As I Watched Him Dance

Ireland, 1820

"You should have seen her. She was beautiful... her body was perfect. The moment I saw her, I knew I had to have her."



Kieran listened as his best friend Laddie went on about his latest conquest. They were sitting in Kieran's study sharing a glass of whiskey, a common thing for them to do on Wednesdays. Kieran sighed as he listened on. He and Laddie had gone to school together, and became friends immediately at age eleven. Upon meeting Laddie, the first thing Kieran did was puzzle over this name. Apparently when Laddie was born, his father named him Luchtaine after an ancient Irish demi-god. The Marquis believing it a fine name and could not fathom why most people could not pronounce it. He would continuously correct people on the proper way.

When Laddie was four, his father took him to a birthday gathering for Lord Henry's son. The Count, not wishing to be lectured all day on diction, just called him "Laddie." Others overhearing this, most of them having been lectured themselves, began using it as well and it had stuck. Even Laddie himself preferred it as it meant he would not have to listen to the long winded ramblings of his father. In truth it became more his name than his given ever was, and even after his father's death he felt no desire to be called anything else. While in school, Laddie was always a trouble maker and later a skirt chaser. Upon his thirteenth birthday, Laddie snuck out of school, went to the docks, and bought himself a whore. He eternally swore that it was the best present he ever bought himself.

Kieran went a different route. He stuck to his books, liking academics. During puberty he discovered not girl, but boys. He also knew then that he was hopelessly in love with Laddie. For fifteen year he had kept silent, valuing his friendship with Laddie over anything. He figured being his friend was better than not having him at all. Over the years Kieran had tried a few male lovers, but all had ended quickly. In one particularly embarrassing case, Kieran had called out Laddie's name to his partner in a moment of passion. His lover had not appreciated it, and stormed out. That was the last they saw each other. Kieran felt no shame over his sexual preference, though he knew he must always keep it a secret out of fear of the law. He chose and paid his servants well to hold their tongues.

Kieran listened some more as Laddie described his current interest's skills in bed and even picked at the areas he felt she could improve in. Sometimes he felt like grabbing Laddie and shaking him... why was he so blind? But Kieran knew he stood no chance with Laddie. All he had to do was look at Laddie's track record. He had more females after him than all the men in Ireland combined.

Kieran looked over at Laddie, taking in his looks. Even sitting he made an impressive figure. Kieran knew from the few times that he had seen Laddie shirtless that his body was well toned, laden with muscle yet sleek at the same time. He reminded Kieran of a jungle cat, even possessing the same kind of grace when he moved. Kieran had more than one fantasy about Laddie as some exotic dancer. His hair was a rich brown shot with blondes and reds, burning like hot volcanic rock. His eyes could make the greenest of emerald jealous.

It was more than Laddie's looks that Kieran loved. It was his spark. He had a smile and a laugh that could light up a room. Even though he was not tall, topping off at roughly five nine, his spark and total confidence made him seem large in stature. While Laddie always figured his naming had been a brief moment of whimsy on his father's part, Kieran believed it to be more prophetic. Laddie was nothing if not an imp who could easily be mistaken for one the Fae. And after the numerous times he had meet Laddie's father in the past, he knew there was a man that never possessed any whimsy, even for the briefest of moments.

Kieran knew he was no slouch either, his hair true jet, which easily explained his name and pale sterling eyes with a hint of blue. Though he was bookish by nature, he did keep his body fit, fencing nearly every day. He had his share of female flocks, but always respectfully declined. He had no interest in women at all, and never had to wonder what it was like after hearing about all of Laddie's exploits.

"So, are you going to Lady Jacksen's ball tomorrow night? I think the fair lady has her eye on me." Laddie winked.

Kieran smiled. "Yes, I will be there. But you'd better slow down Laddie, lest you run out of women."

Laddie laughed. "Well, then I suppose I will have to move to London and work on their women."

Kieran laughed, but hoped Laddie was not serious. He could not bear it if Laddie left.

Laddie drank down the last of his whiskey and got up. "Thanks for the drink, but I should be going. I have a dinner tonight that I dare not miss."

Kieran walked Laddie to the door, seeing him out. As he closed the door he sighed. Had Laddie seen how uncomfortable he was? What was he going to do? It was getting harder to hide how he felt. He knew he would just have to put more effort into hiding, somehow. He would not lose Laddie to some foolish mistake.

The next night he watched at the ball as Laddie danced with the Widow Jacksen. She had married young and been widowed at thirty. Five years later, she was still a fine looking woman. He watched as they laughed and Laddie whispered in her ear. Kieran swallowed a wave of jealousy. He could not count the number of times he had done just this; watched from a distance as Laddie dance with some love struck woman. He couldn't stop his eyes from roving over Laddie's body. Watching the elegant way his body moved. Kieran could feel his breath quicken from it, his mind moving from the dance floor to the bedroom. He could only image that Laddie would have that same finesse there are well. Their bodies would move as one in a different sort of dance. Hands desperately clenching and stroking, eager for each others flesh. Their breaths would mingle, feeding the other life with each kiss. Kieran could feel his body quiver with the excitement. In place of music there would be moans of passion and whispers of love.

Kieran drew in a tight breath and was then quickly broken from his personal revelry as the dance ended. He watched as they slipped to the side of the room and left. He knew he would hear about this adventure tomorrow. Kieran was shaken; his whole body was tense from desire. Just watching Laddie had brought him to such a state that given a few more moment he might have reached fulfillment. Frantically Kieran looked around to make sure no one had noticed his current state, or more importantly the cause of it. Reassured that no one had, Kieran grabbed a glass of champagne and down it in one shot. He felt it was time to leave; he was in too foul a mood and didn't want to take it out on anyone. Nor did he want to risk a repeat of what had almost happened. It was that sort of behavior that land one in a hangman's noose.

At breakfast the next morning, Kieran was surprised to see Laddie walk into the parlor. Normally, Laddie never rose before noon. "What has you gracing my parlor at this early hour?" Kieran smiled, bemused.

Laddie sat down. "Actually I came here for a bit of advice."

Kieran smiled. He had a head for finance, and often Laddie picked his brain for investment tactics. "So what kind of a deal are you looking to make?"

Laddie grabbed a piece of bacon off Kieran's plate and took a bite, chewed, and swallowed. "A life long one. I've come asking about marriage advice. Last night, Lady Jacksen proposed to me... If you can believe it." He looked neither ecstatic nor upset; just ponderous, a little prospective.

Kieran sputtered on the coffee he had been sipping. He set the cup down rather hard. "You can't be serious." His stomach dropped.

"Dead serious. It was quite a shock. But I think we would suit each other. I know she would turn a blind eye in the event that I stray. She suggested it all last night... But I'm still uncertain about what I will do, as that's a rather big decision to make. That's why I came here. You're always good with this sort of thing."

Kieran's world was ending. Laddie couldn't marry, he wasn't the type. If Laddie got married, Kieran would lose him forever. He never thought Laddie would marry... slowly, Kieran felt his heart shrivel up. It was all he could do to keep the tears from his eyes.

"Don't." Kieran said quickly.

"Oh, but why shouldn't I?" Laddie was clearly looking for a more analytical view of things, for Kieran to give him the pros and cons of either decision. He could never see how incapable Kieran was of giving him just that.

/Why?/ Kieran thought as fast as he could. "She may get demanding later... Women change when you marry them."

Laddie seemed to consider this. "That's a good point... but I really can't see her as the jealous type."

/Oh God, no./ Kieran grasped straws. "Why does she want to marry? She doesn't seem like the settling type herself." He needed more time.

"Oh, the usual reasons. She's lonely, wants a companion. She mentioned children."

This was getting worse. He couldn't think anymore. Kieran would lose Laddie. He would have to watch as he was taken away by some demanding female, by the married life and a family. "Don't do it Laddie. You know that later down the road, you will regret it." For some reason, he couldn't tell him exactly why.

"Maybe," he said, still uncertain, and stood up. "Well, I have to go. I need to speak with my man of business about this." With a wave he walked out of the room.

Kieran sat in his chair. He felt the tears start to form in his eyes, it was too late to fight them off. He knew Laddie was going to do it. And Kieran knew he could not watch. He knew marriage would kill that spark of Laddies that he loved so much. That spark that made Laddie who he was. But there was nothing he could do. He knew Laddie would never love her, so there was no reason to feel jealous... but if he lost his spark, what then? Would she still want him, or would she go on about her life with other men as Laddie was stuck with an empty shell? She would ruin him, and then leave him. Kieran felt the urge to throttle her preemptively for doing this. He shook his head. Kieran could feel himself becoming enraged over things that hadn't even happened, going mad. At that moment he simply wanted to lie down and die. He took several deep breaths and thought a moment.

Kieran wasn't sure how to stop Laddie, but he also knew that he couldn't watch him destroy his life. Couldn't watch him marry another. He wanted to stay and be there for Laddie, but knew that if he did so he would surely lose his mind. Finally, he came to a decision. He would leave. Go to the Continent. Maybe with some time away from Laddie, his love would fade. He would start over; find a relationship of his own. A real one. Damn Laddie, damn him.

"Thomas!" Kieran yelled for his majordomo.

Moments later Thomas entered the room and bowed. "Yes, sir?"

"Pack up the house and book passage on a ship."

Thomas could not have been more surprised had he walked in and found his masters head on fire. Thomas had been with Kieran since he was a small boy. He knew everything about him and knew this was not normal. It was never a decision Kieran had even considered before. He collected himself. "Book passage... to where?"

Kieran thought a moment. "Greece, I could use warmer climate." And with that he stormed out the room.

Thomas stood in the room wondering what the hell had just happened. He knew it had something to do with Laddie. Mostly, he wondered what he could do to stop it. He went to inform the household as his master bid.

Two days later Kieran sat in his study. He had to leave for the ship in an hour. He would never come back, he didn't dare. He would miss Ireland, his home. Kieran tried not to think of what else he would miss. He knew it was for the best, he needed to move on with his life. He knew that as long as he was here he would never get over Laddie and was likely to do something that he would later regret, something that could get him killed. Kieran poured himself a whiskey and slowly sipped it, doubting that he would be getting as good a quality of liquor in Greece. Suddenly, his door burst open and Laddie stormed in with Thomas on his heels.

"I'm sorry Sir, I tried to stop him." Thomas looked panicked.

"That's fine Thomas, see to it everything is ready." Kieran dismissed him.

Thomas bowed and closed the door to the study behind him. Kieran looked at Laddie, who was practically seething in front of him. Kieran could not stop but admire him. He was dressed in black breeches tucked into polished boots; his coat was black as well, framing his snowy shirt and cravat. His waistcoat was a deep blue silk with black and silver threads woven into it. When the light hit the silver threads right it caused them to reflect some of the blue from the silk, the color then matching Kieran's eyes perfectly. While he liked to imagine that was why Laddie had chosen it, he knew it was not so.

Laddie glared at Kieran. "What the hell is this I hear about you leaving the country? It can't be true."

Kieran paused, then spoke coldly. "It's true. I leave in less than an hour."

Shocked, Laddie stared at him. "You were going to leave and not even tell me. How could you do that? I'm your best friend!"

"I was going to have a note sent after I was gone. I knew if I told you before you would try to stop me."

"You're damn right I would. Why would you want to leave? You love Ireland. You never wanted to leave before."

Once again Kieran paused. "I've decided I want warmer weather. Ireland doesn't

suit me anymore."

Laddie snorted. "Cut the bullshit, why are you really leaving? Why would you do something so stupid?"

Kieran just shook his head.

Laddie waited a moment, then snapped his fingers and nodded. "It's a woman, isn't

it? Only a woman could make a man lose his head like this."

Kieran was shocked. How clueless could he be? Then he started to laugh. He laughed in sorrow, at the irony.

"What's so funny?"

Still Kieran laughed, until he was almost bent over.

Laddie marched over and grabbed Kieran, shaking him. "Damn it, what is wrong with you?"

Finally, Kieran couldn't stand it. All the years boiled up. He thought, to Hell with it, he was leaving anyway. "You really want to know why I'm leaving? Fine. I'll tell you why." Then Kieran straightened and grabbed Laddie, kissing him roughly. He poured all his emotions into the kiss. Fifteen years of longing. Then pulled back to stare into Laddie's shocked face.

Laddie couldn't believe it. Then it hit him. All these years he had never seen Kieran with a woman. How Kieran had always been there for him, his objections to his marriage. Laddie could have kicked himself. Why had he been so blind? Now it was out in the open, he felt scared at losing his friend. He felt confused. He felt....aroused. /What?/ But he could feel himself becoming aroused by that kiss. It had been one of the best kisses he had ever had.

"I...." Laddie started, and then stopped. The fear became greater; he didn't want to lose Kieran. He was his best friend, his closest confidant. He would not be able to make it without Kieran. Kieran kept him grounded, stable, whenever he had a problem he came to Kieran. How could he live with Kieran gone? He...he loved Kieran. Laddie realized it was true, he had denied it all this time. In his effort to escape the rigid control of this father through endless parties and naked women, he had been blinded to his real feelings. But he truly loved Kieran, and if that kiss had anything to say about it, Kieran loved him too. But he had to be sure.

"Does... Does this mean... Kieran, you're in love with me?"

"Of course I am, you horse's ass! I've loved you since I was thirteen. But I am not going to stay here and watch you ruin your life by getting married. Now if you will excuse me, I have a boat to catch." Kieran went to brush past him.

Laddie narrowed his eyes and reached out, grabbing Kieran by the arm. "I don't think so." Then he did something he never thought he would do. Pulling the other's body close, he kissed Kieran back. And he as well tried to tell Kieran how he felt with that single kiss. When he pulled back he saw Kieran had tears in his eyes. Laddie was scared. Had he done the right thing? What if Kieran no longer wanted him?

Kieran reached up and gently cupped Laddie's cheek. "Do you mean it?"

"Yes, forgive me for not seeing it sooner, I promise I'll make it up to you. If you'll let me."

Kieran smiled. Fifteen years of waiting, and Laddie loved him back. He felt his heart blossoming, threatening to beat out of his chest. Love, excitement, paralyzing arousal. "Your damned right you will, and you can start right now."

With that Kieran leaned in and kissed Laddie, wrapping his arms around Laddie's neck. He ran his tongue along the seam of his lips. As Laddie opened his mouth he pushed his tongue inside. He swirled his tongue around Laddie's mouth, he was enjoying this so much, and he had waited years for this moment. No other could compare. He kissed Laddie with all the passion he had inside him, he moaned deep in this throat as he felt Laddie return the kiss with as much vigor. Laddie placed his hands around Kieran's waist and moved closer. His pants were digging into his erection so he brushed himself against Kieran's leg looking for some relief. He heard Kieran moan even louder with that movement.

Laddie was enjoying the kiss. He had thought at first that it would be awkward, but it wasn't. He enjoyed the firmness of Kieran's body, but it went beyond the physical. He was solid, steady. In the past Laddie had always held back not only his passion, but emotions, fearing he would overwhelm his partner. Holding Kieran now he knew that he could take whatever Laddie had to give, and would probably ask for more. Finally, Kieran broke the kiss. Laddie groaned and tried to pull his mouth back, but Kieran pushed Laddie against the desk and knelt in front of him.

"Oh, God." Laddie gasped.

Kieran unfastened Laddie's pants and pulled out his erection. He smacked his lips with approval, of average length but quite thicker than normal. Kieran bucked his own hips and felt his member throb at the thought of Laddie taking him, but knew that was for later. First, he needed to do something for Laddie's hard cock. He wanted to build the other up for the grand finale. He gently stroked Laddie with his hand, then reached down and gave his balls a little tug. Laddie jerked at that and dug his fingers into the desk.

"Please."

Kieran smirked at that whimpered plea and opened his mouth, sticking his tongue out. He ran it up Laddie's length, circling the head and tasting his precum. He moaned at the taste. He could feel Laddie shaking. He opened his mouth further and took the tip in, sucking softly. Kieran was almost dizzy with pleasure. He had wanted this for too long, so he took Laddie even deeper into his mouth. Then he moved back. Slowly, he found a perfect rhythm, bobbing his head up and down and sucking firmly. Gently Laddie thrust his hips forward. This was the best blow job he had ever had. No woman had ever come to close to such expertise. He wanted more and began to push his hips forward insistently. Kieran obliged and took him deeper into his mouth and began to suck harder. Finally he relaxed his throat and took the entire length of Laddie's cock. He sucked as hard as he could, flicking his tongue along the underside of his head. He reached up with his hand and began to massage Laddie's sac, sweat dripping down his neck. They were heavy and drawn tight against his body. Kieran rolled them along his palm, rubbing with his thumb.