home. I was interested to see how things would be when we got home.

Our first night home, she reached out to me after we came to bed, something she had VERY seldom done in years past. I was tense with a mixture of anger and fear that her interest in me was driven by her trying to cover up some kind of affair. She rubbed my neck and kissed me, reaching for my cock and giggling as just her lightest touch found me hard as a rock. I had to admit, the things I had seen combined with the lack of contact with her for several days had us both horny for each other. We slid together, devouring each others bodies. I normally went down on her to help lubricate her and prepare her for what would follow. This time, there was no need. By the time I reached for her thighs to tease her, she opened to me easily, already slick with her own juices. I rolled on top of her and slid inside her easily. As I slowly sunk into her body, she wrapped her legs around my back and began thrusting her hips back to me, something she had seldom done over the years. We moved together hard and fast and both collapsed with a satisfying mutual orgasm only a few minutes after we had climbed in bed.

As we rolled away from each and caught our breath, she giggled

"In case you can't tell, I've missed you."

I laughed a bit with her.

"Yeah, I could tell. Missed you too. It's good to be home."

She slept soundly that night, while I tossed and turned wondering how much of this was really intended for me and how much was her being lonely for whatever affair she must be having.

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The next day dawned and we headed back into work for a day before the weekend. As I worked through the day, I made a decision I had to confront her this weekend. I called some mutual friends and told them that Amber and I had been working a lot lately and I wanted to treat her to a really nice night out and it might be very late. We made arrangements for the kids to stay overnight with them. That would give me a cover with Amber that I was simply making arrangements to share a weekend night alone. I still had no idea exactly how to approach it. What would I ask her? Should I accuse her of an affair but not let her know what I knew to see if she lied to me? Should I low key it and tell her what I had found and how hurt I was? Tossing the ideas around in my head I knew I had to make a decision by Saturday evening.

We finished the day at work and had dinner with the kids on Friday evening. I explained to Amber I'd made arrangements for us to have a weekend night alone and she seemed genuinely pleased. We spent Saturday piddling around the house and getting the kids ready to visit our friends that night. She was playful, flirting at times alluding to our coming evening together. I was beginning to wonder if I was reading her all wrong and everything about her exploration was simply her "opening up" a bit. It was hard to know, but I couldn't help but be excited but scared as well at the idea of a night alone at the house without the kids to figure it all out.

We dropped the kids off early and headed out for dinner. Dinner was good if uneventful and Amber asked if we could go see a movie she had wanted to see. I was anxious to get home and address everything I'd been wrestling with, but didn't want to tip her off. What if this WAS her opening up to me? I didn't want to ruin that or make her start wondering why I had been a bit distant if this was her effort to make things better for us. A movie seemed like a normal venture so we went to take in one of the films we had both been wanting to see. Several times in the movie, she leaned over to me, her head on my shoulder and laid her hand on my leg. After the movie we headed home. She reached over and held my hand while we drove home. She was quite physically affectionate early in our relationship, both publicly and privately. I had always enjoyed that, proud to have her on my arm wherever we were. I had grown up in a family that was not very physically affectionate at all, so her hugs, touching and hand holding was a welcome change for me. As we grew older, that had grown more seldom and her more distant. Recently and tonight specifically, she had been much more physically affectionate. I was going back and forth all night in my own mind trying to decide if this was her cover for something to keep me from thinking that she was screwing around or if this was truly her reaching out to me.

We arrived back at the house and went upstairs. She went to the bathroom to change and get ready for bed while I went downstairs to get us both something to drink. I came back up to find her on the laptop we shared. As I slipped my slacks off and grabbed a T shirt to sleep in, I walked over to the bed.

"What'cha looking at?" I asked....

I wondered If she might volunteer information about her recent explorations or her motivation for doing so. She just smiled....

"Just checking email before we crash for the night. Do you need to do the same?"

I hesitated for a second....

"Yeah, sure I'll double check to make sure there's nothing I need to touch base on before we lay down."

She finished and handed me the laptop as I crawled into bed. My heart was pounding as I contemplated how to approach this, my anger coming to the forefront now. I could feel the blood rushing to my face. I checked my emails and then made my decision. I would confront her directly, but try not to be angry.

I flipped over to the YouTube site and clicked on the search bar. She was reading a magazine article... I glanced over to see if she was paying attention. She was engrossed in her article. I typed in her user name in the search bar and up popped her website in the search results. It showed a sexy picture of her cupping her breasts in a bra but the bra straps were obviously loosened and falling down off her shoulders.

"Amber, I need to ask you something...... "

She nodded, not really taking her eyes off her article

"Sure honey, what's up?" she said absentmindedly, still looking at her magazine.

"I need you to pay attention to me, not the magazine." I said in a suddenly more stern voice. She turned to look at me, obviously picking up on the change in my demeanor.

"What's wrong honey?" she said with obvious concern now in her voice.

We were both sitting in the bed, our backs resting against our pillows propped against the headboard. I turned the laptop towards her showing the screen with her YouTube user profile page showing.

"Why don't you tell me all about "naughtymomma"......"

She sucked half the air out of the room as she saw the page on my screen. Her face went white and her body tensed, obviously blown away by my knowledge.

"I uh...... I mean... how did you find this?"

"That doesn't really matter right now Amber, I want you to tell me what the hell this is all about." My anger was starting to shine through a bit now.

"It's just something I wanted ...... I mean honey, I'm just trying ... to uh.... I wanted to do something for you. How the hell did you find this? I was..... I was going to post some videos for you.... You know, like for our anniversary ...... as a surprise... but I just couldn't go through with it."

Her voice rising with the tension of someone caught in a lie she knew there was no escape from now. I had not tipped my hand as to how much I knew yet

"So you are telling me that there's nothing really here? I mean, you obviously posted this at some point?"

She stammered again.....

"Yeah, I mean, there's nothing really on that site..... you can see that. I tried to post some stuff, but couldn't go through with it. It's blank except that picture"

She started crying a bit now...

"I'm so sorry honey. I just wanted to do something nice for you, but I know you must think horrible things of me right now."

My blood was boiling now. I knew a hell of a lot more than I had let on but she had no idea. She thought all I had seen was the public side of her site.

"Well, funny story my dear. After your recent behavior in bed, I was wondering if you were screwing around. I looked around in the history here on the laptop and never saw anything. I tried to watch for tell tale signs of an affair but saw nothing. Then one day I got an email reminding me that the 90 day trial of the monitoring software we looked at for the kids was going to expire. Remember? We put it on here earlier this summer and I forgot about it. I'm betting you did too. When I got the email, I logged in and started....."

She sat straight up in the bed and glared at me. Her posture gone from one of someone frightened she had been caught to one defiant and looking for a fight

"So what you are saying is you SPIED on me.. you fucking SPIED on me? Is that what you are telling me?"

Her tone was what pissed me off the most.

"Well apparently Amber it's a damn good thing I did, since you're fucking lying through your teeth right now."

She stiffened up again....

"What the hell are you talking about?" she almost shouted now.

I had taken several of the screenshots of her posts on the websites and saved them to a word document. I flipped the computer back into my lap and quickly opened up that document. I flipped it back around and shoved it back towards her.

"Care to fucking explain this?"

I was shouting at her now. Plastered on the screen in front of her were pasted the first of the pictures I had saved from the monitoring software. It was her, in our bathroom from one of the videos. She was lifting her breasts towards the camera, obviously playing with her nipples with her fingers.

She stammered... "I can't fucking believe you.... I mean, how DARE you spy on me."

"You can't fucking believe ME? FUCK you Amber. You are making videos showing off your tits to men all over the internet and you are pissed at ME because I found out about it accidentally? Hell, you were ready to fucking leave me over me chatting with someone else on instant messenger and now you are showing your tits off all over the world? Why don't you scroll through and look at the rest of it. There's more where that came from. You are a fucking liar and I know it and YOU know it. There are dozens of pictures from multiple videos and you were taking instructions from other men on what they wanted to see. So FUCK YOU. Don't you DARE get fucking high and mighty with me over this."

She was full blown sobbing now as I stormed out of the room, slamming the door and almost breaking the door handle off as I left. She screamed my name as I left, but I had to go. I went downstairs to cool off. I couldn't stand the sight of her right now. While I had wondered how it would turn out, this had taken a turn I had never anticipated. That she could even THINK to be pissed off with me when SHE was the one posting nude videos of herself for other people..... I was simply blown away and furious.

I could hear her sobbing upstairs. I heard her almost wail at one point. I'm guessing that's when she saw the screen shot of her showing her pussy to the world. I poured myself a stiff drink and sat at our kitchen table seething.

I didn't know what I would do now. I had considered the idea of her saying it was for me and it turning into something very erotic as she showed me even more videos she had never posted. I had contemplated her telling me that there was someone else and she was posting for them and she wanted a divorce. I had never however considered the idea that she could in a million years be angry with me for finding her out.

I stayed downstairs for a good half an hour trying to calm myself down. I wanted to slap her when I had left. I had always promised her I would never hit her because of her previous boyfriend and I had held to that over the years, but I was as tempted as I had ever been to do exactly that when I had stormed out.

I contemplated just getting in the car and leaving. I wanted to get away, but I wanted an explanation worse. I walked back up the stairs, listening to her still crying as I approached the room at the top of the stairs. I opened the door and stood in the doorway watching her laying on the bed. She was laying down on her side, the laptop still open, her head buried in her pillow... still sobbing well over 30 minutes after I had stormed out.

She heard the door open and looked up to me tears pouring down her face and a pained look on her face.

"Oh my god.... I'm so sorry Steve.... "

She collapsed again onto the bed sobbing uncontrollably again now. As angry as I was with her, I HATED seeing her cry like this. It hurt me inside, but so did viewing nude pictures off my wife sharing her tits with the world on the net.

"You want to calm down and start explaining just what the fuck you thought you were doing?"

Her sobs continued to make her hard to understand.

"I'm sorry...... so sorry, please come here. Don't just stand there looking at me like that"

I walked over to the bed and sat down. I didn't know what to say so I just sat there, waiting on her to come up with something. She finally started trying to offer an explanation.

"I know you won't believe it, but I really was trying to do something for you"

She kept crying every few words... and I listened to her story trying to gauge whether I believed her or she was just sorry she had been caught.

"Things had been rough for us for so long, and I knew you were never really happy.... you had done what I asked and things were getting better..... so I wanted to let you know that I was trying...."

She continued, gaining some more control as I simply listened and bottled my anger up for the moment.

"Steve, I know that I've never had the same sex drive you do, and I was trying to ramp things up a bit to say thank you. It started off just posting one or two things and then it was kind of sexy... some people started commenting and ..... it just kind of..... took off a little bit. Then someone said something and it scared me and I started shutting it all down, but we had to leave and you needed the laptop more than I did so I didn't get to finish shutting all of it down"

I listened her talk her way through.. never interuptting her... just listening quietly. Sometimes looking at her, sometimes, staring into space. I finally slid up onto the bed, leaning back on my pillow and sitting up beside her.

"Please stop just sitting there... tell me SOMETHING. You're just staring at me like you HATE me and I can't stand that. I'd rather you scream at me again..... at least I'd know you felt SOMETHING..."

She laid her head on my shoulders and started sobbing again.

"I just don't understand why you felt the needs to do that Amber. If you had asked me if that was okay... I would have been shocked, but I might have even helped. I mean it's a big turn on to see you like that, but at the same time, it's hard to understand why you felt the need to share that with everyone else, but couldn't share it with me?"

She looked at me, wiping the tears from her eyes again.

"I know, it doesn't make any sense, but it really was me trying to do something for you... I'm so sorry...."

I was struggling with her explanation.

"I mean, I don't know whether to throw you on the bed and fuck you senseless, throw you over my knee and whip your ass or throw you out of the house and tell you not to come back."

She started sobbing into my shoulder again....

and then she looked at me with those huge sad puppy dog eyes, tears streaming out the sides.

"Please give me another chance.... I'm so sorry Steve.... so SO sorry....I'll do anything to make it up to you.... PLEASE don't walk away now"

I looked at her. That beautiful face, framed with her touseled red hair, her breasts rising and falling against my chest as she rested against my body.... and those huge eyes, staring at me, waiting for some sign. She was so damn sexy.