A Perfect Wife

"They mean nothing to me except that it makes me very proud of you Bill. I am not at all surprised. Not at all." As she turned her head from him he saw tears course down her cheek. She turned and walked to the window looking out into the backyard. Bill watched her stare out the window. She slowly turned back to face him.

"Billy, I guess it would only be fair for you to find a girl and try to get even with me for the hurt I have brought you."

Bill looked at her, "I'll take that under advisement. That is a possibility I haven't considered. That could be a solution to our problem, or it could cause more problems. Would that lead to an open marriage where we could date anytime we wanted to as long as we came home once in a while? I guess we could make a schedule so we could take turns going out so the other could babysit." Annie looked at Bill and then turned and walked slowly towards their bedroom. Her look was totally unlike her normal posture, she walked slower than normal, her shoulders and arms slumped forward, and her head drooped. It took him a moment to realize what it was. She looked totally and utterly defeated.

He sighed and softly said, "Annie, that is not how I want to live." Her head snapped around. He continued, "I want to go back to the life I thought I had before it fell apart only I want to be real."

"Oh Billy, it was true 99 percent of the time. There was never a second I didn't love you. I was never with him that long, less than an hour each time and only 4 or 5 times a year. While that was only a fraction of the time you and I have been together, it was too much, it never should have happened at all, not for even one second." She looked sorrowfully at him. "I feel so dirty; please let me go clean up. Will you promise to be here when I am done?"

Bill nodded, "I'll be here. It will give me a chance to think for a while."

Bill sat and thought about their situation. He knew without thinking that a divorce would be the worst thing for the kids. Their children had been raised in what appeared to be a close, loving family. A split would devastate them. What was best for Annie, she said she didn't want a divorce. Was that really true, knowing how much she loved the kids he knew her first thought was about what was best for them. She was probably afraid he would try to take the kids away from her in a divorce.

Was she really in love with her boyfriend, would she marry him and raise the kids with her boyfriend as a family, an interracial family? That presumed that the boyfriend wanted that too. He already has a family, would they try to live with all the kids in one big family?

The more he thought about it the more confused he became. There was no way he could reach a conclusion without more information. He heard a slight sound and looked up to see Annie watching him. She appeared to be very uncertain about what to say. He smiled a little wan smile, "Ann, I need some input from you as to where we go from here. I don't know who you are any more and I have no idea at all about what you want. Even if you tell me something, I don't know what to believe anymore."

"Oh, Billy, you know me, I will never lie to you, you know that."

"No Ann, I KNOW no such thing. I KNEW you would never cheat on me, I KNEW you were always and forever faithful to me. I KNEW you loved only me. I KNEW you would never do anything to ruin our marriage. I KNEW I could trust you with my very life. Now all that is gone, RIGHT? I have nothing to base any decision on. I am trying to reach a reasoned answer to our marital problems and I have nowhere to start. Tell me what your ideas are. Like I said, where do we go from here?"

Ann stared at him for a long time. Then she walked and looked out the window. She turned and looked at him, "No Billy, you were not wrong on all those things, I did love you and I do love you. I will always love you. I made an insane mistake years ago, and then went against every fiber in my body and soul and continued to periodically repeat that stupid mistake, believing that what you didn't know couldn't hurt you. I would give my life in a second if I could undo what I did. I don't know how to do that. All I know is that nothing like that will ever happen again. I know in my heart that a divorce would inflict deep damage to our children. I don't want to do that. I will submit to whatever you want, without question, as long as we stay together as a family until our babies are adults. I will be your maid, your slave, or whatever you want. I will devote my life to caring for you and our children. You may live your life as you see fit. I trust you not to embarrass me in front of the children. That is for them, not for me."

"Ann, that all sounds good. I would love to trust you, but if I were a banker and you were asking for a loan, I would have to turn you down. What are you putting up as collateral, to back up your promise to repay the loan? You defaulted on the promise you made to me and to your God when we were married, am I correct?"

Bill saw a little fire in her eyes this time, she looked at him steadily, "I pledge everything I have, my children and my life that I will never break this promise to you. I want you to have a contract drawn up stating that I pledge my life and also will waive all parental rights to my children and every item of property, real or personal that I own or possess if I break my wedding vows to you and to God again from this time until the end of eternity."

"I will take your proposal under consideration; have such a document drawn up by an attorney for our signatures tomorrow. I think that that contract leaves the question of our relationship within the marriage open for interpretation, I would like that clarified."

"I interpret that to mean our marriage would return to its status as of eight o'clock this morning, as if no infidelity had occurred. Any future proven occurrence of infidelity on my part activates the document and I forfeit the above mentioned things. Infidelity by you is not to be mentioned in this document."

Bill nodded, "OK, our marriage will be restored as far as outward appearances are concerned. What happens behind our bedroom doors is a totally different matter. Agreed?"

Ann stared at him. He said, "You will take a test to show that you have not contracted any STDs. You must present a doctor's report stating you are disease free. OK?"

"Why? He always wore a condom; I used my diaphragm and a spermicidal cream, we never exchanged body fluids in any way, no kissing, no blow jobs, nothing."

Bill grinned, "That sounds pretty boring, was it much fun? And I know it is not true, I saw you kiss him."

"Sometimes it was pretty dull; I was kissing him this afternoon because we had agreed that we couldn't keep seeing each other. That was a goodbye forever kiss."

"I thought he didn't mean anything to you!"

"I don't think I ever said that, I was fond of him. We were buddies. I didn't love him."

"Get the tests, OK?"

"OK." She looked at him. "Where will I sleep?"

"Anywhere but with me, at least until I get that report."

"After that?"

"I don't know." Bill watched as tears ran down her cheeks and she quickly turned and said she needed to go to the bathroom. He followed and heard her crying, then run water in the sink. He hurried back to his place.

She returned and smiled at him. "Thank you Billy for letting me stay here. I guess I really don't deserve it."

He looked at her, "In spite of what you did, I cannot forget the years you were a perfect wife and mother. At least I thought you were. I do not have an answer. I don't know what to do. If you have something that will help me, please tell me what it is."

"Billy, I don't have an answer, all I have is a prayer. I pray that you love me enough to someday forgive me and to work with me to get beyond this thing I did. I will do anything to help. I did my utmost to insure that you never lost anything in the way of my wifely duties when I was with him. I never for one second stopped loving you, I hated what I did when I was doing it, I hated myself afterwards and swore to myself it would never happen again."

"If you can't trust yourself how can I trust you?"

"It is different this time, you know now and I know you will catch me if I falter. I simply can't take a chance of that happening. I could never again bear the pain it caused me when you caught me this time. If it happened again it would kill me. I could not live if I caused the pain I saw in your eyes today. I am only alive now because you stopped me. I wanted to die."

Bill stared at her for several minutes. Then he said, "I have reached a decision, Annie, I think about how you were there for me when I was a real wreck and you didn't know if I would ever live a normal life or not. You didn't give up on me then. You have always been the perfect wife for me. You are at every school event for the kids. You are at every soccer practice; you are in the pool teaching the children how to swim. You make lunches for all of us every day. All our clothes are always neat and clean. And there are a thousand other things you do for your family every day. I guess your visits with your boyfriend are the only time you do something for yourself. I am going to forget what I saw today, we will go back to the way things were before today. I will never mention it again. You will never mention it again; you will do what pleases you. I just ask that you be discrete. The discussion is over. What is for dinner?"

Ann shook her head, "NO! It will not be the same; it will be the way it should have been!"

"Ann the children are due home any second. Do what you normally do, get dinner ready or order from out. We can talk more after dinner."

"No dear, the children are at my folks for the weekend. I have to get them Sunday evening. I was planning on a quiet romantic weekend with just the two of us, I guess I ruined that."

"Ann, Dear, please be quiet, forget I saw anything, let everything get back to normal. We can discuss this again sometime in the future if you feel the need to bring it up again. I am pretty much at peace with my decision. I think it would be a serious mistake to open this up again, it might not come out the same again."

Annie stepped to him and took his face between her hands, "Billy, is that what you really want?"

"Ann life without you would be unthinkable for me right now, for the kids too. I want you and I want you to be happy so that the kids are happy."

"Billy, will you be happy?"

"That is not a factor in my decision. I want things to be as normal as possible."

"OK, Honey. The kids are gone, are you ready for bed?"

"No, Ann, you go on and go to bed. I have a little work to do; I'll see you in the morning."

"You are not going to sleep with me tonight, are you?"

"It is too soon, just go to bed."

Ann turned and slowly walked away.

When Ann woke up the next morning she looked for Bill in the spare bedroom and it appeared to be undisturbed. She looked in the den and saw a blanket and pillow on the couch but Bill was not there. She hurried back to her bedroom and found that none of his things were missing. The suit cases were still there. She went to the kitchen and found a fresh pot of coffee and one used and one clean cup. There was a note by the coffee pot. It read:

'Ann,

Gone out for a while, will be back before noon. Do

NOT plan on romance tonight, I have something else in mind.

Bill.'

Annie sat and drank a cup of coffee, she thought about breakfast but she wasn't hungry. She had gotten very little sleep last night. She had been on her back in their bed, looking at the time projected on the ceiling by the alarm clock. She recalled seeing 4:57, and then she must have fallen asleep.

She remembered going back over what had happened yesterday. She kept hearing the explosion of broken glass from behind her when she was kissing Jason goodbye and turning to see Bill standing and looking at her. The expression on his face was etched in her memory. She would never forget seeing the disbelief turn to realization of what he was seeing then change to severe agony. He looked as if he had been stabbed with a knife.

Ann had wanted to run and comfort Bill, then realized she was the cause of his pain and she fled. God! That had been the worst day of her entire life. It didn't look like today was going to be any better. She looked down; her gown was wet from tears dropping from her eyes. She wanted to just crawl back into bed and get some sleep, but she knew sleep would not come for her for a long time. She didn't even bother fix herself any breakfast, she knew she couldn't possibly keep it down.

She heard her cell phone ring and she grabbed her purse. She looked at the caller ID. Jason! What was he doing calling now? Ann flipped her cell phone open. "Yes, what's wrong?"

"You told your wife WHAT?"

"No, he didn't toss me out on my ear. He said he wouldn't leave me but I know it was very close. He is still very pissed, I don't know if I can salvage my marriage or not."

"Hell no! I never want to see you again. What? What idea do you have to get us both out of this mess?"

"You are nuts, Bill will never agree to that. Will your wife?"

"Get her to agree first, and then I'll ask Bill. OK?" Ann didn't really expect to hear from him again but her phone rang again after an hour. It was Jason.

"She will do it? Tasha will meet with all of us? Are you sure?"

"I'll talk to Bill and call you back."

When Bill returned at noon Ann told him she had something she wanted to discuss with him. She told him that Jason had called. Bill Started to rise, Ann quickly said, "Jason told his wife the whole story, he was afraid that if she found out some other way she would take their kids and leave him. He said she is furious and is insisting that he move out. She says she wants to meet with you and me. She wants all of us to sit down and see if we can come to a solution to this, working together. She is a marriage counselor, a psychologist."

Bill stared at Ann, "You have got to be kidding! She wants all of us to get together?"

"Yes, she seems to have some ideas she wants to try. She will only discuss it with you."

"Let me think about it." Bill looked at Ann for several minutes then said, "OK! I can't see how it could hurt any more than I already feel. I'll try anything. Tell them the sooner the better."

Ann stood and walked to the phone and then sat back down across from Bill. She looked blankly at the phone. She got back up and went into the hall and came back with her purse. She took out her cell phone and tapped a few keys. She looked surprised, then said, "Mrs. Cabot, this is Mrs. Nelson, is Jason there please." She paused, and then said, "Yes Mrs. Cabot, this is Annie. I wanted to tell Jason that my husband and I will try anything in the world to save our marriage. My husband is a very handsome, well built hunk; he is the sweetest, kindest most loving man I have ever known. I have no clue as to why I let this happen, I love him with all my heart. I apologize for having been so weak and foolish. It was entirely my fault." She looked at Bill and sobbed; she put down the phone and ran into the half bath off the hall.

Bill picked up the phone and said, "Mrs. Cabot, this is Bill Nelson, I assume you are the other aggrieved party."

He heard a pleasant, calm voice reply, "That is correct Mr. Nelson. I have to tell you up front that I cannot be very angry with your wife. I have known about her for years. I didn't know they were having an affair but Jason credits her with saving his life. They went to school together and Jason was running with a bad gang. Your Annie was tutoring him in Math and English. She told him she would not work with him unless he quit the gang. He did and less than a week later his old gang was ambushed by a bigger gang and most of them were killed. He has always worshiped her. Jason says they became lovers in High School. I want to meet you as soon as possible. I can tell from the way your wife speaks about you that she loves you very much. She is very fragile right now. I fear she might hurt herself."

"Mrs. Cabot, I am very worried about her too. We have two small kids and I do not want a divorce because it would devastate them. I love Ann with all my heart. She saved my life after I was sent home from the war in bits and pieces. She gave me a reason to live. She was with me for months while I was unconscious in the hospitals. I totally believed she was a perfect wife. Where and when can we meet?"

"I am Tasha. May I call you 'Bill'?"

"Certainly Tasha, you name the place and the time and we will be there. Our children are with Ann's Mother and Dad so we are free."

"Great, my mother is here to watch our kids, how about your place? I think Annie would be more comfortable there."

"Tasha, I agree, when would you like to come?"

"We should be there in 45 minutes to an hour. OK?"

"Perfect!"

Ann came back, wiping her eyes. Bill looked at her and smiled, "Tasha seems very nice. We are going to meet here, in 40 minutes to an hour."

"What should I wear?"

"Nice, but casual." He watched her turn and walk slowly toward the bedroom. He said, "Babe! I do love you."

Annie smiled, "Thank you Honey, I love you too, with all my heart!" Annie was back in ten minutes. She was wearing snug fitting beige slacks with a leopard print scoop necked camisole and a black cropped blazer and black high heels. Bill grinned, "I'm glad you didn't dress up. I can't blame him, you are really hot." He turned away quickly, but not before she saw the tear run down his cheek.

The door bell chimed before she could say anything and he hurried to the door. He swung the door open and saw a very attractive black couple standing there. He greeted them politely but not warmly. Bill watched Tasha as she entered. She was stunningly beautiful in a form fitting red leather outfit that showed her lovely figure. Her skin was a light brown and her hair was a jet black, falling over her shoulders.

Jason was a very handsome and very large black man in tight jeans and a light cardigan sweater. He had broad shoulders and a slim waist. Bill guessed him to be several inches taller and much trimmer than Bill was. Bill seated the couple and asked if they wanted anything to drink. Jason asked for a beer; Bill got one for him. Bill was noticeably limping when he returned. Jason grinned, "Too much gym time today?"

"No, too many shrapnel holes in my old body from Iraq."

"Hey man, I'm sorry."

"Not your fault, I walked too much last night."

Tasha noticed the tears roll down Annie's cheeks. She wiped her eyes with a tissue and murmured, "How far?"

Bill looked at Annie, "A ways."

Annie shook her head, "How far Bill?"

"OK, to the river and back."

"The Miami River?" Bill nodded.

"Jason said, "You walked to the Miami River from here and back? That has to be 12 or 15 miles each way."

"I don't know. It did take a while. I had some serious thinking to do." He looked at Annie then looked at Jason. "I wanted to hurt someone as much as I hurt. No, I really wanted to kill someone."

Annie buried her face in her hands. Her shoulders heaved as she silently sobbed.

Tasha said, "Did you work through your anger?"

"Yes, I have it under control now and know that it would kill me to leave Annie. I hate what she did and I will never trust her again. I don't know that I can ever totally forgive her either, she broke my heart. My happiness is not a factor; my concern is the welfare of our children. I am resolved to endure this sham of a marriage until my children are grown."

Tasha said, "Bill that is a terrible burden for anyone to have to bear. I guess you know I am a Psychologist and a Marriage Councilor. I have a plan that might ease your mind and may possibly allow you to find some forgiveness in your heart. Are you interested?"