An Open Letter to My Goddess

This is an open letter containing what I really want to say to my girlfriend, but can never quite find the courage to do so. Here though, I imagine what I might say if I were to send such a letter, and will follow this with what might happen as a result of the letter, in future chapters.

----

To my beautiful girlfriend,

You are the most beautiful, gorgeous and sexy woman I know. I love your long dark hair, your big brown eyes, your sweet smile and your curvaceous body. I love your perfect breasts. I love the little treasure trail of dark hair from your belly button to your gorgeous pussy. I love the way you are so loud and dominant sometimes, yet soft-spoken and sweet at others. I love how indulgent you feel when having your back rubbed, or your neck or your belly. I love the silly things you do and say at times, your cute laugh and the way you cry at soppy movies. I love how you smile or cringe visibly in front of the TV, and the noises and facial expressions you make when dreaming. I love everything about you, and even more that I am yet to discover, but most of all I love that you are my friend.

More than that, you are my best friend, the person who means more to me than anyone else in the entire world, my soul mate and my confidant. Yet still I find it difficult to be completely honest with you about all my desires and fantasies, to share myself completely with you.

I have tried to share some of these with you of course, and had hoped that as I revealed each little piece of the puzzle, that eventually you wouldn't need all the parts to complete the picture. I hoped that I wouldn't need to go this last step, because you would already have figured it out.

So what do you already know? Well you have known ever since the first night we made love, that I was somewhat lacking down below. You were very nice about it of course, never mentioning it yourself. You probably faked an orgasm or two in those early days, maybe more, not wanting to show your frustration at my lack of size or damage my ego. Often, it would be my tongue that would give you the release my cock could not, but you never complained.

Much later, I finally admitted to you how turned on I was by the idea that you would complain. I told you how I loved being told how tiny it was, how deliciously humiliating it was for me. And you began to embrace the idea, talking about how tiny I was loudly in public as we walked along the street, pretending to have told all your friends about it, and finally allowing yourself to show the honesty of your frustration with it in bed. Demanding that I push harder, telling me that you can't feel it, and trying to pull me in deeper. Sometimes it worked, and you have become quite adept at handling something so small to ensure that you still get what you need, other times it was back to my tongue again, though I often wished you would go even further, and tell me how useless I was and how my tongue was the only thing that could give you any pleasure.

Eventually, I was brave enough to reveal more, telling you about my thoughts of you being pleasured by men with much larger cocks. The idea of you fucking them because of my lack of manhood, to get the pleasure that I could not give you. I even mentioned the word 'cuckold', but you weren't familiar with the word, and I found it difficult to reveal all that being a cuckold involves for me, embarrassed perhaps. Nevertheless, you seemed to get the idea. You would regularly tell me that you didn't want sex tonight, because you had already been fucked twice or more that day by a variety of men. You would tell me stories about your fake promiscuity, and watch me squirm with delight. You began to compare how my cock felt inside you to how theirs might feel as we made love, whispering in my ear that you had been stretched by all these big cocks, and could feel me even less now than before. The thought was too much for me often, and I would cum way before you were ready, although that wasn't much different from usual in all honesty, and so again my tongue would give you the pleasure my cock could not.

I wanted to go further, I wanted you to know more about what I desired and what I wanted, but more on that later.

You also know how much I enjoy you taking the dominant role sexually. I know that's not really your thing. You want to be fucked hard, hands pressed behind your head, taken roughly. But you are so good at it. You are a strong, powerful woman in life, and that is one of the reasons I was so attracted to you when we first met. I could see from day one me on my knees, following your orders. There was one occasion not so long back, where I thought these fantasies were finally coming true. You remember taking my credit cards and going shopping, coming back with bags of clothes and shoes for yourself, leaving me a huge list of chores to do, cleaning the toilet, the floor, doing the laundry. I did it all rushing around, trying to make sure all was done before your return, a bulge in my pants all the way through. The first night you came back, and made me lick you to orgasm, denying me self-release. The same again the second night, and by the third night, I was out of control with lust.

You didn't like it. You said I was too out of control. Too weird. You said the same thing, the time I convinced you to place nipple clamps on me. The sensation driving me insane, uncontrollable lust in my eyes. You know too about my desire to be pissed on, and you have said that maybe one day, in the right environment, maybe you will give in to that desire. Then you would the same weirdness in me, the same wildness.

What else do you know? Well you know I have a large number of kinks! You know I am into exhibitionism and humiliation. You know I love your naturally hairy body, even though you insist on shaving. You know I love to lick your asshole, even though you find the thought disturbing.

Maybe I am too weird for you? Maybe that's why you have not put all this together, and worked out what it is I really want. Maybe it's because you don't want it. But I want you to hear what I have to say, I want you to hear how it will work for you, not just for me. I want you to hear how you deserve more, and how I can give you more if you let me, and how at the same time, this will help to meet my own fantasies more than you could ever know.

So where are we at right now? Well things haven't been great sexually recently. You know that. For one reason or another, you want sex with me much less often than ever before. We often go weeks or months, sometimes even longer, without any at all. The roleplaying and little quips about my tiny size have gone. When we do have sex, it is obvious you want me deeper, pulling me inside you and yet still you do not get the satisfaction you crave. So maybe that's why it is less frequent, maybe there is no point when I cannot satisfy you the way you want. Meanwhile, my sex drive remains undeterred. I want it all the time, but mostly I am rejected, unworthy, and have to resort to my hand instead.

Where does all this lead to now? Are we destined for a life of infrequent and bad sex (for you at least)? Will we forever now have to repress our desires? I would not want that future, and I don't think you do either, which I think leaves a handful of options.

Option one would be to go our separate ways. You could find a guy who had a normal-sized dick to give you the satisfaction I can not, fall madly in love and be happy with a normal, uncomplicated relationship. Meanwhile, I can go on and try to find someone else to fulfil my desires, or at least keep trying. I can see how this option might appeal to you. A fresh start. None of the weirdness, and none of the complications I bring. But I don't think either of us want this really. Could we really separate, not see each other everyday, confine all the happy memories we have built to the past and move on?

Option two is one you have suggested before. In that frustrated, tired way, when you have had enough of my weirdness, and you tell me to go and find a professional domme to satisfy my sordid fantasies. To pay for some leather-clad dominatrix to humiliate my tiny dick, piss on me, spank me silly, torture my nipples, and so on. You are clear that I am not allowed to do anything sexual with them aside from that, but it's an idea you have floated. I have to admit to having been tempted by it, especially recently, but it's not what I really want. It would be second-best, and it would still leave you unsatisfied. Maybe you're just not into sex any more, as you have pointed out, but I don't think so. I think you are just not into sex with me any more, which leads to option three.

I want you to cuckold me. I want that both because of the humiliation I crave from it, and because of the pleasure I know it will give you. And for once, I will try to explain what I really mean by 'cuckold', and lay it all out for you to consider.

1. I want you to never let me have sex with you or anyone else ever again. I want you to tell me how someone as tiny and pathetic as me doesn't deserve sex. I want you to lock me up in a chastity cage and be the keyholder, to let me out only when you decide, on the rare occasions you let me touch myself.

2. I want you to demand my tongue whenever you see fit, focusing totally on your pleasure and not my own.

3. I want you to have my credit cards and bank cards, giving you all the money to shop and pamper till your heart's content.

4. I want you to give over chores to me. Tell me what I must do and expect them done. Maybe give me the incentive of being able to touch myself if it is done right, and punishing me if not. Make me do all the laundry, all the cleaning, all the cooking. Make me massage your feet, bathe you, do everything in your service.

5. I want you to have sex with other men as often as you desire. I want you to go out dressed up all sexy like you do, and experience the chemical thrill of lusting after another man, and being lusted after by strangers. I want you to experience a big cock inside you, a cock that fills you up completely, and hits all your pleasure zones. I want you to find men who will fuck you the way you really want, who will pin you down and take you rough.

6. I want to you to come home and make me listen to all the sordid details of how he fucked you better than I ever could, detailing every position, everything he made you do.

7. I want you to force me to watch sometimes. Force me to watch the pleasure on your face and echoing through your quivering body. I want you to force me to hear you pant, and moan and scream as he fills you with his cum.

8. I want you to force me to clean you up, licking his cum from your used pussy or ass.

Now one of the things you might ask is how this would really work. I mean wouldn't I get jealous. You know I have got jealous in the past, you know it has caused arguments and rifts. This is different. This is not you getting friendly with some guy in secret, flirting, secret texting, phone calls and all the jealousy that would come as a result of that. This is me opening myself up to you fucking other men and enjoying it. This is me wanting you to be seeing this as something I want you to do, not as something you do behind my back or in secret. It's open and honest. You understand what the thought of it does to me, how erotic it will be to hear or see it in action. But it changes nothing in terms of our relationship. We still love each other, we are still best friends, and that should permeate through everything we do. The trick I believe is to ensure all these other relationships are based purely on sex, with no emotional ties. They give you the pleasure I can not, and then you come home to cuddle and share the experience with me.

I love you, I adore you, and I want you to experience everything I cannot give you. I know this can work, and I implore you to consider it. Talk to your girlfriends if you need to, you know I like the idea of them knowing how tiny I am anyway. But seriously, take as much time as you need. But please let's do this, and I know once we have done it, you will never want to go back. You will love it, and so will I.

I love you so much, and I am just sorry I had to put this in a letter rather than saying in person. I hope you can forgive me for that, and I look forward to your response.

xxx