Always and Never Ch. 02

There was a long pause in their conversation as they listened to the noises coming from the kitchen and other nighttime sounds. The silence was comforting, no sign of the usual awkward lull that usually accompanied first-time conversations. There was something soothing about his presence, the way he really didn't seem to want anything but to inquire about her. It was kind of refreshing.

"So do you have a girlfriend?" The question was out before she could stop herself.

Jared laughed lightly. "You asking me out?"

She could feel the heat creeping up on her cheeks. "I-I-I well..."

His laugh rang out into the night air. "Relax Rach. I'm totally fucking with you."

Her chuckles mixed with his as she loosened her tense muscles. "Jerk."

"I couldn't help it," he said between gulps of air. "You're so wound up."

"Yeah, this past week has been a stressful one. Actually stressful doesn't even begin to cover it."

He nodded. "I can imagine."

Rachel liked that he didn't push the subject. His words weren't full of false comfort or fake empathy. They seemed quite genuine and she found herself willing to open up. For the next fifteen minutes she told him everything about her and Brendan. For his part, Jared listened intently, nodding his head occasionally but stayed silent.

"...and so that's where I am today. I don't know what's going to happen between the two of us. I guess it's over, but I don't know and that not knowing is killing me. I just wish we could really finalize things. But maybe even after all the bullshit I went through, I'm just not ready to say goodbye." She was silent, waiting for him to say something. He had lit another cigarette during her story. He smoked in silence and seemed to be in deep thought. Rachel couldn't bear the thought of him judging her. "You must think I'm such a total idiot, or a whore for being with him."

"Seems like that's how you perceive yourself. Me? I just think you were human."

"I..." Rachel started, but he interrupted her.

"You seem so concerned about what other people think of you, about what you did but it really sounds like you're the one who can't forgive herself. You made a mistake, Rach. But you've got to stop playing the martyr."

His words stunned her into silence. They were a slap to the face, stinging sharp and deep. Her first reaction was to be offended, the anger starting to rise but she quickly realized he was right. She was torturing herself.

"Fuck, I did it again" he said.

"Yeah, you did" she said softly. "Thanks."

"Oh. Well in that case, you're welcome."

They both laughed. Rachel was about to say something when the patio door opened and Lucia stuck her head out. "What the hell are you two doing out there? Food's ready."

Rachel turned to Jared. "Apparently we're being summoned. We better go before she threatens to cut us."

Lucia rolled her eyes. "Will you stop making me out to be some angry basket case?"

They stepped inside the kitchen, which was warm and smelled of spices. "I thought you said Aaron was firing up the grill?"

"Yeah, he did." Lucia pointed to the George Foreman grill on the counter. "I wasn't letting that dumbass light an outdoor grill in December."

When they stepped into the bright light, Rachel could finally see all of him. He really was a nice looking guy. Just as she suspected, he was much taller than her, with a wiry build. He had a slight tan, most likely left over from the summer months. Under his black shirt, she could see his fully inked arms.

She was intrigued by him, this tattooed guy who tended to talk too much. There was something about him that she couldn't quite put her finger on. As if he could feel her eyes on him, Jared looked up. He smiled shyly before winking dramatically at her.

Rachel couldn't help it. She smiled back.

********

God, she was stuffed. Aaron and Lucia made a mini-feast. Each time she thought her stomach would implode, Lucia would shove another piece of chicken her way.

"Luce, I swear to god you're trying to make me fat. You do that and I really won't find a boyfriend."

"Oh, so you're in the market for a new man, huh?" Her brown eyes sparkled with a secret. "Mmm-hmm, so it all makes sense now."

"What makes sense?"

"Nothing, nothing. I'm going to give you some leftovers to take with you. God only knows what the hell you eat anymore." Her dark eyes roved

Rachel's body. "Whatever you're doing, keep it up. You're losing ridiculous amounts of weight."

"It's called the' My Boyfriend is an Asshole Which Makes me Stress Out' Diet. Pass it on."

"Nice to see it hasn't affected your sarcasm. Things should totally be fine."

Rachel shrugged. "I suppose. One day at a time, right?" She glanced at her watch. "I should go."

"Really? It's only ten-thirty. I thought we could hang out, watch a movie or something."

As much as Rachel wanted to hang out with her, she just couldn't bring herself to do it. She needed some alone time. Being around all that happy was just depressing her even more. "Um, I just need some quiet time. I'll call you tomorrow and we'll get together before the weekend is out. I promise."

"Okay Rach. I'll hold you to that."

Grabbing the Tupperware out of Lucia's hands she walked out quickly to her car. What's wrong with me, she thought with a hint of irritation. Everything had been fine for a moment, and then suddenly changed. The world was as schizo as her heart.

Rachel hadn't even noticed she was in her car and driving, and before she knew it, she was already home. She was ready to curl up with a large pint of cookies and cream, and watch Pride and Prejudice. Rachel turned off the ignition and reached over to grab the large Tupperware bowl.

It was then she realized she left her coat at Lucia's. Looking down, she noticed she was still wearing Jared's black hoodie.

She couldn't help it. She smiled.

********

The sweat was pouring down her face, her breath coming out in long, heavy pants. Her muscles felt like they were on fire, but she continued on. It was part of her new routine. No more strawberry pancakes. Saturday morning was exercise time. It was all part of her 'Try to Forget Brandon' phase.

It was eight o'clock in the morning and she was huffing away, shuffling on the sidewalk of her street. She had only run about a mile and a half but it felt like running the distance between Dallas and Houston.

Rachel turned up the volume on her MP3 player, the sounds of Rammstein blaring through her earbuds. She loved listening to loud rock during her workouts. It had been a while since exercise, at least working out like this. She liked the new her. Slowly, she could feel things starting to fall into place. She wasn't happy, but there wasn't that continuous lonely feeling numbing her senses. As long as she kept busy, kept her mind constantly working, she wouldn't have time to focus on Brendan.

Her house was in view, only fifty-four more steps to go. She willed herself to press on, moving her feet in time to the pulsing beat. She looked a hot mess, dripping sweat, damp heat in places that should never be...but she kept moving. Thirty-seven...thirty-six...thirty-five....fuck you, Brendan Doyle, you can't win...twenty-nine...twenty-eight....She closed her eyes and concentrated on the music, forcing her steps to move in time. Her muscles pumped, feeling stiff and jerky and almost gave out when her body instinctively stopped.

She opened her eyes, glancing up at her front steps. A tired smile spread on her sweaty face.

She did it.

Rachel sat down on her steps, stretching out her legs in front. She was thankful she wore shorts. The early morning air was cold and crisp, a sure sign winter was here. But she was burning up. She peeled off her baby blue long-sleeved t-shirt, fanning her heated body. There was a large bottle of water next to her. There was a satisfied hiss as she opened the bottle and lifted it to her lips, feeling a small tinge of glee as the cool water slid down her throat. Rachel drained half the bottle before coming up for air.

Pushing her damp locks from her face, she couldn't help but grin. She was dog tired, but there was a new energy pulsing through her veins.

Standing up, she stretched fully before running up the steps into her house.

After a hot shower, Rachel settled onto her couch with her laptop. She had a ton of work to do for their latest client, including putting together a presentation brief for the new advertising campaign. She felt peace wash over her as she opened the design program. There was something about using technology and colors to create that calmed her.

She was so distracted by her design work, she almost didn't hear her phone ringing sharply on the table next to the couch. Without looking, she stretched her arm out, snatching up the phone and pressing the 'ON' button. "Yeah," she said distractedly.

"Ahh, so the hoodie thief answers."

"Jared?"

"Yes, it's me. I'm calling to discuss ransom money."

She bit back a chuckle. "For this old rag? I'm thinking five hundred."

Rachel heard him scoff through the phone.

"Please. It's easily worth about four bucks. Am I interrupting you from something?"

"No," she lied easily. She quickly saved her work before closing the program. "Just playing around on the computer."

"Oh, well cool." She heard him clear his throat.

"So I was wondering...if we could meet up and you can give me back my property."

"You asking me out on a date?" Rachel couldn't believe the girlish tone of her voice. It was almost...flirtatious.

"Uh, well hello there Miss Conceited. I'm just looking to retrieve my item that you so calculatingly pilfered."

She giggled, shocked at the high pitched sound. What the hell is going on here, she thought.

"Um.."

"It would be a friendly get-together. My friend's band is playing at this club. Maybe we could go."

"Aren't we a little old to be going to shows?"

Jared chuckled. "We're almost thirty, we're not dead. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were trying to avoid me."

Rachel smiled in spite of herself. "It's not that. I just...can't help but feel..." How was she supposed to put into words. "You know what? I will go."

She could practically feel his smile through the phone. "Sweetness. How about I meet you at your place in an about an hour?"

"Sounds good. You know where I live?"

"Uh, well yeah." He chuckled nervously. "Lucia kind of told me."

Rachel grinned. Damn Lucia and her meddling.

"Okay then, stalker. I'll see you in a bit."

Clicking off the phone, Rachel felt a shiver of excitement. A date. She was going on an actual date. Shit, it was honestly a good seven months. The excitement soon gave way to dread. What the hell was she doing? Things with Brendan still weren't completely over. Correction: she still wasn't completely over him. But she was so lonely. And Jared, he was nice and completely different from Brendan. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.

And so she rose from the couch, moving unhappy thoughts from her mind; at least for the time being.

********

The sound of the doorbell startled her, nearly making her smudge her eyeliner. Cursing softly, Rachel steadied her hand and continued her task, making a thick line of kohl on her upper eyelids. Setting down the pencil, she glanced at herself in the mirror. Her fingers nervously smoothed her hair. She didn't know what to do with it, so she just brushed it down, letting it hang long around her shoulders. Not to overdo it she dressed casually in dark skinny jeans and a bright turquoise tunic shirt.

The doorbell rang once more. "Coming!" she yelled. She left the bathroom, padding down the hallway. There was a brief nervous smile as she opened the door. Jared stood there, a shy half smile on his lips, something she was quickly noticing as signature.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey yourself." His brown eyes flickered briefly over her. "You look nice. I think shoes might be a requirement, but otherwise, you look good."

Rachel chuckled. "Shoes. Now why didn't I think of that? Come in," she said, stepping to the side. "I just have to grab some footwear. I'll be right back." Walking a little ways back down the hallway she turned to him. He was dressed in dark, ripped jeans, a beat-up black leather jacket and a green band t-shirt. When she looked down, she cracked a smile. He was wearing bright green Chuck Taylors.

"You don't look so bad yourself," she said.

She turned into her bedroom, slipping her feet into the black Louboutin pumps by the door. Taking a deep breath, she walked back out to meet him. He was still by the front door, shifting lazily from one foot to the other. "Sorry about that," she said. "Ready to go?" She shrugged into her black Calvin Klein leather jacket before grabbing her purse.

"Yeah." They stepped outside, pausing briefly for her to lock the door before continuing down the steps to the sidewalk. "I was thinking we'd take my car," he said.

"That's fine," Rachel replied. "Where did you park?"

Jared grinned. "Right here." He pointed to a black car in front of them.

Rachel whistled. "Whoa. This is yours?"

He nodded. "Yeah, this is Aoki. My baby."

She shot him a quizzical look. "You named a '67 Pontiac GTO 'Aoki'?"

"Yeah," he said with a laugh. "You got a problem with that?" He held open the passenger door for her.

"No," she said as she slid inside the car. "I just think it's a little blasphemous naming a classic American machine a Japanese name."

He chuckled, closing the door before jogging over to the driver's side. As he got in, he turned to her. "Well last time I checked I am Asian. And my car my rules, princess."

Rachel raised her hands. "Okay, okay truce. I promise not to make fun of Aoki so long as you don't call me 'princess' again."

Jared winked at her. "Deal." He started up the car. "So how do you feel about funk?"

********

Twenty minutes later, they were sitting in what Rachel could only describe as a "dive bar". The place looked like it hadn't been cleaned in months. The main area was large but packed with round tables and straight back chairs. The large circular bar sat in the center of the room, which struck Rachel as odd. Across from the bar was a raised platform that she guessed was some sort of stage. At least it was well-lit, she thought.

There were plenty of people in the space, making it feel even more crowded.

"So what do you think?" Jared asked as they winded their way through the crowd to get find a good seat. He led her to one of the tables near the front.

"Um, it's got character" she said, sitting down gingerly.

Jared raised an eyebrow questioningly before cracking a smile. "Right. You look like you're about to whip out some hand sanitizer and go to town."

They shared a laugh. "No, not that" she replied. "Although I probably won't be using the bathroom in here."

"Don't worry. It will totally be worth the gnarly setting." He took off his jacket and settled it on the back of his chair. "Why don't I get us something to drink? What's your poison?"

"Surprise me," she said.

He grinned again and Rachel couldn't help the excited flutter of her heart. He really did have a fantastic smile. "Famous last words," he said. "I remember saying that once. It was during my initiation night party with the boys. Twelve shots later I was wearing nothing but a cowboy hat and my underwear screaming that a road trip to Canada for fries and gravy was an excellent idea."

Rachel fought the urge to smile. "Really? You would have made it all the way to Canada in your drawers and a hat?"

Jared shrugged. "Hey, when you got a great idea you just gotta go for it. Be back in a bit."

Shaking her head, Rachel set her bag on the table. Well things were off to a great start. She wasn't particularly sure what was going to happen on her 'kinda-sorta not really' date, but she couldn't help but feel excited. She reached into her bag to silence her phone when she noticed the flashing lights indicating a text message. That's funny, she thought. I never heard it beep.

Scrolling down, she opened the message and felt her stomach lurch a little into her throat.

"Are you going to ignore me forever? Tsk tsk Gorgeous. I need to see you."

Rachel chewed her lip nervously. This would definitely be her luck. How the hell was she supposed to respond to a message like that? What kind of game was he playing at? She couldn't take anymore of his weird mood swings. Stuffing her phone back into her purse, she tried to move thoughts of Brendan Doyle from her mind. No, she told herself. You're over him, remember? Move on, Tunney. It's time to move on.

"You okay?"

She looked up to see Jared staring quizzically at her, two large pints of beer in his hands.

Running a hand through her hair, she smiled. "Absolutely. Just putting my phone on vibrate."

She tried to force a smile, hoping it met her eyes.

He continued to look at her, as if he knew there was something she wasn't telling him. Thankfully he didn't push the matter. "Well I didn't really know what to get you, so beer it was." He set down one of the glasses in front her. "But I will say it is one of the best beers in the world."

"Really now," she said with a smirk. "And what makes you think I will enjoy it?"

"Hmm," he said as he stroked his chin, a look of faux intense thought on his face. "That is true. After all, you come on a date with me wearing four hundred dollar stilettos. Don't get me wrong, they're hot as fuck but completely impractical in a place like this. I don't think you're the type of girl who drinks beer. I probably should have ordered you a vodka and cranberry, something sweet and fruity like that."

"Need I remind you Mr. Kuroki, that I was drinking a beer when you scared the shit out of me on the porch the other night?" She took off her jacket and glared at him.

He dismissed her comeback with a slight wave of his hand. "Semantics, Tunney. Purely semantics. We're talking now. Tell me something: on a typical night out, what do you usually order?" His brown eyes glinted with amusement, as if he already knew the answer.

Despite the small nip of irritation, she couldn't help but smile. "Shut up. Well, I can still drink beer with the best of them."

Jared raised his glass in salute. "Aww, dream big baby."

Rachel raised her glass in his direction before taking a large swig. Tipping the glass back, she downed half the beer in one long gulp. Setting the pint down, she smiled triumphantly at Jared, who was looking at her with something akin to shock. "You were saying?"

"I digress." He cleared his throat. "Marry me," he said.

Rachel laughed. "Don't hold your breath." She took a more ladylike sip of her beer. "So who are we seeing tonight?"

"A buddy of mine is in this band. He asked me to come out and take a look at them. They're pretty decent."

"What kind of music do they play?"

"They're an Earth, Wind, and Fire tribute band."

Rachel nearly spat out the sip she had just taken. "Are you serious?"

Jared nodded. "As Lindsay Lohan's mental state. Why do you ask?"

"That is either the most ridiculous idea I've ever heard or the most epic fucking band ever. I practically grew up on Earth, Wind, and Fire. My dad owns every single one of their albums."

"No shit? Your dad is fucking awesome."

"I know." Rachel grinned. "This is going to be so much fun."

********

"So you just witnessed the epic-ness of Serpentine Fire. How did you like it?"

"I have to say, it wasn't too bad. Your friends can jam."

Jared nodded. "Sweet. I'll have to let them know you dig it. Now what do you want on your sundae?"

After the show, they decided to walk a few blocks to Smitty. It was one of Rachel's favorite late night haunts. The old-school diner was a throwback to the 50s, the kind of place where the staff still wore paper hats and stark white aprons. Smitty's had the best old-fashioned soft serve ice cream.