tagHumor & SatireA Scary Halloween Story

A Scary Halloween Story

byTongueInCheek©

The guys were sitting around, enjoying a few cold beers, trying to think of some perverse, perverted way to spend their leisure time. They certainly weren't going to waste it studying! That wasn't why they had enrolled in college. That reason was to get laid!

"Hey, Salamis, what do you say we go write some graffiti in the men's room?" asked Joe Average. "That would be cool."

"I think there needs to be proper motivation for such an act, and I just don't see any indication of it right now," Salamis pontificated.

"I'd like to watch one of you guys knock up a girl," suggested Don. "What say we do that?"

"No way," asserted Toad. "You'd be critical of my style and I can't stand that.

"I have an idea," chuckled the Greek exchange student, Anonymous. "Let's get together and write a story for Literotica! It would be fun, and I could use it for my next English Lit essay."

"I have a few ten thousand word essays I would like to post," offered Salamis.

"We need to think this through and make it interesting," countered Joe. "Let's do it!"

"Okay! We have a plan," agreed Toad. "I vote we have Don create a fake biography for Lit. Use your imagination, Don. The sky is the limit!"

"Great idea!" cried Don. "We will write stories as a pregnant woman!"

"Damn it, Toad!" cursed Joe. "We'll have to keep an eye on that fucker! He creeps me out!"

"Let's write on a subject that we know a lot about and can draw readers," opined Salamis.

"Incest!" shouted Don.

"Lesbianism," cried Anonymous.

"Non Erotic!" asserted Toad.

"I think we will try some of each, and see how it goes," proclaimed Joe. "We'll mix and match the themes and toss out all kinds of shit. It'll be great!"

That was the beginning of a great experiment. It seemed innocent enough at the time, but the friends were young and had no idea what they were creating.

Don came up with the name UpTheStump and a profile and a little biography. The guys weren't too thrilled with the name but Don seemed to have a one-track mind.

The first story was a combination of Toad and Salamis fantasies. It was 15 thousand words trimmed down to 500. They posted it and then sat back to watch the praise roll in on the comment board.

"Does 'eat, shit, and die' sound like a good comment," asked Toad.

"Compared to 'I want to kill your mother and butt-fuck your old man, if you even have any idea who he is', it is pretty good," surmised Joe.

"The problem here is our bio," Salamis stated confidently. "We need to have a nicer picture of UpTheStump. Make her sexier. Let's face it. Don's mom really isn't anything to write home about. I don't know why we used her picture anyway."

"Do you want to impregnate my mom?" asked Don. "I can get her drunk and..."

"Forget that shit!" yelled Toad. "Let me ask my buddy, Bullet, for some pictures of his sister. That bitch is hot!"

Soon the profile was amended and the Bullet's hot sister became UpTheStump. Readership and comments increased immediately.

"Should we be happy with feedback like "your stories suck, but show me your tits, Bitch"?" asked Don. "At least we didn't have that problem with mom's photo on the profile."

"We need something to get more readers," observed Joe. "It's pretty obvious we aren't going to win any Howitzers with our writing, so we need to concentrate on the things we can improve upon."

"A sexier broad on the profile?" suggested Toad. "I'll get some of Bullet's nudies of his sister. They'll love that little minx' tits!"

"Just a minute!" gasped Joe. "I have an idea!"

"Yeah and I have a high sperm count," countered Don.

"No Don, you don't, but I do have an inspiration. Remember all the feedback that asked to see UpTheStump's tits?" asked Joe. "I think the dumb fucks should have to vote a five and make some fucking nice comments before they see Bullet's sister's tits!"

"I get it," Toad chimed in. "We'll send different pictures of her ass and pussy and even her face if the miserable shits give a good vote and a glowing comment!"

"Would that be ethical or fair to the other writers, most of whom are relying on skill and talent?" questioned Salamis.

"What the fuck did he just say," asked Don.

"Nothing that made any sense," laughed Anonymous. "Tits and ass beat honesty and talent every time! Let's do it, bros!"

The group collaborated on a few stories where UpTheStump fucked her brother, father, the local priest and his dog. They soon found bestiality was rejected by Literotica, and went on from there. Votes and comments increased but Joe was not satisfied.

"We can do better men! Think about it. How can we make UpTheStump sexier?" he demanded.

"We could change her name to OneInTheOven," suggested Don. "I am torn between the two names, actually."

"That fucker is really creeping me out!" shouted Joe. "Both names are fucking sick!"

"You're right," agreed Salamis. "Perhaps a more Christian moniker would entice the discerning public."

"I'm not sure what you're getting at, Sal, but I suggest we change the bitch's name," Anonymous stated.

The bitch's name was changed and the rest, as they say is history. The five friends created a true literary monster that day. Their stories were translated into 72 languages and comments surpassed 100 on every story, and it was all so simple. They decided to use the Bullet's sister's Christian name, as well as her lush ass and ample bosom to inflame the masses.

"Hello, Bullet? This is Toad. What the fuck is your sister's Christian name?" Toad asked over the phone.

His comrades listened intently as Toad questioned his pal.

"Fuck! That's a long name, but maybe we can shorten it down some. Thanks, Bullet," Toad responded politely.

"Well, guys," grinned Toad. "Here it is. Her name is Sarah Heather Humphrey. Any ideas on how we can condense it a little and gain more readers?"

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byTongueInCheek© 11 comments/ 18367 views/ 0 favorites

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