I thought I'd share one of my life lessons with you.
I was out a group event Tuesday night, when I heard a gentlemen say, "See it's good to be the Alpha Male." As he put his arms around the two women he was standing next to. The guy he was talking to just shook his head and asked the two ladies about their kids, their husbands and how things were going. It kind of stopped me and I started wondering, is all it takes to be an alpha merely a bad attitude.
Up until very recently I had never really thought about what the difference was between a Dom and an Alpha. I mean we all know that a Dom is someone who chooses to use influence or control. We've all known Dominants or had dominating people in our lives. So exactly what is a an Alpha Dom. And why do they seem to be a little rarer. A little harder to find. I'm sure that like my little encounter Tuesday, we've met guy's parading as Alphas before. Can we define the difference? Or is it just something we know at a subconscious level?
A number of the people I've met who are Dom's achieve their goal through cruelty or meanness. Alphas are a little different. An Alpha is not cruel. Mostly because it never occurs to them. They give an order and are surprised if it is not obeyed. They don't work at Dominating people. It's just more an offshoot of their personality.
Alphas also tend toward precision of speech. They mean what they say and say what they mean. They are true to their word, and do not say something that they can't stand behind. But even good Dominants do this. So obviously there is more to it than just keeping your word.
What really sets them apart is how they lead. They do not merely give orders but also act as a caretaker or shepherd. If you've ever watched any nature show's I'm sure you've seen the Alpha male of the herd. He watches for predators, set's grazing boundaries and defends the herd.
In our society that means that the Alpha cares for his/her people. Nothing can harm them without immediate retribution from the Alpha. They also understand their submissives and that submission comes with a price. The dominant knows that he must attend to his/her people. Guide them when needed and care for them always. To insure the pack's survival. This isn't just a part time job, it has to be done twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, three hundred and sixty five days a year.
Now here is the interesting part. As an Alpha the most important lesson you can learn is one of submission, to give up control when you are always the one is control is the true test of an Alpha. As a caretaker it is an Alphas job to bring up or help raise their pack. This includes allowing the young to stretch their wings and gain some modicum of fulfillment and control. In the wild, the Alpha drives out the young bucks, and when they return they fight to see who has control of the pack. Well that doesn't work so well with humanity. Instead the Alpha mentor's the young and gives them encouragement to be who and what they can be. And to do this an Alpha surrenders control.
An alpha does not always have to prove to anyone that he/she is superior to them. Quite the contrary. The Alpha meets you with respect and allows you find your own niche. Always providing you with a way to keep your dignity intact. It's a amazing how they do this with so little effort.
My best example of an Alpha would be John Wayne. In his movies he always allowed his opponents a way to keep their dignity. He treated people with respect even if he had to kill them later. He would meet you open and honestly, always meaning what he said. He took care of those under him and made sure that they prospered as individuals. You can clearly see all the traits that make up an Alpha.
You may or may not be an Alpha. Does it matter if you are? No it does not. Each and every one of us should strive to be the best us we can be. Don't ever sell yourself short. Each of us has a place in the wheel of life. Live yours to the fullest.