A Star is Born

I'd like to tell you folks that I'm the president of a large corporation, but I can't do it without lying to you. I won't do that, because I was raised to always tell the truth. I'm just a gardener from Idaho, it doesn't take a lot of brains, but it's good hard honest work. I don't mind the work so much, but it doesn't pay worth a shit. I've got a job interview today that I hope will change all of that, I don't need a lot, but I'd like to be able to eat at a nice restaurant like McDonalds once in awhile.

***

"So, you say that you want to be a porn star, huh?" That was the question put to me by the short greasy bald headed man, sitting on the other side of the desk I was standing at. He looked an awful lot like Elmer Fudd to tell the truth, but I sure wasn't about to tell him that. He was waiting for an answer as he peered over my porn star job application. He was a giant in the industry, Harry Bagina, he was the man that held my film career in his dirty little palm.

"Well, I'm waiting," he said in an aggravated squeaky voice.

Lowering my voice to the lowest deep bass I could, "Err... Yes Sir Mister Bagina, I'm a man on a mission. I've come here to be your next big star," I told him as confidently as possible.

"Ha, that's pretty funny coming from a four eyed freak with his glasses taped together. Ha, Ha, and you look like you got those clothes out of a Good Will outlet store," Mr. Bagina laughed.

"Well, I've had a little bad luck lately, besides, who wears clothes in a porno movie?" I replied, trying to sound capable.

"Good point kid, what's your hook?" he answered more seriously.

Not understanding his question, I asked intelligently, "What?"

"Your hook, you know, what do you do that is special? What do you got that would make me invest hundreds of dollars to make a film with you in it? Do you do gay? How about anal, have you ever taken it up the ass?"

"Hell no! As a matter of fact I've never had sex, and I don't think that I have a 'hook', as you call it," my voice now back to its normal high pitch.

"Well shit boy, how the hell do you expect to work for me? You gotta give me something to work with, can you juggle while you're pulling your pud? Give me a hint, how about water sports, you ever had a golden shower?" he asked, leaning over his desk with an expectant look.

"I took a shower before I came in for my interview Mister Fu... I mean, Mister Bagina," I told him with a smile.

He sat back in his chair looking exasperated, "NO, NO, NO... a golden shower. Have you ever had anyone piss on you?"

"Not on purpose," I truthfully answered.

"Where in God's creation did you get the idea to become a porn star?" he asked.

"Well Mister Bagina, I was sick a few weeks ago. The man I work for sent me over to this doctor his wife goes to, I was pretty embarrassed at first..."

Harry interrupted, "Why was that kid, haven't you ever been to a doctor before?"

"Oh yeah, lots of times, but there weren't any men around the place he sent me. They were all women, the patients, the nurses, and even the doctor was a woman. I'd never been to a lady doctor before, it made me feel kind of uneasy, if you know what I mean. So anyhow, this real pretty nurse took me in the back, and she put me on a scale to see what I weighed. She was writing every thing down just like all of the other times I'd been to a doctor.

"So after she finished with all of the usual stuff, she led me to a little room that said "exam" on the door. When we got in there she told me to take off all of my clothes, she said the doctor would be in too see me pretty soon. After I was all naked, I stood around for a while. I was still feeling pretty queasy, so I sat down on this funny bed they had in there. I was all covered in paper, and when I lay back, my legs hung over the end. At the angle I was at, this thing wasn't very comfortable, but there were these stirrup things at the bottom to put your feet in. After I got comfortable, I must have dozed of for a while.

"I don't know exactly how long I slept, but when I woke up there were a lot of women in white coats in the room. They were shining this big lamp on my private parts, it was kind of cold laying there naked, and that light put out a lot of heat. It felt pretty good, kind of like the sun shining down on me. When one of them realized that I was awake, they all acted funny, like they were doing something wrong, you know.

"The one that turned out to be the doctor, she had a hold of my pen... err, cock. The warm lamp and the way she was holding on to me felt pretty darn good, so I closed my eyes and let them look and poke. Heck, I didn't know any better, I thought maybe that's the way lady doctors treat earaches. I do know that I wasn't too worried about my ear right then.

"So there I was, naked as a jaybird, all of them nurses and the doctor had a hand on my boner. Yeah, I was pretty hard right then..." Harry interrupted me there.

"You had five women holding your schlong at one time? Five hands at one time? That's hard to believe."

"Well Mister Bagina, I didn't really count them, but I'd say eight or nine altogether. A couple of them had both hands on it and there were at least two hands holding onto my nutsack. That's when it happened." I said, folding my arms on my chest.

Harry was paying attention so close, he hadn't blinked his eyes for five minutes, "What happened kid? What did they do next?"

"One of the younger ones said, I should be a porn star." I said with a grin.

"What did they do? Did they get naked too? Did you fuck 'em kid? Did you fuck 'em all?" Harry was talking so fast I could barely keep up with him.

"No, I told you I never had sex before. But the doctor did finally get around to sticking this flashlight thing in my bad ear. She gave me some pills, and told me she wanted me to see me in three days, but this time, she told me to come to her house, not the office. Three of the other nurses invited me to their apartment for a party, some kind of gang thing. I couldn't really make out what they said for sure, I had a bad ear you know. The last one had a real scared look in her eyes, kind of like she'd seen a ghost or something."

Harry leaned forward again, "Kid you gotta show me this mighty schmeckle."

"Mighty what?" I asked confused.

"Your shvantz, you know, your cock. Show me your cock!"

I stood up and started to unzip my plaid polyester pants, I let them drop almost to my knees. Mister Bagina's eyes squinted, and his lips curled to a smile, his gold tooth was gleaming from the afternoon sunlight streaming through the window. Harry's finger was trying to find something on his desk, his eyes never moved away from my crotch. He finally found the button on the intercom with his index finger, and pushed the buzzer for his secretary.

"Gloria! Gloria, get in here right now!" he almost yelled into the box.

Though I'd never seen a real live slut, Gloria is pretty close to what I imagined one would look like. She had a lot of blond hair piled high on her head, there was about a quarter inch of makeup covering her entire face. Her boobs were actually big enough for two women, and her ass looked like two huge watermelons covered with a tight spandex skirt.

Gloria strolled into the room filing her fingernails and popping the gum in her mouth. She walked up next to where I was standing, without looking up for her nail job, she adjusted the weight on her hips to one side and said, "What?" Harry was still hunched forward over his desk, fascinated by my exposed privates. Gloria continued buffing until her nail filing suited her. She glanced at Harry, then followed the path that his eyes were fixed on.

"OH... MY... GAWD... Is that thing for real?" she asked, as her gum dropped from her open mouth onto the big toe of her left foot, "That's the biggest fricken lemon reamer I ever saw."

"Yeah Gloria we know, now go do something useful," Harry said with a shooing motion, "Hey kid, what's your name?"

Tired of being called kid, I told him my name, "Dick, Dick Short."

Harry's face contorted to a wince, "Ooh, we gotta change that, that won't work at all. The first name's ok but we can't headline you without a better moniker. Wait a minute! We used to use anagrams in the old days, sit down kid, let me work on it for a minute," Mister Bagina said, as I plunked my ass down in the chair across from his desk.

Gloria couldn't seem to tear her eyes away from my still exposed whanger, and it looked to me like she was sliding closer to me all the time. Harry was busy jotting down combinations of letters, he would lift his pencil, stare at the word for a few seconds, frown and scratch the word out before trying a new arrangement. Gloria had moved to within inches of me now, my Johnson had noticed and was raising his head to stare back at her.

My one eyed trouser snake was swaying like a cobra, Gloria was mesmerized she couldn't have left if she wanted to now. My boner was talking to her, I couldn't hear him, but make no mistake, Gloria was under his spell. I wasn't controlling the action at all, my dick was.

My cock must have told Gloria to come closer, because that's what she did. She first tried to wrap both hands around my peter. She bent in real close and tried to stare him down, when that didn't work, she opened her lips forming a big circle and tried to swallow the head. Harry was still scribbling away, unaware that Gloria was having lunch.

Gloria only managed to get about a third of my Red Delicious sized head into her pie hole, she tried and tried, but she finally gave up and started to give me my first un-self-administered hand job. It was clumsy work at first, as she tried to get both hands in sync. After a couple of minutes she finally fell into a good rhythm, and I was feeling damn good.

Gloria kept spitting on the head for extra lubrication, as she worked her fists up and down my steel shaft. I could tell the moment of truth was fast approaching, as Gloria picked up the pace. Sweat was pouring off of her forehead as she flailed away at my pulsing rod. I was just about there, a few more strokes, I was gonna cum!

Just as the first volley went shooting out of my cannon, Harry's head popped up and he yelled, "I got it!" The explosion of sperm flew towards Harry, and zinged past his left ear. It splattered an unsuspecting spider against the wall behind him, he looked at the white gooey mess as my second burst hit him in his right ear. When Harry twirled to see what had happened, the third shot hit Mister Bagina right between the eyes sending him backwards, ass over teakettle, to the floor. Gloria was taking the smaller remaining blasts to the back of her throat now, and enjoying the hell out of it.

I was pretty well satisfied too, my first hand job was marvelous. Gloria was licking the residue of her hard work off of my mortally wounded soldier, and her attention seemed to be transfusing life back into him. It wasn't dead after all to my great relief, it would live to fight another day.

Harry climbed up off of the floor trying to clear the spunk from his eyes, "Goddamn kid... that's some weapon you got there. You need to watch where you point that thing, you could put somebody's eye out," he said with my pudding hanging from his face.

Gloria started laughing so hard I thought she was going to pee, "HA, HA, that's funny, Dick Short, get it Harry? Dick... Short..." Gloria giggled.

"Yeah you goofy broad, we get it. Hey kid," Harry said, turning his attention to me, "your new name is Rod Shtick, what do think? Pretty clever, huh? All the same letters in your name."

"Sounds ok," I said, not caring one way or the other.

"Hey Gloria, the kid seems to like you. You want to be the co-star in his first movie?" Harry asked.

"OOH NO! You're not stickin' that telephone pole in my baby carriage, I want to have kids someday," she blurted.

"Ok, ok, I thought I'd ask. Hey... I know, Gloria, get my wife Lotta on the phone. We're going to bring her out of retirement, she's got the biggest pussy in the Valley. I could drive my Mercedes into her box," Elmer sai... I mean, Harry said.

The phone call didn't go very well for Mister Bagina. I don't think his wife wanted to rejoin the work force, "Don't worry kid, once she sees that tuning fork between your legs, she'll get on the right frequency." So we all piled into his car, yeah, Gloria was going along too. She told me she wouldn't miss this show for a bag of peanuts, I didn't have a clue what she meant.

The car ride to Harry's house was pretty cramped, his car was so full of videos Gloria had to sit on my lap. This didn't give me too much room to stretch out, so by the time we finally pulled into Harry's driveway, I was beginning to get kind of attached to Gloria. She was starting to grow on me, and I felt comfortable with her around.

Mrs. Bagina, was not what I was expecting. Next to Harry, she looked like a giant, a giant bimbo that is. Lotta was probably a beautiful woman before the plastic surgeon had stretched her skin tighter than a bongo drum. She looked a lot like one of those cartoon women in Pentboy magazine, the ones with the basketball-sized titties.

Lotta wasn't happy, and she let us all in on it, "Harry, you little fat fuck, there's no goddamn way you're going to get me to fuck this guy. He looks like a Salvation Army draft dodger," Gloria reached around me and dropped my pants to the floor. As Lotta continued her rant, "I wouldn't fuck this guy if he was... Gloria, could you be a sweetie and get me a jar of Vaseline... Oh and if you can, find a tube of K Y..." she broke off, and swayed over to where I was standing.

Mrs. Bagina seemed to change her mind about making a movie with me as soon as she saw my equipment, "Well Harry, let's get to the rehearsal," she cooed.

Gloria brought in a huge tub of Crisco, "This was all I could find," she said, trying to catch her breath.

Everybody but me got busy. Gloria was greasing up my flagpole, she looked up at me with a big smile. Lotta was naked now, and she was doubled over a leather chair with her ass up in the air. Harry had a big kitchen spoon, and was slathering the Crisco all over his wife's cooter.

About this time I was starting to wonder about this whole porn star thing, not that I couldn't do it, but did I really want to. At my old job as a gardener, I was able to do things the way I wanted to. Harry had been nice to me, but he was clearly running the show. I could see myself being led around by my dick. Did I suddenly get brains? I doubt it, I've never had any before.

Harry had given up on the spoon by now, he was packing it on with his hand. Lotta was yelling at Harry to coat the inside too, so he had his arm inside her all the way to his elbow. Gloria was sure doing a thorough job on my swollen salami, "Make the bitch scream Baby, do her hard, I can't stand that cunt," she whispered.

Gloria led me over to the chair, and lined my locomotive up with Lotta's tunnel. She had the head all sighted up, she quickly ran about ten feet behind me, put her shoulder out, and charged. Gloria hit me square in the ass with all her weight, I lunged forward, only to get about half an inch into Lotta. I was jammed in tight, I couldn't go deeper and I couldn't pull out. I was stuck in the biggest cunt in the Valley.

Harry and Gloria worked for an hour trying to separate us, they tried everything they could think of. Harry was about to call the Fire Department to bring the Jaws of Life, when Gloria came up with an idea.

Gloria rolled up her sleeves, and started to jack me off. After a few minutes, she'd only succeeded in getting me harder. Lotta was screaming, sometimes in agony, sometimes at Harry. Gloria had stripped off her blouse and bra by now, so she could work unrestricted.

My eyes were glued onto Gloria's jiggling tits as she bopped my baloney. I took the liberty of rubbing her nipples, she smiled. I was getting close to blowing my load, Gloria kept up the pace. I rubbed a little more on her titties, she stood up and kissed me on the mouth.

That's all it took, BAM, my rifle fired with both barrels. Lotta went somersaulting over the chair onto Harry, Gloria and I fell backward to the floor. I was a free man again, Gloria was spent. Lotta was kicking the shit out of Harry, if this was porn, I QUIT!

I helped Gloria to her feet, she was a total mess. Her hair was soaked, and her make up was smeared and had run all the way off her face. I picked her up into my arms, and took her to the bathroom to clean her up. We both got into the shower, it took me nearly an hour to get her washed.

As I dried her with a towel, I saw how beautiful she really was. Without all that paint, she was gorgeous. She kissed me, and I kissed her back. It took about an hour, but Gloria was able to accommodate what Lotta couldn't. Fifteen minutes of in and out, and Gloria was singing an opera for the first time in her life.

I wonder how Gloria will like Idaho? I wonder how they feel about opera in Boise? Were all going to find out, right after the wedding that is. Harry was pretty sad to see us go, but Gloria and I made enough films for him to stay in business for a while. We made enough money to keep us in Big Macs for a long, long time.