A Secret Life Ch. 01byingarlm©
Authors note: The idea for this story came when I was writing A New Life and it features characters from that and a one scene in particular that was key to how this gets going. You don't need to have read the first story to get this one though. It's also done from two perspectives, because I like knowing both sides of any story.
This one is less of a slow burner and features more sex, but still has some plot. I hope you like it, and if you do please vote! Oh, and I promise to post the rest quickly!
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Six years. That's how long I had been working at the firm. I started straight from school, deciding to earn money to help out my mum who couldn't work and had given up most things to raise me and my sisters when our waster father buggered off. I was good with computers and spent more time online than in the real world some days. The work suited me perfectly because I got to do geeky stuff all day every day, and each evening I played rpgs or fought with and against other geeks all over the world. I was doing that before I left school, but it was a relief to find out that the hours I'd spent building and programming computers made me employable. Entry level at first but I soon learned the ropes.
I use the phrase geek advisedly. I know a lot of people don't like it, but I really couldn't think of myself as anything else. I had a better relationship with my pc than a lot of people did with their family. Not that I didn't love my family, but they couldn't take me to other worlds or absorb me for hours in a debate over Star Trek: TNG. See, I'm not only obsessed with computers, but I also love sci-fi. I never dress up, t-shirts and a pair of trousers is about the best I get, and most of the t-shirts display one or other of my obsessions.
I looked the part too. Glasses because I couldn't get on with contacts, not horrific looking but certainly not male model material. My hair was a boring mid-brown and did exactly what it wanted whether I tried to brush it or not, so I usually didn't bother. My eyes were a nondescript hazel. I was friendly to my colleagues but preferred being online with my friends there and didn't have that many mates irl. In short, I was utterly forgettable. If you saw me in the street you'd just pass me over as another geek and no real notice would be taken. Not that I minded, I certainly didn't want to be the centre of attention, but still it would be nice to get some attention once in a while.
Work allowed me to study and gain qualifications in programming so I was able to get more and more geeky as time went by. Not so much in my behaviour, that was already as far as it could get, but I was able to enter the really exclusive discussion boards online where any normal person wouldn't have a clue. I spent time with online communities developing open source software and providing tech support to the newbies. More importantly though, my new skills got me moved to a different department and I started working with Dave.
It's not as though I hadn't met people irl that were like me, but I'd never met anyone so much like me until I was introduced to him. He had the classic geek look too, although he was really slim and his eyes and hair were darker. He kind of looked like he didn't often see the sunlight, almost gothy although he didn't dress that way or wear makeup. I was kind of envious of his look because he was much more striking than I was, and I was particularly envious of his waistline, because sitting on my backside every day hadn't done mine many favours. Not that I was huge, but you could certainly pinch an inch (or two) anywhere you cared to try. I'd like to think I was cuddly, but no-one seemed to want to.
It wasn't so much the looks that made us similar, as our interests. We loved the same sci-fi programmes, and the same authors, we listened to the same music, and we played the same online games. When he told me his gamer tag I knew it straight away – I'd played with him a load of times but never realised he was in the same town let alone in the same building most of the week. I'd even chatted to him once in a while, but there were so many people I talked to online during games I doubted we had ever said anything of any importance so as we'd have worked out we could meet. He even had a hand in most of the same development projects as I did. It was quite freaky.
That was more than three years ago, and during that time we had gone from playing online occasionally to sharing a flat and sitting in our bedrooms with the doors open so we could chat as we teamed up playing some of our favourite games. All day at work we sat beside each other doing our tasks, often working together on stuff because we discovered that two brains, especially ones wired as similarly as ours seemed to be, worked things out quicker, and then our evenings were spent either watching our favourite tv shows and films or on our computers until we got too tired to keep our eyes open any longer.
Dave knew me better than anyone else, but there was just one thing I had kept from him. For all our mutual obsessions, there was just one thing that I was obsessed with that I never let him know about. Him.
I can't look back on it and pinpoint a moment it happened. It's not as though suddenly one day I looked at him and instead of my geeky mate he was a sex god. It's just that over the long time I had spent with him I'd gradually come to realise that what I liked about him wasn't simply that we were friends who had a lot of interests in common, it was also that I wanted him.
Like I guess every guy, and probably some girls, I had spent a good amount of my time online looking at porn. I liked the look of the female form and I used to have no problem getting off to pictures of naked women. Over time, alongside my growing attraction to Dave, I started to look at naked men and gay porn, and now it seemed to be the only thing I searched for when I wanted some hot images.
I guessed I was either bi or gay, but since my experience to date was one drunken snog with a woman at a school leaving party, I didn't exactly have much practical knowledge to go on. By now I knew though that if there was ever a chance that someone would want to be with me I would be looking for a guy not a girl.
I wasn't looking though, because in all honesty, the only guy I wanted was Dave. The more I examined my feelings, the more I realised that I was in love with him. Which was ridiculous, and I knew it. I'd been living with him for about 18 months. Not once had he shown any sign of interest in me, or even in men in general.
Once in a while I used his computer, and his search history always showed porn of the purely straight kind. I always made sure I deleted my searches in case he looked on my pc, and kept a couple of sites where I could ogle the men but there were always women in the pictures too. He'd think it was very weird if there wasn't any porn in my history, I was supposed to be a red-blooded male after all.
I lost count a long time ago of how many times I imagined something happening that would get us together. A drunken kiss, a particularly intense game of truth or dare, a moment when I dared to confess my desires, but they never came about in reality. I dreamt of him taking me, making me his in so many different ways. It was strange that I usually pictured him taking me given that I was the larger of us physically, but something about the idea of being filled with his cock turned me on every time I thought about it. My favourite fantasy was of him coming to my room late at night, hard and horny.
He would barely speak to me in my fantasies, just jerking back the bedsheets and taking in the sight of my naked body with a predatory smile on his face. His lust shone out in his eyes and made me hard even before he climbed on top of me and pressed me into my bed. I was his, and he knew it. He would touch and kiss me over my body, making me tremble with desire and desperate for him to take me. Sometimes it would be slow seduction, and other times he would just lift my legs and push himself inside, the hurt and the pleasure combining to have me screaming his name.
Every time I pleasured myself I imagined that it was him doing this to me. I would stroke my cock wishing it was his hand on me, and press my finger inside my ass imagining it was his hard dick making that same journey and giving me the ultimate pleasure. I usually came with his name on my lips, but I always managed to keep it to a whisper, conscious that the object of my desires was so close he could hear me if I cried it out like I wanted to.
Sometimes I even considered it, wondering what would happen if he caught me, covered in my release with my finger still inside me giving him all the clues he would need to what I had just been doing while thinking about him, but I was too afraid he would be disgusted by me.
It was always in the back of my mind that I was going to be alone for a long time if all I ever wanted and waited for was Dave to notice me the way I noticed him now. But I couldn't seem to make the break from him. We did everything together, and if he was away visiting his family I missed him like crazy. It was better to have him close and never have anything with him than try and tear myself away. It might not be forever, and perhaps one day I wouldn't be able to take it any longer, but for now he could be my world and my hand could be my lover.
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Now and again I took stock of my life. It was nearly yet another birthday, 23 was almost upon me, and tonight seemed like a good time to open up my list from last year and find out what I had managed to achieve off my goals for the year. I had managed to get a promotion, and done a few of the things I'd challenged myself with – a bungee jump most notably, although there was no way in hell I was doing that again. I knew the one that was going to be put off again to next year. It just seemed to move across from list to list, always at the top. TELL STEVE.
When I first put that on the list, three birthdays ago, it meant 'tell Steve I'm gay'. Now it meant 'tell Steve I'm gay and I want to spend the rest of my life with him'. If it wasn't happening for the first one, I sure as hell wasn't going to tell him that. I used to figure it would come up in conversation sometime, but there never seemed to be the perfect moment, and I was fairly sure now that there never would be. How do you just drop that into a chat?
I'd got myself too deep now, spending all my time with him, working with him and living with him. There was no way we could continue with that if he knew how I really felt, so I just kept it as my secret and hoped he would never notice the way I sometimes looked at him. I knew we were close, but it was totally non-sexual, much to the disappointment of my dick.
If I ever managed to admit to him that I liked boys he would wonder why I hadn't told him sooner. It's not like we just met. I should have mentioned it at the start, or at least before we moved into our shared flat, but like I said, there was never the perfect moment. I loved the time I spent with him and I never wanted it to end. I'd had a few brief flings before we started living together, but since then I'd been living like a monk, scared in case he caught me with a man. And I didn't want anyone else anyway. A bit of company would be nice sometimes, but at the end of the day I only wanted to be having sex if it was with him.
I kept hoping for some sign that he might be open to at least an experiment. It would probably kill our friendship if it did happen though. The number of times I thought about getting him drunk and seducing him was ridiculous, but I never dared actually do it. Truth was, I didn't want to scare him away from me. It didn't stop me imagining what it might be like though.
Sometimes I caught him coming out of the shower with only a towel around him and the sight of his hairy chest had me heading for a shower myself so I could jerk off with the image fresh in my mind. I don't think he would believe he had a good body, but even though he didn't have a six-pack, I just wanted to cuddle up to him. I liked a little bit of padding on my men, and he had that but still some definition. I was just a weed, straight up and down and barely able to keep my trousers up without a belt.
And his hairy chest, that just made me want to run my fingers through it for hours. The one thing that really did it for me was chest hair, and he had more than enough to make me drool. I suspected if anyone played with it he would be moaning his pleasure in no time, and I had imagined doing it often enough. I wanted to be the one that he discovered that turn on with, and pretty much every other thing I could think of that would have him coming in my hand, my mouth, or my ass.
I had a couple of days off at the end of the week ready for my birthday, and Steve was going to join me on Friday so we could do something for the day, although since we had planned to be drinking on the Thursday night it was pretty likely half of Friday would pass by in a sleepy haze and we'd just end up watching Firefly on DVD again. He didn't know about my thing for Nathan Fillion, but there were some pretty women in it too so I could get away with lusting and it not be obvious. I was actually glad that Steve would be out of the flat for two days, not because I wanted to be away from him but because it gave me a chance to indulge my (very) guilty pleasures.
By Wednesday I was more than ready for Steve to be out of the flat for a while. I got up at my usual time so I could join him for breakfast. I enjoyed sitting there having a chat over a cup of coffee and some cereal and didn't really want to miss out on that bit of time with him even if we weren't then heading out together. Once he left I waited for about half an hour, which seemed to take forever to pass by, to make sure he wasn't coming back because he'd forgotten something. I really didn't think he'd appreciate finding me, and I definitely didn't want to get caught.
Very rarely was I in our flat for long by myself, but when I was I took total advantage, like I was going to now. I headed from the living room back towards the bedrooms, straight into Steve's, and fell onto the bed. I wrapped myself in the duvet, smelling Steve on the covers and the pillow. It wasn't stale or sweaty, it was just the natural smell of him and it could drive me wild.
My cock was hard already, the anticipation of being able to do this again was almost enough because the opportunity came so rarely. I inhaled deeply as I started to stroke my dick, thinking about Steve, but my fantasy Steve who came on to me, or responded to my unspoken desires.
I had already raided his laundry basket and put a couple of pairs of boxers ready for me. I really was desperate, and he had no idea that he regularly lost his underwear to me until I could exchange it for a fresh pair full of his scent. One pair went to my face so I could breathe him in, and the other to my cock to catch my release when it came. Being surrounded by the smell of the man I needed so badly meant it didn't take long.
I pictured myself playing with Steve, licking at his face and neck and kissing him hard whenever I could, before I pushed him down my body. I gave my nipples a few tweaks as I thought about him sucking and nibbling at them. My movements and my thoughts together made pleasure shoot down to my cock and I started stroking harder and faster, keeping my fantasy going as he moved down over my chest, my stomach, and eventually to my leaking dick. I moaned loudly at the thought of his hand caressing my balls and shaft.
Fantasy Steve had only just started to lick at my cock head and I was shooting my load, groaning out loud as I did so. I lay for a while longer, imagining being curled up with him after the main event. I might be doing a pretty sad thing, but it wasn't just that I wanted sex, I wanted everything with him. I had to work hard to fight the urge to fall asleep in the little cocoon I wanted to believe was the real him. I wanted to be in his bed all the time, and with him there to do all these things in the real world.
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Wednesday being at work without Dave was really odd. I was so used to him being beside me all day I didn't quite know what to do with myself. Even the work I had to do wasn't going really fast without his input, and I had no-one really to talk to because the others were busy. My other colleagues in our team, Greg and Simon, weren't even around much because they were working on some big presentation of the project they had been working on. It was quiet, and I felt kind of lonely without my buddy even though the building was full of people. I couldn't wait to get home and back to him. Even better, when I got home he'd been so bored he'd done all my laundry and cooked. He looked a bit embarrassed when I thanked him for sorting out my crusty sheets.
Thursday was a little better, partly because I was more used to it then, but probably more because I was looking forward to a night starting the birthday celebrations, followed by a three day weekend. By mid-afternoon though I just wanted to get out of there. I was stuck on something that was doing my head in too, and I knew if Dave was there he'd have known just what I was doing wrong in minutes. In his absence I needed to find Simon because he was the only other person I knew who could deal with this code easily. I figured he would still be in the meeting room with Greg setting up since the presentation was tomorrow.
It never occurred to me to knock, so I walked straight in and stopped dead in my tracks as the scene unfolded. Greg and Simon were so engrossed in each other they didn't even notice my presence for a moment, and it was a moment that seemed etched on my retinas afterwards. Greg's arms were around Simon, one hand in his hair as Simon's head leaned back for the intense kiss they were involved in. Greg's other hand was in the small of Simon's back holding him close but not tight.
The air seemed thick with lust and passion, but then I was forgetting to breathe. I had never seen such an intense sight, or such a private moment between two people. In porn movies there's often little or no preamble, but this was a promise, and an indication of so much more between them. I was getting hard just at the sight, and I couldn't help imagining Dave and I in a similar situation. The sigh I let out at that thought made them notice me, and they hurriedly pulled apart.
'Sorry.' I somehow managed to get out. 'I just needed some help for five minutes but you're busy, so...' My voice tailed off. Why did I mention them being busy? Idiot.
Simon looked worried. 'Look, um, we shouldn't have been doing that here. We'd appreciate it if you'd keep it to yourself.'
I nodded. 'Don't worry. I haven't got any problem with it, I was just really surprised. Are you two, err..' I wasn't doing very well on stringing a sentence together.
I saw the two of them share a look and smile at each other. Clearly the answer was yes, and their happiness shone out. I had another wistful moment wanting that sort of connection for myself.
Greg confirmed what I had already seen. 'Yes, we're dating. But we aren't sure that some people here will receive it well so we've kept it to ourselves.'
'Like I said, I've got no problem, and I won't say anything. But you might want to cut out the major snogfests in the office. You might not be so lucky with who walks in on you next time!' I grinned, and they smiled but looked a bit embarrassed. I was glad for the cover of humour because their display made me want to rush home right now and persuade Dave he wanted me too. 'I'll leave you to get back to the presentation.'