A Whore and a Thief

"I think everyone on campus does," said Patty. "It's like you keep going door to door telling us."

"Rudy, have you ever done anything on your own? Without your family's money, what have you yourself accomplished?" I asked. He was left speechless. He walked away grumbling.

My relationship with Ray moved along. It built naturally, but not nearly as quickly as I'd have liked. For the first time I felt myself wanting to move things along. I was anxious. And it wasn't sex; although sex was a part of it. I wanted to hear the actual words. So finally I asked him.

"Ray, do you love me?" I asked. His answer shocked me. I was prepared for anything except what he told me.

"I want to," he'd said. "But I don't know. The math isn't there yet." I was both speechless and curious.

"What do you mean the math isn't there?" I asked.

"Love is an equation," he said.

"Wait, I've got this," I smiled. I grabbed a napkin and wrote "U + me = heart."

He smiled and said, "Not quite. It's more like this." He drew a heart just as I had, but his was at the beginning of his equation. He wrote Heart = E X T.

"Love equals exposure multiplied by time," he said. "Real, true love takes time. I was probably in love with you the first time I saw you. I thought that I was. But that was probably just lust or infatuation. But Claire, almost every man who sees you feels that. Lately I've gotten to know you and my feelings have deepened. I'm going to be really hurt when you dump me."

"What the hell are you talking about?" I asked.

"Claire, we both know how it started," he said. "You defended me against that big guy Rudy. So I had to hang around with you to prove him wrong. Then you noticed that having me around, kept other guys from hitting on you. But eventually this will end and you'll end up with Rudy or someone like him."

"Ray, you haven't been my fake boyfriend for a long time," I spat. "Don't you feel anything when we kiss? I was wondering why you haven't been putting any moves on me. Ray, Honey, you need to get with the program. I want the two of us to end up together, but you have to get in the game. A woman likes to know that her man wants her. I'm not a slut. We are probably not going to have sex the first time you try me. But I am expecting you to try. And for the record, you stick to your equations, but I'm pretty sure that I do love you."

He looked shocked. I could tell that he was having trouble processing what I had just told him. His face started to turn red and his eyes got huge. "Ray, Honey you need to breathe," I said.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yeah, most human beings need to breathe," I said.

"I meant the other part," he said. I just nodded. He surprised me again then.

"Why?" he asked. And I could tell he was serious. "I'm ordinary ... and you're ... you!"

I spent most of that day laughing about the conversation. When I told Patty and Margaret about it, they didn't understand it. "So did he tell you that he loves you too?" passed Margaret.

"Nope," I said. "But I know he does. And I'm looking forward to hearing it. It's going to be really special."

"Why?" asked Patty. "You hear that from guys just walking down the hall."

"Because Ray has never said it to any woman, other than his mother. And coming from him, it really means something. And he's never going to say it to any other woman if I have my way," I said.

Sex with Ray, was like a rocket. It started out really low. The first time wasn't really good at all. He was too nervous. I took it as a compliment. I knew Ray's history with women. All two of them. I knew about his disastrous prom date. And his summer fling with the cheerleader, who taught him how to really please a woman. Their summer fling could have ended up differently but the woman did something extremely stupid. Ray had been falling for her until she made a really dumb move.

She had been teaching Ray about sex and the two of them had been dating. But she had told all of her friends, not only how terrible he'd been at sex in the beginning, but how good he'd become. Ray found out when another member of the cheer squad had asked him for a sample of his oral skills. He asked her how she knew about them and was heartbroken when she told him. He had been the subject of a lot of laughter among the cheerleaders at first. It made him remember several incidents that he had never understood during his first years at college.

Ray realized then that all or most of the things he considered private between himself and his cheerleader girlfriend hadn't been. He also found out that while he had considered their relationship exclusive, she hadn't. Although they had never proclaimed their love for each other, she had considered him more of a boy toy than a serious boyfriend. Since then Ray had barely dated and hadn't had any serious relationships.

So our first time while not stellar was promising. The second time wasn't bad. The third time was decent. The forth was very good, and the fifth time was the best sex I had ever experienced. Ray quickly learned everything I liked, stored it away and used it against me.

Shortly before he graduated, I realized that Ray owned my body as well as my heart. He took great pleasure in taking me almost ... to an orgasm and leaving me hanging. He sometimes had me beg him to let me cum. So when it happened I never expected it. Ray was doing it to me. He had started out with very slow and very gentle strokes. But he ramped up, pumping me harder and faster. I was trying so hard to hold it off, but it was building. Then he grabbed my hands and he pinned them to the pillow with one hand. He slowly pulled out. And tapped my sensitive labia with the head of his dick.

He got that same silly little smile that told me he enjoyed what he was doing. Every gentle little tap had me wiggling and trying to move into a position where he would tap my clit. But he knew what I was doing and the look on his face was purely evil.

"Do you want to cum?" he asked. I nodded my head quickly and smiled at him.

"How am I going to do it?" he asked rhetorically.

"Am I going to pound you like a drum?" he pondered. I nodded quickly.

"Unh huh!" I said.

"Nah!" he said. "We did that last time."

"And it was really good, Honey!" I said. He gave me a couple of more quick taps. I was grinding my hips trying to get them closer to the object of my desire.

"Should I lick your tight little pussy?" he asked.

"Yes sir, do that ... please do that!" I screamed.

"Nope," he said. "We're going to do something different." He got the weirdest look on his face.

"Raymond Bernard Gunn, you are not sticking that thing up my ass again!" I shrieked. He gave me a couple of more little taps that were so close to my clit that they sent sparks shooting through me.

"Okay, you can do that if you want to," I whined.

"Nah we're doing something different," he leered. He leaned over and let the head of his dick just barely penetrate me. Then he pushed it in a few inches keeping me on the brink. Then he pulled out again.

"Claire, I can make you cum without even touching you," he said. I was skeptical.

"What?" I said.

He leaned over me and let my hands go. I was so shocked that I didn't move them. "Claire, I love you," he said very seriously. I hadn't expect it. I had longed to hear him say it and sparks shot through me. It was incredible. It was a once in a lifetime thing. It was like cumming with my entire body. It felt like being in the middle of a huge fireworks display. I kept cumming over and over again.

When it was over and we lay there wrapped in each other's arms, I knew that I loved him more than I had ever loved any other person in my life. And more than I would ever love anyone else. And then he said the words that almost ended our relationship the first time.

As we lay there warm and tingling, he looked in my eyes. "Claire, I want us to get married and be together forever," he said. I just nodded.

"I want us to have babies and spoil them and then spoil our grandkids," he said. And my world came crashing down. I got out of bed and threw my clothes on. It was my house and I left anyway.

"Let yourself out, Ray," I have an appointment I forgot about." He just sat there looking puzzled.

"What kind of appointment would you have on a Sunday morning?" he asked.

I hid in my neighbor's back yard until he left. Then I went back inside and cried my eyes out. Ray called me fourteen times on Sunday. I stayed home from school for three days. I got Patty to get my assignments for me and she told my professors that I had the flu.

"I hate lying to him, Claire," she said. "You know he's not going to go away. You need to tell him something."

"Tell him that I don't love him. Tell him that I never did. He's all yours, Patty," I said. She laughed at me.

"Look, I don't know what he did to you, but was it really bad enough for you to let him beat himself up like that? He looks like hell. Why don't you just talk to him? You at least owe the guy an explanation," she said.

"I'll call him tomorrow," I said.

"Why wait," she said. "He slept on your fucking porch all night."

I went outside and there he was. "Ray, why didn't you at least sleep in your car, Honey. It's cold out here. You could have..." I began and I started crying again. And I started hitting him. "You're so stupid, Ray," I screamed. "I'd have died if anything happened to you."

"I love you Claire," he said and I started crying all over again.

"Ray you need to be with someone who loves you, that you can marry and have all of those kids with," I said. "But that isn't me."

His face fell. "I thought you loved me," he said.

"I do stupid. More than anything," I sobbed. "Ray, I would die for you."

"So what's the problem, Honey?" he asked. I pulled him down and sat in his lap. He wrapped his arms around me. We had forgotten that Patty was there.

"Ray, I've dated a lot of men. I've had a bunch of relationships. And I've been engaged twice..." I began.

"So I'm engagement number three," he smiled. "The third time's the charm. Everyone knows that. And nothing that happened before we got together matters."

"Let me finish," I said.

"Ray I kissed a lot of frogs. Most of those guys were just assholes. But the two that I was going to marry were really nice guys. I loved them both. Not nearly as much as I love you, but I did love them. And they loved me. After the second time I decided never to get involved with a man again. And until you busted your way into my heart, I kept that promise. I can handle assholes easily enough. But the nice guys..." I paused.

"Ray the nice guys are like you. They want all of the good things. They want to marry me and all of that," I said.

"I want that too," he said. "I want us to be together for the rest of our lives. Don't you want to marry me?"

"Unh huh!" I said quickly. "I want that more than anything. But Ray, I can't have kids. There's something broken inside of me. I've known since my mom took me to the doctor's office in my teens. I was born this way. Some of my parts just never developed. There's nothing they can do about it. And all of the nice guys want a family. There is nothing in my power that I wouldn't give you Ray, but I can't give you children. You need to find someone who can." I started crying again because I knew that just like the others before him. He'd think about it and struggle with it, but in the end, he'd move on.

"I feel so sorry for you," he said.

"I know, Ray," I said. "That's why I want to be a teacher."

"No, Honey," he said. "I feel sorry for you because I was planning on us having two kids. That way there would be three people loving me. But without them, that means you'll have to love me three times as much as you do now. Can you handle that?"

"Yes," I sobbed.

We were married three months later.

* * * * * *

Sarah

"I really don't remember much about the day that it all happened. It's almost as if my brain has blurred or blocked out the details to protect me," I told the little man in glasses.

"Sarah, you need to get this all out," he said. "I'm going to give you a drug to lower your inhibitions and make it easier for you to remember. Maybe getting this out will help you sleep without the nightmares. The Bureau can give you a new life and a new identity. But it's not worth anything to you or your kids if you're falling apart. We need you sharp. One or two little mistakes could cost you everything." He gently gave me an injection and then sat down to wait for the drug to take effect. Then he listened to me talk. He recorded the session and also took notes.

"As I think about it now, I should have known. My parents warned me about him. Shit, everyone warned me about him. They all said the same things. They all said the exact same God damned things.

"He won't amount to much," they said. "He's too lazy. He's afraid to get his hands dirty. He's just not the kind of guy to dig in and get his work done. You need to find yourself another man."

But I knew better. I knew better than everyone. I knew that Joey would change for me. He'd grow up and get a job. He's become a good family guy and then we'd get married and have everything I dreamed of.

Right after high school, seven months after my eighteenth birthday, my parents shipped me off to the state college, two hundred miles away. They figured that while I was developing the skills to be successful at something or other, Joey would meet another girl and move on. After all he was supposed to be a player anyway. The rumors around town were that he had several other girls. But I didn't believe the rumors.

My parents became the enemy for trying to ruin my life. But by trying to protect me, they screwed up. Sending me away was the worst thing they could have done.

The college was barely over a three hour drive from our small Indiana town. Joey drove up there the first weekend that I was away and claimed my cherry. Before Halloween, I was out of school and back home. There was no way that I could handle college and the pregnancy alone and away from home. My mother was extremely disappointed. My father never spoke to me again.

He did speak to Joey's father and the two of them convinced Joey that we needed to get married. I was overjoyed. Joey ... not so much. My dad got him a job at the plant as an apprentice. It took him less than a month to get fired. They caught him sleeping in the plant at least three times before they canned him.

Then his dad got him a job working construction. He was fired from that the very first day. His dad screamed at him, asking him what he intended to do then.

"You have a wife and a baby on the way," he screamed. "How are you going to support them?"

We ended up moving into a small apartment over his parent's garage. I spent many nights in that garage alone, while Joey went out with his friends. After our daughter Hannah was born, Joey decided that we should move out of state. He had some friends who were involved in a very lucrative business. I packed up the baby and we drove away from our home town.

Once we settled in California, I was isolated from the beginning. I had no friends there and I didn't know anyone. It seemed pretty different from the small town that we had come from. Everyone seemed unfriendly.

Joey was gone for long periods of time. Sometimes I didn't see him for days. I asked him what he was doing and his only reply was always the same. "I'm working," he always said.

He started buying a lot of flashy clothes and he bought a nice car. He didn't spend any money on his daughter or me, but we were warm and we had plenty of food to eat. I did notice that Joey had plenty of money, so I didn't complain.

Our new life was strange. Joey was often not home for longer and longer periods of time. Most of the time when he did come home, he just fucked me, then we argued and he left again.

Whenever I mentioned going home or suggested that maybe we should get a divorce, Joey would straighten up for a while. I often asked him what he did for a living and he always said the same thing. "I work," he said.

Hannah was about five years old the first time the police came to the house. One of the officers explained that they had waited for me to take her to school before they raided the house. They were very kind to me. They searched everything but they didn't tear the place apart while doing it. They suggested that I should go back home.

When Joey finally showed up three days later, we argued and I tried to force him to tell me what was going on. He had gotten involved with some very bad people and swore he would quit. He begged me not to leave him and I really had no choice. I loved him was one reason that I didn't leave. And I was pregnant again for another.

Joey left again the next morning. I hadn't told him that we were expecting again, and I wasn't showing yet. But more and more, I knew that we needed to go home. California was no place for two kids from a small town.

That afternoon, I had just put Hannah down for her nap, when someone knocked at our door. I went to the door to find a woman standing there. She wasn't much older than me and she looked vaguely familiar.

"Is Joey here?" she asked. Her eyes were wild and she had a frantic expression on her face. She kept looking around her as if she was expecting something. "I can't take it anymore. I'm going home. Tell him that if he wants to see his son, he has to come home. You should come home too, Sarah. They killed Marty!"

"Wait, who are you?" I asked.

She looked at me as if I had just fallen off of the stupid truck.

"Sarah, I'm Karen Stevens. We both grew up in Muncie," she said. "You used to hang out with my cousin Jill Monroe. Jill and two of her friends, Kelly and Sabrina were on that bowling team, the Angels. They were sponsored by Charlie's Bar."

"Of course," I said. "Everyone has heard of Charlie's Ang..."

"Forget about that," she said. "We have to get out of here."

"But what do you have to do with my husband, Joey?" I asked.

"What? He married you too?" she asked in surprise. "He told me that he had just met you out here and the two of you got drunk and ended up in bed and you got pregnant by mistake. Joey and I have been married since before you were old enough to marry him. We came out here together."

"But we came out here together too!" I said.

She looked around again. "Sarah, Joey is home with me every night. How could the two of you be..." Before she even finished the sentence she ducked inside, of the house. She slid past me desperately as a car rolled down the street. I noticed two angry looking men inside. They looked at me as they drove by. I didn't recognize either of them. They didn't seem to recognize me either. They didn't even slow down but it was clear they were looking for someone or something.

"Tell Joey, he can stay here," she said as soon as the car was out of sight. "I hope the bastard is happy with you. He never seemed to be with me. He's all yours Sarah. I'm going home to my family."

She slipped by me and quickly vanished down the street. She left me with more questions than answers and a growing sense of both danger and anger at my supposed husband.

When Joey returned later that evening, I had a lot of questions for him. He came into the house looking over his shoulder and shutting all of the blinds.

"Joey, maybe we should talk about Karen," I said. "Which one of us are you married to?"

"I married Karen, because I thought I loved her," he spat. "I married you because I was forced to." My heart was hammering in my chest. The man I loved ... and left everything I knew for, was not the man I thought he was.

"I'm going home and I'm taking your daughter with me," I threatened. "And you'll never see the baby I'm carrying now." I wanted to hurt him badly.