A Visitor at the Door

As the driving rain smote his window, Joseph felt a chill in his spine. This was not the chill of a cold, wintry night. This was a chill he had felt many times before. 'He's coming,' Joseph thought to himself. For a moment, Joseph thought he would flee as he had done so many times before. It had, in fact, become a natural instinct, a reflex action that he simply performed without ever knowing why. He was found, he fled, he was found, he fled...Sometimes he outwitted his adversary, others he simply hid, but always he was one step ahead. It was a game that he had played for so long that he was now weary. This latest game of cat and mouse he knew would be his last.

The chase began many years before when a strange visitor had come to him in the night. Though Joseph had never seen his visitor before, he knew instantly who he was and why he had come. There was some debt to be collected, some favor to be repaid, but Joseph was not yet ready to oblige. He knew that eventually he would have to settle accounts, but the time was never right he felt. And so the chase began. There was always something that held him back from surrendering himself to this strange visitor who always seemed to find him no matter how clever he was. Now, after many years, he was feeling like a hunted deer. A deer may elude a hunter for a while, but eventually she will grow weary and the chase will end. So did Joseph feel now.

So when Joseph felt that familiar chill his instinct to flee rose to the surface. But he did not flee. It was more than just weariness that stayed his flight. After all these years he seemed to have forgotten why he fled in the first place. Perhaps now was the time to meet his pursuer. 'Come what may,' Joseph thought, 'the chase ends tonight.'

Joseph heard the footsteps coming up the stairs, heard the floorboards creak as his adversary approached. Yet the sound was subtle and far away. It was almost not a sound. Joseph felt rather than heard it. Perhaps it was all inside his head. He had played this game for so long that he was always on his guard and looked at everything and everyone with more than a little suspicion. His pursuer had attempted to trick him many times before and he had learned to always be alert. After all, he had not lasted this long by being lazy.

But no, this did not strike Joseph as a trick. It wasn't just a sound that made him jumpy. This sound seemed to come from within Joseph himself. Then it hit him. 'He knows!' Joseph thought to himself, 'He knows I'm ready to end the chase. That's why he's coming here tonight.'

The footsteps died away and Joseph knew that his pursuer was just on the other side of that door. There was a pregnant silence as Joseph wondered what would happen next, a silence broken only by the sound of the rain on the window. Then the door began to open.

At once the dingy room of the boardinghouse was filled with light. It was not the sterile light of the weakly flickering fluorescent bulbs in the hall, nor was it the pale, sickly light of the single incandescent bulb that provided the only illumination for Joseph's small room. This was the purest sunlight that Joseph had ever seen. It was like the spring sunlight unsullied by clouds or haze that Joseph remembered from his youth. The light seemed to work a change on the room. Joseph felt warm, but the warmth did not seem to come from the sunlight (if that was what it was). It was the kind of warmth that Joseph felt when he was cradled in his mother's arms as a small boy. And the stale air of the room seemed to give way to new freshness like an open meadow after a spring rain. He felt the weariness of years of running melting away from his tired bones, but even at that same moment began to wonder if this was another trick.

As if sensing Joseph's conflict, his adversary stepped into the room. At first, blinded by the sudden light, Joseph had not been able to make out who was standing in the door, but now his adversary approached and he saw the pursuer from whom he had fled for so long.

A young girl entered the room. She couldn't have been more than fourteen years old, far too young for the long ages of wisdom that Joseph could see in her eyes. She had alabaster skin beneath long curly golden locks and her garment was white. Joseph was reminded of those playful little cherubs he had seen in paintings by the old masters, but where those were jovial and a little mischievous, this girl was solemn and wise. She was not severe, but Joseph could tell from the wisdom she bespoke that she had seen much in this world. And yet so young, so innocent...

She glided toward him and laid her hand on his cheek. Joseph felt the warmth of her fingertips and raised his eyes toward her. She smiled at him. Joseph felt like a giddy schoolboy when his first crush is discovered. But as he looked into her eyes he knew why she had come. Looking at the long years of wisdom in her eyes made him understand her smile. It was a pleasant smile of recognition, but it was laced with sorrow.

At last he spoke. "I guess you've won," he croaked. "You've caught me. I'm ready to go with you."

"I was never pursuing you," she responded. Though her voice was the voice of a young girl, it, like her eyes, spoke with centuries of wisdom and sorrow. Joseph wondered at this in a girl so young.

"Why are you here, then?" he asked.

"I am only here because you invited me," she replied.

"Invited?" asked Joseph, slightly incredulous. "I've spent the last several years running from you."

"No," she gently reproved him. "You have always invited me, but you were always afraid to meet me."

"Afraid?" Joseph asked, "I always managed to escape you. You were hunting me, remember?" He paused. "I guess I was afraid of you."

"And are you still?" she asked.

"Now that I see you, I suppose not. I guess I never would have been if I had known. But I saw you once. It was only in a dream, but you were terrifying, like something out of Milton, and now here you are like this. You're trying to trick me again aren't you"

"I've never tricked you," she smiled. "I have no form. You see only what you wish to see as does anyone who meets me. I am only a reflection of you. You see only your own fear, but you are no longer afraid. Are you ready to come with me?"

"Where will we go?" Joseph asked.

"Through the door," she replied.

"What's through the door?" said Joseph

"Everything," she answered.

She held out her hand and waited for him. "You're not going to take me?" Joseph asked.

"I cannot take anyone," she answered. "Anyone I visit comes with me of their own free will. That is why I came here tonight. You are ready to come with me. I am only your guide."

Joseph, knowing that he would go, took one last look around the room. It seemed dim and far away now, more like a memory than a reality. Something caught his eye. They were not alone. There was a man lying on the cot in the corner of the room. Warily, as if he already knew who lay there, Joseph approached.

He knelt down by the cot and looked into his own face. And yet it was not his face. The lines of care had been smoothed away and he seemed to smile. Joseph thought that he was asleep. He heard the girl approach him and stand over him.

"Am I dead?" he asked, not daring to look up.

"You've been dead for many years," he heard her say, "ever since I first came to you. You've never known it until now."

"I knew," he said.

"Then come with me. I will lead into a new life."

At last Joseph was ready to go. He took one last look at the shade in the bed (or perhaps he was the shade, he didn't really know and, somehow, it didn't seem that important) and stood up. He turned to face the girl and saw that the room had vanished. In fact everything had vanished. Only the door remained.

"Will I meet my wife again?" he asked. "Will I see my father? He died when I was very young. I never knew him."

"There is only one woman," she said, "and she wears many faces. There is only one man and he speaks with many voices."

Hesitantly Joseph held out his hand. The girl twined her fingers into his. Joseph felt her touch, so light it was ephemeral. He looked at her for a moment then he looked toward the light streaming from the door. He knew what lay beyond. He took a breath and stepped through.