After The Accident

My sister Beth was always trying to fix me up with one of her divorced friends. They were nice women and I enjoyed their company. I had sex with most of them but was afraid to get serious about starting a life with them. The dancing made me paranoid that if I got married my wife would probably cheat on me. It was just a fact that I couldn't get over. I had been with way too many married women to think differently. I will say that I do believe I could be monogamous.

The years passed and I dated but just stayed away from getting serious about any woman. It was crazy; I wanted a wife that I could believe in and trust but my past just wouldn't allow it. Every time I got close to a woman I took a long haul job so I wouldn't have to face my own fears.

One time when I was home I talked with Beth about marriage. She was my sister and I was pretty sure she would be honest with me.

"Beth, have you ever cheated on Lloyd?" Lloyd was my brother in-law.

"Boy, that's a strange question coming from you, the man of a thousand women."

"I'm serious, Beth, that's my problem with women. I want to find that special girl for me but I'm so afraid of her cheating on me. I don't care about a woman's past but I would be very concerned about her future relationships if we were married."

"Okay, Henry, I'll try to be as honest as possible with you. I have never cheated on Lloyd. I never even thought about it. I will tell you that when we would go out and men would hit on me, it felt good. Some even tried to touch me but I never told Lloyd. Not unless the men got out of hand. Most women are able to control advances. If we told our husbands every time a man made advances to us we would never have anytime to talk about anything else," she laughed.

"You know, I've been with many married women. What about them? Why are they so different than you?"

"It's a choice a woman makes, just like a man making the same choice. Some choose to cheat while others feel it's wrong and don't do it. Some women feel their husbands don't show them enough attention and they go where they can find that attention. In most cases it's from men that are just like them. They might be happy during a short period of time but in the long run it usually ruins their marriage. I just happen to be married to a man I love and he loves me. Besides, I told him if he ever cheated on me, I'd kill him," she laughed again.

"I wish I could find someone that feels the way you do. I'm just afraid that there are fewer and fewer women like you out there, Sis."

"They're out there, Henry. I guess they say about forty percent of married people have affairs, so that gives you sixty percent that are monogamous. See, the odds are still in your favor."

"Sis, not to change the subject but have you seen Joanie lately? I probably haven't seen her in ten years now. Probably since that time you all came to the club to watch me dance," I smiled.

"Believe it or not I saw her last year. She and her husband live in Akron now. They have three kids. They are a pretty nice family. About six years ago, Joanie told me they almost got divorced."

"Divorced? Cheating, I bet you," I said to Beth.

"You're right. Joanie found out her husband was having an affair and it about ended the marriage. They separated for about six months until Joanie took him back. She forgave him and they started anew. I remember when she was your old girlfriend. You two made a nice couple but I didn't think either of you were ready for a serious relationship. You had to sow those wild oats. Joanie did a lot of dating before getting married."

I didn't tell my sis about Joanie's gang bang. What purpose would that serve and besides, I always tried to keep my promises. I figured that's why Joanie took her husband back. She was no better than he was in the cheating department. He just got caught.

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I decided to drive east for awhile. I had seen so much of the west coast throughout the years. I was headed through Pennsylvania and stopped to eat at a truck stop. One of the nicest waitresses came to my table. Her name tag said Lil.

"You must be new around here. I don't think I've ever seen you here before. What can I get you?' She just smiled and waited for an answer.

I just looked at her. Something pulled at my heart strings and I had no idea why. She was a very good looking woman that I would guess to be in her late thirties. She had the most beautiful and sincere smile and a demeanor that felt so real. Her dimples just made me want to look at her. Why was I feeling this way? Maybe I was thinking too much about finding the right woman. When she said, "what can I get you?" My mind wanted to say so many things but I was almost tongue tied.

"What would you suggest?" I asked. "You know the food better than anyone."

She smiled back. "Let me get you the steak special. I'm sure you will like it."

"I know I will if you suggested it," I said. "I'm sorry; I know that sounded like a come-on and I didn't want it to be. There is just something about you and I don't know what it is. I really would like to get to know you better. There I go again. I'm sorry."

"I'll just take it all as a compliment, and if you want to get to know me better, you'll just have to come in more often," she said as she walked away with a big smile on her face.

I couldn't believe the way I acted. Almost like a kid trying to pick up a date. Damn, I'd be lucky if she even talked to me now.

She came back in a few minutes with my coffee. "Your dinner will be ready in a few minutes. You know what my name is. What's yours?" she said with that big beautiful smile.

"I'm Henry. I have my own truck and thought I would start hauling east for awhile. After seeing you, I wish I would have started years ago. Damn it! I'm sorry; I keep saying the wrong things."

"It's okay, Henry, I get hit on a lot and I know you mean it as a compliment. Maybe we'll see you here a lot more often?" She smiled again as she went back to wait on her other customers.

She stopped back and brought me my dinner and later asked about dessert. I told her I had to hit the road but anytime I traveled east, I would be sure to stop. She gave me that big beautiful dimpled smile and I was on my way.

I was trying to remember if she was wearing a wedding ring. I was so engrossed with her looks and personality that I never checked it out. I continued east to make my delivery. All I could think of while I was driving was this woman, this waitress. What made her so fascinating to me? I guess I would have to find out the next time I went east.

I looked for a return trip that would come back through Pittsburgh but there were none available. I had to settle for going to upstate New York. It was nice country but I didn't see another Lil.

It was three weeks before I got another run through Pittsburgh. I stopped back at the truck stop and Lil remembered me.

"Hi Henry, welcome back. I hoped you would come back through. What can I get you today?"

"Just bring me your special or anything else you suggest." Well, at least I didn't mess up too bad this time.

When she came back through I looked at her hands. She was wearing a wedding ring. She saw me staring at her ring.

"Are you married, Henry?" she asked.

"No, and I was kind of hoping you weren't either. I wanted to get to know you better and I don't try to date married women."

She looked sadly at me. "I don't tell most truckers this but my husband was killed three years ago in an auto accident. I wear the ring to remember him and so I don't get hit on as much."

"I'm sorry, Lil, both for the loss of your husband and the way I've been talking to you. I really did want to get to know you better but didn't want to make a bad impression. There is just something about you, like I've known you for a long time. Maybe, someday would you like to go to dinner or a movie?"

"I'm afraid I don't know you well enough right now, Henry. I'm sorry but please keep coming in. Who knows what the future holds?"

I did go through Pennsylvania at least once a month and always stopped in to see Lil. I tried to stop in at slower hours and she would stop and have a cup of coffee with me. I remember telling her that I hope she didn't get into trouble taking a break and talking to me.

"Your boss or at least the cook keeps looking at me. I love talking to you, that's the main reason I stop here but I don't want you to lose your job or get in trouble for sitting with me."

Lil laughed. "Henry, no chance of losing my job. The older man that keeps staring at you is my stepfather. He and my mother own the restaurant. So, I'm pretty sure my job is safe."

The following month when I stopped by Lil wasn't there. Another waitress, who was nice, waited on me. I saw the cook in back. He brought out my dinner and asked if he could talk to me.

"Henry, isn't it? I'm Ralph and I did want to talk to you, man to man. Lil likes you. I thought I should tell you a little about her family before you get too involved with her. I know she's thirty-six and can make her own decisions but I would hate to see her get hurt. She's been through a lot the last couple of years and just starting to get her life straightened out."

"Ralph, she told me about the loss of her husband."

"There's a lot more than just the loss of her husband. She has two kids. A daughter who's twelve and a son who is fourteen and in a wheelchair. He lost one leg above the knee and is still in therapy. He lost it in the accident that he and his dad were in. Lil has a lot to deal with. Brad, her son, isn't trying to help himself out. He wanted to play sports and of course now he doesn't even try to wear the artificial leg and it's a lot to deal with for Lil and her daughter Amber."

"Ralph, I don't know if you noticed, but I walk with a limp. I broke a hip a number of years ago. I thought my life was over. But, Thank God to a good woman who was my agent and a family who stood behind me, I was able to get my mind on straight and go ahead with my life. I'd like to talk to Brad. I played sports also and there is a world outside of playing sports. Maybe if I told him my story it would help," I suggested.

"I think that would be good. What have we got to lose? The next time you come through here let us know and I'll introduce you to Brad."

"Don't forget to tell Lil I was here. There's something special about her and I really do care for her. The last thing I would want to do is hurt her or her family. You have my word on it. My dad told me back when I was just a kid that a man is only as good as his word."

"Your dad was right. I'll tell her you stopped by, and I know what you mean about being special. It's the way I felt about her mother when I first met her some years back."

It was a good month later when I made the call and told Ralph when I expected to be coming by. When I got there I asked for a table away from everyone else. Lil brought Brad over in a wheelchair. He didn't even have on his artificial leg. Lil looked up at me hoping I would be able to help her son.

"Henry, this is my son, Brad. Brad, this is a friend of mine, Henry. He asked if he could talk to you."

"Mom," said Brad. "I don't mean to be disrespectful, but don't you think I've talked to enough people. I lost my leg and I know I have to live with it. I can't do any of the things that other guys do and I'll have to deal with it. I'm sorry, sir, but there's nothing you can tell me that will bring my leg back and make me a whole person again," said Brad.

I looked over at Lil who had tears in her eyes. I know she was hurting just as much as her son. "Lil, if you don't mind I would like to talk with Brad alone for a few minutes."

She smiled and walked away. "Brad, I'm not here to baby you and tell you you're going to grow back a leg."

Brad looked mad. "It isn't fair. I was just a kid; I didn't do anything wrong. Now I have to spend the rest of my life crippled. It just isn't fair. I wanted to play football, maybe even get a scholarship. Who knows, maybe I could have made the pros. Why are you staring at me? Aren't you going to tell me everything is going to be alright? It's just going to take time?"

"No, Brad, I'm going to tell you the truth. Life sucks sometimes. Life isn't fair. When we come into the world we aren't promised that everything is going to go just the way we want it to. Everything is not dealt out the same for everyone. I'm going to tell you my story."

"Why are you doing this?"

"To help you, your mom and your sister and even your grandparents out. You see, you have to deal with the loss of your leg. What you don't seem to realize is so does your family. They're the ones who have to hear you whine and cry and listen to you moan about your situation. What happened to you is sad, but it happened. You have to get up and go on with your life. Something similar happened to me. I didn't lose my leg but I lost my hopes and dreams and I had to deal with it."

"You look alright to me. What happened?" asked Brad.

"I was a teenager and I played sports, just like you want to do. I made 'All State' in football and went to college in California. I thought I was really good but I couldn't get past second string, so I gave up and decided to become a dancer."

"But, you got to play football. I can't," spoke Brad.

"Who said you can't play? Granted you probably won't win a scholarship but you can wear a prosthetic device and try out. You'll have to first learn to walk and then maybe jog. Eventually you can learn to run. Will it be harder for you than anyone else? Hell, yes, it will! But you can still try out. You can play baseball, golf and swimming and bowling. It's all yours for the taking, but you have to want it bad enough to try."

"So, what happened to you? I will admit you got me interested."

"I danced professionally. Look, don't tell your mom about this. She doesn't know yet and I want to tell her myself."

"Okay, I won't tell. So, what happened? Did you dance on TV?"

"No, I was in an 'All Male Revue', you know, stage dancing. I loved it, I was good and it was what I wanted to do for many years to come. The money was fantastic and I met a lot of different people."

"You mean girls, don't you, Henry? You were a stripper and met lots of girls."

"Easy now, Brad, we're not going into detail here," we both smiled. "The thing is I loved what I was doing and making beaucoup bucks doing it. Then one day I was in an auto accident and broke my hip. Instantly, in a flash my life as I knew it was over. No more stage, no more lights, no more dancing, my future plans all went up in smoke. I walk with a limp and sometimes use a walking stick."

"So, what did you do? You drive a truck now, don't you?"

"First I was like you. I blamed the world and God and anyone I could for doing this to me. My parents and friends stood by me. They listened to me complain day after day and did what they could to help me. My agent was a wonderful woman who helped me pay off the hospital debts and even offered me alternative work. All these people stood behind a twenty-nine year old man who had to start his life over. You see, Brad, they were in pain too. They were in mourning for me.

"Your mom and sister are in mourning for you. If it would have been your mom or sister who had lost their leg, how would you feel? What would you do to help them? Would you close them out of your life? Think about it, Brad. You have a family that is there to help you, but you have to help yourself first. Put on that artificial leg and learn to walk, then jog and then run. It won't be easy, but you will find out that you can do almost anything if you put your mind to it."

"People will probably laugh at me hobbling along."

"Is that what you do when you see someone with a disability? Do you laugh at them?" I asked Brad.

"Of course not!"

"So why do you feel everyone is going to laugh at you? Granted there will be a few assholes out there, but the majority of people will be rooting for you. I can't make you stop feeling sorry for yourself. You're the only one who can do that. You have to take the necessary steps to move forward. I know you can do it if you want it bad enough. Now what you say we have a couple of burgers, your treat," I laughed.

I called Lil over and told her that Brad and I were hungry and Brad was buying me lunch. We all laughed as Lil gave her son a big hug.

After I left, I thought about Brad and Lil. I hoped he would at least try and walk. When I got home I told my sister about Lil and her family.

"Do you really like this woman Henry?" asked Beth.

"Yes, but I don't know what to tell her about my dancing past. What if she won't go out with me? I really want a relationship with her. I just feel she's might be the one."

"What about your phobia about her cheating on you. Have you given it any thought?"

"Yes, I'm sure she would never do it. If we got together I would want to talk to her about it. Beth, I really, really care for her."

"Henry, you're a good man, you really are. If she is half the woman that you say she is then you will make a wonderful couple."

It was over a month before I got back to the restaurant. I had a run to make going west. Too bad, I had to put off seeing Lil again. I could hardly wait for my next trip east. I finally got a trip to Pennsylvania.

The minute I walked in the restaurant Lil came up to me and gave me a hug.

"What was that for? Not that I'm complaining but I've been trying to get one of those for over six months now," I smiled.

"It's for talking to Brad. He's trying; he wears the artificial leg all the time now and is walking with a walker. I want to thank you so much," replied Lil.

"Does that mean you'll go out with me?" I laughed.

Lil stared at me for what seemed like minutes but I knew was only seconds. "Call me the next time you're coming through and we'll plan something."

I was as happy as could be. I looked back toward the kitchen and Ralph waved a 'hello' at me. I was in heaven. I sat down and ate my dinner; Lil hugged me one more time before I left.

I was really feeling good now. I finally got a date with a woman I really cared about. I know this may seem stupid to a lot of guys who've only had sex with a few women and can't understand the way I feel. Throughout my life, sex was good. Sometimes it was really great, but I never had a loving feeling. Let me try and give you some kind of a comparison analogy.

I remember one time there was this famous comedian who said he was sitting on a nude beach watching all the naked bodies walk by. At the beginning of the day he had to put a towel over his lap to hide his excitement, but as the day wore on he got used to the naked women and didn't pay as much attention to them. Until, a woman with a low cut bathing suit bent over in front of him. He strained his neck trying to get a look at her breasts hidden beneath her bathing suit.

It was the way I felt about women up to that time. I enjoyed my time with them but I was looking for that one special one and I believed it to be Lil. I knew deep down that I was falling in love with her.

I wasn't able to make it back to Pittsburgh for the next month. I had already agreed to make two hauls out west, the complete opposite direction of Lil. I decided since I was driving out west that I would try to locate Julie, my friend and agent. After talking with Brad, I realized how much Julie helped me out during those trying days after my accident. She was there for me and I don't know if I ever properly thanked her for it.

I went to where her offices last were and was told that she had sold her business and didn't leave any forwarding address. She had left a number of years ago. I was down a little about not being able to thank her. Sometimes in life we just wait too long to say "Thank you" to people who have helped us. It's what happened in this case.