Always

I stood there looking at him, wondering why Max, who never cried, now couldn't seem to stop. I couldn't understand it, couldn't figure out why I was having such a bizarre dream. I asked Max what was going on, but he didn't seem to hear me. I yelled then and waved my hands anything to get his attention. But it was no use. Okay, I decided, I'll wait for the dream to end. That never happened.

"Look at me," I gasped. "I want you to be looking at me when you come."

Max opened his eyes and focused on mine. "I don't know if I can do that," he hissed through clenched teeth.

"You have to," my words punctuated by the now urgent movement of my hips. "I need you to be with me. I need us to be — together."

He slowed fractionally and nodded. "Together," he echoed hoarsely.

I watched as the days slipped by and the life I'd built with the man I'd loved fell apart. He couldn't get past it, the grief, and the guilt. At first he cried and when that didn't work he raged. He broke things in an effort to repair the damage he felt he'd caused. Caitlin was a living reminder of me and he could barely stand to be around her. Janet took her home. It was only supposed to be temporary, but slowly Caitlin became more hers than his. After a couple of weeks, Max pulled himself together, at least on the outside, and went back to work with a vengeance. It was as if he was telling himself that since he'd sacrificed his family for the business, he'd better make a success of it. And he did, but with each new victory he only felt more guilt, more failure, and always more alone.

Max kept his promise and I watched as his eyes clouded over then snapped back to my face as his orgasm took him. I felt him swell bigger and bigger inside me until I knew he couldn't get any larger, that I couldn't take any more, that he could fill me any fuller. And then he did and I felt the explosion, the blast ripping through me setting off my own cataclysmic tremors and we both cried out as we looked into each other's eyes and we came — together.

Then it was over and he was in my arms still joined at our centers, still twitching, his cock gasping out the last bit of seed into my greedy body. I wrapped my legs around his and rubbed the coarse stiff hairs and wondered how I was ever going to let this go.

Max was heavy on me, his head collapsed on my shoulder. "Oh Marty, Martha, I love you so much. I have missed this so much!"

"I know, Max," I whispered. "I've always known. I loved you too, I never stopped. Never. You have to believe that."

"I want to believe that," and now his tears dripped on my cheeks. "You have no idea how much I want to believe."

"Then do it!" I ordered softening the words with a stroke to his cheek. "It's all up to you now. You can believe and we'll go on forever, or you can deny it and all the memories — good and bad — will be lost and so will everything we ever meant to each other."

With a sigh, he pulled out of me and I felt the emptiness in my bones. But I couldn't think about me now, this night was for Max, for Caitlin. I had to make it count. I smiled at him and my heart broke when he tried to smile back. He flipped over on his side and I followed him, sliding into his arms the way I'd always done. And oh God, it felt so right.

"What happens now?" He asked and I knew that he realized like I did that tonight was a gift. A miracle that had been given to us, to somehow let us relive those last few wasted hours, to say the things we should have said the year before.

"I don't really know," I answered truthfully. "I guess we'll just have to wait and find out."

"We can't just stay like this, can we?" Max whispered sadly as he stroked my back.

"No," I shook my head suddenly sure and strong about what I needed to say. "But it's going to be okay, sweetheart. Don't ask me how I know, but I do."

"I think I know that too," exhaustion was catching up with him and his eyes fluttered, trying to fight a loosing battle to stay open. "I don't want to sleep now," he almost whined. "Why can't I stay awake? Stay with you?"

I shook my head. It was another thing I knew was right, but didn't know the reason why. "Relax, don't fight it baby. I love you."

"I know," he agreed and this time I thought he meant it.

"Do me a favor," I whispered.

"Of course," Max's voice was heavy, slow with sleep.

"Tomorrow I want you to go over to Janet's and pick up Caitlin and bring her home."

His eyes opened then and he studied me seriously for a moment. Then he nodded solemnly. "I think that's a good idea."

"And," I struggled to say the words without too much emotion. "Would you give her a hug from me?"

Max kissed me, his warm lips filling me with a love that would last forever.

"Always."

Those were the last words he spoke to me. His eyes finally lost the battle and they drifted shut. I watched as his breathing deepened. I wanted to touch him, but I couldn't. The clock was striking midnight and our time was over.

The second hand swept past the one and I noticed a shimmer in the air.

My heart beat wildly and my hands grew clammy. It would be okay I told myself. Wherever I was going, would be okay. And no matter where that place was, no matter what form it took, I knew I would be there for the people I loved.

The second hand passed the 4. A warm breeze caressed my face and calmed me.

I thought about Caitlin and all the things she was going to experience, all the pain and joy of growing up. I pictured her with braces and skinned knees and trying to figure out how to put on her first bra. I saw her on her first date, at the movies, slumber parties, holding hands, shopping, the first sweet kiss with a nervous boy. There would be birthdays and graduations and love and a wedding and births and all the rest of what makes life so special. And for the first time, I really knew that I'd be there too, in her smile and the way she held her head and the look of love in her father's eyes.

The hand on the clock hit the 7 and started it's final swing up. I felt a tingling in my hands and feet and when I looked down they seemed transparent.

And Max would be there for her. I realized that too. He would go to my sister tomorrow and he would claim his own. He'd raise her and love her, even if he had to do it alone, though I hoped not.

The second hand crept up to the ten. I felt light-headed and it was harder to focus now. But I knew what I wanted to see last.

I looked down on Max sleeping calmly beside me. I wanted him happy. I wanted him not to be alone. I hoped that someday, when he'd met someone he could let into his heart, he'd realize that and know that what we'd had was special and right, but that it could happen again with someone else. And I prayed he knew that I'd want him to have that again. Because I loved him.

The clock ticked twelve.

I reached out with a hand that was no longer there and stroked the cheek of the man I loved. Now all that was left of what I'd been was concentrated on a single thought, a single word that hung on the air as I vanished.