After The Fact Ch. 03

Jenny stood, looking a little unsteady. "John, I know I promised not to push you until you were ready, but I need you...please."

I should have said something immediately, but the shock of seeing her like that was overwhelming. I was also struck by how beautiful she looked. She still hadn't gained enough weight to get her figure back, but instead of detracting from her appearance, it made her look more innocent and fragile. I was torn between wanting to protect her and needing to throw her down on the bed and ravage her. I fell into my old pattern of gawking too long.

She began to get tears in her eyes. "John please, I know how you're feeling. If you just will be with me this one time I promise I won't ask you again."

I realized she had misunderstood my hesitancy, so I stepped forward to embrace her. "Jenny, you don't understand. I want this too." I saw her expression change to hopeful. "I was afraid you wouldn't want to, considering the way things have been; especially after yesterday."

"I don't 'want' to, John. I 'need' you inside of me."

I ran my hand through her hair, brushing it out of her face. I gently stroked her cheek with my thumb as I pulled her face close to kiss her. As our lips met, I was struck as always by how soft her lips were. When her tongue moved between my lips, searching out mine, I felt sparks shoot through me. I couldn't remember ever wanting someone this badly.

I moved my lips to the side of her neck, where I knew she was sensitive. She moaned as she ran one hand through my hair, the other stroking my back. I moved to her chest, kissing her breasts through the thin fabric of the top. I could feel her rock her head back as she took in the sensations. Her nipples had always been sensitive, but when I tugged up her top and took one in my mouth, she surprised me with a loud moan and grabbing my head firmly with both hands.

She held me in place, not allowing my lips to move off her breast. I bit gently and pulled on her nipple and she responded by wrapping her fingers in my hair. I was feeling a little out of control and reached behind her, pulling her chest hard against my face. I got as much of her breast into my mouth as I could and sucked hard. I started moving around, leaving small marks all over her chest as she continued to make louder noises. She leaned back until she was laying flat on the bed and dragged me with her.

I moved down to her stomach and leisurely licked small patterns across her flat, smooth skin. She began thrusting her pelvis against my chest, seeking relief for the arousal she was feeling. I wasn't going to be hurried. I wanted to savor every second of this.

When I reached her panties, instead of removing them I decided to tease her. I pulled up slightly on the front and ran my tongue back and forth under the elastic. She lifted her legs and dug her heels into my back. I moved my mouth down and dragged my tongue on the outside of her panties down over her clit, running it through the crease of her pussy. When I got directly over her opening, I realized she was dripping wet.

Instead of doing what she expected, I moved away from her pussy and began nibbling her inner thigh with soft, wet bites. She moaned her disapproval, but I was going to do this my way. I stayed on the inside of her thigh, moving from the edge of her panties down to just above her knee. I let my hand wander up to her panties and stroke softly up and down her pussy, pushing just hard enough with my finger to move the material past her outer lips.

"Oh baby, that's so perfect, right there. Please don't stop that," she moaned.

I increased the tempo with my hand and pushed a little harder. Then I moved my mouth up to her breast again, the change of angle making me alter the way I was using my hand. That change, along with my biting at the nipple I had ignored earlier caused her to reach the plateau I had been looking for.

"John I'm going to...I'm...going to cum. Yesss!" she yelled. She dug her fingernails into my shoulders so hard that she drew blood.

I was suddenly glad we hadn't tried this while Danielle was home. I wasn't finished yet either.

I kissed her briefly, and then moved back down to her panties. I rolled them down her legs slowly; hoping the teasing sensation would keep her excited enough so I could make her cum again. I wanted her to be so overwhelmed that she'd never forget today.

Once I slid her panties off her feet, I moved in quickly, capturing her clit with my lips. I sucked, then licked on the sensitive bud, trying to keep her close to the precipice. After a minute of alternating my technique, I moved my hand back down and inserted my index finger into her opening. As I thrust my finger into her repeatedly, I twisted it in a corkscrew motion. She was so wet that her juices were running down her skin to the bed.

I removed my finger and moved my tongue down through her folds and to her ass while I pushed up on her legs. We had only tried this once or twice, but I thought it would be the change of pace I'd need. At first, I just ran my tongue over her anus while moving my arm around her leg so I could massage her clit with my finger. When she began shaking, I thrust my tongue inside her, just a little, to try to push her over the edge.

She began writhing on the bed, but I couldn't get her to orgasm, so after a couple of minutes, I quickly slid up her body. Since I was just wearing a towel, it was easy to undo with my free hand. Without any warning, I slid my prick into her wet pussy, sliding easily inside. She started to bring her feet behind me but I stopped her. This was how we often initiated sex from the missionary position, but I didn't want any reminders of the video to intrude on this moment. Instead, I grabbed under her knee and lifted it to my shoulder.

If she understood my reaction, she didn't give me any sign. I pushed deeper inside of her, feeling her pussy surrounding my shaft, squeezing it like a vice. I didn't know if it was the length of time since we'd had sex, or if it was just the emotion of the moment, but I couldn't remember her ever feeling that good. I buried my face in her neck and sucked hard, leaving an obvious mark. At the same time, I began quickly moving my hips, trying to get her off.

She screamed again as I started moving faster and another orgasm overtook her. Her hips moved against me hard and it took everything I had to hold on to her. I stopped while the tremors subsided. When she calmed down, I was ready to begin thrusting again, when I noticed a single tear running down her face.

I was immediately concerned. "Jenny, what's wrong? Are you OK?"

At first, she nodded yes, but she looked undecided. After a few seconds, she spoke. "What we just did was wonderful John. But could we slow down now? I want you to take your time and make love to me, even if I don't have an orgasm, it's what I need. OK?"

I didn't know what to say. I had been so fired up to do something she'd never forget; I wasn't sure what to do next. We changed positions and started again, but the mood had been broken. I wasn't sure what she wanted and there was definitely something bothering her. We settled for laying down, facing each other on our sides with me still inside her. I stroked her face, hair and body with my hands as we kissed. When I finally came, it was anti-climactic and somewhat embarrassing. I knew something was wrong, but after four months I couldn't help it, I needed the release.

As I came, she held me tightly, burying her face in my chest. She wrapped her legs around mine almost like she wanted to touch every part of my body at the same time. We stayed together for several minutes, then let go and rolled, turning her back to me.

I put my hand on her shoulder. "Jenny, what happened? You seemed to be really enjoying yourself, and then you got upset. Did I do something wrong?"

"No, it wasn't wrong," she said slowly, "But it wasn't right either." Noting my perplexed look, she continued. "John both of us have been putting off really talking about things since the night I left. I think we need to do this now."

I wasn't so sure. "Jenny, we just finally got things back on track, why now?"

She looked up at me with eyes that reflected a sadness that startled me. "How can you say that? Nothing is on track." When I couldn't think of a way to respond, she said something that made my stomach turn. "Tell me truth, weren't you just thinking about the video?"

I tried to stammer out a defense, but she cut me off. "John, I want to try something. Do you remember the exercise William told us to use?"

"You mean the one where we try to say what each other is thinking?"

She nodded, "Exactly." She sat up in bed and pulled me with to face her. "I want to tell you what I think you're feeling about seeing the video from the hotel, then I want you to try."

I couldn't believe she was bringing this up now. It seemed like such a waste. I didn't want to say anything stupid after us finally getting back together, so I motioned for her to go ahead.

"You are hurt that I could enjoy myself with those men and Megan. You are concerned that I feel there is something missing in our marriage, which is why I did those things. You don't know if you can trust me because I did that, then lied to you." She looked away from me. "You are worried about what I think about you physically because...well one of them had a...was large," she finished with difficulty.

I tried to stay calm, but she was closer than I wanted to admit. "That's quite a list, is there anything else?"

She looked back at me, "You think I liked being with them more than you because I let him..." She couldn't say David's name out loud. "Take me in a way I wouldn't let you."

The look on my face must have given me away. How could she know me so well? I was embarrassed that I could be so transparent. She turned away for a moment, then looked back at me with tears brimming in her eyes. She refused to wipe them away. "Was I right?"

When I nodded, she told me to start. I hated the thought of this. The reason I liked Bryan so much in the first place was that he didn't have us do stupid crap like this. If she wanted me to know how she felt, she should just tell me. I scrambled to come up with a list off the top of my head.

"You are embarrassed that I saw you doing those things. You are sad that I had to see it and what happened between us. You want me to let you make it up to me." I tried, but couldn't come up with any more. "Well?"

I tried to get a clue from her eyes, but couldn't read her expression. It was almost like the first time I saw her at Nicole's house. Kind of detached, but still obviously suffering.

"Not even close."

She didn't elaborate and I began to feel uncomfortable. I suddenly realized how naked I was and awkwardly covered myself. "What do you mean?" I wondered what I could have missed.

"I'm sad because I have to live the rest of my life knowing you think of me as a whore."

I was shocked. "Whoa, I never said anything like that! I love you. I had you come home so we could fix things. Where the hell did you get the idea I felt like that about you?"

She kept giving me the same look and said, "It's not an idea, it's the truth." When I couldn't think of what to say, she went on.

"How does that saying go?" She paused for a moment, "Oh yeah, 'You are what you choose to be.' I lived my entire life without ever doing anything like what happened in New Orleans. I choose to be a good person, I didn't lie, people had respect for me and I was loved. In two days, I destroyed everything and I can never get it back. You will never look at me again without qualifying it by thinking about the fact that for 48 hours I chose to be a whore."

I tried to interrupt, but she stopped me. "It's my fault all of this has happened, I don't blame you at all. Somewhere in my heart, I wanted to believe that you could forgive me, but I was wrong. I knew it when you stopped me from helping you get inside me. You were thinking about the video while we were having sex, weren't you?"

Now I was completely busted. I tried to think of a way to defend myself. After all, how could I help what flashed in my mind. It had only been two months since I saw the fucking video, how could anyone get that out of their head? In the end, I wound up nodding stupidly.

"You tried to make the sex really amazing for me, didn't you?"

"Yes, but what's wrong with that?"

"You didn't do it for me. You did it to prove that you could do it better than the others and that I didn't need anyone else. You wanted to make me see that you were the best."

"I still don't see how that was wrong."

"This was the first intimate moment we've had in four months and you used it to one-up the guys who treated me like a whore. What makes you think I'd want you to treat me like they did, just better?"

I stared at her numbly. This was getting out of control fast. "I wasn't doing that. I wasn't one-upping anyone. I was just trying to make you happy."

She seemed frustrated. "You don't understand, I was already happy! I didn't go to New Orleans to get laid. I didn't go there to be used like a cheap slut, and then thrown away. I didn't enjoy the way it made me feel and I never want to do anything like that again. You keep thinking I did this because of something you did wrong or that I wanted something you couldn't give me."

Her expression softened, "I have never regretted anything about our relationship other than the problems we were having. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. I didn't have fantasies about other guys. I never felt like I was missing out on anything by being with you."

"I made a horrible decision. I still don't understand why I did it, but I would do anything to take it back. For six months, I lived with it every day without being able to talk to you about it. It has killed me in ways I can't describe. Now when you finally give me another chance, I find out that you think you need to compete with it?"

I couldn't just take it anymore. "I saw the fucking video! You did enjoy it. You liked it when Jake fucked you with his big dick. You enjoyed Megan going down on you and you enjoyed doing it to her. You liked it when David fucked you in the ass. What exactly is it that I don't understand?" I suddenly realized I was shouting. Jenny laid down on the bed and curled into a ball.

"Oh shit, Jenny I'm sorry. Honey, I didn't mean that. I...I..." I had no idea what to say. As she sobbed, I tried to calm her down. When nothing seemed to work, I just sat there feeling helpless. I couldn't believe I could get so angry, so fast. How could I treat her like that right after she opened herself up to me?

"It's OK, I told you I understand." Her voice sounded small and frightened. "I don't care if this is the worst fight we ever have, we are going to talk this out now. I don't want any more stalling." She started gaining some strength.

"Yes, you saw how I acted on the video. I can't deny any of it. I won't make excuses. But you didn't see when they left and I cried myself to sleep. You didn't see the next morning when I was in so much pain, I couldn't make it out of the room and Megan had to get me pain pills from one of the bridesmaids. You couldn't know how humiliating it was to have the bride ask me what happened and if I was OK."

By now, she had built her own head of steam. "I fucked up everything!" She looked me in the eyes and didn't flinch. "I acted like a whore and they treated me like one. The only thing missing was the money on the nightstand. I love you with every bit of my heart, but I still did every one of those sick things you saw. I have to live with that for the rest of my life. I know that if we stay together one day we'll have a fight, it might be a week, it might be ten years from now, and you'll think about the video. It's forever John! I can never get back what we had, the way you used to look at me, like I was somebody special." She stopped, suddenly unable to continue.

I reached out to grab her, but she hit at my chest with her fists. Undeterred, I just pulled her to me and held her. She stopped fighting and started crying hard against my chest. I could feel her tears running down my skin and felt it was my turn to confess. I didn't know what else to do.

"When I asked you to come home, I wasn't sure if I was ready. I just knew that I had to do it for Danielle." I felt her shoulders heave as she cried even harder against me. "I did it because I couldn't stand to see her so upset. I couldn't stand to see you hurting like that either. I'm sorry if it caused some of this. I was just trying to make everyone happy."

I felt her push away from me slightly. I looked down to see her staring up at me.

"What about you?"

I just shrugged, "What about me? I felt like shit no matter what. I missed you. You are my best friend and my lover. If things weren't so great in the love department, I could live with it. As long as you two were happy, we could work out the rest."

"Damn it John, don't you get it? There is no working out the rest without the love. Why would you want to work anything out with me after what happened if you don't love me?"

"I didn't say I don't love you. I just didn't know how long it would take us to get things right again. You don't understand how hard this has been for me. Every night I've got Danielle asking me why I won't forgive you and telling me how much she misses you. I have our friends dropping hints about how much better everything would be if I gave you another chance. Then there's your family, who I love, hinting about it every chance they've got. Plus I missed you so much I thought I was going crazy." I looked away in frustration.

She touched my face with her hand. I really loved how she did that. It was a small gesture, but one that always was special to me.

"I understand how hard it was for you which is why I never pressured you for anything. Even when I knew you were holding back, I didn't push because I wanted you to talk to me when you were ready. I would have waited, no matter how long it took."

She took a deep breath, then continued. "John, if we had kept making love the way it started today, what would have happened tomorrow?" I didn't know where she was going with this, so I just shrugged. "If you gave me the single greatest sexual experience of my life and I came a dozen times, what's next? What happens tomorrow if I'm in the wrong mood or something and I don't have an orgasm? What happens in a month or two when things go back to normal?" "

"If you look at this as a competition, when it isn't perfect, am I going to have to start faking it so you don't worry? We've had sex before when I didn't cum. I still have loved every single time we've ever done it because it was with you. I've even loved it when one of us wasn't in the mood so we just held each other."

I had to admit, I hadn't thought beyond today. "I didn't think about it like that. I just wanted the first time back to be special."

"Anything we did together would have been special. The way you started felt great but I didn't come up here for a bunch of orgasms. I came up here because I was lonely, I missed my husband and wanted him to make love to me. After all the things you've had to deal with, I wanted our first time back to be something that wouldn't remind you of what I did. I wanted to give you something I couldn't have possibly ever given anyone else...me."

"The way we did it together at the end was exactly what I wanted. I just wanted to feel you inside of me and touching me. It felt wonderful for me because it was with you, the only person I've ever loved enough to totally give myself to. It was special, just for us. Later, when we aren't both dealing with the past, we can do whatever we want. I'll do anything you ask me to, except share you with someone else. For now, I just want to take it slowly and for us to get used to each other again. It's what I need. OK?"