A Ruined LifebyMSTarot©
A single conversation, over heard one night when I should have been asleep, was the absolute ruin of my life.
I had drank far to many glasses of tea with dinner and got up to go to the bathroom sometime after midnight. As I passed mom and dads room I heard them arguing. That they were doing it this late at night caught my attention more than anything.
That and my name.
"He's never going to be like his brothers." I heard my Mom say. "Denis is just more like my family than yours."
"Well he'll get a growth spurt in a few years. Sure he'll never be a lineman, but hell he's got the speed to maybe be a running back." My dad's voice rumbled through the door. 'Well... maybe a kicker."
"Bill I love you to death but get this through that thick skull of yours. You have two sons that already play football. Your third isn't going to. You heard the coach."
"I don't care what that fool says! I was playing for Coach Stalling's when that ass hole was learning which end of his whistle to blow!"
"Keep your voice down, Bill, you're going to wake the boys." I hear my mom say in a quiet calm manner. Her voice of reason I had come to call it, over the years. She uses it mostly with my Dad and my brothers. "Now I find it strange that when he told you that Bill Jr. and Mark were going to probably both go to collage with full scholarships that you thought he was the best thing since beer came in a can. Now that he's told you that Denis won't even make the high school B-Team you think he's an idiot."
"I didn't say he was an idiot, I said he was an asshole. He's got two nephews that are Denis' age. He's going to put them on the team instead!"
"Those two boys are half a foot taller than our son and probably forty pounds heavier." I hear my mom say sharply. "They also don't have a brain cell between them. All they are good for is football."
"What's that suppose to mean?" I hear dad's voice snap.
I can't believe my mom has the nerve to chuckle.
"Bill, I didn't marry you for your mind."
Dad kind of gives a snort then a chuckle after a second.
"I know you didn't, you married me because you couldn't believe this much cock could come with one man."
"Oh yea, that's why." I can practically see my Mom's eyes go towards the ceiling.
I hear the bed squeak. Sounds like dad sat down.
"Well what are we going to do Suzy? It wouldn't be fare to him to have his brothers go off to collage, while he can't. Cause god knows I can't afford to send him on what I make. Hell we're just making it as it, you know that."
"Then he will have to be smart enough to make it on his own. I can't say this for all of my son's but Denis is smart. He learns quickly, always has. Hell he was almost reading before Mark was." I hear mom take in a deep breath and sigh.
Standing in the hall my full bladder sending me horror signals I can't make my feet take me from the door. I feel like my whole worlds just fallen out from under me.
"He's mine." I hear mom say sharply. "Jr. and Mark are yours to raise as you chose, but Denis from this point forwards is mine."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean from now on I call all the shots as far as he goes. I decide what he learns, what he does and what he gets as a proper reward for when he does good." Mom's voice holds an authority I have almost never heard there before. That it's directed at Dad is mind numbing.
"What do you mean? What are you going to be teaching him?"
"Whatever I chose. To begin with he's done with football as anything other than a fan. I don't even want him playing in the yard with you and his brothers."
"I will not see him getting hurt trying to do something his body wasn't meant for." I hear a light switch click and the light under the doorway vanishes. "Now it's late and I need to get some sleep. I have a long day tomorrow."
As the room goes quiet I'm about to walk away when I hear Dad's voice stops me.
"Well you just make sure of one thing. Don't make me regret calling him Denis and not Denise."
I stumble to the bathroom feeling shattered.
I'm sitting on the toilet when the tears start to fall to the fuzzy carpet under my feet.
What the hell did I ever do to deserve this?
All I've Ever wanted to do was be like my father and brothers. So why aren't I? It was all going just right till last year.
My trophy shelf in my bedroom was just as full as my brothers had been at my age. Wee Wee league, PeeWee league, I was doing great.
Then it happened. One day every one was my size the next I was the shortest on the team.
And my brothers? Billy is already near Dad's height and he's only sixteen! Mark's jumping up just as fast. Were all just one year apart yet I look like I'm five years younger than they are.
Growth spurt, growth spurt...dad keeps talking like it's going to happen any day now. Well any day doesn't seem to be happening any day soon.
What was Mom going to do? That thought was running circles through my mind as the tears fall unchecked.
I would find out soon enough.
I watch my brother Mark fall out his chair and roll around on the kitchen floor. Billy is hiding his nose and mouth behind his hand laughing till tears are falling out his eyes.
Dad hasn't said a word but that says a ton all by itself.
I want to hide in my oatmeal.
The bombshell landed at breakfast. I'm going to Ballet school. Starting today.
No I want to hide under my oatmeal.
Mark has turned a strange shade of purple and Billy is holding his sides in pain as they leave with Dad to go to a weeklong football practice at Dad's alma mater. They will get to work and practice under the current head coach. They will be catching passes thrown by the current quarterback!
I'm going to ballet.
Dad doesn't even tell me goodbye.
As I ride beside mom I feel like I'm on my way to my execution. Walking the mile, walking the mile...walking the green mile.
I look up when we pull up into the parking lot.
'Royal Academy of Dance'
"Roll on two." I say in a too soft to hear whisper.
Mom leaves me in the hands of Mr. Sandle, the dance instructor. He leads me into a room full of girls in tights with their hair done up in little knots at the back. They watch me walk in with giggly smiles. I see only one other boy there.
I've been executed and I'm in hell, I decide.
Four hours later when Mom picks me up I'm more exhausted than I have ever been in my life.
Weeks roll by into months. Mom put an end to the teasing from my brothers. At least at the breakfast table.
She also stopped saying what I was going to be learning next in front of my Dad and brothers. For that I'm thank full at least. If they knew, I would never hear the end of it.
Piano, ballroom dancing, cooking! I'm enrolled in cooking classes!
"Oh dear heavenly father please just kill me now before she comes up with anything else." Became my nightly prayer.
Apparently god's having too big a laugh himself to be granting mercy right now.
My freshman year I'm the only guy in Home Economics. I'm also taking Typing.
"My god Denis what happen to your eye?"
I turn and smile when I see Sandy. Sandy Sandle, the poor girl. Daughter of my ballet teacher and his best student of course, I almost don't recognize her with her hair not in a bun.
"Hey Denis, what happened to your eye?" she reaches up to touch it but I flinch back.
"Me and my brother Mark got into it. It's nothing, just a little sore." I lightly pat at the black eyes with a fingertip. "Okay maybe more than a little."
"I should think so. It looks horrible. Do you have Home Economics'? Oh thank you."
I nod and hold open the door for her. Another of mom's lessons. Manners. She's been teaching that one to me herself.
Sandy and I sit at the same table while Mrs. Holstein teaches us how to balance a checkbook, and manage a budget.
You know before that day I never noticed just how very nice Sandy looks. Maybe it's her hair down.
The black eye got me signed up to one more class. I made mom promise not to talk about that one ever. She agreed with a smile.
Then she started dragging me to the beauty parlor with her every Friday after I got home from school. My brothers are going out on dates with cheerleaders I'm sitting in a room full of women getting their hair and nails done!
By the start of my Junior year I came to really hate Friday nights. Billy had gone off to collage by then, but Mark was, according to him anyway, cutting pathways through the female population of his senior class. Whenever Mom and Dad weren't around I would get to hear all about it.
How this girl had done this and that one would do that.
Somehow he knew I was still a virgin at seventeen. He considered it a sure sign that I was gay. Hell he went out of his way at school to tell people that.
All things considered, maybe I should thank him for that.
"Let me go you...!"
I step out the bathroom door to see Sandy's older sister Maria trying to pull away from Jimmy Brent, the varsity quarterback. He has her by the arm and is pulling her towards the men's room door I just stepped out of.
"Come on Maria, I'll show you while they call me 'the Stallion'." He yanks at her arm with his back turned to me. I see his two forward guards laughing and kind of blocking what's happening from general view.
I tap his back shoulder.
"I don't think Maria seem interested there Jimmy. Turn her lose." I let my book bag silently drop to by my foot.
Jimmy looks at me and bust out laughing.
"Get out my way gayboy. Before I forget who your brother is and whoop your faggot ass." his two guards join him in laughing.
"You've spent three years of high school with your hands under my brother's nuts and you want to say I'm gay." I look over his shoulder at the other two. "I wouldn't shower with him if I was you two."
I swear it's like watching the two brain cells holler in the dark to each other. "Hello, hello!" I can see it when they get together and let him know I just insulted him.
"I don't take that kind of shit from no tutu wearing fairy!" he pushes Maria away from him and into the wall as he steps towards me.
I see the blow coming. A big haymaker swing with his right. I can even see the shift in his weight that will send the left in after it.
As the passage of his fist over my head stirs my hair I catch his wrist and turn him slightly.
His hand hits the cinderblock wall by the door with a solid thud. I do hope the coach has a second string quarterback.
"OH Fuck!" his yell is echoing down the hall even as my leg hooks him behind the back of his knee and a gentle push of my hand sends him crashing to the tile floor.
I see, the inrush of his friends even as I do a drop-split that both Mr. Sandle and Mr. Ho, my Taekwondo teacher would be proud of. My head is down, my eyes on their feet so I can't see their faces, but the howls as I land a Jireugi punch to both men's crotches at the same time is deafening and both are in a very high key. It should be, I can easily break boards with that punch.
As I spin up out of the split my foot connects with the side of the quarterbacks head sending him back to the floor beside his friends. His head hits the floor with a loud thump. QB take nap now.
"What's going on here?" shouts the coach from about twenty feet away.
I calmly reach down and pick up my book bag from the floor and step over the moaning guys to where Maria is standing with her eyes as big as silver dollars.
"Are you alright?" I ask looking down at the arm she is massaging.
"I'm...." she starts to say.
"I said, what's going on here?" the coach comes to a stop by his players. He looks down at them then back up at me. My eyes are steady on his.
"Your players coach Tompson were running amuck in the hall and slipped." says Maria. "They almost ran me over till Denis here saved Me." she looks down at the three groaning young men. "Ruffians"
I grin. Maria always sounds like she's from another century. Sandy says it's from to many romance novels.
The coach looks from her, to his guys, then back to me. I see a strange look form in his eyes.
"Well I'm sorry about that Miss. Sandle. I'll give them a talking to, I promise." He glances from me back down to the three guys. I see a small shake of his head.
"Well see that you do. Come on Denis, I need to find a way to reward my hero."
And that was how I found myself not only on the receiving end of my first kiss, but also taking the most beautiful and 'eloquent' senior to her senior prom.
We owned the dance floor the whole night.
The summer vacation between my junior and senior years I again found myself enrolled in a hell of my Moms making.
At least this time I was getting paid. Not only was I being dragged to a beauty parlor I was working there.
All I can say is I'm glad Mark had followed Billy off to collage by then. The looks dad was giving me were bad enough.
I started out working the register. My years in Home Ec. had me well able to do so simple a task. That left me free to do what anyone my age and male would do.
Look at tits.
There were every shape and size before me, at any given time of the day. Big ones like Mrs. Harris. That woman wore shirts that make her look like she was smuggling honeydew melons out the farmers market. She always came and got her hair washed and styled. Seeing her bent over backward into the sink getting her hair washed she looked like she was going to pop a button at any second. I watched for it to happen the whole time.
Once though she caught me looking and after a second gave me a flirty wink. She also wore tighter shirts after that. I swear to god she did!
I had been working there for three weeks and had moved from the register to shampoo boy; I still hate that name. That was the day that Sandy and her mom came in. I had seen her mom around the dance studio several times. She was a retired ballerina who due to injury couldn't dance anymore. She still took a lot of effort to maintain her figure from when she was younger. That she was Maria's mother was easy to see.
"Denis? I didn't not know you worked here?"
"My mom got me a job here for the summer Mrs. Sandle." I look to her daughter, my dance partner for the last two years. "Hello Sandy."
"Hi Denis." She gave me that shy smile I had seen more and more of over the last year.
Her mom and the shop owner Mrs. Gutterman, got into a conversation before she could ask me anything else.
Sandy smiles that shy smile at me again when I looked back at her.
"Ready for the Summer show?" I ask softly so as not to attract her mom's attention to the question. "Only two more practices right?"
"Yes.... I'm ready. Nervous, but ready."
"You have no reason to be nervous. You're the most beautiful dancer in the whole company." I tell her with sincerity.
I swear she blushes to the tips of those delicate toes she dances on.
"Denis, shampoo Miss. Sandle's hair please." Mrs. Gutterman tells me. I turn towards Sandy's mother then realize what was said. I pause for a second then with a smile and a gesture direct Sandy to one of the shampoo sinks.
What follows is the most sensual experience of my young life. From the moment she undoes her hair and I lower those silky locks into the sink to the very last rinse I 'm in a heaven I didn't know existed.
At one point she gives a low moan while I'm shampooing her hair that tells me she is in the same place.
Till she and her mom leave I don't think my eyes ever leave her face for more than a few seconds. I see a smile exchanged between several of the ladies in the shop that I only come to understand later in my life.
My performance at the summer show is the best of my life. When the curtain drops in front of the sweat soaked and panting people around me it's Sandy's hand I'm holding. I find it truly amazing that my second kiss comes from a girl with the same last name as my first. This one is much longer...and has a lot more meaning for me.
My senior year is mostly a blur of tests and my Mom's lessons. I have moved into the realm of the truly obscure now. I'm learning things like women's perfumes and clothing. Dad keeps making snide comments about when I'm going to be putting in the track lighting.
I'm also taking Drama, public speaking, and Creative Writing 101. Joy.
The drama teacher slash coach is running a few minutes late. At least that's what the note on the door said when I got to the auditorium. Opening the door I note I'm the first to arrive. I give a shrug and go down to he front row of seats and drop my book bag into one.
Looking around the empty room I realize this is the first time I've ever been in it when it was empty.
"La la la la la...la!" I run my voice up the scales. Did I mention the Opera? Good I've tried to forget that part myself.
The acoustics are not bad, but then for an auditorium they shouldn't be. I look around then check my watch. Okay, looks like everyone is running late.
I move over to the school piano and flip back the cover. An old Weber it could do with a tuning, but then they always could.
Sitting down I start to play, mostly to amuse myself and pass the time. I have been working on the Pirates of the Caribbean theme for the last month. With the empty room to give me back the sounds I finally get it right.
Just in time for the whole Drama class, plus the teacher to show up. Of course I didn't know that. I'm just playing away my eyes half closed, my fingers flying through the keys. I also didn't know they opened the door and let the music fill the hall and attract every one walking past. Including the Principle of course.
When I hit the last note the applause is thunderous and scares the living hell out of me.
And that would be the story of how I ended up playing the piano in every school play, as well as trying to act a role and dance my toes off once Sandy put her two cents worth in.
That would also be the year that my two brothers would be on the SEC Championship team. All my past football trophies had long been relegated to a box in the garage. When they won...it was as if I lost.
I mean don't get me wrong I was happy as hell for them, but at the same time...I felt lower than I had in a long time.
Dad had the brilliant idea that my eighteenth birthday would be the perfect day to call in all the family to celebrate his two sons winning the national championship.
Ever been to a party you wanted to leave from the moment you walked in the door, but you don't want to be rude to the host. Now imagine you're the host and you'll see where I was.
Turning from my bedroom window I look over my shoulder and see Sandy. I give her a smile.
"Are you Okay?" she asks softly. I give a nod. I see the smile and the shake of her head. "You can't lie to me Denis, you know that. We took drama together. I know how to read faces."
Sandy walks over to beside me and looks out the window into our back yard. My dad, my uncles, my brothers, my cousins. All playing football in the back yard. Hell I even think I've got a second cousin down there as well.
"Lord all your family ever seem to think about is football." She says with a shake of her head. "I guess I'm one to talk though. All my family ever does is dance."
"Well all your family looks good in tights. That's what I was doing when you came in. trying to imagine them in tights and tutu. Can't you just see my dad doing a ballonne'?"
Sandy bursts into giggles.
"About as much as I can see my dad going out for a pass." She says still chuckling.
The image of her father in football pads dancing his way across the end zone almost puts me in tears.
She stands looking down into the backyard watching my family. Almost like she's observing a group of alien creatures.