A Wife Submits

1

"Spread your legs." The man said as he came into the room. A sense of relief washed over me and I complied with his request.

The worst part wasn't the men, wasn't having them on top of me, inside me, or even the filthy things they said. The worst was waiting in that black room for the next one to come in. I could have left, just walked out. I could have, but then I would have had to walk through the house, walk through that room full of men. I was too ashamed to do that. Somehow it was easier to stay. But the waiting was unbearable. Lying on those sheets drenched in my sweat and theirs, feeling our combined fluids leaking from me and becoming cold in a wet stain under my ass. It was the shame though, the shame that leapt from the dark, seemed to rip a tear in the blackness and flow into the room, into me, it was that shame that made me welcome anyone who would open my door and distract me from it.

The shame arose from allowing myself to end up here, from cheating on my husband again, but mostly it came from how my body, how I, was reacting each time the door opened, each time a new man entered the room, entered my mind with his awful words and entered me with his dirty demanding prick.

2

After my husband found out that I cheated on him he treated me differently, colder. It tore me apart that I had hurt him, and that now he couldn't open up to me. I felt embarrassed and ashamed of my behavior.

3

The first time was at my high school reunion, my twenty year. The party was at Joe Yaver's house, a guy in our class who had turned out fairly successful and also happened to be partner's with my husband Will. Joe had met my husband not long after he started his business. Will isn't from around here but moved here with me after college at U Conn. Will had hired Joe to handle sales. My husband isn't really good at sales, at least he says so, but apparently Joe is a wizard. I can understand why, Joe just has this way about him. He seems like a really nice guy but he has this way of making you feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. It's like I feel naked around him. It feels kind of skeevy but also sexy. And I know it's not just because of our past, other women have made similar comments to me. Apparently men just feel at ease with him, like old friends. Eventually Joe asked to be partner's in the business, he said he'd quit otherwise. Will made him partner, he said he'd lose half his clients without Joe anyway.

The reunion was winding down and I had decided it was time to go home. I had had a couple, but I don't drink like I used to and I had to drive. I said my goodbyes and was heading toward my car when Joe called out to me from the front deck of his house. Everyone that was still there was hanging out on the back deck.

"Erica." He said. "I've some papers that Will needs, come to my office for a sec and I'll give em to you."

"Can't you give them to Will yourself on Monday."

"Come on Erica it'll just take a second."

"Shit" I muttered under my breath, but I turned around and headed back towards the house where Joe was waiting on the front deck.

"Thanks Erica, it'll be quick. I swear."

"It's OK". I said politely and followed him as he held the door open for me and then followed me into the house. I felt his gaze on me as I led the way up the stairs to his office. As the noise of the party drifted away I could hear his footsteps following me down the long upstairs hall. The hairs on the back of my neck rose. I had to subdue the urge to run. That familiar feeling was back. I felt like I was just wearing only my heels. My gate faltered a little as this vision flashed through my mind. I saw myself through his eyes my long brown hair swaying back and forth on my exposed back, instead of my modestly cut summer dress. My bottom and my naked vagina peeking out and back at him as I walked. I shook these thoughts aside, "Just get the papers." I thought as I turned into his swanky and immaculately clean home office. Hardwood floors, bookshelves, a brown leather couch, big screen TV., executive desk, and large windows facing west towards the water that now only showed black in the well lit room.

"Where are they?" I said, impatience in my voice."

"On the desk" he said, coming in behind me.

The desk was L shaped and there was one folder on the far side. There was nothing else on the desk save an LCD monitor. No mouse, keyboard or even a picture. Rather than walk around, I leantover the desk and reached for the folder. As I did I felt Joe come up on my left and then I felt his hand on the back of my neck. Instantly I tried to stand up, but he had all the leverage. He pushed my face down toward the desk and I was pressed to it from my hips up. His hold was strong but not violent or unyielding.

"What the fuck Joe" I said, amazed that I didn't sound scared, didn't feel scared. Looking back I think it was the way he held me there. Just enough pressure so that I couldn't move, but not enough to hurt me.

"You going to spank me?" I said. A hint of laughter in my voice. Oddly I didn't want to make a scene. I felt an instant urge to keep things light. Strange thoughts went through my head about awkwardness at business parties, what Will said about how much of our affluence had to do with Joe's ability to sell. Strange things that shouldn't at all have been a consideration at this moment.

"Erica," he said with a calm and a nonchalance that made it seem like we were having tea, "Did you ever tell Will that we dated in High school."

"No". I said. Feeling the need to explain myself, but not feeling quite comfortable with my answer. Joe never asked about my previous partners, that was part of it, sure. But also it always seemed like a non-sequitar. Like what, Hunny I hired Joe Yaver to run sales for me, and I say, Oh that's interesting Will I fucked in High school. But as time went on I knew I should have told him something, but I never did.

Joe watched my face which was turned toward him and pressed against the desk. He watched and waited while this explanation went through my head. But, "No," was all I said and time stretched out. I began to feel uncomfortable with the silence. Odd given our situation but that's how I felt. Joe on the other hand still emanated a calm presence. I couldn't see his face, but I pictured him with an easy look and maybe a cup of tea. I knew he was waiting for me to explain.

"I just haven't that's all."

"Is it because of the things you did back then Erica."

4

Joe and I hooked up at the end of my senior year and we only dated for the summer prior to me leaving for college. Which was a good thing because I was allowing myself to get carried away by the time I packed off to college. Because Joe made me kind of anxious and at the same time made me feel sexy I tended to do what he wanted. He had me all over town that summer, in his car, my parents bed, at the park, in the bathroom of a restaurant, any where he wanted, any where he asked. And that wasn't all. In the last two weeks before I left he started showing me off. I flashed men in other cars, in the supermarket, at the bowling alley, and even some of his friends. I showed Jim Hanson my vagina while riding in the back of Joe's car. Joe told me to so I did. Jim turned around and gawked at my exposed pussy, while Joe eyed me in the rear view mirror. I never looked at Jim while I had my pants down. I just stared at Joe in the mirror. Joe wasn't looking at my pussy either but right into my eyes. Then while looking at me he said.

"Put your fingers in her."

My face was hot already from the shame, but I was turned on. I probably only had my pants down for a couple minutes before Joe told him to finger me, but I was soaking. I little drip of my juice had seeped out and I can still remember feeling it running down towards my ass. I was so humiliated by my arousal, it was the worst part for me, but the more embarrassed and ashamed I was the more wet and aroused I became.

Jim started fingering me but he was an amateur. He didn't even touch my clit. If he had I know I would have cum instantly. I wanted to cum so bad and I kept trying to rock my hips forward and brush my clit against his hand but I couldn't. Eventually Joe pulled over. It felt like ten minutes later but was probably only about two. Joe stopped the car in front of Jim's, where we were dropping him off. When Jim realized we were at his place he pulled his fingers out, and looked a Joe saying.

"What the fuck man some one could see."

"Don't you want to see her cum." Joe said.

By now Jim was fully turned around in his seat on his knees, one hand holding on to the head rest the other holding his wet fingers up in the air like a surgeon who didn't want to touch anything with his clean hands, or maybe more like a guy who was holding something he wanted to set down but didn't know how or where to put it.

"Ya," Jim said Looking from my pussy to my face and back again, transfixed, "but can't you keep driving."

"No" Joe said. "Either get out or watch, but make up your mind."

"I'll watch, said Jim breaking his eyes away from my open vagina for an instant to take a nervous look around. "I'll watch." he said again quieter but determined.

This whole exchange took about fifteen seconds and Joe's eyes never left mine. He held me in place with his eyes. Then he nodded at me almost imperceptibly. My hands flew, one to my opening and one to my clit. My orgasm came seconds later, but I can't tell you exactly how long it was till they fell off and I slumped even lower on the rear bench seat of Joe's car. It felt like forever, but I know it couldn't have been more than a minute or so. I can still hear Jim repeating over and over. "Holy shit. Holy shit man." as he got his crap together and left the car.

5

"No." I said, "I wouldn't have told him everything." It had been some time since Joe had asked his question I realized. I hadn't thought about that day with Jim Hanson in so much detail in years. I noticed then I was comfortable in this position. My legs were comfortably straight, my arms were resting in semicircles formed on either side of my head, the room was warm even hot and the desk comfortably cool. Joe's grip on my neck relaxed to the point that it felt now as if his hand was merely resting there.

After my response I felt Joe's other hand on my thigh just above my knee, he trailed it up along the back of my leg until he reached the hem of my dress which was hitched up because of my position. That bit of cloth didn't slow his hand at all, no hesitation, his hand moved up carrying my hem with it until when he reached my underwear his fingers left my body and continued to pull up my dress until he piled the bottom half of it in the small of my back leaving me exposed from the waist down, except for my underwear.

"Have you just been remembering those times, " Joe said.

"Umm." I said suddenly feeling caught.

"Do they still excite you?" Joe continued.

I was suddenly worried that my panties would be wet. I squeezed a little to see if I could tell and realized instantly that that was a mistake.

"Are you worried that your arousal might show?" Joe said, and then went on without waiting for an answer. "I can't see from here, but I could check." "If your panties are wet, would that embarrass you?" He said.

"No", I said, too forcefully. I sounded defensive. That realization, the self doubt made my head spin, I have every right to be defensive I thought, what the fuck is going on, this man is my husbands business partner, this is wrong I love my husband, I don't need to be doubtful, I need to get the fuck out of here. These thoughts made my body tense up, but I only realized this when I felt Joe's hand press down harder on my neck, forcing my cheek against the desk with more pressure than before. Not so much pressure that I was uncomfortable, but enough for me to realize that he was in control. But he wasn't I knew that at the same time, he wouldn't fight me, he never did, he never laid a hand on me, Joe wasn't violent he was, what I don't know something else.

With these thoughts I relaxed, and so did the hand. I could leave but I hadn't, I could leave now but I'm not moving, I could make a different choice but I'm not going to. I realized this, knowing at the same time that this is how it must always happen. Every women, every man that had ever cheated, had ever sinned, no matter the circumstance they must all have this moment, I could get up, walk out, but I haven't yet, I'm not now, and eventually comes the realization that I am not going to.

Joe repeated himself.

"Would it embarrass you."

I answered quietly but truthfully. "Yes". The answer lingered in the air for a moment, then I felt Joe bend over. I felt his eyes on me like they emitted a cool wind, and goosebumps appeared from the backs of my knees to the top of my bottom.

"Damn" he said a chuckle behind his surprise. "I forgot what a slut you are." I could feel his finger running up the outside of my panties, right along the lips of my labia. He took his hand off my neck, walked around my upturned ass and positioned himself on my right side, returning his opposite hand to the familiar position on my neck. The hand that had run up the outside of my slit was now on my neck, the finger resting on my cheek. Joe kept talking.

"What were you thinking about. Was it that time I made you wear my fathers trench coat to the supermarket? When I made you expose yourself to that old guy, the fat one in the beer aisle. Remember how I stood behind the old guy, remember how you pleaded with your eyes to be allowed to cover up? Remember how he walked up to you and touched your tits. And when you didn't stop him how he pinched your nipples." Joe chuckled a little, like he was remembering me tripping once in the cafeteria. "Then he kissed you," HA HA, "God you had that fat old bastards tongue in your mouth and you looked like you were going to suck it out of his face." HA HA. "What did he say to you?"

I remembered it just like that. I had pleaded with my eyes. But there was something about Joe. Something about that old man touching my young body too. He was so ugly but I don't know. I would have let him do anything to me.

"What did he say Erica, what was it?" Joe said.

It's what he'd said in the car, I remembered now. Before he'd let me finish myself in his car in the parking lot outside the Kroger's. I was in the backseat and I asked Joe to come back with me but he wouldn't. He just looked at me in the rear view mirror and asked me what the old man said. I didn't want to say. But I did know. I was ashamed. The old guy started by groping my tits, then when I didn't stop him it was like he got meaner. Mad. He twisted each of my nipples. Not too hard but hard. I gasped. He reached down with his right hand and ran his middle finger through the folds of my vagina. I remember that I was the same height as him. I was looking him right in the eyes. His expression turned to surprise, as if suddenly now he was surprised. He pulled his finger up between our faces and looked at it. It was glistening and it smelled like me.

He said, "You nasty cunt." And he put his old wet finger in my mouth. I was taken aback and I didn't want him to, but I let him. I mean I didn't stop him. He pushed his finger into my lips and I opened my mouth.

"What did he call you Erica." Joe said this time more demanding in his tone.

"A nasty cunt." I whispered. I could smell it now my, my vagina. From Joe's finger I could smell it.

"What."

"A nasty cunt." I said a little louder.

"That's right." Joe said, Ha Ha. "You haven't changed too much. Other than the nice house and gardens. The cars and kids. The portfolio. But otherwise your the same girl that let that old man fondle her in the beer section at Krogers. You want to know how I know Erica?"

I didn't say anything I was too ashamed, but my pussy had begun to ache in a way it only ever had the summer I was with Joe. My clit felt like it would explode if he would only take the time to lean over and blow on it.

"Erica."

"Yes" I said.

"Do you want to know how I know."

I said, "Yes." but not really because I wanted to know. I didn't.

"Because I can smell it." he said. "I can smell it can't you?" Ha Ha.

I didn't say anything.

"Take down your panties."

His hand was still on my neck, his finger still on my cheek. The pressure was light now non existent but it rested there. I didn't want to move at all. Like not moving would make me innocent. But I could feel Joe standing there waiting and I knew he would wait forever. So I reached back and pulled them as far down as I could, not far from this position, just below my vagina.

Joe took his hand off my neck and moved around behind me. Not right behind me but a few feet back. Away. I heard him unzip his pants and rustle his prick free. Then I felt him move up behind me. I felt the tip of his penis begin to rub up and down on my opening, sliding around in my folds. My hips arched up at him involuntarily, my muscles spasming. Joe stopped and pulled away.

"I mostly fuck younger girls, and part of me wants to send you home like this. I like the idea of you driving home with your clit aching and with the knowledge that I refused your obscene offering. I do wish you could see yourself bent over my desk, panties pulled down, pussy open, your smell permeating my office. But I worry that you will convince yourself that you didn't cheat if I were to do that."

When he said "cheat" I came to my senses for a moment. Instinctively I pulled my hands down so that they were beside me, ready to push me off the table. But then it was too late. Joe pushed into me. No more rubbing, no preamble. Suddenly I was full of him and I was using my hands not to push off the table and get the fuck out of there, but to push myself back further on his cock. It felt so good. I gripped him as he fucked in and out of me. But as suddenly as he started, he stopped. He pulled himself out of me and started rubbing it up and down again.

"Are you a cheater?" he asked.

I pushed back hard trying to force his dick up inside me, but he pulled away. But as soon as he did he returned to rubbing the outside of my vagina. I pushed back again, and again he pulled away and returned. His penis would bump my clit when he rubbed downward, and when it did I would push back instinctively. He laughed.

"Your a dirty cunt like that man said and a cheater. Right?"

I said nothing again. And he held his dick low and rubbed back and forth on my clit.

"Answer me." He said this with a quiet insistence.

I just wished he'd shut the fuck up and get on with it.

"Yes" I murmured.

"Tell me, I want to hear."

"I'm a dirty cunt." I said.

He stuck it in me again and again I felt full, I felt like I could cum on his dick without even touching myself. I always had to use my hand with Will. But then again he pulled out.

"Fuck" I grunted.

"Just tell me the whole thing, it's only the truth.' He said.

"I'm a dirty cunt." I said again.

"You are," he said, "A dirty cunt, and a cheater."

"I'm a cheater." I didn't want to say that, I didn't want to be that, but God I wanted him. "I'm a cheating cunt." I said.

He put it back in.

"Again." he said.

"I'm a cheating cunt." I said.

"Again."

"I'm a cheating cunt." And after that he didn't need to say it again, I just repeated it over and over in a rutty whisper until I came.

6

On Monday Joe told my husband that I had slept with an old friend from out of town at the reunion. Will came home at the normal time. We ate and discussed our lives as normal, but when we got into bed he told me what Joe had said and asked me if it was true. The expression on my face told him all he needed to know. He looked hurt, but that was all. He sat there for a moment and I didn't say anything. I wanted to tell him the truth but I couldn't. I couldn't tell him it was Joe, without telling him everything and I couldn't tell him everything. He would leave me.