A Romantic Tail Ch. 02byMissBri©
Chapters 2 and 4 of this series were written by lilredjammies. When she left the site, she gave me permission to post the missing chapters in order to preserve continuity. It's taken me forever, but here they are. And I just may get some new chapters written someday... Perhaps I'll even have a bit of help from a certain big sis.
Date: June 17, 2006 10:16:09 AM
Subject: Re: Re: Hi
Dear Miss B!tch,
I am so sorry I haven't written to you in so long, but there has been so much drama at our house you wouldn't believe it.
First, Bigfoot's ear got all swollen up on Memorial Day weekend. PL said it was something called a hematomato, and I told Bigfoot it was because he eats tomatoes and other vegetables. He said it wasn't and then he bit my ear, pinned me down and humped me. He was so cranky he wouldn't even let me sniff his ear, let alone lick it, and it smelled really interesting in there, too. :-(
The morning after the people holiday (I love those, when PL is home with us an extra day, 'cos we take afternoon naps all together piled on the bed), PL took Bigfoot for a ride in the car and not me! She left me alone in the house, can you imagine? I watched chipmunks and birds outside the big picture window for a while, then I made patterns on the glass with my nose, heh heh. PL hasn't seen that yet. ;-) Then I took a big nap in the very center of her bed, then I barked at the blue-uniform-man just in case he was thinking about taking something today instead of leaving things. The phone rang a few times and I barked to answer it. PL and Bigfoot didn't come home until a long time after dinnertime.
When they did come home, I was really glad I didn't go on the car ride too, because they went to the Chamber of Horrors and PL left Bigfoot there. Dr. Bob gave Bigfoot some sort of happy juice, so he doesn't remember anything besides getting there, getting on the scale (which he hates to do, he is SO vain about his waistline), and then waking up in a cage and barfing breakfast all over everywhere. He smelled like the Chamber of Horrors and he said his ear hurt a lot. I licked it just a teeny little bit and PL hit me! Can you imagine that? She swatted me on the nose! But then she gave me dinner, so I wasn't mad any more. I sure didn't lick his ear anymore! Well, when PL was looking, anyway.
The very next day, Bigfoot and I could hear a vehicle in the driveway and we could tell from the engine noise that it wasn't PL's. We barked a lot until we heard PL's car too. It was way too early for her to be home, but we ran up to the top of the stairs anyway. It was her! She was home early! But there was a man with her. *growl * He had a blue uniform on, just like the one who walks through the yard every day. PL told us he was okay, though, and that he was something called a "plumber."
I know you won't believe me, MissB1tch, but "plumber" is the human word for "smells better than cat butt." Really! I got one whiff of this guy, and I almost fainted! He smelled like water, and sweat, and cologne, and brown stuff and yellow stuff and blue stuff and a thousand households' worth of cats and dogs. His boots were extra stinky—really really lovely. He pulled PL's toilet off the floor and he liked having me help him, too. He told PL he had a bitch who was a Chow/Rottweiler mix who should meet me. The toilet smelled really interesting, but the man didn't sniff it, he just did something to the floor and put the toilet back.
And can you imagine this—Bigfoot felt so sick that he wasn't even interested in the man? :-o He didn't want to sniff the plumber person or help him work or do anything but lie on the floor and cry! I know that if I were a really good brother, I'd have gone over there and cuddled with him, but I just couldn't tear myself away from the plumber man.
I think PL liked him too, 'cos her smell got that edge to it that I notice but don't care about since the operation, you know? It surprised me, though, because PL doesn't smell nearly as well as I do, so she couldn't possibly have noticed all the delicious smells he was giving off. He had Siberian husky blue eyes, and you know those dogs are just crazy! I can't imagine that's very attractive in a human, wanting to pull a sled or something. He didn't have much fur, either, kind of like a Chinese Crested, just a tuft at the top of his head, so I don't know what she saw or smelled in him. Anyway, when it was time for him to leave, I don't know who was sadder, me or PL. Bigfoot just whined about how his ear hurt and he didn't get any dinner.
Anyway, if you're not too mad at me for not writing sooner, write back and let me know. Then I can tell you about Bigfoot and the Collar of Shame, which I would have done this time, but this e-mail is long enough already, and I hope you read all of it.