And The Horse You Rode In On

After breakfast, Gwen casually mentioned that she had been invited to a New Year's party at another teacher's house but that she hadn't been able to find a sitter for Cherilyn. Gerald suggested that he would be pleased to stay with Cherilyn at either house while she went to the party. After getting reassurances that he was really OK with that, she accepted his offer. After checking with Cherilyn, they decided that they would stay at Gerald's cabin so she could use the computer. Gwen had a computer but had to give up the internet during her cutback.

Gwen dropped Cherilyn off at 7:00 and went to her party. Cherilyn was thrilled when Gerald told her that they were going to make homemade pizzas for dinner. They worked together and she doctored her pizza just the way she wanted it. While they ate, Gerald talked to her about school and things going on in her life. The major thing she said was that she missed her dad but knew that he wouldn't be coming home for a long time. Gerald got a little misty thinking about his own children who he knew he wouldn't see for a long time. After dinner, they played some games and then he showed her where some games were on the computer. She began trying some of them out while he settled down to read.

Shortly before 11:00 he heard a car drive up which was highly unusual. As he opened the door, he saw Gwen get out carrying a bottle of wine. She smiled and said that she had enjoyed the party but had decided that she would bring in the New Year with them instead of waiting for another hour with her co-workers. She entered and they opened the wine and toasted each other. Cherilyn got a glass of grape juice and joined them in their toast. Midnight arrived and hugs were shared around. Gwen and Cherilyn left shortly afterwards as Cherilyn was beginning to droop.

Year Two

Gerald spent New Year's Day building an outdoor brick oven from a design that he had discovered on the internet. He felt that the wood heat would add to the flavor to his breads. Saturday, he spent at the farmer's market and sold out his twenty loaves. The market was only open on the first Saturday of each month during the winter and would open aback up every weekend starting in April. Saturday night, Gwen called and invited him over for Sunday dinner. She was going to make enchiladas and tacos for dinner. School was going to start back up on Monday and she felt like this would be a good start to close out the holidays. Gerald accepted and they had a grand fiesta on Sunday night.

On Monday a cold front came through dropping the temperature to around freezing. He had been telling people that he had quite a bit of seasoned firewood available if they needed it. His phone started ringing Monday morning and he spent most of the week delivering trailer loads of wood. In all, he made close to $1000 that week which made him feel good since his bread sales had dropped with the limited schedule of the farmer's market. He also hadn't been called for raised bed garden for over a month. In expectation of more business, he went ahead and built a dozen frames that were now ready for spring. With the cold weather, he couldn't finish his oven but he spent his time looking for new recipes for breads. And with school starting up again on Monday, he didn't see much of Gwen and Cherilyn during the week. But they talked on the phone. He invited them over on Friday for dinner which she accepted if he would accept an invitation for dinner on Sunday. That became their usual pattern unless either of them had a conflict which didn't happen very often.

As January turned into February, he started receiving calls for raised beds. Having them already made meant that he could spend half the time setting up someone else's garden and still have time to plant his lettuce, potatoes, and onions. When he was done with this, he had an idea. Gwen and Cherilyn came home from school one afternoon and found a neatly tilled garden running along the fence that separated their properties. A phone call confirmed that he had in fact tilled the garden and put in compost so that it was ready to plant. Cherilyn did not have school the next day but it was a teacher work day so they decided that Cherilyn would help him plant their garden. Gwen had told him that she had wanted a garden but didn't have the time nor the tools to build it but she thought that she could maintain it if she had one. Now she had her garden.

A month later when Spring Break came upon them, Gwen told him that they were going to be gone for several days. Her husband's trial was scheduled and she felt that they should be there for him. Gerald understood and wished them a safe drive and that he would watch over their place. When they left, Gerald felt a shiver of loneliness set in until his phone starting ringing again. Then he was busy with calls until after they returned the following weekend.

Gwen called on Thursday night and he could tell that she was fighting herself to seem cheerful. She said that they would be home Friday night but it might be late. He told her to just come to his place and he would have dinner ready when they arrived. She thanked him for his generosity and promised him a meal on Sunday.

They arrived at Gerald's place at 7:00. Gerald had prepared the makings of pizza again so the only thing they needed to do was put their favorite toppings on and pop them in the oven. He could see the strain lines on Gwen's face and Cherilyn, who was usually quiet, seemed more so than usual. He assumed that the trip had been taxing and the results not very satisfying. He chose to not ask but to just focus on the needs of the moment. As a result, dinner was subdued but by the time they left for home, he could see that some of the tension had abated. As she left, Gwen whispered to him that she would tell him more on Sunday. Gerald just nodded and wished them a good night.

Saturday was busy at the farmer's market. He offered half of his as oven baked and the other half as brick oven baked. Both sold out but he asked each of those who ought the brick oven loaves to let him know what they thought of the new baking technique. Many of his regulars smiled and said that they expected it to be good but would let him know. He didn't see Gwen or Cherilyn when he got home but decided to leave them alone as he suspected that they just needed some downtime alone.

On Sunday, he spent the day tending his garden and was deep into weeding his onions and potatoes when he heard Gwen's voice.

"I hope that we didn't upset you Friday night; it has been a tough week and the drive back was hard."

"I figured that out. I hope that you two are alright."

"We will be OK. It was just that everything was such a shock. He looked sullen and like he had lost ten pounds. He was glad to see Cheri but acted insecure and embarrassed for her to see him. The trial was very short. They trial was over before noon and the jury found him guilty before 2:00. The next day the judge sentenced him to five years in prison. His lawyer says that he will be out in three years if he keeps his nose clean in jail. We had sort of prepared ourselves for that but it still came as a shock to hear it. We talked that night and decided that the best thing was to just go on doing our best like we have been doing. But it is still very hard on Cheri. She knows what happened but she still can't understand it all."

"I think that she and I share that trait. It takes me a long time to understand things that have happened to me. I would probably be better off if I could just decide right away who I could point a finger at and get rid of my confusion."

Gwen gave him a wry smile. "I can't see you being one of those angry judgmental people. Your kindness and acceptance of people and events is really one of your strengths even if you feel like it is a weakness."

All Gerald could muster was a weak, "Thanks."

"Anyway, I have to go to the store and get some things. Can I get you anything while I'm in town?"

"No thanks; I picked up most of what I need yesterday after the market."

"OK, we will have dinner ready around 6:30. Hopefully, Cheri will be a little brighter tonight."

"I'll be there and if she isn't, that's alright. It is tough on you but it must be much tougher on her."

"See! I'm not sure that I could look at a situation like this and say that."

Gerald didn't know how to respond. He just gave her a small hug and she went back to her house and he went back to work culling the weeds. His mind, however, remained focus on her words. He realized that he seldom rushed to judgment but he didn't know why. His parents had been tolerant people but could be could also be judgmental in some situations. He had always tried to understand a situation before he decided what he felt about things. At times, he did feel like it was a flaw in his personality. Some people including his ex-wife often considered him weak. Was he weak? He didn't know.

They had a good dinner that night. Cherilyn was brighter than she had been on Friday but was still subdued. He talked to her and she responded but there wasn't a lot of life in her responses. He hoped that getting back to school and around her friends would be a spark for her. Gwen asked if Cheri could stay with him for awhile on Thursday as she had a training class to go to for several hours. Gerald agreed without thought. He liked the quiet young girl and he felt that she liked him as well.

The first part of the week, he was busy clearing out a barn before the property went on sale. From this project he collected some more tools but the one item that caught his eye most was an old tractor. It didn't look like it had been started in a long time but it also wasn't weathered and beat up like many older tractors were. He asked the owner about it and discovered that it had been there since he had bought the place. He had intended to try to restore it but had never found the time. When they finished talking about it, the seller offered him the tractor in lieu of payment for his work. Gerald accepted that offer but had to go rent a trailer big enough to carry it. While loading it, he also discovered a box of parts for it that had never been installed. When all was said and done, he had a tractor and more wood and building materials to add to his store.

As he was unloading the lumber, he realized that continuing to stack it outside was just causing the wood to further deteriorate and that the tractor really needed to be kept indoors. He looked on the internet and found a variety of designs for build-it-yourself barns. One in particular struck his eye and he printed out the scale drawing. He spent most of Wednesday night adjusting the scale of the drawing to fit his needs and then laid out a floor plan that would work for him. On Thursday, he laid out the dimensions on the plot of ground that he wanted to use. By the afternoon, he had dug the hole for the first corner post.

He stopped when he heard the school bus stop to drop off Cherilyn. She came down his drive with her book pack in tow. When she walked up to him looking at the barn that was so real in his mind, she started asking questions. What was he doing? How big was it going to be? Why was he doing this?

He walked her through the area and explained what he intended for each area. His explanations drew nods of understanding but often provoked additional questions. They talked for about thirty minutes before he suggested that they go inside and she could help him prepare the dough for his Saturday batch of bread. Instead of just helping him prepare the dough, she peppered him with questions about different ingredients. He became aware that often these interrogations ended with a question beginning with "Why?" Why did he need to use yeast? Why did you add sugar to the yeast? Why did he need baking powder and soda? Why did he add seeds? For many of these questions, he had a ready answer but for some, he struggled to find an acceptable answer.

He made hamburgers for dinner as they waited for Gwen to arrive. Cherilyn opened her homework and began working on it. But with this activity, she also asked questions and again many of them began with "Why." When Gwen arrived, Gerald was explaining to her that multiplication was a form of addition. He had dried beans spread out on the table to demonstrate counting beans individually and how much faster it was to count them if they were in equal rows. She seemed accepting of his explanation if not totally in agreement.

With Gwen's arrival, he stopped and put the burgers on the grill which was already hot and ready. Cherilyn continued with her homework while Gwen helped him chop lettuce, tomatoes and onions. When they had finished eating and the two girls were about to leave, Gerald called Cherilyn over to his shelf and showed her how the bread dough had risen to twice its original size. He had the answer for her "why" question ready when she asked it. She smiled for the first time since she had gotten home and said a simple, "Thanks, Gerald" and gave him a hug.

After they left as he was cleaning up, it dawned on him that this change in Cherilyn was perhaps her initial step in trying to figure out why things were happening to her father, mother, and herself. She hadn't gotten to the point of comprehending the "whys" of abstract concepts yet, but she was starting on the journey of trying to understand the world around her. For some strange reason that he didn't fully understand, he was pleased that he had been the one she chose to begin her journey with.

The next afternoon as he was taking the last loaves of bread out of the brick oven, he saw Cherilyn walking toward him again.

"Gerald, momma wants to know if you will come to dinner. She is making spaghetti and it will be ready in just a little while."

"Let me put these loaves on the cooling rack and we walk up there together."

"Gerald, I made a 100 on my math test today."

"Congratulations. I'm glad to hear it."

"Every time I looked at a problem, I saw the beans on the table like we did last night and it all made sense."

"Well that is really good news to me too. I would have felt bad if you saw the beans and got all of the problems wrong."

"Oh Gerald, I don't think you can do anything wrong."

He thought for a minute and then said, "Most of us don't do many things wrong; but sometimes, even if we do something right, it doesn't turn out like we wanted it to. Come in and I'll show you. He led her into the cabin and over to his cooling rack. "See this loaf of bread? We made the dough last night just like all of the others but this loaf didn't rise right and is kind of flat. We didn't do anything wrong, but for some reason, the results just didn't happen like the others."

"Why? I mean we made the dough the same, they should turn out the same."

"They should; but sometimes things happen that we don't expect. I don't know for sure what happened to this loaf but I suspect that maybe this loaf got too warm last night and the yeast died before it was ready to go in the oven. On my rack, one loaf is always going to be on this end. On the other side of the wall is the heater and the wall gets hot sometimes. That might have been enough to make this loaf be different. The taste will be the same; it just looks different."

"Oh."

"So let's go see your mom about dinner. I'm hungry and she will be mad at us if we are late."

He picked up a bottle of wine he had been saving and a loaf of warm Italian bread that he had tried out in the brick oven. They walked to Gwen's house together and were met with a smile.

The next week, Gerald had two calls for raised bed gardens which he handily took care of. As he was leaving the second house, the woman asked if he would remove a shrub which had gotten too big for her yard. It took him twenty minutes to dig it out and put it back of his truck. Instead of hauling it to the dump, he went home and planted it along his driveway. This started his development of non-food gardens which eventually were admired by many people driving by.

He spent the rest of the week working on the tractor and looking up many details on the internet along with more work on his barn. The barn was a timber frame design which basically meant that the corner posts, other vertical posts, and headers were thick heavy beams that when attached created a strong skeleton from which the siding and other components could be directly attached. He had sufficient beams to make the framework but lacked the triangular shaped rafters to support the roof. He also had about half of the siding he needed to complete the job. When he priced new rafters for the roof, he was disappointed at the price and went back to the Internet and read up about how to make them himself. Once again he was disappointed because the cost of materials alone was as much as the fabricated ones. He felt that there had to be a better way.

That way reared its head when he was leaving the metal recycler one day. One of the trucks in line was carrying a load of metal siding and a number of straight roof trusses frequently seen in flat roof warehouses. He stopped and asked the driver what job this came from. The driver told him that they were tearing down an old warehouse on the east side of town. Gerald drove over there and talked to the project foreman. He learned that the entire building was going to scrap because there was little demand for used building materials like this. Gerald offered him twice the salvage price for 15 of the trusses. A phone call later and Gerald had bought fifteen 25 foot trusses for $500. He had to rent a longer trailer to carry them and it took three trips, but he now had the trusses he needed for the roof. He just had to figure out how to use them as they were five feet longer than he needed. It didn't take long for him to decide to make the roof slanted. All he had to do was add several more feet of height on one side of the barn.

Then he had to figure out how to raise them fifteen feet in the air. A crane could have lifted them easily into place in a day but a crane cost almost $2000 per day. After thinking about it he mounted a boat winch on the tallest side and used a wide board as a ramp and pulled them up individually. It took two days but all fifteen were properly place and bolted securely onto his frame. A week later, the metal roof was securely fastened to the rafters and stringers and he stood back and looked at his work. He was both surprised and pleased that he had done the roof for only $500. When he showed Gwen and Cherilyn his work, they both praised his work and Gwen pointed out that the slope of the roof almost exactly matched the slope of the surrounding terrain and looked perfect in its setting. Gerald had not noticed this until she mentioned it.

During this time, a couple of things began to evolve. The most important one was that Cherilyn made it a practice to come over and have him explain a number of the things she had been shown in school. More often than not, she reported on Friday night that she had made a 100 on her test in that class that day. On the whole, her grades were good but she seemed to be especially proud of making 100s on her tests. The other was that Gerald seemed to fret less about what might happen and accepted the fact that he was able to work out almost every issue that confronted him.

In April, Gwen came to him and they had a talk.

"Gerald, they are moving Jim to a prison about 50 miles from here. I can see him once a month but I'm not sure how Cheri will take it going to see him every month. I was wondering if she could stay with you every other month. That way I could take her on the alternate months."

"Gwen, you know I don't have a problem with taking care of Cherilyn. All you need to do is let me know when and I will adjust my schedule."