"Arrow": Forbidden Desires

Victor Zsasz has failed this city.

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Stupid Carrie Cutler.

Thea played "Minesweeper" on her computer at the legal offices while she thought about how angry she was. How could Oliver be attracted to her? She was a stupid socialite with no substance. He should aim higher. He deserved better than the likes of her!

Also, stupid CNRI.

Thea was grateful that Laurel had arranged a great deal to get her out of prison, to be sure. But still, she absolutely hated having to be here. She wasn't given much to do or any responsibilities, but still, she hated the fact that she had to wake up early to get here and was bored out of her mind the entire time, so she couldn't help but feel a great deal of resentment.

"What a stupid name, anyways," Thea thought to herself. "C-N-R-I. It sounds like 'Canary.' So dumb."

While she was fuming, Laurel walked up to her.

"Hey there, Speedy," Laurel said with a smile as she walked up to Thea's desk. Thea looked up at her with a smile in turn, but was angry inside. Only special people that she loved got to call her Speedy. Laurel was most definitely not a special person that she loved, although she seemed to think she was. "Look, I know I told you that you wouldn't really have to do much of anything when you were here, but we are absolutely swamped, and people are getting suspicious of the fact that I'm letting you get away with doing basically nothing the entire day. Would you mind organizing these case files so they're in alphabetical order? It shouldn't take more than 30 minutes, tops, and then you can spend the rest of the day doing whatever you want."

"Oh, sure, Laurel, no problem at all. I'll get right on it," Thea said as she smiled at her. Thea grabbed the files and started to organize them on her desk.

Stupid Laurel.

Thea hated her, for reasons that were objectively completely illogical and nonsensical. Laurel had shown nothing but love towards Thea. After Dad and Sarah died, and Ollie was presumed dead, Laurel had tried to latch on to Thea as a sort of replacement little sister for Sarah. Laurel had taken Thea shopping, tried to engage in "girl talk," stuff like that. Laurel had gone out on a limb to leverage her father's connections and make sure that Thea got a good deal in court and wouldn't go to jail, and Laurel made sure the deal included the fact that Thea only had to do some work at CNRI which basically included doing basically nothing. Objectively and rationally speaking, Thea should absolutely love Laurel.

But...no. Thea still disliked her. And always had. Sure, it was irrational. But in Thea's mind, it made sense.

Whenever her big brother would have a "date," be it an innocent one or a less than innocent one after he turned 18, Thea always knew that Ollie was telling the truth when he said afterwards that Thea was still his "favorite girl." Once Ollie turned 20 and started dating Laurel seriously, however, Thea wasn't so sure that his words were completely honest. He spent so much time with Laurel, shared so much of his feelings with her...Thea couldn't help but feel jealous.

She was a kid back then, and didn't fully understand the implications. But after she had grown and saw Oliver come back? Even though Oliver and Laurel weren't together right now and she was with Tommy, it seemed inevitable that they would get over it.

She knew that Oliver still loved Laurel, in a way that he could never love Thea.

In a way that he was forbidden from ever loving Thea.

Thea stopped for a moment to sigh and reflect. "He's your big brother," she silently thought to herself, "he's going to date other girls. He's going to fall in love with them. He can never date you. It's wrong and forbidden."

She reminded herself of this fact over and over. Still, she had a hard time getting over the fact that the only man that she ever loved, the only man that she knew would always unconditionally love her forever, could never be with her.

Every guy that she tried to date was so dumb and treated her like crap. They only wanted one thing. Sometimes that one thing was the status of being with the semi-famous Thea Queen...or sometimes it was the other thing. But mostly both. She definitely had her needs and had made mistakes on occasion, but there was no emotional connection. Whenever she tried to meet guys, she was mostly disgusted. They were so full of themselves. Don't have a care in the world about her as a person. She had never loved any one of them romantically, not even close.

But for some reason, society said that she was forced to try to find some diamond in the rough among this group of douchebags, one that she could fall in love with and spend the rest of her life with and yadda yadda yadda.

Meanwhile, there was an impossibly gorgeous, amazing man in her life who cared for her deeply and who would always love her forever no matter what. A man who would always love her, care about her, and protect her, and even risk his life for her.

But, no, she could never be with that man romantically. And the only reason she couldn't was because of genetic "ribosomes" and "chribosomes" or whatever other stupid science crap that she never understood or cared about while she dozed off during Mr. Weisinger's biology class.

Life's not fair.

She slowly held back tears as she organized the files alphabetically, per Laurel's request. She supposed that this was stupid. It was totally wrong for a girl to have a crush on her big brother. It was "incest." It was wrong, and taboo. Because, you know, those stupid ribosomes and chribosomes are sooooooo important. So much more important than, you know, stupid things like "love" or "emotions" or anything that the heart feels. Who cares about those? Gotta respect the ribosomes.

She tried to buck up and come to her senses. She stopped and shook her head. This line of thinking was so petty and so stupid. Being jealous of losing Ollie to someone like Carrie Cutler, or even Laurel, was such a petty thing to think about after everything they'd been through. At least, in those cases, he would still be in her life and love her, even if it was platonically. And that's all she should realistically expect and hope for, really. She should be much more concerned with losing him being in her life in any capacity.

After all, she already thought she had lost him entirely, once before. When she thought he was dead, her heart was so broken that she could never be the same. But that moment when she finally saw him again, after thinking he was dead for five years... she wouldn't trade that for the world. She came down the stairs, and her big brother had comforted her, hugged her, told her everything was right in the world.

But even now, even after she had gotten her brother back, she knew she knew there was still a risk of losing him entirely again. Because of a stray bullet in him, or a fall from a high building, something else.

Because she knew for a fact that her beloved Ollie was also a bow-wielding hero who risked his life to fight crime.

When Ollie first came back, he had given her an inscribed arrowhead as his symbol of love and the fact that he had always thought about her while he was on the island. So when "the Hood guy" showed up using a bow and arrow as his signature weapon so soon after Ollie had gotten back, she was immediately suspicious. And then, of course, when Ollie got arrested on suspicion of being the Hood...well, Thea was distraught, but not entirely surprised.

And then when Thea confronted him about it when he was under house arrest, saying that he had given her an arrowhead, Ollie had played it off by saying that he bought it at a "Chinese airport gift shop."

Nuh-uh. No way. Thea knew for sure right there and then. When he had first given her the arrowhead, he had looked into her eyes and expressed such love. Of course, it was a platonic sibling love and not the romantic love that Thea was hoping for, but it was pure love nonetheless. She knew for a fact that the arrowhead meant something to him, deeply, and he was full of such care at the fact that he had shared it with her. He probably could have made any number of other excuses to try to justify the connection, but he chose a hollow and transparent one. If he had bought that at a Chinese airport gift shop, he wouldn't have delivered it to her with such love and meaning. There was absolutely no way. Ollie loved her too much. When he lied about that bullcrap about buying it from the airport gift shop, all of her fears were confirmed.

Still, after that point, there was still some degree of doubt in her mind. She thought it was almost certainly true, but she didn't want to fully confront it. When Oliver was cleared of all charges because the vigilante had struck while he was under house arrest, Thea breathed a sigh of relief publically, but deep down she knew the investigation was flawed. She saw the way Ollie and Diggle interacted -- Diggle must be in on it as well, and must have caused the diversion to clear Ollie's name. She was surprised, but quite happy, that the police seemingly bought into it hook, line and sinker for some reason and cleared Ollie's name without even considering the fact that he might have an accomplice or a copycat.

Still, she clung onto that fact as some form of proof (even in denial) that Ollie couldn't be the vigilante. But then, she had been arrested on her driving under the influence of the drug Vertigo. And within a day or so of her being brought to trial, the vigilante had gone after the kingpin of the Vertigo drug ring, and brought him down.

No, there was no denying it. Not at that point. "The Count" had been active for months, but the vigilante only went after him after Thea was a victim of his drug ring. The vigilante was looking out for her, and protecting her. And there was only human being on Earth who looked out for Thea and protected her. The Hood was her big brother.

Ollie was secretly a vigilante hero who spent a good deal of his time risking his life for the greater good of the city. And his bring down of "The Count" was him risking his life to help save and avenge her.

Thea was incredibly conflicted about this situation. On one hand, she loved Ollie so much and hated the fact that there was the potential of her losing him again, to some stray gunshot or whatever.

On the other hand, her beloved Ollie was a mysterious bad boy who went out all the time to risk his life to help protect the greater good, to help bring criminals down, to beat up bad guys and be a hero to this city. And he had risked his life to bring down the man who was indirectly responsible for hurting her, because he loved her so much.

And that...well, she knew the dangers involved. She considered the horrific possibility of losing her beloved Ollie again due to his extracurricular activities. But she couldn't help it. The thought of Ollie being a secret, dark, mysterious, powerful protector of her and the city...well, that was pretty much the most erotic thing she had ever thought about in her life. She wished he would stop, so he could live a normal life, live at home, and be her big brother without consequence. But the fact that he was so heroic, so strong, so noble...

"Hey there, Speedy! Laurel got you working hard, I assume?"

Tommy Merlyn's voice was like a sudden bucket of cold water on her thoughts and dreams about the man she loved.

"Hey there, Tommy," Thea said as she turned and smiled at the intruder. "Here to see Laurel?"

"That would be the plan, unless she blows me off again because some sort of new legal justice that needs to be served and she tells me to vamoose," Tommy said with a smile. He stopped for a minute and looked at what she was doing. "Hey, wait a minute, Speedy, what are you doing with those files in your hand? Don't tell me you're actually....perish the thought...doing some sort of WORK, are you?"

Thea chuckled. "Mostly dozing off, but I am a good girl doing what I'm told to do when necessary."

"Of course you are," Tommy grinned. "Hey, listen, could you do me a favor? When you see Oliver tonight when you get home, could you tell him I've been talking to potential DJs for the nightclub and I've narrowed the list down to ten, and I'd love his input to narrow them down further. I'd tell him myself but he's been too busy to respond to my calls lately, I can barely get a hold of him."

"Definitely," Thea smiled, "and to answer your next question that I know you're about to ask me, Laurel is in the break room grabbing some coffee."

"Thanks Speedy. You're the best," Tommy replied as he headed off in that direction.

Thea chuckled as he left. Unlike Laurel, Tommy was definitely a person who had earned the right to call her "Speedy." He really cared about her. Still, she couldn't help but feel slightly awkward around him. She hated herself for the fact that she had so blatantly hit on him that night at the fundraiser. It was a moment of weakness and desperation that she immediately regretted the next day, and she didn't even really mean the things she said.

If she actually had some sort of real romantic feelings towards Tommy Merlyn, that would be one thing, and she might actually commend herself for her boldness in expressing her romantic desire. But honestly, she wasn't actually attracted to Tommy as a person at all. She hit on him because he was the closest thing to Oliver that she could find that was acceptable within social parameters. It was true that Tommy was a selfish playboy, but as Ollie's best friend, he was definitely the person who resembled Oliver (or at least, the man Oliver used to be) the most in this world who didn't happen to share the same "ribosomes" or whatever science taboo crap with her, so she tried her best to try to divert her romantic attention towards him...well, at least for one drunken night.

She sort of hated herself for the fact that Tommy now thought of her as someone who was totally into him. Because the honest truth was that she wasn't romantically attracted to Tommy at all, so it was kind of embarrassing. He was a good guy, but he could never be as sexy, loving and amazing as her beloved Ollie. And truth be told, her drunken attempts to gain his romantic attention have very little to do with Tommy as a person and much more to do with the fact that she wanted a practice run on the lines she had (perhaps pointlessly) hoped to use on her one real love when the time came.

But, of course, her lines and flirtations had failed on him. Tommy completely rejected her, saying that he considered Thea too much of a sister. And if a guy who only served the role of her superficial non-biological pseudo-brother rejected her advances (despite the fact that there were no biological implications) then surely the real thing she was waiting for would most definitely reject her as well. A harsh, cold truth that she would always have to face.

The day went on, and eventually it neared five o'clock. "Whatever," she reminded herself silently in her head. "This is stupid. Don't think about such dumb things. Ollie could be in danger almost every night. Focus on that instead."

After her shift had ended at five, she went home to an empty house. She sat on the couch for a bit and spent a lot of time thinking.

She pulled out a bottle of wine and decided to text her big brother. Ollie had appointed her as his "media advisor" -- someone to showcase popular movies and TV shows to within the last five years to help him catch up and understand pop culture references. Obviously, being "the vigilante" had gotten in the way and he had cancelled several times. But hopefully, he was able to deal whatever his scumbag target of the week was quickly and efficiently, and spend some time away from his duties in order to spend some time with his little sister.

She figured she should check the local Starling City news site first to make sure, so she pulled out her laptop and started searching. She let out a heavy and relieved sigh as she read the top headline of the paper's website.

"Starling City Vigilante Apprehends Serial Killer"

So, he should have done it. He caught a bad guy, and thus he should be done for the night and ready to come home, hopefully. This serial killer guy was a big deal...surely he would take some time off after that? Time off that he can spend with her?

Thea grabbed her phone, and sent a text message to her big brother, asking him if he was available to watch some TV show or movie with her tonight.

The next ninety seconds after she sent the text felt like an eternity. But luckily, after a minute or two, she received a response fairly quickly in the affirmative, and that he would be home around 9.

Thea breathed a sigh of relief. He was okay, and he was willing to spend time with her.

Now, there was only the matter of determining what popular movie or TV show she should share with him tonight. She sat down in front of the TV and signed on to Netflix to browse possible titles.

She had just spent the whole day thinking about him, and it was starting to eat away at her. She decided continuing to keep her desires sheltered was hardly a way to live at all -- she wanted to pick something sensual to watch with him tonight, to push the boundaries at least a little bit, even if all it would accomplish would be to make him feel awkward and uncomfortable for awhile. Of course, she couldn't pick a porn movie or anything. But still, she wanted to pick something that was at least somewhat sensual. If she couldn't be with him, the best she could do was making him squirm a bit.

As she mulled over the options, she couldn't quite find anything at first. She switched over to the options their cable box provided them with their "On Demand" features, and looked over the possible movies and TV shows that channels like HBO and Showtime had to offer.

As she was browsing the list of available HBO series, she suddenly found the absolute perfect thing to watch with him. One of the most popular TV shows of the last few years, meaning she could easily justify showing it to him as his "pop culture advisor." It had explicit sex scenes and nudity, but even better than that, also specifically dealt with a subject relevant to their situation. Thea couldn't help but form a wicked grin on her face in anticipation.

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Oliver opened the doors to his home around 9:15pm.

It was a huge risk targeting Victor Zsasz during the middle of the day instead of at night. In his vigilante persona, Oliver obviously preferred the cover of darkness. He preferred to work in the shadows, to help hide himself and his agenda.

But Zsasz was also an expert at using the darkness as a shield, so Oliver had to target him at his most vulnerable. Besides, had he waited, the killer would have likely found another innocent victim that night before Oliver caught up with him, and Oliver wanted to save as many lives as possible. A skilled fighter, Zsasz hadn't gone down without a fight, but Oliver's arsenal and expertise were too much for him, and he eventually left him incapacitated as police sirens surrounded the complex.

Oliver was glad that putting Zsasz away would save some lives for the time being, but by no means was he using the fact that Zsasz was arrested as a reason to cross him off "the list." Zsasz had escaped from prison before, and sometimes was put in mental institutions instead, and Oliver had suspected that he might be able to again. But if he did, the vigilante would be waiting for him, and might use more lethal methods the next time. In fact, Oliver somewhat regretted the fact that he hadn't used lethal methods on the serial killer earlier today given his history, but his morals told him he had to at least give him one more chance to be properly processed by the justice system before resorting to a fatality. He hoped this decision wouldn't cause him regret.