A Perfect World Pt. 01bypenbeatsword©
She knew she must do it. Not only to please him (which in turn, pleased her). But because she had to know for herself....
Neena needed it. She needed to be with them. She needed that balance. And not just the balance of being with both a man and a woman. But with the nature of their relationship. And by "their", I mean the relationship the three of them shared. First, let's learn about Neena.
Neena was a strong, independent woman. Although she was born 28 years ago, her body and appearance spoke of someone younger. Her mind was that of someone with a decade's more life experience. At 5'5", she was taller than some of her female friends, yet did not tower over them. Her shoulder-length dark chestnut hair framed her mocha complexion. The rest of her body was envied by many. An hourglass figure, shaped by firm, full breasts, a slender waist, flaring into hips and an ass that drew many second looks.
But while her body garnered plenty of attention, she strived to make her mind and personality equally attractive (if not more so). She was highly intelligent, educated, and valued education and learning more than most. Her induction into the category of mensa occurred by accident. A prank played upon her in college resulted in her taking an IQ test, on which she scored phenomenally high. She was driven, self-motivated, very independent, opinionated, and progressive.
Neena would joke that "everybody loves me", but her facetiousness was ironic. People were indeed drawn to her. She had a deadly sharp wit, was quick with a comeback, and truly loved social interaction. Philanthropy was not just some idealistic concept; she was truly dedicated to sharing the benefits that she had received in life. She volunteered as an Emergency Medical Technician, and would soon also make the field of emergency medicine her career as an EMT for the local fire department. There she would merge several of her passions: medicine, teaching, and helping others.
Neena married young. Whether out of family expectations or convenience, she married her best friend straight out of college. He was like her in some ways, independent, focused on his career, sure of his beliefs and vision. She knew she could depend on him to be a good husband, a companion, and his career in technology would certainly secure their present and future as comfortable. They loved each other dearly, but were they really "in love?"
While their relationship certainly was "convenient" and they cared about each other, there were times she questioned her choice. The "head-over-heels" passion that her recently married friends described was never really there for them. It was almost like a business relationship in some ways. She dealt with it by convincing herself that passion dies, but a friendship and the security that a marriage brings will stand the test of time.
Neena had dated few others before her husband. Growing up and marrying so young meant that she had limited experience sexually. She fell into a pattern that was (once again) "convenient and comfortable". What others would call "vanilla". Her orgasms hadn't been particularly powerful, but she had them nonetheless. Oral sex was okay. Well, that is, she would go down on him, but never to orgasm. She had occasionally brought him to orgasm, but never swallowed.
They weren't particularly creative in bed, but that was okay. What he couldn't provide for her, she would take care of through masturbation. Her fantasies were not over the top, but they were more exciting at times that what her husband provided for her in reality. All in all, still fairly vanilla. She had never been tied up or participated in bondage or S/M. Anal sex was out of the picture, as she had been forcibly sodomized as a late teenager. Never had fantasized about sex with another woman or a group situation. No role-playing, exhibitionism, etc. No hardcore pornography. I'm sure some of it had to do with her upbringing, and her married sex live that would not have been characterized as creative. However, a recent turn of events was the catalyst that would change everything.
Her husband had been traveling a fair amount for work over the past several years, and she discovered that he had been having an affair. The shock and pain she felt was more about betrayal by her best friend than a violation of the vows of her marriage. She was not quite sure how to proceed. He was her best friend, and she just couldn't cut the ties so easily. She was surprised that she didn't know what to do. Divorcing him on the spot didn't seem to be the right thing to do. Why she did not confront him on it, she wasn't sure. She did not feel a desire for revenge, per se. But she did feel a certain license to open her mind and be more creative, and to look at others in a different way.
Guys she would find attractive found their way into her fantasies. She imagined them going down on her to orgasm, to holding her tightly against them during sex, as if they possessed her.
It was one whom she met that would change her life dramatically.
Iain and Neena met on an emergency call. He was a member of another Emergency Medical Services crew, about 5 years her senior. Standing 6' with an athletic build, Iain was humorous and outgoing, but it was his inner strength that drew her to him. He was confident without being cocky and arrogant, and she could tell how committed he was in his decisions. He truly cared about his patients, gaining their trust and confidence immediately. He worked seamlessly with other crew members, and despite his years of experience, he would never consider a probie or newer EMT or firefighter as inferior. Although he could easily handle himself in a fight, thanks to over a decade of dedication to martial arts, he could defuse even the most volatile of situations without resorting to a physical altercation. The fact that he resembled Benjamin Bratt (one of her favorite actors) in appearance didn't hurt either.
She could tell there was something more about him. She couldn't quite place her finger on it, but he was different than other men she had met and worked with. As time went on, she got to know him better. He helped her out with training and getting her job with the fire department. They would talk on the phone, meet up on calls. She became more drawn to him. Then one night, everything changed.
Her husband had never been entirely supportive of her passion for EMS. He didn't mind that she volunteered as an EMT (even though he never quite understood the concept of philanthropy himself), but when she told him that she was offered a job with the fire department, he brought up that they might be moving because of an upcoming job transfer to California (which he had previously "neglected" to mention). Seemingly, he had it in his mind that she would give up this EMS business so she would have the time to get pregnant and start raising their children. The fact that he just assumed she would go along with his plans to turn her into a housewife was the final straw. It was the culmination of a series of events that were making her question why she was married, and her reasons for doing so in the first place.
It was not enough for her to confront him on his affair or to ask for a divorce. But it was enough to make her upset to the point where she stormed out of the house, leaving him to find his own way to the airport for yet another business trip that would take him out of town for yet another week. Neena knew he would be sleeping with his "out-of-town" entertainment while he was on the west coast, which didn't help matters.
After her husband departed for the airport, she called Iain. As soon as he picked up, she started venting. After patiently listening to her five-minute long sentence, filled with expletives, he managed to get a word in, suggesting that they meet up for coffee and continue this as a conversation. She apologized, knowing he had the right idea (which, as she would soon discover, would occur far more often).
They met up at a café, where she poured her heart out to him, told him about her life, her marriage, and her desperation for things to change. He patiently listened, occasionally responding with comments and questions, and observations that made her wonder how he knew her so well. By the end, she felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. It occurred to her that he seemed to be able to read her like an open book, that he drew out of her things that she had told no one. She felt comforted and protected by his strength, and she liked it. It was something that puzzled her. Here she was, an independent woman who took charge of her life in so many ways, relied on herself in terms of her needs (especially emotionally and sexually), and yet here was this man who made her open up, exposing her vulnerabilities, and made her desire things she had never felt.
She also realized that for all the time they had worked together and talked, there were things about him that she did not know. He had never brought up certain aspects of his personal life, like relationships and love. And while they joked about sex the way people "on the job" would talk about all kinds of subjects, they had never opened up to each other about their own sex lives. In this particular conversation they were having, she had opened up to him in ways she had never imagined. She told Iain things she had never even told her own husband. She felt safe with him, like she could tell him anything and he would not judge her or be shocked. She even told him about being raped, which she had not told another soul, not even her husband. He responded with kindness and empathy. He had even become angry, angry that she had been subjected to such a painful experience without her consent. She could sense there was something more to it, though.
Which made her wonder why. And she realized that she wanted to know more, to know everything about him. She knew there was something different about him that set him apart from the other men she knew. Hell, the other people she knew. She asked him why he was so upset, when she had come to terms with what happened to her and put it behind her. He told her that not only did this man cause her physical pain, he had damaged her in other ways. Neena was confused, and asked him to explain. He said that in the process of dealing with the rape to prevent further psychological damage, that she had shut down certain parts of herself, that she had limited her ability to explore her own sexuality. He could sense more to her than she let on, in terms of her desires and needs.
She told him she didn't understand, that she knew herself and that just because she didn't have sex swinging from a trapeze that she still had a satisfying sex life. However, upon further prodding by him, she admitted that she the only sex she had had in the past several months was with herself, and that she hadn't found it particularly fulfilling. She became almost upset with him. She wanted to know how he knew so much about her, about why she was feeling limited, about her response to the rape...and she knew he knew more about her than he was letting on.
He confided that Solana, his prior girlfriend had a similar experience, and she had also lived in denial about it. She had been through a string of relationships, ones with abusive men who had continued the cycle of abuse. He told Neena how she had sabotaged the few relationships they had with caring, responsible, respectful men, including him. He said it impacted on their sex life, and that she wasn't responsive to not only him, but she put limits on herself sexually. Neena asked how did he put up with it. He said he knew that she could get through it, and he persevered, not backing down, and helped her open up, confront her feelings, and helped to empower her. His efforts paid off, and with his help Solana changed her life around, began to experience things she never thought she would, and their sex life became an incredible adventure. He said they experienced things neither of them thought they would in their wildest dreams and fantasies.
Neena was moved by his story. She even found herself a little envious of Iain's girlfriend. She was intrigued, and had to know more. At first, he was reticent to go into detail, saying he didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable. She told him that he made her feel very comfortable and want to know more, to know it all.
He began opening up to her, explaining that Solana had been a departmental director at a non-profit organization. She was a "take charge" type of person with her job, a true leader. Everyone looked to her for guidance, and she set the tone and direction that made her department one of the top-performing ones at the organization. She basically redirected the lack of control she had when she was raped into her work, which is fine. But she could not shut it down outside of her job.
Solana discovered she was missing a balance. In the bedroom, she acted as she did at work, which ironically, was not that "productive". She treated her partners like employees, but instead of being a "good leader", it was unnatural for her and it led to frustration, poor "job performance" (on both their ends), and conflict. Iain told Solana that she needed to give up control and let someone else "direct" things. Finally, she did, and the rest was history.
She had the first orgasm of her life. She found she enjoyed giving and receiving oral sex. She became open to things she never dreamed of doing, and wanted to experiment, wanted him to take charge, to tell her what to do. They experimented with bondage, spanking, role-playing scenarios. She confided with him that prior to meeting him, she slept with a girlfriend one drunken evening in college, and she wanted to try sex with him and another woman. She even wanted him to hold her down, to take her roughly. They had anal sex, and she even orgasmed from it. Later, she told him that by giving up control in a safe situation, with someone she trusted, who respected her and took his time with her, enabled her to say goodbye to many pent-up feelings and emotions about the rape, and to live a healthy and satisfying sex life. It even extended to other areas of her life and she landed promotion to executive director.
Neena was amazed at what she was hearing. She was somewhat surprised that she found herself getting turned on, and a little freaked out. Except for the string of relationships and the job thing, it was like in so many ways, Iain was telling HER story. Except it had happened to somebody else, not her.
Neena said "Wow, she is so lucky to have someone like you! How come you haven't told me about her before?" Iain told her that Solana was not actually his girlfriend any longer. She died about 8 years ago. She had been diagnosed with breast cancer which quickly spread to her lungs and eventually her entire body.
Neena's face fell. She said "I am so sorry. It was not right for me to press you about this, to have you relive everything."
"There is no need to apologize," said Iain. "I told you because you and I are friends, and I trust you. Plus, I think you could benefit from my experience."
"I know, but I still...." Huh? "Um...what do you mean, benefit?"
"Well, maybe by hearing the story of someone who has had a similar past, who found a way to get past the things that were limiting her, who expanded her horizons, might inspire you in ways you haven't considered, or lead you to find your own way...."
"Oh." Neena thought about that. And other things. There was a long pause as ideas and feelings swirled through her brain.... Her moment of contemplation was interrupted.
"Neena? Are you okay?"
She responded "I'm fine...I was just thinking...about things...everything you said...that's all...do you have a girlfriend now?" She regretted asking the second the words left her mouth. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked."
"Why do you say that?"
"Because it's really none of my business."
Iain replied, "It's okay. Like I said before, we're friends. You can ask me anything. And since you asked, no"
"Oh. So you're...?"
"Well, I'm not out there sleeping around if that's what you mean. If I meet someone and the situation is right, we might hook up. But the circumstance has to be right. I'm not out there looking to get laid all the time."
Neena appeared to be lost in thought, and Iain was aware that his words were having an impact on her.
"I know that some or all of this may seem strange. If you feel it's inappropriate for us to be talking like this, I understand."
"No, it's not that," she replied. She struggled for the words. "I guess I'm just tired."
"I'll get you a cab," Iain said. He stood up and headed for the door.
"No!" Neena shouted. She got up and caught him by the arm before he went out the door. "Don't do that."
"Are you sure?" Iain asked.
"Yes...it's just......Iain, do you like me? I mean...do you think I'm attractive? Do you find me attractive...or...are you attracted to me at all? Oh damn...I'm doing it again...I'm so embarrassed" She let go of his arm and buried her head in her hands.
"Neena, stop being so hard on yourself. You have nothing to be ashamed about. And the answer is yes, by the way."
Her mocha skin turned a pale shade of pink. "Yes to which question?"
"All of them."
To be continued...