This is my first attempt at writing anything for publication other than business and training materials so I want to take this opportunity to thank my new friend Angel_Love for agreeing to be my editor. If you like what you read it is due in great part to her assistance. Also I would appreciate any feedback that any of you readers would care to send me.
I'm a BDSM Dom and in the early 90's I had been active for several years. I had found that my niche within the BDSM community was training newbie and novice submissive women. Once they were trained I tended to lose interest fairly quickly. But I had a good reputation and some other Doms and Dommes had sent me their new subs for training. My specialty was and still is humiliation. However, I'm proud to say that I always remain on good terms with the subs I've trained after I've placed them with a suitable Dom. Several have ended up married to the Doms with whom I've placed them.
The internet boom was just beginning. For all intents and purposes, there were only three service providers, AOL, Prodigy, and CompuServe. AOL was already the largest, but I preferred Prodigy. It was a smaller and more intimate community and I found it a lot easier to navigate. Its chat service was certainly more user friendly. At the time CompuServe was more a business service rather than a personal service.
One of the reasons I liked Prodigy was that you could look into a chat room before entering and see who was already there. You could also instant message anyone in the room from outside the room. If you were in the room you could turn off your incoming instant messaging.
I was pleased, after joining Prodigy to find a thriving BDSM community online. There were several ongoing password protected BDSM chat rooms that I quickly became a part of so it was not unusual for me to get an IM from someone I didn't know, usually asking for the password to the room so they could enter, and occasionally from someone asking me questions about BDSM itself.
So it wasn't any surprise when one day while in one of the chat rooms I received an IM from someone with the screen name Judith28.
Judith28: Pardon me, Sir. But may I ask you a question?
Judith28: Thank you. One of the women in your room referred me to you.
Of course my first thought was that it was some sub or sub wannabe looking for a Dom to either collar them or train them or both. This was usually a tiresome process because most either backed off when I explained about my humiliation proclivities; or, they were looking for a long term relationship which didn't interest me at all.
Shaman325: So what can I do for you?
Judith28: Well. This is kind of hard for me to talk about because it's embarrassing because it's very personal and because I'm not sure what to ask.
I was getting impatient.
Shaman325: Well, YOU IMed me. So when you decide. Let me know.
She never responded. So I felt pretty pleased with myself for scaring off another waster of my time.
I quickly totally put the exchange out of my mind and moved on with my life. A couple of weeks later, however, an IM popped up on my screen from Judith28. I had no memory of her whatsoever.
Judith28: Pardon me Sir. A couple of weeks ago I IMed you and told you I had some questions but then chickened out."
Judith28: You told me when I decided what I wanted to ask to let you know.
Judith28: I've written down my questions so I'm ready to chat now.
There was a long pause and I had already deleted our conversation when she popped up again. She informed me that her husband had told her he was submissive and that he wanted her to be his Dominatrix. She was unaware of what that might entail, even though she had a rough idea. She didn't know where to start and was even unsure if she wanted to. But, she felt she owed it to her husband to at least learn what she could about it and perhaps even give it a try.
During the exchange that followed, I determined that she was serious and desperately needed help. And so began an odyssey that would take me to a place I'd never been before. Little did I realize it at that time what path I was on.
I ended up setting up a secret private room so we could chat without interruption. I had trained a couple of Doms before and in both cases it was with married couples with the husband being the Dom and with their sub wives being present. I had never paid particular attention to Dommes with male subs. But I thought I could at least be helpful to her to understand BDSM in general.
So we stayed in touch by chatting online and exchanging emails. She slowly began to relax and open up and shared with me the most intimate information regarding her marriage and her sex life. Her name was Judy and she was 28 years old, hence her name. Her husband's name was Frank and he was 33.
Then after interacting, only by the internet for a while, we moved on to telephone calls. We had actually become friends and I was looking forward to her Domination of her husband. She seemed to be gaining a new confidence and I fully expected she would be great as a Domme.
She had thought their sex life was good. They had both been virgins when they married five years before, but had both been awakened sexually from their first bonding. They had no children so they were very spontaneous and fucked all over the house whenever the mood struck. They both had strong sex drives and each felt totally free to initiate sex any time they wanted. They both loved giving and receiving oral sex and yes... she swallowed.
She laughed when she told me about the first time she had taken his hard cock into her mouth at his request. She hadn't hesitated but did have some misgivings as she took it into her hand and looked at it closely. First, she had kissed the head of his circumcised rod. Then she licked the length of it.
She giggled, "I actually didn't do it because I was trying to tease him. I did it to begin working up the nerve to actually put him in my mouth. It was a delaying tactic. But once I got up the nerve to actually place his penis in my mouth and felt it for the first time on my tongue, I knew I would be doing this again and again. It was the most erotic feeling as I began bobbing my head slowly up and down his shaft. This was the first time for him too and he didn't last for more than 15 seconds before he shot his semen into my mouth."
She broke into a musical laugh, "I was choking and spitting and he was moaning. His semen kept spurting, hitting me in my face and hair and landing all over my breasts. When his climax had passed, I was still clutching his penis and I was still spitting and we both began to laugh.
"You know, as sticky as semen is you can't spit it all out as much as you try," she giggled, "So I finally gave up trying. It was then I realized I actually liked the taste."
"I had heard that men like women to swallow their semen. So I began cleaning it from my face a breast and licking my fingers clean and swallowing it. I've been a bona fide penis sucker and semen swallower ever since. I loved it!"
"That is sooo hot!" I told her.
"Oh God I'm so embarrassed! I can't believe I told you all the details like that. But as I started talking I began reliving it in my mind and got carried away. I even got wet while I was telling you. God!! And I can't believe I actually told you that!"
I laughed out loud, "It's okay." I assured her. "You can share anything with me. Do you masturbate?"
After a long pause a soft, meek and tentative voice came back to me over the phone, "Sometimes."
"Then go ahead," I laughed. "Don't let me stop you."
"But I'm not ready to hang up," she protested.
"Then don't hang up, just go ahead and do it," I urged.
There was total silence on the line for a few moments. And then I heard it. Her breathing had changed and was becoming ragged. Then she said, trying to control the tremble in her voice, "I don't think I could do that."
I smiled to myself. "Aren't you already doing that?"
"How did you know?" she asked in alarm.
"I can tell by her breathing when a woman is in a state of passion," I responded. "But don't stop. Keep going."
"Keep talking to me," she breathed into the phone.
"Don't you want to get more comfortable? Why don't you take your panties off?"
"I'm not wearing any. I sleep in only a tee shirt and I haven't dressed yet."
"God that's hot," I said, meaning it, as I visualized her as she played with herself.
"Are you rubbing your clit?"
"Yes," she breathed.
"Take two of your fingers and stick them in your pussy. Get them very wet."
"Oh yeah!" she moaned.
"Are they good and wet?"
"Now place them in your mouth and pretend your fingers are Frank's cock. Suck all of your juices off of them. Put the taste of sex in your mouth."
"I could hear her soft slurping sounds as she sucked on her pussy-wet fingers."
"Can you taste the sex?"
"Uh huh," she whimpered around her fingers.
"Have you ever tasted your own juices before?"
"Huh uh." The whimper was more pronounced.
"Do you like it?"
"Oh God yes!" she hissed removing her fingers from her mouth.
"Then go for it Judy! Do it! Let yourself go! Remember how good Frank's cock feels in your mouth! Let yourself cum!"
I could hear her chair squeaking, her moans and groans, her rapid breathing, her whimpers, then her uh, uh, uh, uh, uh! "I'm gonna climax!" she choked out.
"Go for it! Cum, cum, cum, cum, cum," I chanted.
Then I heard a blood curdling scream; so loud I had to hold the receiver away from my ear. When it subsided I could hear breathing deeply, trying to regain control.
As she seemed to settle down, I laughed and asked, "Are you usually that loud when you cum?"
"I'm afraid so," she giggled.
"That's awesome!" I replied, meaning it.
I noticed my cock had gotten hard as a rock. "I'll take care of you later," I thought smiling to myself.
"So do you feel good now?" I asked her.
"Yeah, mostly I do," she said somewhat tentatively.
"Mostly? What do you mean?
"I'm feeling a little like I cheated on Frank. So I'm feeling a little guilty," she responded.
"Listen, Judy. Whose cock were you fantasizing while you masturbated?"
"So how could you be cheating on him when he was the one on your mind?"
"I never thought of that," she laughed with relief. "Now I feel great!"
It would be a long time before we did anything like that again, but she continued to fill me in on their sex life. They experimented with a lot of positions including many of the "Kama Sutra" positions. She laughed when telling me about how they would try to get into the contortionist positions that came with that and how Frank had pulled a muscle in his leg one night trying one position.
They even loved the excitement of having sex in places where they might get caught. They had fucked with her straddling and facing him at the only remaining drive-in movie within a 100 mile radius. She had knelt and sucked his cock between cars in the parking lot of a night club. Then he had bent her over the hood of their car and taken her from behind. They had had sex in their sleeping bag about three feet from another couple with whom they had gone camping. She had even sucked him off in a stall of a women's restroom at church, for God's sake. (no pun intended)
So with the exciting sex life they were enjoying she had been shocked when her husband had approached her with his request. A shock I could fully comprehend. But she seemed to have accepted it and threw herself into learning how to be the special kind of bitch required to be a Dominatrix.
The Big Event
Then the day finally arrived for the Big Event... her first session with her husband. She had told him she had been in contact with me and he was looking forward to this day as much as she was. I was also looking forward to it.
On the day of the Big Event my phone rang. It was her husband, Frank.
"Hello, Master. This is Frank, Mistress Judy's slave."
This was the first direct contact we had had.
"Don't call me Master, Frank. I'm not your Master. Call me Sir. You don't belong to me. You belong to Judy. Now what do you want?"
"Yes Sir. I just wanted to thank you for all you've done for Mistress Judy and for me. I can't wait until we officially kick off our new relationship tonight. She's deliberately making me wait until then."
I smiled to myself since we had discussed this strategy and it seemed to be having the desired effect. "No problem, Frank. I did it for Judy. I actually don't give a shit if you derive some benefit from it though. Is your Mistress with you?"
"I understand, Sir, and yes she is."
"Put her on the line."
She came on the line in an almost bubbly way. I could tell she was as excited as Frank. We talked for a minute and right before we signed off she giggled, "When I get good at this I may invite you to watch me put this bad boy through his paces."
"I'd be honored," I laughed. "Call me in the morning."
She assured me she would and we rang off.
About 9:00 that evening I was online when suddenly an IM popped up from Judy asking me to please get off the computer so she could call me. (This was in the bad old days of telephone modems that ran at 14K and tied up your phone line.)
I asked her if anything was wrong.
Judith28: Just please, please let me talk to you.
Shaman325: I'll call you in just a minute.
She answered on the first ring in tears. She was sobbing so hard I couldn't understand a word she was saying. But after some soothing and cajoling on my part, she finally got herself enough under control to be understood in between her sobs.
"Oh, (sob) Jim. (hic) I couldn't do it. (sob) It goes against (sob) everything that (sob) I am. I'm not a pushy (sob) person. (hic) I told you that. (sob) But I thought I had overcome it (hic) but I haveeen't...." And broke into another mournful wail and fell to pieces again.
Suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt totally stupid for not having noticed it before.
"Judy, I think that you and Frank need to have a real heart discussion tonight. I'll call you in the morning and we can talk when you've had a chance to get yourself together. In the mean time, put Frank on the phone."
Frank came on the line with Judy's wails still in the background. "Yes Sir?"
"Frank, you want to please Judy and that's why you want to serve her, right?"
"Of course Sir! I've always wanted to please her."
"Why do you think Judy has worked so hard to learn about this so she could become your Mistress?"
There was a long pause. "Shit! She's doing it to please me. How could I have been so stupid and insensitive?"
"You're gonna have to stand in line for self-recriminations, buddy. I'm the experienced one here and I'm the one who should have picked up on it weeks ago. I think we've both failed her miserably. I think you're the one who's going to have to give her comfort tonight and I'll call her in the morning. Think you can handle that?"
"I'll do my best. I'll call you first thing in the morning before you call her and give you a report."
He had obviously been listening in.
I couldn't sleep that night. I kept going over in my head everything that had occurred to see if I could figure out how I had let this happen. The answer eventually had become obvious. I had let my ego cloud my thinking and judgment. I was very proud of my ability to train and shape the attitudes and behaviors of subs and therefore I had assumed that I could take a normal vanilla housewife and turn her into a hard-assed Domme. I had come to care deeply about Judy and I had let her down. I had deluded myself into believing I was doing it for her, when in fact, I was only doing it to prove to myself I could do it. It may sound strange to hear it from a humiliation Dom, but I felt like an asshole for letting her down this way.
The Morning After
I was dead to the world in an exhausted and dreamless sleep when a ringing sound began to penetrate my consciousness. I tried to ignore it but it kept intruding. Finally I woke enough to realize it was the phone beside my bed ringing. I rolled over, still more asleep than awake and looked at the alarm clock radio on my nightstand. 6:30 A.M!
"Who the fuck is calling me at this hour?" I muttered under my breath.
"Hello," I mumbled.
"Good morning, Jim. This is Frank."
"Judy's husband... Frank."
That was enough to finally penetrate the fog. "Oh, Frank! Sorry I was asleep."
"Sorry to call so early, but I have to leave for work. Judy's still asleep so I thought this would be a good time. Would you like for me to call you later?
"No. This is fine. How did it go last night?"
"Better than I thought it would. I think at some level she was relieved. It's obvious to me now that she is never going to be a Dominatrix. She's simply just too sweet and loving a person to do that, even in role-playing."
"So you two have things worked out?"
"I think so. It took a lot of persuading on my part, but I believe I finally convinced her that I didn't think any less of her and that I totally adore her and that my love for her was stronger than my need to be a submissive."
"And she believed you?"
"Of course she did. It's easier to convince somebody about your feelings when you're telling the truth. I really do adore her and would never intentionally hurt her."
"So is it true that you love her more than your need for submission?"
"Don't get me wrong. I need submission, even crave it. But I don't think you fully comprehend how deeply I love Judy. I would do anything for her, including giving up my quest for submission."
He sounded totally sincere. But I'd been around too many subs that tried to stay in a vanilla relationship and couldn't make it work, even though they loved their spouses dearly. But this was not the time to get into a deep discussion on the topic with Frank so I just simply said, "Okay, Frank. Good. Thanks for calling. I'm glad things seem to working out. I'll let Judy sleep another couple of hours before calling her."
"Thanks, Jim. She was emotionally exhausted last night and she didn't get to sleep until very late. And Jim... thanks so much for being Judy's friend and for all the support you've given her. I don't know you much at all, but I hope you don't abandon your friendship with her just because this saga seems to be coming to an end."
"No problem. I consider Judy to be a friend beyond the training."
"Good. Thanks Jim. You seem like a nice guy. Maybe if you and Judy stay in touch, you and I can get to know each other too."
"That'd be great, Frank. Take care."
I hung up the phone. The conversation had been both reassuring and troubling at the same time. I believed the assessment that Frank had given me was heartfelt truth. I also knew from experience that once the shit was out of a horse, it's hard to get it back in. Once somebody has discovered their inner Dom or sub, they never really seemed to be able to get over it totally, even trying hard with the best intentions.
At 9:00 Judy called. I had my hand on the receiver to call her so it startled me when it rang at my touch. I jerked my hand away from the phone and immediately laughed at myself as I reached back and picked up the phone.
I almost didn't recognize her voice. It was not much more than a hoarse whisper. "Hi, Jim. It's me."
"Hey, Sweetheart. How are you doing this morning?"
"Better than last night." she said with a small mirthless laugh.
"Now convince me."
She responded with another small laugh less dark than the first. "Smartass."