Affairs Of The Heart

We should never have put ourselves into that situation. We were friends. We had gone out for lunch, had a wonderful and long conversation and when the impatient eyes of the waiter descended upon us for the millionth time we had retired to a nearby lake with a beautiful vista just to continue our conversation.

I had twisted my body in the car seat so I could look directly at her and into her eyes, intoxicating and blue. They had always attracted me. I truly enjoyed just being with her. But my eyes had drifted slight to the right to her hair, dark blonde, long and where it was usually tied back she had left it loose that day. I had taken some of it in my hand and was playing with it. Lisa wasn't surprised by this as I had long complimented her on her hair and once, in joking, run my hands through it and told her how her hair was seducing me. We had both laughed about it at the time and it had reinforced in us an accepted level of comfort and intimate friendship that men and women can enjoy.

Our conversations were of the sort that we could talk and talk and then both of us go silent for a minute or more and we'd found we could be comfortable in that silence. So there we were at just such a moment, silence and thinking nothing of it. It seemed, however, that the universe had other ideas. Forces had been set in motion and we were so absolutely comfortable with each other that we failed to notice the subtle changes.

I was looking rather seriously into Lisa's eyes and took a deep breath and let it out. I didn't even realize I had done it until Lisa leaned toward me, my hand, just and little and said, "What?"

"What?" I replied voicing my confusion.

"You just sighed."

"I did?"

"Ah huh."

I shrugged my shoulders, smiled but said nothing. I couldn't think of anything to say and found myself collecting my thoughts and finding my feelings. At that moment I noticed how emotionally close I felt to Lisa. It's the type of closeness you don't feel with a lot of people and which allows you to be yourself without fear. I couldn't help but think what a good friend she had been and how she'd helped me through more than one uncomfortable situation. Lisa could be a little sarcastic. Sometimes she called it bitchiness and other times other things. But it was important to me because it was always disarming and got me to see things more rationally.

"You just did it again."

"I did?" I replied having once again found myself drifting in my mind.

"So what were you thinking?"

Suddenly a question that usually would have met with an immediate and honest answer seemed loaded. I quickly did an inventory attempting to figure it out and what I came up with shocked me but just a little. I found I wanted to kiss her. Now understand, Lisa and I have kissed thousands of times but it was never a lingering kiss. I wanted a kiss that lingered.

"Oh I don't know." I lied.

Lisa looked at me for a second, smirked, and said, "Yes you do."

I had told her long ago to not be afraid of calling me on my dishonesty when she felt it. Why did she have to be so in tuned with me? Why at that moment? She was though and I couldn't lie to her. I never have been able to be dishonest with her except for the briefest moment. Then it always seemed that I was either corrected by her or realizing I'd been dishonest I'd correct myself.

I didn't know what to say so I impetuously and quickly leaned in and kissed her on the lips. Lisa saw the kiss coming and accepted it though she never expected it to linger but then she didn't resist it either. The kiss, though only slightly longer than any other we had had, was still obvious in its intent. As I moved my face only slightly away from hers I let out a deep breath. Lisa looked into my eyes, looked down momentarily, and then back up in mine. I kissed her again and again she didn't resist or stop it even though it lasted longer than the first kiss.

This time as I pulled away she said, "Peter, we can't do this."

"Why?" I asked, a question with the most obvious answer.

"You know why," she quickly replied. "Your girlfriend, my boyfriend, and that's just for starters."

Lisa knew better than to make much out of any incident. She leaned back and started talking about her job. She went on a little bit about one of her frustrations at work. Then she leaned in, touched my hand and said, "And then you know what happened?" She had been talking about something close to her heart and all her emotions were out there. She finished what she was saying in a bit of an emotional tirade and staring hard at me, her eyes seemingly attached to mine.

This time it was Lisa who initiated the kiss although and where mine had been slow hers seemed to be the result of her built up emotions. As we kissed my hand swept into her hair as to hold us together. This became the passion filled kiss of lovers rather than anything friends exchange. I was hungry for her mouth, her tongue, her spirit. The wetness of our kiss was incredibly arousing and my hand found its way from Lisa's hair to her breast. But as soon as I grasped her breast is was as if an electric shock had coursed through her body and Lisa jerked away although her face was still very close to mine.

"No! We have to stop!" She said breathlessly.

I was silent. I didn't want to acknowledge that she was right. I just didn't want to stop and yet I knew I couldn't honestly contradict her either.

"Peter," Lisa said softly yet firmly.

"What?"

"You've still got your hand on my boob," she said still softly.

I didn't immediately remove it when she said this mostly because I just didn't want to. It was the first time I had ever touched her breast with anything other than my chest or that odd time when she had taken my arm as we walked and it had innocently brushed against my arm. We had that talk about her breasts that friends do with her saying how she hated it when men stared at her full breasts and didn't look her in the eye. I remember the moment so well because my eyes went from her eyes down to her breasts and quickly back up. We'd laughed about that incident many times. I wanted to leave my hand on her breast but I quickly moved it from her breast to her leg.

"I just got so turned on," I said as a feeble defense.

"I know, I did too," she replied.

I wanted to use this as a springboard to start kissing her again but I found a little restraint, restraint I also wished I hadn't had. I couldn't take my eyes from hers and my hand found its way back up to her hair and began stroking it again. I love the silky feel of her hair as it runs through my hand. I later found out that she loved it too though maybe, at the time, it should have been obvious.

I knew I was giving her a sort of longing look but she seemed to be doing that same to me as well. Whatever little resistance I had melted and I kissed her again. This time it was my passion for her that was surging out and again she didn't resist. Her passions seemed to rise and join mine. We were kissing like high school kids and yet here we were, she in her mid-30s and me, well, much older. Still, we abandoned our better judgment just as high schoolers would have giving into our lusts. One kiss quickly melted into another and yet another. My hand again went to her breast only this time when I touched her there Lisa didn't resist. Actually, it seemed she leaned slightly into my cupped hand.

My hand ventured from one breast to the other and back again. Then I undid the first button of her blouse expecting her to stop me. She didn't. I undid another and quickly pushed my hand beneath her blouse and bra and over her breast. As soon as I touched her nipple she moaned into my mouth and moved her mouth from mine. I expected her to become resistive. She didn't and my fingers toyed with her nipple, rolling it and gently pulling on it.

But when my fingers attempt to undo the bra clasp that sat between the cups she said, "No!" Lisa quickly opened the door of the car and said, "Come on!"

Lisa quickly buttoned herself up and then jogged briefly towards the shore of the lake. Now this lake, because it was a bit remote and had no beach, was mostly frequented by fishermen. So since it was mid-afternoon of a weekday we had the lake to ourselves. As Lisa stared out across the lake I came up behind her and put my arms around her and pulled her into me. I pushed my face through her hair and kissed her on the nape of her neck. Lisa leaned back into me.

"Peter, what are you doing to me?"

"I could ask you the same question."

"We can't do anything," she said after a brief pause. "You know how guilty we'd both feel if we let anything come of this."

"I know," said, paused, and said again, "I know."

Lisa was still leaning back against me. My face was still in her hair and we stood as lovers would. I had my arms wrapped around her with my hands holding her just below her breasts. We stood in silence for quite a while. Then my hands drifted down her sides to her hips and back up again. Finally I moved them up again and over her breasts. I could hear her gulp in some air as I gently squeezed her breasts. She moaned and I could see her close her eyes as I kissed her on her neck but she did nothing to stop me.

I had expected her to stop me and I remember thinking I'd not be surprised if she did but she didn't. While my fingers danced over her nipples my lips and tongue nibbled at her neck and then her ear. She shivered and sighed beneath me several times before finally breaking from my grasp and quickly turning around so she faced me. She didn't say a word but one of her hands quickly when to my crotch and felt for my cock. She rubbed its hardness briefly and then, still without removing her eyes from mine, pulled at my belt. She deftly unbuckled it and then unbuttoned my pants and pushed them down. As they were falling to my ankles her hands went to my cock and cupped it and then caressed it.

I closed my eyes and moaned, "oh yeah."

She looked into my eyes and then looked back down at her hands. Shivers ran up and down my spine. I stared into her face not wanting her to stop and knowing I should stop her. My hands had stopped caressing her breasts as my mind raced. She would touch me in a particular way and I'd draw in a deep breath. Then I noticed her mouth would open slightly as she touched me differently and close again.

It was like we were in a trance. I slowly unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. Her bra had a front clasp so she didn't need to move for me to remove it as well. Our clothes fell away as the leaves in the fall. We still hadn't said a word. As I looked upon her beautiful lush naked body for the first time I felt something stir in me, something other than sexual desire though that too was letting itself be known quite strongly.

I quickly freed myself of my shoes and pants that had fallen over them. I took Lisa in my arms and held her firmly against me. The softness and warmth of her body seemed to belie the hard heat we both felt for each other at that moment. I thought I would just hold her like that and enjoy her closeness and then tell her we just could not go further. I put that thought off for a moment so I could run my hands down her back and clutch her firm ass. As I clutched her I pulled her gently in towards me and I could feel my cock pressing against her pussy.

Lisa's desire, however, was equally as great as I could feel the wetness of her pussy on my cock and my cock strained for her. I felt her kiss my neck light once in one place, again in another place and then I felt her breath in my ear as she said, "you taste so wonderful."

I had to say something. "Lisa," I started but paused.

She pulled slightly away from me, looked into my eyes and smiled and replied, "Yes?"

"I've got this sudden unexpected rush of emotions for you." Those were hardly the words I wanted to use to stop us. I felt like such a coward and yet I gain solace knowing that I'd still spoken the truth though it was a truth I probably should have withheld.

"Me too," she replied with a smile. Then she kissed me and in her kiss I could feel a release of her emotions. Ours lusts and desires were consuming us, taking us quickly to a point of no return and beyond. I had given in and so had she. We had abandoned our boundaries, our promises. I wanted her more than I could have imagined and more than I had any woman for at least as long as I could remember if ever.

Our bodies shifted against each other as we kissed with abandon and as we did so I could feel the head of my cock press into the folds of her pussy and the push down through it.

I pushed her down on the leaf covered ground and lay down next to her. The leaves were a little hard against our skin but at that moment it didn't matter. Our lusts were driving us and we were able to block almost anything else. I ran my hand down her chest, over her breasts and down to her cleanly shaven pussy where I felt its damp folds. I want to taste her at that moment so I withdrew my finger and as she watched I put it in my mouth to taste her. I could smell her musky scent and then taste her.

I moved over her and place my mouth on one of her breasts sucking in her hard nipple from her full breast. After I sucked it in a couple of times she said, "bite it."

"What?"

"Bite it but not too hard."

I bit her nipple lightly and pulled on it with my teeth. She moaned in response. I bit it a little hard the next time and then a little harder and rougher the third time. I could feel and hear her wince that third time but she didn't complain or ask me to stop. I then got between her legs so I could attend to her other nipple and as I did I lowered myself a little so my cock was nestled into her pussy without entering her though. I had only bitten on her nipple a couple of times when I felt my arousal beginning to peak and I wasn't even in her yet.

Lisa seemed to sense this and said, "I want you to fuck me from behind." As I moved from between her legs she said, "The leaves are a little hard to lay on. They're so scratchy."

She got on her hands and knees and I positioned myself behind her. I could see her breasts dangling from her chest. I leaned over her so I could cup both of her breasts with my hands and squeeze them and knead them a little. Then I thought to pinch her nipples as I pulled them downward. But as I did so she whimpered a little and said, "fuck me now, please."

I put the head of my cock on her pussy and as I started to enter her I moved my hands and grabbed her hips. She was firm and extremely wet. As I slowly slipped my cock in and out of her I could feel a gently breeze from behind me caress my ass and balls. I was desperately trying to fend off my own orgasm so we would come together or at least she'd come before me. Then a wicked thought crossed my mind, a way I might both surprise her and quickly press her into orgasm. I grabbed Lisa by her hair and pulled on it as I began to firmly bang my cock into her pussy.

When I first pulled on her hair she responded with an "Oh!" and then followed that with a much more drawn out "ohhhh."

"Yeah, this is want you want!" I yelled at her, "this is what you like isn't it! You've wanted to be my little slut haven't you!"

She was becoming quickly more vocal and responding to me by saying, "Yes, oh yes!"

"Tell me you're my slut Lisa! Come on, tell me how much you like me fucking you!"

Almost breathlessly she replied, "I'm you're slut! Please fuck me harder!"

That did it for me though and I yelped, "I'm gonna come in your cunt now!"

I could feel the hot energy of my lust surging from my loins and through my cock making my cock swell suddenly. I banged my cock into her pussy forcefully with my hips slapping noisily against her ass.

I heard Lisa whimper out a series of short, "oh! Oh! Oh!" as she too started to come. As my cock began to explode into her she yelled, "Oh yes! Fuck me you bastard fuck me!"

My cum spurted sharply from my cock into her. The sensation of the cum draining from my balls was incredibly and hearing Lisa coming loudly in one long, "ohhhhhhh!" Then as if surprised by it she said, "I'm still coming! I'm still coming!" Although my balls were empty my cock was still hard. I fucked her a little faster as she said that trying to help her maintain her orgasm.

Finally, both of us totally spent, we fell to the ground together and quickly into each other's arms. Though my sexual energy had gone down my other emotions for her were still running high.

It was a strange time for both of us to be swept by self-consciousness but we were. It wasn't, yet, for what we had done but rather our fear of being discovered. Strangely we had once talked about fulfilling such a fantasy and we'd both said what great fun it would be but now somehow didn't seem like the right time. So we dressed quickly. As we walked back to the car Lisa took my hand.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course you can," I replied, "anything."

"Do you love me?"

Her question was unexpected and I wanted to ask her a question of my own before answering. "Yes, but I don't think I'm in love with you." I replied putting emphasis on the phrase in love. "But Lisa, you know I love you."

"I know," she said, "but I needed to hear it right now."

As we drove away we both seemed to pull inward. But we weren't silent. We asked questions about what we had done and the implications it had on the people we each had in our lives who we were supposedly committed to. To most of our questions we simply replied that we didn't know. We knew things were irrevocably changed and we agreed that even so we wanted to be certain our friendship wasn't harmed but the question of the day became how to see that happen.

There was more to us, a lot more but the phrase you never know how things are going to work out proved oh so true.