'I am going to kill Carl!' I thought for the hundredth time.
I wanted to jump up and run screaming from the restaurant, but I remained seated and kept a smile plastered on my face. It wasn't easy. I probably didn't need to bother. I doubt the girl across from me would have noticed if I let my true emotions show. She was too busy telling me her life story to see much else.
'It's my own fault,' I signed to myself. 'I know better than to go on blind dates. Besides, Carl did warn me that he didn't know Barbara well. He only set us up because she was hot and my type.'
The woman across from me was both of those things. Barbara had blond hair, blue eyes and a tight body. All in all, she was just as hot as Carl promised. It was too bad she had an ego the size of Texas, a whiney voice and a grating personality. I tried to listen to her at first out of politeness, but when she wasn't bragging, she was surprisingly cruel. Maybe it was just her mood and the alcohol, but I didn't think so. All the people in her life were sad losers who were obviously blessed that she bothered to talk to them at all. This included her parents and siblings.
Barbara continued to talk without any real input from me through the entire meal. I ate, put on an attentive expression, nodding every once in a while, but my mind wondered frequently from her story. Frankly, it just wasn't that interesting. I should have given up a while ago, but did I mention she was hot? It had also been a while.
I glanced around at the other patrons out of boredom. The restaurant was packed so at least I had something to do. There was a family of five at one table. The kids were pretty young. The older two were constantly fighting and the baby kept throwing things on the floor, but the parents seemed to be enjoying themselves despite the havoc.
There was a couple around my age sitting at a small table. They were talking softly and smiling. The woman was on the plain side, but I found myself jealous of the guy anyway. They seemed to really love ach other.
The next table had three girlfriends. They were talking and laughing like friends typically do when they were out together. They looked cute, but also too young for me. I watched them for a few minutes anyway before moving on to the next table.
It was obvious that the guy there and one of the girls were husband and wife. They just had that look. The other girl was laughing at something that was said. She was a tall woman with long dark hair and a pretty face.
'Nice smile,' I thought, and it was true. 'I bet she could be pretty hot if she lost weight.' The woman was heavy, but most of her excess weight seemed to be focused in one area, her ass. Now I've been known to appreciate an overly large backside upon occasion, but this one was seriously big!
'She's not my type anyway,' I thought and moved on to the next table.
I took my time, but eventually I finished looking at the other patrons. I glanced at Barbara. She was still going strong, with no end in sight. I let my mind wander again, trying to see if I could remember anyone more annoying than the woman sitting across from me.
"Next time we go out, I'll have to pick the restaurant. The food here is barely eatable," Barbara said, drawing my attention back to her.
I took a deep breath and thought to myself, 'It's decision time. Just how badly do I want to get laid?'
"My last boyfriend was weak and useless, especially in bed," she continued. "But he did know all the good places to eat in this backward little town."
'Is she for real?' I caught myself asking. I mean, she was hot, but come on! I hesitated, but I just couldn't take it any longer. I stood and pulled out my wallet.
"What are you doing?" she asked in surprise.
"Paying for dinner," I said, dropping more than enough money to cover the meal.
"But I'm not done yet," Barbara said.
"I am," I said, making it obvious that I was finished with more than just my food.
"How rude!" she snapped.
"You're right," I shrugged. "But not nearly as rude and talking for over half an hour without stopping to take a breath and without having a single kind word for anyone. The next time you go out with a guy, you might want to try and have a conversion instead of giving him your life story. Frankly, it's just not that interesting."
"That's a little harsh, isn't it?" I heard someone ask from behind me. I turned and saw the woman with the large ass. She was prettier up close. She must have been returning to her table from the restroom.
"Mind your own business!" Barbara snapped. She was obviously drunk on top of everything else. "I don't need some cow to come to my defense!"
"I stand corrected," the woman said, shaking her head and looking at me.
"She's amazing, isn't she?" I asked, unable to resist smiling.
"Are all your dates this pleasant?" the brunette asked.
"Most of the blond ones," I replied. She burst out laughing and it took me a second to realize what I'd said. I corrected myself, "I mean blind ones."
"Perhaps that's your problem?" she grinned. "Maybe you should skip going out on blind dates for a while? Either that, or stop dating blonds." I couldn't help myself. I laughed.
"Or perhaps," Barbara said coldly as she stood. "You should date someone that fits you better, like a dark haired cow!"
"I've never had someone dump me on our first date and in the middle of a meal," the woman replied with false sweetness. "I bet this isn't your first time?"
"I attract a lot of guys," Barbara replied. "Some of them are bound to be losers. I guess you've just been lucky. Or is it that you don't date very much?"
I watched them for a moment, and yes, I let my eyes glance down at the brunette's ass. It was extremely large. I can't say it didn't interest me, but there was a limit to everything, even the good things. It was a shame though because there was something about her I liked.
"Ladies," I interjected. "Not that it's not fun to watch you two exchange barbs, but it's been a long night. I'm going to the bar and getting a drink. Goodbye."
"That's it?" Barbara cried. "You're leaving just like that?"
"Do you really blame him?" the other woman asked.
"Please!" the blond snapped. "He's a guy. They're only after one thing anyway."
"You really believe that, don't you?" the brunette asked, shaking her head.
"I'll prove it," Barbara said, and then turned to me and added, "Come home with me. I promise I'll make it a night you'll never forget."
"Yeah, right," I snorted in disbelief.
"No," the blond said. "I'm serious. You're a jerk, but you're a good-looking jerk and I'm in the mood. Besides, all guys are jerks. It I let that stop me I'd still be a virgin."
I looked at her and shook my head, but here's the sad part. I was tempted to go with her. In fact, if doing so didn't make Barbara seem like she was right and the other woman wrong, I probably would have. Like I said, it's been a while and Barbara was hot.
"Barbara," I said, still shaking my head. "I'd like to say it's been a pleasure, but we both know that would be a lie." She looked at me in surprise. I guess not a lot of guys turned her down. She was at a loss of words for a moment, but it didn't last. She smiled cruelly.
"You should come out of the closet," she said. "It's okay to be gay these days."
"Wow!" the big-bottomed woman cried. "You really must have one heck of an ego to twist being turned down into an admittance of homosexuality."
I left the two of them at that point and went to the bar. The first drink went down quickly and helped. It helped a lot. I took my time on the second. I was just finishing it when the brunette came up to the bar and sat next to me.
"Hello," she said. "Sorry for putting my two cents in back there."
"That's okay," I shrugged, but then smiled and added, "But you do know that she was right? All men are jerks and are only after one thing."
"And yet you didn't go home with her," the brunette replied.
"I almost did," I replied honestly.
"I don't think so," she said.
"Think what you want," I shrugged. "But I can prove it you."
"And how will you do that?" she asked.
"I'll tell you what I'm thinking right," I answered.
"Barbara? Naked and gagged?" she guessed. I laughed.
"She's not who I was thinking about. Besides, I've never been into the bondage thing. On the other hand a gag in her mouth does sound interesting," I laughed. The brunette joined me.
"So, who were you thinking about?" she asked once we stopped laughing. She was watching me. I liked her smile, even if she wasn't my type. I figured a little harmless flirting wouldn't hurt anyone.
"Actually," I said, taking a sip from my drink. "I was thinking that as far I'm concerned, you own me what Barbara promised. You owe me a night I'll never forget."
"Do I now?" she asked, laughing.
"Of course," I said, but then smiled slowly and added, "But don't worry, I'm in no rush to collect." She stopped laughing. I frowned and asked, "What wrong?"
"Nothing," she said curtly.
"You're a miserable liar," I said, shaking my head. "What's bothering you? I apologize if I was too forward. I was just trying to do some harmless flirting."
"I bet your flirting isn't harmless with someone who looks like Barbara," she said pointedly, and the truth hit me.
"You're not letting Barbara's cow comment bother you, are you?" I asked. "She was a complete and total bitch!"
"Doesn't make her wrong," the woman sighed.
"Please!" I snorted. "Everything about Barbara was wrong!"
"Well, you're right about that," the woman said, smiling slightly again and shaking her head. "Sorry."
"No problem," I said. "I didn't mean to offend you. You're a beautiful woman, but after listening to Barbara's life story, I'm not up for much other than getting drunk."
"Hmm," she said slowly. "Getting drunk sounds like fun right about now. Do you mind if I join you? Don't worry. It will just be two friends having drinks together." I looked at her. She was watching me and I couldn't deny I liked her smile.
"Hey Jerry!" I called to the bartender. He turned and made his way over. "Please put a drink for my friend on my tab."
"What will you have?" Jerry asked. She told him.
"Thanks," she said. "My name is Alice." I told her my name.
"What happened to your friends?" I asked.
"They had to get home," she replied. "Their baby sitter is expensive." I smiled and nodded.
Two hours later we were both feeling no pain. It got so bad that we decided to share a cab home. Nether one of us was in any shape to drive.
"Thanks for a good night," Alice said as the cab took us toward her home first. "I needed that."
"Me too," I smiled. She was looking at me and I couldn't help myself. I kissed her.
"What happened to just being friends?" she asked with a slow smile.
"I'm a guy," I shrugged. "Like I said earlier, Barbara was right. Besides, you're far too tempting to just be friends with." She smiled and we kissed again. That lasted until the cab stopped at her place.
"Well, this night turned out a lot better than I expected," Alice laughed, almost nervously.
"It doesn't have to end," I said. "You could invite me up?" She looked at me and I smiled. She did too, slowly.
"Well," she said. "I do owe you a night you'll never forget."
"Yes, you do," I grinned and paid the cabby.
Alice walked ahead of me and I couldn't help but watch her ass as she went. It was big, huge even, but in my current state that only made her more enticing to me. I had a thing for asses and hers was going to be the biggest I've ever seen. It swayed very nicely as she moved.
We entered her place, but I didn't notice much at first. Instead, I stopped and pulled Alice to me as the door shut. We were both still drunk, but the kiss we shared showed great promise. Alice was a lot taller than the girls I typically dated. She was barely an inch shorter than my six feet. The angle of the kiss felt a bit odd, but I got over it quickly enough.
"Wait here," she smiled, pulling away from me. "I'll be right back. There's beer in the refrigerator if you're in the mood."
I went and grabbed a beer as she disappeared into what looked like a bedroom. I also took a moment to use her bathroom. Afterward, I spent time looking around her place while I waited. There were a lot of pictures on the wall. The artist was very good and I enjoyed myself as I moved from one to other. I didn't really notice how long it was taking Alice until I realized that my beer was done and I had to use the bathroom again. Beer had a tendency to go through me quickly, but not that quickly!
I stopped in the bathroom once more briefly and then went to the door Alice had entered. I knocked before entering. Alice was on her bed, passed out. I groaned. First, because I knew that meant I wouldn't be getting laid, and second because she was naked. I was tempted, but I wasn't that type of guy. I started to walk out when I noticed that she was on top of the covers and that they were bunched. She'd be cold eventually and the covers knotted under her like they were couldn't be comfortable. I decided I couldn't leave her like that.
I moved to her bed and shifted her until I was able to get the sheets out from under her. Alice suddenly rolled onto her stomach and I got my first look at her naked ass. It seemed even bigger without clothes on. I was surprised by just how strong my body reacted to the sight. There was no denying that her ass was fat and the biggest I'd ever seen, but I couldn't help but admit that I liked it.
"Time to go," I sighed to myself as I pulled the sheets over her. Alice smiled in her sleep and I couldn't resist leaning forward and stealing one last kiss.
She surprised me by returning my kiss. She also rolled onto her side and pulled me down onto the bed. The only truly fat part of her was her ass, but she was a big woman. I noticed how long her arms were when she wrapped them around me and drifted back into a deeper sleep.
Alice's breasts were nice and her stomach, although not flat, was also not overly large either. She wasn't built fragile in any sense of the word, but despite her size, there was a softness about her that I liked. I wrapped my arms around her and shifted so that her head was resting on my shoulder. It felt surprisingly good. So good in fact, that I let myself get comfortable.
I woke up to the sun and Alice's smile. It was a very pretty smile. I felt surprisingly good considering how much alcohol I drank. Alice's bed was very comfortable. It was either that or Alice herself who helped me sleep so well.
"I hope it was a night you'll never forget because I can't remember a thing," she joked nervously, breaking the silence.
"That's because nothing happened," I smiled. "Yet."
"Yet?" she asked. "You mean, now that you're sober you're not going to slip away?"
"You're kidding, right?" I asked. "I'm lying next to a beautiful naked woman and you think I'm going to leave?"
"You think I'm beautiful?" she asked in surprise.
"Of course," I replied. "But only because it's the truth."
"Please!" she snorted. "I'm not bad looking, but I'm way too big for most guys to think of as beautiful, and that was before I let my ass get this size."
"I'm not most guys," I replied. "And it took all my will powers last night not to show you just how much I appreciate your ass."
"You can be serious," she said. "It's huge!"
She wasn't wrong about her ass, but I wasn't lying either. I really did like it and there was only one thing I could do about it. I wasn't going to let a chance like this slip by. I surprised Alice by taking one of her hands and moving it between my legs. Her eyes grew large as she felt my hardness through my pants.
"It got like that from only talking about your ass," I smiled. "What do you think will happen if we do more than just talk?"
"You want to do more than that?" she asked. I could feel her excitement building. That was okay. So was mine.
"A lot more," I answered, reaching behind her and caressing her large ass. She was watching my eyes carefully. I smiled and kissed her again.
Her ass was far too big for one hand. I pulled her on top of me and started using both hands on her butt. My hardness pressed into her stomach.
"That feels so good!" she moaned. We continued like that for a long time until I couldn't take it any longer.
"Alice, I hope you're in the mood," I groaned. "Because you're driving me crazy!"
"Why don't you get rid of your clothes," she smiled sexily, rolling off of me.
I got out of bed and stripped out of my clothes as quickly as possible. Alice eyed my cock hungrily and bit her bottom lip as it popped free of my underwear. She reached for it. I had no intention of stopping her. I stood there for a few moments letting her stroke my hardness before I climbed back into the bed.
"Now what?" she smiled. Her expression was a mix of anticipation and trepidation. I kissed her again before rolling her onto her stomach. She laughed as she cried, "Hey! What are you doing?"
"Getting a look at your ass," I replied, grabbing her meaty backside and squeezing. Her ass was large, round and very pale.
"That's more than looking!" she gasped.
"So is this!" I said hungrily and bent forward. Alice moaned loudly as I spread her legs and buried my face between her large ass cheeks. I tasted her pussy for the first time and it was good, very good. The brunette spread herself wider to give better access. I pushed my face in deeper. Her ass was so big that it was actually hard to breath, but I found a way.
I licked and tasted her for quite a while. I teased her by bringing her to the brink of orgasm and pulling back a couple of times. She moaned in frustration.
"Stop being mean!" Alice cried. "Please!"
I was tempted to finish her off with my mouth, but she obviously wanted more. I wasn't going to argue with her need. I sat up and shifted until my cock was lined up with her pussy. I shoved myself as deep as I could go on the first stroke. Her body shivered as my hips slammed into her ass.
I pulled back and thrust into her again. Alice cried out and I did it again, and again. She came after only a few strokes, but I couldn't stop myself from continuing. The sight of her ass shaking with every thrust was too much. Alice seemed to enjoy it even after she was done. In fact, it wasn't long before she started pushing back to meet my strokes.
I took hold of her thick hips and rammed in and out of her pussy. I watched Alice's ass as our bodies crashed together over and over again. The sight made me stiffen even more and she moaned loudly. I couldn't resist. I let go of one of her hips and slapped her ass.
"Hey!" she cried, more in surprise than anything else.
"Can you blame me?" I groaned. "It looks so good!" She glanced at me over her shoulder. I let her see my hunger and need.
"Wow, my ass really does turn you on!" she gasped in surprise.
"You have no idea!" I growled, slapping it again. This time Alice moaned. I slapped it again and she moaned louder.
"Harder!" she cried, so I slapped her ass with more strength.
"No!" she gasped. "I meant fuck me harder!"
"I can do both," I replied, slamming into her.
"Yes!" she cried.
I loved thrusting into Alice. She was a big woman and was obviously able to handle the pounding. Handle? Hell, she loved it as much as I did!
She was near another orgasm and my own was building fast. I continued to work her pussy until we both were on the edge. I rested one hand on her ass and let my thumb drift lower. Alice didn't comment until it was against her opening.
"Don't!" she cried. I moved my thumb in small circles, but didn't push in.
"I told you I wanted to do more to your big ass," I said, my voice controlled, but hungry.
"You can't be serious!" she moaned.