As It Seems Ch. 04

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Confusion and they meet again.
5.7k words
4.54
24.3k
8

Part 4 of the 10 part series

Updated 09/22/2022
Created 07/17/2008
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rowan3
rowan3
196 Followers

"Fuck," Connor muttered to himself as he wiped the fog from the mirror, giving himself an angry glare. "Useless, piece of fucking shit." It was the first time he was able to look himself in the mirror in a few days. He couldn't face the man he was becoming. He was starting to see the savage, he thought he pushed back years ago.

It didn't help that every time he closed his eyes, he saw hers. No matter how he tried to forget, he saw her green gold eyes large and shimmering quietly begging him not to hurt her. What did he do? And why? Why did he grab her? He tried to swallow the lump in his throat. The pop her wrist made rang in his ears along with her shallow tear heavy breath.

No. He couldn't lie to himself; he wanted to hurt her, to scare her and make her cry. He wanted retribution for his sister. He wanted to make physical what she did to Jenny. That thought made him sickest of all. He didn't know her and he made her the target of his hate and aggression.

He admitted to himself that he was in over his head, and it was starting to show. That was the other reason he put his hands on her. That wasn't an excuse; he was already angry and agitated. Dealing with D.J. then having Mackey pull on him just made him the useless piece of fucking shit who rough-housed a girl. A girl who played tough, but was about as harmful as a newborn kitten.

She was the answer to so many questions he asked himself. He almost answered one before he left her the other night. He almost answered the question of her lips. Were they as soft as they looked? As inviting? He almost let his curiosity override his responsibility and loyalty to his sister. He almost let himself forget she was screwing his brother-in-law and probably his boss. That thought stopped him from falling into her spell; saving him from his own weakness. He would end up like the other two used and probably thrown away. He knew that's what she did. Jenny told him; Alexa and Jennifer were friends once, so who would know her better?

He closed his eyes and balled his fists fighting the urge to go to her. He needed to hear her side, maybe Jenny misunderstood. He pushed that hopeful thought out of his head. He saw her sit on David's lap kissing him. He shouldn't feel bad about hurting her; she was after his sister's family.

He was loosing perspective. He was distracted by her. He ignored the longing and the hurt in her eyes when he pulled away. He knew he broke her with those two words "Too bad." It was her or him, it had to be her.

That was a few days ago, and she was still haunting him. He knew where he had to go. He had to go where all this started. Where he could regain some of the perspective he lost. He hopped on his bike; running from the demon desire.

Connor sat in the chair, the palm of his hands pushing the tears back into their ducts, pushing the anger and confusion. How could he fix this? The machine connected to the little girl beeped at him; trying to answer him in the stale and sterile room. It was quiet except for his heavy breath and the grating hum of machines. Each machine had a function. There was one pushing air into her lungs. There was the one beeping which monitored her heart rate; sometimes he wondered if it really was trying to communicate, then there were the tubes, so many fucking tubes. Feeding, draining and other things he wasn't sure about.

He sat back in his chair; it was futile to fight what he felt now. Angry, hopeless, worthless so many other things he didn't want to think about. He let the tears he'd been fighting since he walked in the room fall.

"Hey, sweetheart. I know it's been awhile. I just wanted to see how you were." He didn't know why he talked to her; maybe his voice would guide her out of the unknown. Maybe she could hear him. Maybe his voice made her feel less alone and scared. He watched for hours, the rapid movement in her closed eyes, the constant rise and fall of her chest, and the stillness of her limbs.

Connor stood over her stroking her hallow cheek, "I'll fix this. I promise I'll fix this." He kissed her forehead his tears dropping cold on her face, mingling with her own. He wiped them away with his thumb.

Bang!Bang!Bang!

"What the hell?" Alexa groaned pulling her pillow over her head. Maybe if she kept her eyes closed whoever was at her door would go away.

"Alexa! Open up!" Grrr. No such luck.

"Go away," she mumbled rolling out of her warm comfy bed, "Damn it." she bumped her head against the night stand.

"Open up it's me!" she swung the door open her angry groggy gaze barreling down on a petite black girl with a pair of wide worried dark eyes. And to tall pierced and tattooed white boy with a pair of sleepy humorous grey eyes.

"What do you want?" she yawned leaning on the door letting her eyes drift closed as the odd couple pushed their way in.

"Oh we just decided to drive for nine hours straight to pay our friend Alexa a wake up call." Gauge rolled his eyes, as he headed to the kitchen hoping for some munchies.

"Are you okay?" Janabelle's usually chirpy and animated voice huskier than usual weighed down with concern and sleep.

"Yeah why?" Now she was confused, weren't they in New Orleans for some cooking class or something? Gauge and Janabelle were her two best friends. Gauge was in culinary school but he also worked at his friends bar. Pretty much as whatever they needed that night bouncer, cook, bar tender, D.J. He was a tall lanky skater-boy with dark hair, piercing and tattoos. At first Alexa was more than a little freaked out by the huge spaced out piercing in his ears, but he was friends with Jana so he couldn't be all bad.

She met Janabelle at Wanda's Salon and day spa. Jana was the first person to greet her when Alexa got a job there as a stylist. Janabelle was a massage thereapist, they became fast friends. Janabelle was a funny girl she introduced Alexa to Japanime and Alexa introduced Jana to dresses and skirts. Now they both worked at The Rose Pub with Gauge. Belle was also the only one who helped take care of Wanda when she was diagnosed with leukemia. Wanda closed the shop to spend more time with her family, Jarome, her niece Peaches and for some reason Shanae.

Alexa's hand throbbed as she thought about the salon. She missed it, she wasn't really good at anything else. That seemed to be her calling but she may never be able to work again if her wrist didn't heal. Janabelle helped her a lot, helping her with physical therapy, massaging her wrist and just being her sweet calm self. She was the only one who knew exactly what happened with the exception of the people involved her ex-Marcus, Jennifer and Alexa.

The girls took a seat at the kitchen bar while Gauge tried desperately to find some food. Alexa's anger drained replaced with the ease of being around Belle. Even the first time she met her she was at ease. Maybe it was because she was so petite, standing about 5'1 and probably 115 pounds.

"You got anything to eat?" Gauge finally got tired of looking and leaned on the counter, interrupting her thoughts. Gauge came in the package that was Janabelle. It wasn't too bad though. He was funny and cute. And the boy created things in the kitchen that made Alexa ask him to marry her; twice in the last few years. Alexa always wondered why Janabelle never admitted how she felt about Gauge. It was obvious to everyone but them. Janabelle's eyes would brighten at the mention of his name. Her smile became a shy goofy grin. And Gauge was oblivious but it was obvious to everyone they belonged together.

Alexa snorted, that was probably the dumbest question she ever heard. "Do I ever? You know I promised Dad that I wouldn't even keep anything that would give the idea I was gonna cook."

"Didn't you sign a contract with the old man saying you wouldn't cook?"

Alexa nodded pushing down the embarrassed flush in her cheeks.

"You burn down one house and they never let hear the end of It." she mumbled

"Ah poor baby." Gauge went to her wrapping his arms around her shoulders.

"Fuck you," She laughed pushing him away. "You know I love you two like family...but... um you still haven't told me what you want." She said still trying to push Gauge off. Man he was heavy for being so skinny.

"I gotta take a leak...Bella tell princess Alexa here why we've been driving nonstop all fuckin' night." Bella smiled trying not to laugh.

"What crawled up his?"

"We were worried-"

"You!" Gauge yelled through the door.

"Shut up and let me tell her!"

"Look if you two want to argue and act up y'all can carry your happy behinds back to new Orleans and I can go back to sleep."

"Stop bitchin'! Bells tell her already!"

"Shut up! Anyway we were in Nawlins and your dad-"

"Oh," Alexa covered her face, "Sorry." Jana didn't have to say anymore, Alexa knew her dad called them when he couldn't get in touch with her. Janabelle something had to have happened if Alexa didn't call to check in, and after what happened with Marcus she was even more concerned about Alexa. Even though Gauge was joking about not being worried Alexa knew he wouldn't have driven back if he wasn't concerned.

"Yeah he got munchkin here," Gauge came out the bathroom and pointed a thumb at Janabelle, "all riled up." he playfully tugged on Bella's hair.

"We tried to call you," Bella cleared her throat, willing herself not to notice how close Gauge was. Why did she agree to go to New Orleans with him anyway? To be close to him. And to get away from home. She thought sadly. He only asked her to go to get her away from another cheating bully boyfriend, and away from her father who very little time sober.

"I know I'm sorry I forgot to call and check in-" Alexa averted her gaze. Both Gauge and Janabelle had eyes like hawks and would know something was up.

"Is everything okay?" Alexa flinched under Janabelle's steady dark gaze. She had eyes that could see into the soul. She saw passed Alexa's bitchfence. It was unnerving to have someone able to read into you. She loved and hated her for it. Alexa didn't bother to hide in herself with her because she couldn't.

"Yeah...yes it's uh," heat burned her ears and traveled her face. She started biting her cuticles, wishing she change the subject.

"What Princess Alexa forgot to check in with Daddy?" Gauge gasped his voice high and feminine, his eyes widened as he covered his mouth. "Oh my word! What is this world coming to?" His other hand went to his heart.

"Quiet jerk!" Alexa laughed slapping him upside the head as Janabelle covered her mouth fighting a howl of laughter.

"Oh please honey do tell. What kept you from calling Papa Joe?" Gauge fluttered his eyelashes, limped his wrist and added a lisp. The girls shook their heads.

"There is nothing to tell, I took my car to the shop, the mechanic worked on my car late, still couldn't fix it, so he gave me a ride home." she shrugged hoping that was the end.

"Did you invite this Mister Man in for a night cap?" Gauge snapped his fingers.

"You are way too good at that." Janabelle couldn't control herself anymore, she howled in laughter. She laughed so hard she fell off the stool.

"You fuckin' munchkin!" Gauge jumped over the counter tackling Janabelle. Those two were the biggest fools, Alexa watched them play wrestling; wishing she could be as unrestrained. She was happy they were here; they made her feel better, and kept her mind off anything might creep into her psyche.

It was always so odd to her that they weren't dating. She wondered when they'd balls up and admit they were more than just friends.

"No! No! Stop! Please stop!" Janabelle laughed trying to wiggle away, "I'm gonna pee!"

Gauge let out an evil laugh, "what'd'ya say?" he demanded straddling her. Alexa left the couple to shower and change.

"Mer-mercy!"

"What I didn't hear you?! Say it again."

"Mercy," Janabelle huffed.

"Who's your daddy?" Gauge leaned closer their noses almost touching. He was just noticing how good she smelled. Light and sweet and fresh.

"Okay! Stop! You! You're my daddy!" Janabelle gasped. He stopped tickling her, his hands leaning on either side of her head.

They stared at each other, their breath heavy. Janabelle searched his eyes. They were storm clouds; covering the light behind his eyes. She couldn't see passed their depth. They darkened. The darkest grey she had ever seen.

He looked in her eyes and wondered what she was thinking. Damn, she was beautiful. Dark brown skin as smooth as suede, he couldn't help touching her. Her eyes were large, doey and so dark. They reminded him of when he was a kid and he went to visit his grandparents in the country. Late at night he'd sit by the pond in their back yard, trying to see to the bottom but all he saw was his reflection. Just like now. Sometimes her eyes reminded him of the country sky; dark and twinkling promising heaven beyond if only you could pass through the sparkling curtain.

"Gauge?" her voice was soft as her breathing got heavier. He loved how she said his name. Like she was asking permission to say it.

"Yeah?" He smirked one hand brushing a stray hair from her eyes.

"You're crushing me," her eyes fell to the silver Celtic cross dangling from his neck, hoping he couldn't see how much she wanted him. His eyes flickered to her mouth. It was moist and so plush, so inviting....he licked his lips.

"Gauge?"

"Hum?"

"You're crushing me," she said meeting his eyes again.

"Oh, uhh, sorry," he stood offering her his hand. "Upsy daisy." he pulled her up. Janabelle brushed invisible dirt off of her jeans.

Alexa smiled from her bedroom doorway. She wanted to possess Janabelle's easy carefree laugh and manner. It took a long time for Alexa to admit to herself that she was shy and awkward. When people tried to talk to her she got flustered. So she wouldn't talk back, which in turn made her a bitch in their eyes. It didn't matter anyway; they only talked to her because they thought she was beautiful and exotic. She didn't feel it. She didn't feel any truth to their words, so she wouldn't comment. She just shrugged or walked away, hoping they didn't see how ugly and dirty she was.

She was the only girl in her family, so they dolled her up. Her clothes were and still are from Milan or Paris or any other place that could be deemed a fashion capital. Her Nonna was the epitome of style and grace. She taught her how to walk and talk, how to carry herself like a princess. That's what she was to everyone else "princess or pricepassa". She didn't feel like one though. In her mind she was still that scared five year old waiting for her dad to find her hiding in the closet.

Alexa let out a small breath willing her thoughts in another direction. How did Connor look at you last night? A malicious part or brain asked. That wasn't exactly where she wanted her mind to wonder, but she couldn't help it. He was in her dreams; his electric blue eyes peering into her, seeing her for what she was. She let herself wonder for the first time that day why he didn't kiss her. What did he see in her that made him look at her with so much hate and disgust? It doesn't matter, he didn't kiss you; you didn't kiss him, once your car is fixed you never have to see each other again.

"Hey guys I'm sorry your trip was cut short…why don't I take you to breakfast? Then we can come back and you can crash here."

Jannabelle stepped away from Gauge, "yeah, that'd be cool." She ducked away from Gauge and Alexa shook all thoughts of Connor from her head.

***

Knock! Knock! Knock! "Uncle Nathan?" He smiled slightly at the small voice on the other side of the door. He pulled on his jeans and opened the door.

"What's up champ?" he kneeled down meeting a pair of eyes that matched his own. They even had the same seriousness and doubt. Daniel was the splitting image of Nathan, just subtract about a couple decades. They both stood face to face eyebrows knitting together in thought, each trying to feel the other one out. Nathan knew Daniel was more perceptive than most gave him credit for; even at six years old the boy could understand and be weary of adult drama.

"Is my Zia still coming?"

"Yeah but not until late." Daniel bit his lip and cocked his head to the side.

"How late?"

"I don't know probably after we're all asleep."

"Oh," It was funny; the one person he couldn't read was a six year old boy. "Well Clara keeps asking and she won't go to sleep until Zia reads her a story."

"Do you think it will help if I sing her a song?"

Daniel shrugged, "I don't know. Mommy says Zia is the only one who can get her to sleep. And that pisses mommy off." Nathan almost choked; he wanted to laugh so hard.

"Oookay, uh let's see what we can do."

"Un-Nat! Danul!" Clara called from her bedroom.

"Coming sweetheart!" Nathan laughed trying to figure out a song to sing for Clara.

"Where my Zia?" The little girl stood at the edge of her bed still not able to reach Nathan's height. Clara was a demanding little girl. Jennifer complained that she was just like David's sister.

"At work," he picked her up meeting her angry stare. She had David's eyes and his family's light hair.

"She said-"

"I know baby doll but she has to work, but I tell you what; Daniel told me she reads you a story uh?" the tow headed girl nodded her head making her spiral curls bounce. "I'll sing you a song; I know it's not your Zia's stories."

"You can't sing you a boy." Nathan laughed.

"Do we have a deal?"

"I guess." She accepted grudgedly. Nathan tucked her in and Daniel sat on the floor next to his sister's bed.

"Anything you want to hear?"

"I don't know?" she shrugged still pouting.

"What about you champ?" Daniel shrugged. Nathan sighed this was going to harder than he thought. He glanced around the room looking for inspiration. He was not up on his children's songs. He spent his day listening to death metal. The window blinds were open and he caught the twinkle of one of the stars out side.

He cleared his throat sitting beside her on the bed. "Twinkle, tinkle little star how I wonder what you are…." His voice filled the room surprising the kids with its deep beauty and comfort. They visibly relaxed letting the song carry them into the land of dreams.

He stroked Clara's hair remembering how his sister got him to baby sit. He tried to resist; he never spent much time with his niece and nephew, was now the time to start? He did have a lot of his own shit going on. He promised himself he'd forget about all his sister's drama; especially Alexa.

"But I need you…" Jen sniffled over the phone.

"What about Mom and Dad?" He didn't know why he was fighting it they both knew he would give in.

"They can't. I even tried David's sister and she's being a bitch."

"I thought you guys were fighting."

"Who? Me and Ally?" Nathan noted the sudden nervousness in her voice.

"You and David."

"We made up. We're going to try and work things out. He hasn't been to see that slut lately."

"Jen I don't know-"

"You said you'd help me. I'm trying to get my husband back and no one will help me." Jen sobbed over the phone.

"Okay, I'll do it. Don't cry." He didn't know what else to do. Next time he saw David he was going to cut his balls off for what he was doing to his sister. As for Alexa he had an idea of how to get her away from David; maybe he could teach her a lesson in the mean time, even have a few laughs.

"Thank you, Oh Ally's going to come by Friday night after-"

"Hold on. I thought you said she wasn't coming."

"No I said she was being a bitch. I called her like ten times but she wouldn't answer cause it was me. I don't trust her with the kids anyway; she bad talks me to them." Nathan's face burned. Who the fuck were these people? Why were they ganging up on his sister?

rowan3
rowan3
196 Followers
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