tagReviews & EssaysAnd Again, a Review of Hotel Porn

And Again, a Review of Hotel Porn

byDecayed Angel©

Ah, we check in, we hit the room, click on the TV, hit the menu and we watch, and as we watch, we learn. Yes there's always going to be some new position that we had never envisioned before, and there will be odd and curious couplings, but in the end, there are only so many body parts that can penetrate, only so many places that can be penetrated, only some many places a tongue, a finger, a cock, a breast, a pussy, a nose or an ear can travel. So, while it can be excitingly new, it's still all the same and yet, we are willing to pay for it.

As much as we are willing to pay, hotels are willing to charge to provide it to us in some form or fashion. I travel and as I said before, I do take a peek at the adult viewing provided in the hotel rooms I rent. To help explain to my wife why so many movie charges are showing up on my receipts, I tell her it's for the reviews I write.

In my first few reviews, I was in search of the hotel chain that brought us the "gold" so many of us seek in viewing porn: the cum-shot. Granted, there is a lot of interesting activity leading up to the climax and there are some very satisfying porn varieties that don't depend on the splash of jism to cash in (ie: lesbian adventures). I chose to focus on the cum shot because it seems the mentality of some of the providers of the porn is that the completely gratuitous sex before the orgasm is fine for viewing, but that the typically inevitable climax for male sexual adventure, the cum-shot is forbidden fruit.

Perhaps it is a sign of higher evolution that folks would enjoy the mechanical ins and outs of it all and yet then shun the messy, sticky splash. While I doubt this is true, it seems a distinction a lot of the in room adult viewing providers make. Through my review process I learned that both the Hilton and La Quinta hotels I had stayed at, had Lodge Net systems for their in room standard and adult viewing. I also mentioned that Holiday Inn had another system, applauding the fact that Holiday Inn = cum shots. Well, I'm in Chesapeake, Virginia now and well, I guess I must amend my comment to: Holiday Inn only sometimes = cum shots.

My first review of hotel porn touched on the many different hotel chains that had some sort of in room adult viewing. This was confirmed by several articles that I listed from my research. I also mentioned in my article that many hotel chains leave the choice of adult viewing up to the individual franchise holders, so some hotels might carry adult viewing and others might not. This also means that some hotels will only tip-toe in our sexual garden with Lodge Net and other providers snipping away the forbidden ejaculations, while others willfully say spread your legs, arch your back and cum people cum.

Okay, okay enough of my preaching... I'm at the Holiday Inn in Chesapeake and once again I've pressed the oversized Menu button. I immediately noticed that, as opposed to my previous stay at a Holiday Inn, Lodge Net was presenting my entertainment for the evening. Apparently, Lodge Net has different packages they will market to the hotels, ranging from offering something like twenty to thirty adult titles to upwards of eighty or ninety titles. I was surprised at the number and variety of titles offered here, some of the more interesting titles from the eighty or so movies offered were:

Just Filthy Sex To Die For 18 and Innocent Older Women Hotter Sex Swinger Wives Naughty Moms Home Grown: Reality Sex Aged to Perfection Bi Bi American Pie The Contractors    A critics choice! Doing Brianna     ah, from my first review Desperate Desires    this one promised traditional porn, hmm.

Of these and many other titles, I wanted a bit of plot, but not too much, so I selected The Contractors. Being in construction I figured I might learn a few techniques that I could use at work. Well perhaps not. Catching the credits at the beginning I noticed that the film was written by Mark Dawop and directed by Daniel Dakota, I wondered if these were real names. Well, I later saw that lighting was by Mr. Harder so perhaps I had an answer.

The films opens on a construction project, not just any construction project, this one is a mansion being constructed by a four woman crew. Besides their construction boots, the crew is attired in hot pants and tee shirts that just barely cover their breasts. A male passerby is surprised when one of the construction workers shouts at him, "Hey, you're looking good there." Of course on a normal construction site, you'd probably expect to hear something similar, with a female passerby casting a dirty look at the worker and walking away. Not at this construction site, the passerby comes over to meet the construction worker and they move to her truck in order to get to know each other better.

This initial scene had the couple in the back of her truck in some very uncomfortable looking positions, positions that also blocked most of the cameras from any close up work. At one point they moved to a camera shot from above which offered an interesting viewpoint as she sucked his cock, featuring some deep throat work.

They moved onto the bed of the truck in a reverse cowboy position that finally showed some explicit close up work. The view was nice, but predictable as the scene closed with the guy frantically pulling off his condom and the woman ready for him to splash onto her breasts when the scene cut. Fortunately, the scene did cut back to the couple on the truck with a few last kisses, grunts and groans. Yeah, they cut out the cum shot, but at least let the scene carry out to a logical conclusion as the construction foreman (forewoman?) catches them and gets her worker back to work.

The boss then moves to another part of the site, where she meets a foreboding Inspector Davis who has finished his inspection and hands her a list of deficiencies that must be corrected, a long list of deficiencies. The inspector gives the crew a month to correct all problems, when he will return for his final inspection. He drives off as the movie viewers wonder what sexual escapades are in store for Inspector Davis.

Elsewhere on site, after the boss hires two male construction workers to help out, we see a woman operating a backhoe. In an oddly erotic short series of film cuts, we watch this woman operate the equipment while posing in a number of very suggestive poses. It was almost a let down when she climbs off the backhoe to work together with one of the construction workers. The dialogue here was wonderfully effective:

"Did you bring any tools with you," she asks.

"I brought this tool," he replies, grasping as his crotch.

"That's a pretty big tool," she says as they climb onto the backhoe to use his tool.

Once again, the camera angles tended to miss a lot of the close in shots, but there was some interesting positions as the two worked to find a way to fuck while hanging onto and at times from the backhoe. Of course, just as the two find an interesting position over the large rear tire it is accompanied with a quote I won't forget:

"Oh fuck my fucking pussy just like that."

Beat that Samuel L. Jackson...

The plot continues as the client shows up, nervous because it doesn't appear the house will be ready in two weeks. He's getting married then and his fiancé expects to be able to move in. One of the crew quickly steps in and takes his mind off of the slow construction progress while explaining that, "A good job takes time." She then lets him rub his face on her enormous nipples and they go from there.

Well, later the fiancé shows up and gets to meet the second male recently hired onto the crew. The fiancé looks like a model; yes that means skinny and tiny breasts. The couple carry on in a refreshing change from your standard huge breast meets giant cock scene. Now the guys cock was large, but the woman's flat chest made for a bit of a different look to it all.

It was at this time I got to try out the back up, fast forward and pause functions. With the press of a button the film jumped ahead in 30 second increments or back in 30 second increments. These features worked similar to what you might have with a DVD. The movie also had a pause button where you could pause the movie for ten minutes, or put the movie on hold and go watch something else. I hit hold and switched over to watch FX's Nip/Tuck and then returned to the movie, without missing a single suck, lick or fuck.

The movie builds to the return of Inspector Davis who, discusses the state of the construction with the boss, a discussion that gets very interesting. Will the house be ready, or not...

True to construction rules, throughout the movie the women did keep their boots on in all of their sexual encounters during the film. We also had to wonder how they could ever finish a project with all this sex going on.

Well hey, in spite of the weak dialogue and minimal plot we did have a story here, with a little bit of conflict and some adventure. While some of the sex scenes had some bad camera angles and limited close ups, there were some imaginative scenes on equipment and around construction areas that made up for some weaker scenes. I may be biased for the construction theme, but found that the film was pretty good overall. And I did learn that Holiday Inn only sometimes = cum shots.

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