Alt.Endings: The Experiment

This story was inspired by "The Experiment" by LittleTom. Many of this writer's stories end up with a man changed horribly against his will, with no return to any sort of normalcy. I thought that I might save this one.

I woke too early in the morning from an exhausted and unsatisfying sleep. I looked down at my wife, still dead to the world from her escapades of the night before. The sheet under her was damp with the fluids leaking from her and small bite marks on her breasts after sex with Will. That triggered something in my mind that I couldn't bring myself to think about.

Looking down at the clothes I was still wearing from my ordeal of yesterday, I was suddenly repulsed. I frantically stripped the offensive garments from my body, and took a very hot shower, trying to clean something I couldn't see from my body. When I got out of the bathroom, I looked at my still sleeping wife, a rampage of emotions running through my head. I could hear the children beginning to stir, and got dressed quickly so I could deal with them before they woke my wife.

When I got into their room, my oldest, ever more aware of her surroundings as the days of her childhood flew by, looked up into my eyes and frowned. "Why are you crying, Daddy?"

A dam burst inside me, and I collapsed on the floor sobbing, gathering my children to me, as they all began to cry with me, none of us knowing what else to do.

When she woke, I had coffee ready in the kitchen, and the children were deeply involved with the telly. My wife wouldn't look me in the eye, not that I would have been able to look in hers. We said little, dancing around the topic that I felt was eating us both alive. Eventually, I couldn't stand it anymore, and left the house "For a walk", I told her. I didn't even here her reply.

As I walked along the path that she and I had walked many times, my mind whirled. What was I to do? What could I do? Were they right, did I need this somehow? My own arousal at the sight of my wife being taken disturbed me more than anything else. It seemed to say terrible things about me. And this was not completely my fault. I had set up the initial encounter, yes, as a way to add excitement to our sex lives, to fulfill some odd fantasy in my head, but that was all I did. My wife had called Charlie for the second encounter. Would any of the last few days events have taken place if all had stopped after the first encounter?

Would I have let it end after that encounter?

But the biggest thoughts in my head were of the children. Will last night, and the others on previous nights, had done all this to my wife while my children were in the house. Our oldest, Anna, was very perceptive, and I knew that she was getting disturbed by the tensions in the house. What if she had woken up with a nightmare, or a sudden cough? To have seen her Uncle Will, fucking her mother's brains out on the sofa while I was on my knees, handcuffed, a bucket of my own vomit in front of me...

Suddenly it was clear to me what I had to do. I turned and strode back to the house with what I imagined was a determined look on my face.

When I arrived back home, it was a little over an hour since I had left. I came to the door just as my in-laws were packing my children into their car. I had forgotten that they were going to spend the day and night with Grammy and Grandad. This would make the conversation that I planned to have a little easier. At least it wouldn't have to wait for them to go to bed. The earlier we started, the better. I kissed my little ones goodbye, and hugged my in-laws,. Karen looked at me a little strangely, I thought, though it might have been my paranoia. My wife and I waved good bye, and turned to go inside.

As I inhaled to start what I feared would be the hardest conversation of my marriage, my wife informed me "Charlie called. He and Will are coming over tonight for dinner." She reddened. "And they are bringing a couple of friends."

My resolve hardened at that moment. "No, call them and tell them that it's over. I want my life back, I want my marriage back. This is going to stop now."

She slapped me! Hard enough to hurt, it brought tears to my eyes.

"No! Didn't you learn last night? I told you that if you stayed, you would no longer have any choice. This is about giving up control. When you stayed last night, you gave up control. I told you. Now, "

I interrupted her, perhaps for the first time in our marriage. "No! I stayed last night because, well, honestly, I don't know why. My mind was whirling, I was confused, I didn't even know that the time had passed. No conscious decision was made. But I cannot, I will not continue to go along with this process." I raised my hand to stop her protests. "I may have started this with my twisted fantasy of a threesome, but you continued it when you called Charlie back. You say that this is something that you need. Well, do you need it so badly that you are willing to destroy me in the process? Because that is what is happening. And I won't allow it. I can't allow it."

"You don't have any choice in the matter." Her voice was no longer angry, she talked to me as if I were a child, trying to sooth me. "I love you, and want to spend the rest of my life with you. This is just something that I have to do now, while I still can. What you and I did that first night, it awoke something within me that will not be denied. It won't destroy you, I promise. You will come to understand as I do, and when this is all over, we will be able to grow old together, I promise."

I looked at her with tears in my eyes and asked "But who will I be. What will I be."

"You will be with me." She said firmly. "Now, get yourself cleaned up, and clean up this place. I have to go to the store to get food for the dinner tonight. We are having 5 guests, so make sure that the table is set appropriately. I will be back in a couple of hours." And with that, she went out the door.

I cried by myself on the sofa for almost an hour, wondering what I was going to do. I thought again of last night, of my wife forcing my lips onto Will's cock, and of the snatches of whispered conversation I had heard the first night that they spent together. My resolved hardened again.

I put on my pea coat, and picked up the small suitcase I had packed. I dropped the letter I had written on the table that I hadn't set, and walked out of the kitchen. As I went through the hall, I noticed the photo of the family that was on the small table there. All five of us, looking happy at Christmas last year.. I picked it up and put it into my bag, and walked to the door.

My Dear Wife,

I cannot do this anymore. It is to my terrible shame that I am the one who started this, but I never envisioned where it was going. When it started, it was something exciting for us to do, to grow and experience together. Instead, it has become a nightmare. You are receiving something that you claim that I can't give you, something you need so terribly that nothing I say or do can dissuade you from getting it. You are getting terrible, exciting sexual adventures that leave you gasping in pleasure.

I, on the other hand, am being destroyed, piece by piece. My manhood is being ripped from me. I receive pain, torture, humiliation, and worse, deceit from the woman I love more than anything in the world.

You told me last night that you didn't think that you could stay if it were you. The thoughts running through my head as you left were confused, scattered. I was barely aware of the time passing, when you and my former friend came back. But the strongest thought, the one that won out, was of our children. If I left, they would have to go through the pain of a divorce, and that they might find out what I had done, what you had done.... I couldn't do that to them.

But then you and he came back. And did that to me, and in front of me. I said former friend, and I mean that. You told me that he is a friend still, but no friend I can imagine, even in my nightmares, could do what he has done and still remain a friend. I regret every kindness I ever showed him when his wife left him. In payment, he is ripping my heart out. You may tell him that, word for word.

I can't do this anymore. What started out as an experiment, a chance to try something new, has turned into something horrible, at least for me. For you, well, you say that you are getting what you want and need. You have had more orgasms and sex in the last few weeks than in our entire married lives, you are being fulfilled. You are enjoying the attentions of men I can never hope to match.

I am being destroyed. I am getting pain and humiliation. You led me to believe that I might be getting some of my own grand sexual adventures yesterday, but you deceived me, didn't you? You knew that instead, I would be getting more pain and humiliation, and no sexual release whatsoever, so that you could enjoy something at my expense. You get what you want and need, I get a wife who deceives me. And when I don't come home and jump for joy at the events of the day, you beat me and force me to take into my mouth the cock of a former friend before and after he fucks you as I sit bound in the same room. WITH MY CHILDREN UPSTAIRS! My sexual experiences have paled before yours. The few orgasms I have had lately have been horrid, painful affairs, hardly more enjoyable than the beating you gave me last night. The sole exception is the "good doggy" blowjob you bestowed upon me after your first night of marvelous sex with Will, making it clear that I was destined to be a pet at best. You say that you will be so lonely if I leave, but how can I believe that, when you have your lovers at your side, ready to humiliate and hurt me, with a simple phone call. How lonely will you really be? You say that you love me still, I cannot believe that you love me now; I don't even believe that you like me.

And then this morning, our oldest, ever more perceptive every day, asked me why I was crying, why I was so sad. And I had nothing to tell her. I had a vision of her leaving her bed at strange sounds coming from the living room, and seeing you getting fucked on the couch while I was handcuffed in the corner, your lover's semen on my face. I broke down then, gathering all our children to me as we sobbed on the floor.

That is why I am leaving. It is clear to me now that the end result of all this is to turn me into less than a man, a thing that quails at the sound of your voice, that waits up for you to return from your romps with your alpha males, that keeps house and reputation intact for you. Last night I stayed because I couldn't let the children face a divorce. Today I leave because I cannot become this thing that you want me to be - a thing that no child could respect or love; that no woman could ever respect or love. I have hated myself more every day, and I must stop the hate before it overwhelms me. Better for our children to have a divorced father than a shameful thing that cowers in the corner. I hope that you will let me see my beloved children.

I will regret to my dieing day the fact that I ever started this.

Your Husband

I quietly closed and locked the door behind me, and walked down the street.