As Long As It Takes

The agreement that Sally and I wrote up we all signed. I wasn't there when Beth came in to sign it. Sally told me Beth took it pretty hard. We had a few arguments with Jeff on what credit cards would be paid and by whom. I guess that was his way of saving face. I told Sally that if push came to shove, I would pay them. We canceled all our credit cards and had new ones issued in separate names.

I talked with the kids regularly. They told me that their mom accepted the fact that we were divorced and seemed a little happier. I asked them if she dated and they told me no. She did go out with girl friends about once a month. I think I cringed when I heard that.

I never did have that heart to heart with Beth. She wanted the freedom to explore and that wasn't my thought in life. You don't marry someone and decide to find new attractions. It was the way I was brought up. As I mentioned my parents were married over forty years. Maybe we did get married too early and she didn't get a chance for whatever it is she is seeking. I never explored the sexual realm either. I was happy with Beth.

Going back a couple of years, I should mention that I did start dating again. I went out with a few women from work. At my age most women I met and dated were divorced. I made it a point never to date a married woman even if she was separated. I guess it's something I felt inside. I did have sex with a few of these ladies. It just wasn't the same for me. I mean it was good and I treated them all with respect but I always thought about Beth.

It's funny how you can't just shake it off and go on with your life. I tried, believe me I really tried. All the women I dated just didn't do it for me. My best days were the family events when I could see Beth.

One night last year I went out with the guys from work. They said they knew a noisy lounge where the women hung out. Of course you know who I saw there. It must have been ladies night out. I looked up and there she sat. It was funny though because there weren't any men around them yet. I didn't know any of the women she was with. The only one I ever met from her work was Barb and she wasn't there.

I walked up to Beth from the side so she didn't see me coming. "Would you like to dance?" I asked.

"Jerry, what are you doing here?" she asked.

"Just out with the guys. Are you waiting for someone or do you want to dance?" I replied.

"No ... yes ... I mean no, I'm not waiting for anyone and yes, I'd love to dance with you. Let me introduce you to my friends." She rattled off a half dozen names and then said, "These women all belong to our card club. About once every six months we go out instead of playing cards and it just happens to be tonight. Now, how about that dance?"

We went up to the dance floor and I held her in my arms. "Just like old times, isn't it?" I said.

She looked up and smiled, as I pulled her tighter. We had two slow numbers in a row and then the band started a fast one.

"I never could dance to those type songs," I said as I walked her back to her table. She seemed sad that I took her to the table. "Ladies, it was nice meeting you. I better get back to my friends."

As I walked away, it just didn't seem right. I didn't want to see if she was approached by another man. I told my friends that I had to leave and would see them later. As I walked out the door I turned and saw Beth staring at me.

The next day I got a call from her. She said it was nice to see me out and about and enjoyed being with me. She asked me if I would help plan Amy's wedding reception. My oldest daughter was going to get married. It seemed like just yesterday I held her in my arms. Now here she was ready to start her life with her boyfriend. It's funny Beth called the day after I had seen her since I knew Amy's wedding was a year away.

I told her I thought it was a bit early since it was so far away. She told me that reservations and such have to be made way in advance. I suggested she give Amy a call and make the plans with her. After all it was her wedding. After they got their ideas on paper, I would look at the financial end.

She said that was okay and she would give Amy a call and get things started. I wanted Beth to know that one dance does not put us back together.

I called her about a month later to ask her how the plans were coming along. Carla answered the phone and said that Beth had gone out with friends. I was aggravated but really had no right to be. We've been divorced for over two and a half years now. I did ask Carla if her mom went out regularly and she told me about once a month. I called my buddy Pete and asked him if he wanted to go to the lounge. He was divorced also and enjoyed the ladies.

We walked in and the place was crowded. I saw Beth sitting with a group of people. both men and women. I decided to hell with her; I was going to find another woman to dance with. I saw this young gal probably around thirty. She was dressed really sexy with a mini skirt on and braless. Pete said, "Damn, now that's nice. Check out those gals sitting by themselves."

The gals were seated with some other women who were dressed about the same. They were only a couple of tables away from Beth and her friends. I was walking in the direction of Beth's table when she spotted me. Her mouth kind of flew open and I walked right past her table and to the table with the sexy young chick. "Care to dance?" I asked her.

"Sure, I like older men, especially good looking ones," she replied. I knew she said it loud enough that Beth heard her.

We got up and I held her close. I wasn't holding her hand but had my arms around her and had her breasts tight against me.

"I'm Jerry, and you are a very lovely woman."

I was dancing almost in front of Beth's table.

"I'm Rachel and it's nice to meet you, Jerry."

I kept her close and tried not to look at Beth. The men at Beth's table were staring at Rachel's legs. I would pull on her skirt and give them a little more to look at.

The next one was a fast song but Rachel and I stayed on the floor and danced. I knew this would get to Beth since I never danced fast songs with her. It was followed by another slow one and I grabbed Rachel and held her tight. I slid my hands down one time and squeezed her buns. She just smiled at me. At the end of the song I walked her back to my table and told her maybe we could dance again later.

Rachel replied, "I'd like that."

Pete had just returned to our table also. He danced with one of the other gals who was there at the same table with Rachel.

I was sipping my drink and Pete looked up and said, "Here comes a nice looking broad." He had never met Beth but that's who was coming to our table. "Will you dance with me?" she asked. I looked over at Pete as though she was talking to him. "Jerry, answer me."

I stood up and said, "It would be a pleasure." I looked over at Pete and said, "Pete, meet Beth, my ex-wife." Pete's mouth dropped open remembering he had just called her a broad.

As we were dancing Beth said, "What was that all about? She was all over you. God, she would have fucked you on the dance floor if you would have asked her."

"Isn't that why we're divorced? You wanted me to fuck other women so you could have other men?" I asked.

"Jerry please, you and I never did talk about it. I was wrong."

"Look, Beth, you came home with other men's cum running out of you like a faucet and all you can say is, 'I was wrong.' Maybe I should fuck that little filly and then I can say I was wrong too. Besides, we're not married now. When you went on your fuck spree, you were my wife. My wife, dammit!"

Some guy came up to Beth and I on the dance floor and asked Beth what she was doing. "You're supposed to be my date and you ask this guy to dance," he asked.

I looked at this weasel and said, "Fuck off, Buddy; you're not getting any off Beth tonight." I could tell it really embarrassed Beth.

"Who the fuck are you, her husband or something?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm her husband and you're going to be in the hospital if you don't get the fuck away from us."

Beth started to talk, when I interrupted her. "Do you want to sit with me or go back to your boyfriend here?" Beth was steaming mad and pulled away from me and went back to her table. I grabbed the creep by the arm and told him if he tried having sex with her that night that I would hunt him down and kill him, then I let go of his arm, as he went back to his table.

The two young fillies we danced with earlier came over and sat with us. We switched over to a booth and were feeling them up. I normally don't treat women like this, but Beth had a bird's eye view and I was putting it on pretty thick. I knew Pete was finger fucking the one he was with. These gals were there for one reason that night and that was to get laid.

The little blond I was with asked if we were ready to leave; she told us she was hot and horny. I asked her to do me a favor first. I pointed over to Beth, who was sitting there looking really mad in our direction, and I asked her to go over and tell that woman that she was going to get her wish that evening. The little blond smiled and walked over and told Beth what I had said and she came back. Beth was furious and tried to get up but was trapped between some other people. By the time she got up, we were gone.

We did have sex with these two hot chicks at Pete's apartment. In fact throughout the night we even changed partners. The sex was great but after they left the next morning I didn't feel complete. I knew what it was - the love was missing.

I had turned off my cell phone and when I turned it on I had ten messages from Beth. She was hot under the collar. She called me every name in the book. On one of her messages she said I ruined her evening; that made me feel good. It was about nine in the morning when I called her. She answered the phone and I asked her if she was calmed down any. She began ranting and raving again saying what a bastard I was and how much I hurt her. Then all of a sudden she stopped.

"How does it feel, Beth? To know the one you love is fucking someone else. It's the life you chose. You fuck who you want, and I'll fuck who I want. To hell with love."

I could hear her crying as I hung up the phone. I didn't hear from her for a couple of weeks. Then one day she called.

"Jerry, can we talk? I mean about everything. I know it will hurt you because seeing you with that bimbo hurt me, so I know what I did was much worse."

"Beth, it's over now, go on with your life and fuck who you want. I don't care anymore. I just wanted you to get a taste of how it felt."

"Jerry, I haven't fucked a man in two and a half years. The last time was a month after you left me. It wasn't all that good and there was no love. I realized that it was just men using me as a slut. I'm not a slut, Jerry. I was wrong, I was really wrong and there is no way I can prove it to you. I wanted to try and explain it to you but that type of life is not for me. I realized it when Joe asked me if I was his little slut. I slapped him hard across the face. He went to hit me back but I kicked him in the balls before he had a chance. I don't want that life, Jerry; I want the life that we once had. Honest, two and a half years."

"What about that idiot a couple of weeks ago? He said he was your date. He had every intention in bedding you down."

"He was friends of one of the guys at our table. The other men at the table were with their wives. Since I was the only single woman at the table, he assumed he was going to be with me. I had no intention of doing anything other than maybe dancing with him. Besides, he told me you were going to kill him if he laid a hand on me. Did you tell him that?"

"I sure did. Do I have to follow up on my threat?"

"Hell, no, he wouldn't even dance with me. The only reason I went back to the table was that you embarrassed me so badly. Then you sent that bimbo over to let me know you were going to have sex with her. Did you, Jerry? Did you have sex with her?"

"Beth, we're not married. I'm free to do what I want. By the way, whatever happened to your friend Barb? I don't see her with you anymore."

"They don't belong to the club anymore. She and her husband are divorced. The reason they tried swapping was because they thought it would add a little lust into their marriage. Her husband ended up divorcing her and he and the other man's wife left together. Two more marriages went down in flames."

I thought it was odd she mentioned the club. She mentioned she hasn't gone there for years.

I thought I'd change the subject. "How are the wedding plans for Amy coming along? You haven't told me much about them and now it's only a few months away," I asked.

"I know you know all the plans. Amy has talked to you a dozen times. I guessed I felt you didn't want to be over here alone with me so that's why we made the plans and just let you verify them."

"I'm not afraid to be alone with you, Beth," I said.

"Oh, yeah? I don't believe you. If you're not afraid of me, then take me out on a date," she laughed.

"I don't think that would be a good idea, Beth. It may give the wrong impression. People might think we were getting back together," I replied.

"I knew you were afraid. You still love me like I love you. You just won't admit it," she said.

"Beth, I do love you but the hurt of what you did to me is still there. I see it every time I look at you. When you cheated on me, you took a big part of my heart away. I don't think it's mended yet. I don't know if it will ever be."

"God, I'm so sorry, and there is nothing I can do. Nothing. Jerry, I'm the one who ruined our marriage. I'm the one who lost the only man I ever loved. I'm also living daily with the guilt. I've thought time and time again about taking my own life, but it's the kids that would have to live with that. I've done enough damage to them. I was hoping that one day maybe, just maybe we might get back together."

I didn't know what to think anymore. I never had talked to her and now I hear this. God, my mind was in turmoil. I wanted her, I loved her, I hated what she did to me and to our marriage. What if she followed up on her thoughts?

Was she laying a guilt trip on me? I had to know more before I'd believe her I knew I couldn't live with it if she would take her own life. I thought I knew her well enough to know if she was lying to me, but I don't know anymore. I had to find out for sure, but how? We all have thoughts like that once in awhile. Thank God, we don't follow through on them. I had to say something to her, but what.

"Beth, I'm getting hungry. Care to join me at the Red Lobster for lunch. We could discuss what we'll give Amy for a wedding present?" All I heard for the next thirty seconds was crying.

Then a tiny voice said, "I'd love to."

"Now, Beth, you have to understand that this isn't for sex; it's lunch and a little talk about Amy's wedding."

"I understand," I could almost hear her smiling.

I stopped by to pick her up and she was standing on the porch waiting. God, she was beautiful. Dressed up in a nice dress that showed ample legs. I pulled up and she came almost running to the car. She got in and just smiled.

We talked about generalities avoiding the heavy stuff. She told me she had bought a dress for the wedding. She told me I better get measured for a tux. I knew I had to wear one, but I don't think any guy looks forward to it. Without thinking, I asked Beth if she would go with me to see how I looked in one. I hadn't worn one since our wedding almost twenty-two years ago.

She looked surprised, and so was I. It just came out - I was so used to asking her opinion when we were married.

"Yes, I'd love to come with you. Just let me know when."

I could hardly take it back so I told her the following Saturday would be fine. I would have to watch myself; I could get myself into trouble here.

We were seated at the table and we both ordered iced tea. We always ordered the same stuff. We had so much in common.

"Beth, I need to ask you something but I really have to know the truth. I promise after you answer we will never discuss the topic again. Did you mean it when you talked about taking your own life?"

She looked at me with a tear in her eyes. "Don't worry, I won't cry. I've done that enough in the last three years. In answer to your question, yes, I did. I told you I went out once after you left me. I know this is going to sound really stupid but I did it for revenge against you."

"Revenge against me. I don't unders..."

"I was all mixed up, confused, and felt abandoned by you. I know it wasn't your fault at all but at the time I wasn't thinking rationally. So I went out again to get even with you. I wasn't enjoying it at all and that's when I got up to leave and he called me his slut. I slapped and kicked him and came home crying. The kids were already in bed and I just felt my life was over. I went in and got the whole bottle of sleeping pills and was about to take them when Carla asked if she could sleep with me. She told me she needed me. I stated crying with my little girl asleep in my arms. It's when I prayed to almighty God for help. Calmness came over me and I decided my kids needed me and just maybe you would see the change in my life and want me back."

She brought tears to my eyes. Luckily our meals came and we changed the subject and started eating. Afterwards I asked her if she wanted to go to a movie. We found a good comedy so we could both laugh.

I took her back home and she asked me if I wanted to come in. I told her not then; I had a lot of thinking to do and before she got out of the car she leaned over and kissed me. I didn't stop her; she felt so good like she belonged there.

"I love you, Jerry, just remember that."

She got out without me saying anything and went into the house.

Something just didn't fit. She told me twice now that she did the swap thing only one more time a month after I left her. I wanted to believe her but the puzzle pieces didn't fit. For one thing, if you go to a swap club you have to have a partner. Who was hers? It couldn't be this Joe fellow because that's who she swapped to be with. Where was her man when she was fighting off his Joe fellow?

Then the possible suicide, she said time and time again. Yet she only told me about the sleeping pills. I wanted to believe her but I needed answers. My biggest problem was where she went every month and with whom for two and a half years. The kids never mentioned meeting anybody. Maybe she was being honest with me and I was being paranoid.

All our free time was spent getting ready for Amy's wedding. I did have lunch with Beth, Amy, and my son Brad and Amy's fiancé, Ben. We were headed over to be fitted for our tuxes. I swear I looked like a penguin but Amy and Beth both said I looked handsome. Time flew by so fast and before I knew it, it was time for the wedding rehearsal.

I went over to the church and did all the things I was asked to do. No big deal, as Amy and I walked down the aisle and I did some silly things like hopping and skipping, nothing bad, just having a little fun.

I remember the pastor saying that it would be different the following day. We might be nervous so we should try to remember our parts. I thought, yeah, walk down the aisle and later say, her mom and I. Wow, I thought, who couldn't do that.

Afterwards we all went to the restaurant and ate. I made sure I went; it was something that I didn't have to pay for. Before I left to go home, Beth came up to me. I had hardly said much to her that evening. "Jerry, I'll see you tomorrow." It was something about the way she said it and I leaned over and kissed her. I don't know why, but I did. Maybe it was the joyousness of the occasion, I can't really say. She smiled at me and I left.