A Night of Chocolate and Roses

I listened to the soft tune she began to hum. I closed my eyes but imagined fancies of what would happen to me tonight started to parade past. I popped them back open at the fearful, indignant sights my mind inflicted on me.

"What did... did she mean by adjustments?" I asked.

I wondered how the question came from my mouth even as the maid gave a soft chuckle.

"You don't have to be fretting none, ma'am. It's nothing horrible. Just a might embarrassing at first." Her hand moved to the little table next to the bath. She moved a towel and showed me a razor and a cup with a brush. The set looked so much like my husband's I nearly gasped. "She wants you to be shaved is all."

"Shaved? Like my lower legs and my arms? I do that already!" I explained.

"Oh yes, ma'am, those certainly. Not just there, though. Everywhere."

What she meant hit me like a slap in the face.

"She can't mean...?"

The maid gave my back a harder scrub.

"Yes, ma'am, she can. I have to admit it's a bit on the strange side when you do it the first time but you have to remember you spent half your life like that. You will get used to it easily enough after the first moments. You may even come to like it. There's a cleanness to it that's hard to pass on."

The idea of facing the world robbed of even the slight privacy of my dark curls was harrowing to me. I felt tears start to drip from my eyes into the bath.

"Here now... don't take on. It's not so bad, ma'am. I promise."

The maid scooted her chair around till she was beside the tub. I turned, and her saucy eyes caught at mine.

"Why, before this night is over you will have had the most wonderful Valentine's Day of your life. The Lady is wonderfully close about secrets. Your honor is as safe in her hands as anyone could want, yet at the same time she will see to it that you get to enjoy pleasures you've never knew could happen," she said.

I leaned back at her urging, and she ran the sponge under my chin and down my neck. The soft, soapy water, slick with oils and clingy rose petals, caressed my skin. The back of my head came to rest on the pillow of my hair. I closed my eyes and listened to her as she started to softly hum again. The sponge and her gentle touch were finally enough to get me to relax, if only a little.

Then that soft bit of the sea brushed my nipple!

With a splash, I startled up, covering myself.

"I'll finish by myself," I told her.

The maid looked at me unalarmed, and then gave a shake of her head.

"You can't, ma'am. No way you can shave yourself how milady wants, by yourself. I will have to do that for you."

As my mouth dropped open, my hand came up to cover it. The old belief of your soul flying out of your open mouth suddenly seemed not so silly to me.

I gave my head a shake of denial.

It was met with a twinkle in her eyes and a smile.

"Don't worry, ma'am. I've got one myself, and I've seen more than a few others in my day. I'll even do it with my eyes closed if you like, but I wouldn't recommend it."

I looked from her to the razor. The image of her with her hand wrapped around it and her eyes closed blinked past me.

I let loose a chuckled at the absurdity of it.

Her hand was on my bare shoulder in a shockingly familiar way.

"Don't worry. I won't tell a soul you don't have any hair down there."

I thought then of my daughters, their faces, as they would be when hunger started to gnaw at them. I thought of my husband, Jim, even then at the sponging-house. The bailiffs grilling him for people he can get money from. Suddenly I felt an overpowering rage at Jim. It was he and his great plans that had put me into this place. This house of... sordid people. I felt that rage burn into me, a far greater heat than the warm water had given.

I had an urge to get out of the water and flee. To run from here. To do whatever I must to feed my children. I would borrow the money from someone else.

Then of all the hard work I had put in trying to maintain my reputation with my peers, came to me. I had not let our financial troubles come to light of day.

I had kept it "under the rose"...

"Ready, ma'am?"

I looked over to her. She had a razor strop hooked to the bedpost. I watched her start to run the silvery blade back and forth.

"It won't take me more than a few shakes and then you can take you a spot of sleep."

I turned towards the other side of the tub and grabbed up one of the soft cloths. I started to drape it around me to hide myself from her eyes, but then I realized how nonsensical that was. I dried myself and step from the tub onto the warm bricks before the fire.

Staring into the fire, I realized then that I was going to do it. Any point of turning back had been passed when I put that damned silk robe on.

Accepting my fate, little more than a plaything. A "Special Entertainment" to be enjoyed by others. I moved towards the maid.

Naked as a harlot, I walked to the little chair with the bidet bowl and sat astride it. I closed my eyes as she lathered me up. The brush tickled dreadfully.

"Lean back into the bedpost, ma'am."

Looking away, I did as she said. I flinched at the first scrape of the blade.

The sound of her shaving me was so familiar. I had heard it since the first days of my marriage. The sound of Jim's morning ablutions. The scrape of the razor across his bristles every morning. The only sound that was missing was the snip of his little shears as he trimmed the bars of his mustache to perfection. I had lain in bed many a morning, smiling to watch him playing with his "Moustachio".

Tears threatened as I know that in the future, the sound of him shaving would forever bring back memories of this indignity.

I bit my bottom lip, as she descended with the razor into places that not even my husband has truly seen in this much light. I squeezed my eyes tightly closed. Maybe if I could not see it being done, it was not happening.

A sponge passed over me and I thought for a moment it was over then, the stiff brush was again applied to me, and I was lathered anew.

This time, the razor felt like it was all but gliding over me. She handled the dangerously sharp blade, in places I would never have been able to move it, with a skill I pondered over then rejected from my head. I shouldn't think of such things.

Again the sponge was moved across me, this time with much greater thoroughness. I gasped several times as her fingers all but plunged it into me!

"There you are, clean as if you never grew them. Now let's get you back into your robe and tucked away."

As I stood, my legs came back together, and I felt it at that very moment.

I dropped my hand down, and the bare skin sent a tremble through me. I turned, so she could not see as she walked back with the robe.

The silk thing was warm from its time by the fire. I let her settle it around me, and then loosely belted the waist. When the fabric touched my bare valley, I all but screamed.

"Let me get the warmer, ma'am."

I watched her slide the lidded, copper pan of coals out from between the blanket and sheet. She held them open for me. I started to hold the robe closed as I climbed in, but then I didn't. I realized how silly that idea was, given that she had just seen everything there was to see.

The bed sheets were as soft as velvet and so comfortingly warm. Only that silly robe was smoother. I sank into the feather mattress. The heavy coverlet she tucked under my chin was trimmed in a deep, thick mink's fur. The blanket alone probably cost more than my husband owed.

That thought going round and round in my head made me not notice that the maid hadn't left yet. I looked up, startled to see her standing near my side of the bed.

"What are they going to do to me?" I heard the fear in my voice. It alone had wrung this question out of me.

The smiled she gave was sweet.

"Don't worry so at it. You'll be fine. They do get a bit naughty, and there will be some of them that are a mite wicked. But I promise you, the Lady Sionly won't allow you to come to any harm. She told you that, yes?" she asked, smoothing the fur coverlet.

I nodded.

"Well, there you go, ma'am. She's a right proper one for keeping her word. I'll swear that by the Queen herself, I will. Now, see if you can get a nip under those pretty eyes."

With a smile and a half curtsy, she left. Looking over at the fireplace, I saw little steam ghosts still drifting up from my bath. The smell of the oils she added was all around me. I was saturated with it.

Ever so slowly, I let my hand slide down across the robe. As my fingers found the split, it opened and my hand crossed the smooth place that for half my life had been covered with thick hair. I felt the now bare skin, soft and pudgy under my fingers, and then I touched the lips. They were so exposed to the touch! I felt shame rise up through me in a wave.

Light flutters of pleasure began. I yanked my hand away lest I do the unthinkable. Hastily I pulled the robe back together.

"Oh, let this night be the fastest in the history of man. Oh, let me wake and this day be all a bad dream," I whispered.

The softness of the bed and the warmth of the room finally managed to take the day's tension away enough that I drifted to sleep.

The light of a candle woke me. I looked up into the face of the Lady Sionly.

I saw the maid lighting the lamps behind her.

"Awake, my little lovely! It's nearing the hour for my guests to arrive and for you to come down. I will have you in place when they arrive, so there is food prepared for you there." She gestured towards the fireplace.

I noticed the covered silver plate by the fire.

"Eat quickly, but lightly. I will see that you have plenty to eat and a carriage to take you home when the last guest leaves. That will, I confess, be after the midnight hour though so do not expect a rushed...bawdry affair." She smiled, and then set the candle lamp by the bedside table. She softly sat herself. I noticed the top gown she was wearing was more appropriate for the weather, but under it, I saw, if anything, an even thinner dress than the one she wore upon my arrival. Her hand came to rest on top of mine. "I want to assure you again that none of my guests will do you any harm that will endanger your health. They might do a few things that will make you uncomfortable, but that's to be expected. While we are called the weaker sex, we are often the more cruel. Especially with our own. I will be there and will moderate anything that I think is too far beyond the...rules of my parties."

When her hand moved, I felt her fingers start to play with mine in a way I did not care for. I disengaged my hand from hers and hid it under the sheet.

Her smile showed it was expected that I would do such. I cannot tell if I had offended her, though. There was a glint to her eyes that put the smile into question.

"Rules...yes there are rules. You for the night will be not known, of course, by your name. I will give you one, and you will answer to it. You will comport yourself as a maid of humble upbringing would. Do not speak unless you are spoken to, and then with only the most polite tone and with brevity. If I find that you have been rude to so much as a single lady, I will tell the Sheriff that I hold the whole amount as due now. Your husband might see the sun again by the time your daughters are of marriageable age. He might have to borrow the money for their dowries, though."

Hearing a touch of cruelty, I knew that pulling away my hand did offend her. I wish then that I hadn't. Just how in the mercies of this woman, not only myself but also my whole family found ourselves, was frightening.

"There will be other entertainments at the party so you will not be the sole focus of the attendees, but you will be a popular one. Be pleasant and hide not a single moment of pleasure from your face. For you will be feeling more than your fair share of pleasure tonight. I want them to see it when you feel it. Do you understand me?"

I swallowed against the lump in my throat. I started to nod, but seeing the tightening of her eyes, I answered.

"Yes, Lady Sionly."

She smiled. It lent an innocence to her features that would lead many into wrongly thinking she was a wonderful person.

Even as she patted the coverlet and stood up, I knew differently. The wealth of this woman was such that the pittance my husband borrowed was not even a rose price to her funds.

It was the power she was feeling over me and mine that was the root and cause of this night's... indignities.

I watched her walk away without looking back. Then I was being bundled out of the bed and into a chair in front of the fire by the maid.

"Your name is Molly, yes?" I asked her as she uncovered the plate of food. It was a mixture of cheeses and fruits that I knew to come from the colonies. Some I had seen at the market, but the cost of them was always so beyond the pale that I had passed on them, just for trying sake.

"Yes, ma'am." She poured me a glass of sherry wine without asking. Normally I didn't partake of fortified wines. Then I decided that a sip or two might be just what my nerves needed. The bitter burn was hidden by the sweetness of the wine, but I felt its warmth settle into me after a few sips.

"Have you been to one of these before?" I asked as I pick at the plate of food. The sliver of fruit was tangy to the taste when I bit into it. I didn't know its name, though.

The maid smiled.

"Oh yes, ma'am. Quite a few. In fact, that's how I came to be employed here." She went to the fire and leaned over to poke back a log. I caught my breath when the short skirt rode up and her drawers showed.

"How so?" I asked, looking down at my plate. I knew it's my nerves making me seek conversation with this menial. Anyone would have been just as good at the moment.

"My dear brother, Albert, borrowed a tidy sum from Lady Sionly. Wanted to buy a fishing boat, he did. Well, a bad storm sank his boat out from under him. He had the luck, from our father, to know how to swim, so he made it to shore without drowning. Her ladyship gave him a goodly piece of time to pay back the sum, but he could only manage a job as a docker, loading and unloading cargo off boats. The other captains wouldn't hire him... for having had the nerve to go into business without asking them. The bailiffs picked him up, and they kept him for ten days, and then the courts took him off to the workhouses. He died in the prison one night." Molly sniffled, and then shook her head slowly. "Stabbed, he was."

That my husband's fate might be the same as this girl's brother came to me in a breath-stealing rush.

Molly continued speaking as she settled the fire to her liking.

"I had come to ask for employment, to help work off his debt. She took me on. I did one of these parties from the position you're in, and then she kept me on as a maid."

"So you were used as her...'special entertainment'...What happens?" I demanded.

She smiled and shook her head.

"Can't be telling you that. Be worth more than my job to do that. It's the fresh innocence of the woman that her guests like. I offered to do it again, but she said it's a one-time only."

"You offered to be used again?" I asked incredulously. Then the shortness of her skirt comes into full circle. She's nothing but a common whore! Her next words confirmed it.

"Oh yes, ma'am. I had me a grand time. Would have loved to have a second go."

I heard a bell ringing in the distance.

"Oh, I've got to be off! Now get a bit more of that in you, and then come down to the Rosarium."

I looked around for my clothes but see with a sudden fright that they had been taken from the ottoman near the screen where I left them.

"My clothes?" I asked shaking.

"The Lady saw that they had stains from the road, dust and mud and the like. She sent them to be cleaned. They will be ready by the time you're to leave, though."

"What am I to wear?" I demanded.

She looked at me, puzzled.

"Well, the robe, of course," she said like she was talking to a child.

At the second ringing of the bell, she hurried off before she could say anything else... had she been so inclined. Which I didn't think she would have been.

Trapped!

I looked down at the plate, and the food turned to ash in my mouth. I pulled the ridiculously thin garment around me tighter, suddenly fearing its loss as well.

I ate the rest without tasting the luxurious food. The cost of this "simple" meal would buy food for my whole family. I cursed Lady Sionly. I cursed Jim and his stupidity. I cursed myself for agreeing to do this. There had to have been other options.

Bitter tears rolled down my cheeks to drop off my chin. I dabbed at my face with the corner of the silk robe and did my best to cry silently least a passing servant heard me weeping.

"Damn you, James."

When I set the small silver fork on the empty plate, I knew that I was lying to myself. There were no other options that would keep what's befallen us from becoming general knowledge, thus further ruining us.

Taking a deep breath, I steeled my nerve and gathered myself. As I passed the mirror, I saw my hair in wild disarray. My face streaked with dried tears. I stopped, and spying a silvery handled brush near it, I applied one to the other in long strokes. The feeling of the brush in my hair... brought comfort. A sense of calm began to settle upon me as I did so normal a thing. So sensual a thing.

I looked at my face as my hair drifted down onto the silk robe, over and over. Still fair of features. My body... I had done all I could to keep trim, the two births not-withstanding.

My gaze met my own in the mirror. The eyes of Jezebel looked back into mine for the reflection. More like the face of a courtesan than a whore I thought as I set the sinful brush down. A sadness at the stolen dignity this day had taken from me came back upon me when I moved. I felt that shameful loss of hair again. Harlot or courtesan? One name or the other, I was little more than both.

Leaving the mirror and the sultry woman in silk behind, I went to my fate. The tuning of instruments was my first warning, just as I placed my hand on the door. I covered my breasts. The thin robe and lack of anything under it filled me with shame.

That she said there would be only women here came back to me. But the musicians? The warm rose smell of the glass Rosarium washed out to greet me when as I opened the doors.

I felt my jaw drop. I saw a quartet of ...women...tuning up instruments. A violin, a cello, a small base and a flute vied for harmony but didn't seem to be trying hard enough to find it. I saw the harpsichord sitting near them. I watched a tall woman speaking with Lady Sionly. She nodded and walked with gliding steps to the others.

The ladies were dressed in robes similar to mine! I wondered if they were as devoid of modest raiment under those as I. I wonder too if they had also been sheared.

The great planters had been slid to one side of the area, opening up more of the middle of the structure.

As I looked around, my eyes stopped on the exotic face of a Celestial. She was doing incomprehensible things at a table covered with strange devices of glass. I saw many gilded bags of something before, but it was her silk robes of brilliant hues, by far grander than my own or the musicians', which caught my eyes. When her slanted eyes looked up and met mine, I looked away. Those black cat-like, eyes should not be brought into the presence of a white lady.

At a gesture from Lady Sionly, I walked over. I noticed then a strange table behind her. I was sure it was not here during my first visit. "You look beautiful, my dear," she said reaching over to lift my hair from the robe. "Perfect, in fact." She turned and gestured to the table behind her.