tagHumor & SatireAssignment: Mother's Day 2004

Assignment: Mother's Day 2004

byMy Erotic Tail©

DISCLAIMER:

The story is al fictional parody - it's not true, nor is it approved of by the celebrities named in the stories. Authors write these fictitious stories about famous people for the same reason that Larry Flynt made fun of Jerry Falwell, because they can. The Supreme Court of the United States, the country where this site is located, has ruled that parodies involving famous people are perfectly and totally legal under the United States Constitution. The specific case law on this was decided in the case of "Hustler Magazine, Inc. et al. v. Jerry Falwell" in 1988. No harm is intended toward the celebrities featured in these stories, but they are public figures and in being so, they must accept that they are fair target for parodies by the public. We believe in the first amendment, and more broadly, in the basic principle of free speech and this section may push the boundaries of that principle, but the United States Supreme Court has approved of this type of material. We believe that the Supreme Court was correct in their decision.


The deep-red drapes are shown flowing slowly with black letters, SEXTASY-TV.

Chris Douglas Washington DC~

"Live from Washington, DC, I'm Chris Douglas. Happy Mother's Day everybody. And welcome to SEXTASY-TV. I'll be your host for today's events and ceremonies for Mother's Day 2004." Chris looked down at his agenda in hand.

Chris sat in his tiger stripe bikini briefs. A crisp new black tank-top T-shirt with the SEXTASY-TV logo on the front. Bronze tan and short cut hair with the perfect wave up front. His famous features being his charming smile and long eye lashes.

"As human beings we all share many common traits and the one thing that none of us can remember is our birth. But go ask Mom and I bet she can recall every detail. That was the day the bond began and today is the day we bow to the mothers of the world." Chris settled into his seat slightly then smiled. "Of course don't ask about the day you were made because you might not get the answer you were looking for. But sure as I'm sitting here, if your sitting there, your mother had sex."

"We have some very interesting places we will be visiting today. Our coverage of Mother's Day 2004, will take us to the corners of our planet to see how many are celebrating." Chris shuffled the pages of his agenda.

"Lets first go to New York City, where Jennie Crawford is covering Mother's Day 2004 for SEXTASY-TV at Momma-Meias Pizzia-ria, Jennie..."

Jennie Crawford, New York City~

"Thanks Chris, Happy Mother's Day 2004 everybody and welcome to SEXTASY-TV. Today is the day to let your mother know she is appreciated. And many here in New York are bringing their mothers to Momma-Meias Pizza-ria. Where all mothers get their meals free, courtesy of SEXTASY-TV. The catch is you have to tell the story of the night you were impregnated."

Jennie's holding the cock-like wireless microphone that was a trademark of SEXTASY-TV. Her fingers wrapped around it gently along its base. Its realistic look and color was standard issue for their erotic television station. Walking up to a small group of woman with Momma Meias T-shirts on. Jennie's black hair was pulled back into a ponytail. She wore a black leather miniskirt with a hot pink tube top that barely contained her breasts. Jimmy the cameraman was even known to zoom the camera they're way every now and then. Her preppy sexy way radiated on the national network. She smiled big as the spotlight from the camera shined on her brightly.

"Hello, Happy Mother's day," Jennie said to a voluptuous woman in her mid thirties. The woman was smiling big as Jennie interviewed her on national television. "Do you recall the night you became a Mother?" Jennie asked the full figured lady. Placing the cock-like microphone to the woman's lips.

"Oh yes, I screamed for some pain medication and out came junior." The woman said with a huge grin.

"Well, do you recall the night that junior's seed was planted in the oven of life?" Jennie asked smiling. Pulling the pink tube top up a bit after it had worked its way down a tad.

"Oh, I think so. I was at a football game with my boy friend, well now he's my husband." The woman said laughing. "It was after the game and we went to see the submarine races."

"You went to see the submarines race?" Jennie asked laughing. "Ma'am submarines travel under water. How did you watch them race?" Jennie asked with a curious tone in her voice.

"Well,...I don't know. We never did watch the race any way." She replied with a chuckle.

"Oh OK, well there you have it...the beginning of Mother hood. Watching submarines race has brought her the joy of Mother hood." Jennie smiled into the camera. "This is Jennie Crawford for SEXTASY-TV, Back to you Chris." Jennie said, lowering the cock-like microphone then began laughing as Jimmy the cameraman turned the camera to Jennies well rounded ass.

Chris Douglas Washington DC~

"Thank you Jennie, we will be getting back with Jennie for more tales of the night women became Mothers at Momma meias pizzia-ria." Chris settled in his chair and then looked into the camera.

"The earliest Mother's Day celebrations can be traced back to the spring celebrations of ancient Greece in honor of Rhea, the Mother of the Gods. During the 1600s, England celebrated a day called "Mothering Sunday". Celebrated on the 4th Sunday of Lent (the 40 day period leading up to Easter), "Mothering Sunday" honored the mothers of England." Chris cleared his throat then continued.

"During this time many of the England's poor worked as servants for the wealthy. As most jobs were located far from their homes, the servants would live at the houses of their employers. On Mothering Sunday the servants would have the day off and were encouraged to return home and spend the day with their mothers. A special cake, called the "mothering cake," was often brought along to provide a festive touch." Chris smiled then read his agenda.

"Now lets go live to the statue of Liberty, the mother of our country, where a group of artist is painting the statue to look as though she is standing in the nude. Covering this event is SEXTASY-TV's very own Daphnie Rain, Daphnie..." Chris grinned.

Daphnie Rain, New york~

"Yes Chris, it is a great Mother's Day indeed. We are celebrating Mother's Day 2004 at the Statue of Liberty." Daphnie spoke into her cock-like microphone with sensual moves of her lips. Her alluring way of licking her lips before speaking was why she was a favorite at SEXTASY-TV.

"A group of artist that call themselves the 'Paint America in the nude foundation," is painting Ms. Liberty in the buff. They have been at it for weeks and today is the unveiling." The statue was veiled with tarps and ropes and a crowd of on lookers. "Any minute now they will release the veil and..." The crowd let out a loud cheer and whistles could be heard behind Daphnie as the veil was dropped and Liberty shined in her birthday suit.

"There it is the unveiling, Wow, can you see that Chris?" Daphnie turned and the cameraman zoomed in on the statues new look. Liberty's breast were painted to be boisterous and the torch was made into a healthy size dildo.

"They did her justice I'd say." Daphnie claimed as the cameraman focussed in on Lady Liberty's ass.

The crowd quieted down a bit as the statue stood proudly naked on Stanton Island. "Well, there you have it, The mother of our country showing it all." Daphnie laughed as she turned back to the camera.

"This is Daphnie Rain, SEXTASY-TV, in New York, Happy Mother's Day to all the Mothers. Back to you Chris." Daphnie lowered the cock-like microphone then turned to look again at the statue painted to be in the nude.

Chris Douglas Washington DC~

"Thank you Daphnie, That certainly was a site to see." Chris chuckled then continued. "Here are a few quotes from mothers of famous people that I would like to share with you..."

PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER: "I don't care where you think you have to go, young man. Midnight is past your curfew!"

MONA LISA'S MOTHER: "After all that money your father and I spent on braces, Mona, that's the biggest smile you can give us?"

HUMPTY DUMPTY'S MOTHER: "Humpty, if I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to me? Noooo!"

COLUMBUS' MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered, Christopher. You still could have written!"

BABE RUTH'S MOTHER: "Babe, how many times have I told you to quit playing ball in the house! That's the third broken window this week!"

MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER: "Mike, can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"

NAPOLEON'S MOTHER: "All right, Napoleon. If you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, then take your hand out of there and prove it!"

CUSTER'S MOTHER: "Now, George, remember what I told you - don't go biting off more than you can chew!"

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER: "Again with the stovepipe hat, Abe? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

BARNEY'S MOTHER: "I realize strained plums are your favorite, Barney, but you're starting to look a little purple."

BATMAN'S MOTHER: "It's a nice car, Bruce, but do you realize how much the insurance is going to be?"

GOLDILOCKS' MOTHER: "I've got a bill here for a busted chair from the Bear family. You know anything about this, Goldie?"

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER: "But, Albert, it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something...?"

JONAH'S MOTHER: "That's a nice story, but now tell me where you've really been for the last three days."

SUPERMAN'S MOTHER: "Clark, your father and I have discussed it, and we've decided you can have your own telephone line. Now will you quit spending so much time in all those phone booths?"

THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb, Thomas. Now turn off that light and get to bed!"

"Well there you have it, Famous Mothers and their probable quotes," Chris snickered then shuffled his papers in hand. Then looked into the camera, "Lets go now live to San Francisco where Chip Chambers is at the Institute for Artificial Insemination. Where hundreds were seeded and having their very own Mother's Day Party. Take it away Chip..."

Chip Chambers, San Fransico~

"Thank you Chris, I'm Chip Chambers, for SEXTASY-TV." His Microphone was designed as a breast. Torpedo featured with a large protruding nipple on its end. Chip's mouth almost always touched the nipple while talking into it.

"I'm live here in San Francisco at the 'Invitro Fertilization Clinic.' The Mother to many who's Fathers dropped of their contribution then received a small payment and left the lab to bring into this world some beautiful people. Some of which have even run our country. They're celebrating Mother's Day 2004 with a festive occasion called, Cryo Momma."

Chip turned and walked slowly towards a small crowd that lined the wall of the outer building. "As you can see there is quite a turn out for this Mother's Day bash. The organization for Artificial Insemination is passing out sperm cycles, a white vanilla type pop cycle free to any Mother that attends the sperm banks charitable event." Chip's lips bumped the nipple on the breast like microphone. The cameraman shot a wide angled view of the line of women that were waiting for their free sperm cycle.

Chip made his way to the front of the line and turned to face the camera. "Here in San Francisco I'm Chip Chambers, for SEXTASY-TV. Happy Mother's Day every one and Happy Mother's Day, Mom." Chip lowered his breast like microphone and the cameraman turned off the camera.

Chris Douglas Washington DC~

The large black letters SEXTASY-TV logo on the back drop of deep-red drapes.

A leg comes into view of the screen. A long slender slightly tanned and freshly shaven leg dangled before the camera. Then a lady steps before the camera in plain view walking slowly towards the anchor desk. The woman has her back to the camera wearing a gray skirt and white blouse. Wiggling her hips a bit and then letting her hair down. Shaking her head making her ass shake too.

She sensually whipped her hair from side to side with jerks of her head. Glancing in to the camera then flicking her head the other way and looking again deeply into the lens. Licking her plush red lips from top to bottom.

Pulling the skirt up slowly with both hands as her panty's are shown slightly then she let go. The skirt fell back to its natural form. Bending forward and leaning onto the Anchor desk as the camera angled to she her pink panties that showed brightly.

The woman began unbuttoning her skirt. Slowly twisting her body she fingered the buttons till they were undone. Smiling, she finally turned to show her pretty face and seductive grin. Leaning back onto the Anchor desk and letting her skirt slip down her legs. Pulling up her blouse tails and showing her panties as she kicked the skirt away. Then kicking her high heels off, one at a time.

She spun around and pushed her ass up to the camera and shook her derriere.' Wiggling it back and forth and slowly unbuttoning her blouse and smiling. Whipping her shoulder out as soon as enough buttons were undone to allow her to do so. Then back to the task of freeing the blouse from her. Running her hand down between her legs then trailing back to her lips and licking them sensually.

Spinning around and twisting in a circle she pulled the blouse off and tossed it out as she slowed to a dizzy stop. Leaning back into the desk again she teased a shoulder as she pulled the bra strap off one side. Her panties glisten from its silky way in the beams and light of the studio. Her long leg pulled up along the other one to the knee then back down again.

She pulled the other shoulder strap off her shoulder and spun with her back to the camera. Reaching behind her and unfastening her bra. Pulling it off and sending it sailing. Holding her breasts with her arm and slightly waving with the other one. Her pink panties crawled up her ass cheeks from her constant wiggles. Spinning back around and cupping her breasts. Her hands were over her nipples, with a big smile the women removed her hands swiftly...

Her face is shown up close as she licks her lips sensually. Deep blue eyes and rose red lips saying, "You want me?" She blows a kiss with her luscious red lips. "Watch SEXTASY-TV." The woman winks.

The SEXTASY-TV logo is shown.

The Cameras then show Chris in his seat with papers in hand. "Lets go live to El Paso Texas with Tina Sanchez, Tina..." The camera then fades...

Tina Sanchez, El Paso Texas~

"Hello, I'm Tina Sanchez. Happy Mommasito diaz everybody. We are live at the Festival for Mothers." Tina had a Spanish accent to her speech that was exotic. Her slinky frame wiggled seductively while walking along a crowded room filled with piniatas and people in sombreros.

The cameraman followed her every curve and wiggle of her hips as she made her way to a large gathering around a huge piniata that resembled a pregnant women. Hispanic women were blind folded and swinging at the hanging piniata.

"As you can see hombres, the Mothers are trying to break a piniata that is filled with goodies for Mothers only, if..." Just then a woman smacked the piniata really good and opened its contents as many different surprises fell to the ground. Tina stretched her neck to see over the crowd of women that scrambled to retrieve the goods.

"Looks like they have broken the piniata fully and most of the prizes are condoms and baby nipples. Oh, and centavos along with small bottles resembling whiskey bottles you'd get on an airplane flight." The crowd began getting rowdy and pushing and shoving began knocking the cameraman down and the television screen went blank. "You Mother fucker..." was all that was heard.

A long pause....

Chris Douglas, Washington DC~

"We seem to have lost Tina momentarily, we will try to reconnect with her as soon as possible. Hi, I'm Chris Douglas for SEXTASY-TV. Happy Mother's Day 2004 everyone." Chris looked blankly at his producer then looked at his agenda.

"Here are a few things that Momma Douglas taught me about while I was growing up...

1. My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION...

"Just wait until your father gets home."

2. My Mother taught me about RECEIVING....

"You are going to get it when we get home!"

3. My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE...

"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you! Don't talk back to me!"

4. My Mother taught me LOGIC...

"If you fall out off that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

5. My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE...

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

6. My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD...

"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."

7. My Mother taught me HUMOR...

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

8. My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT...

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

9. My Mother taught me about GENETICS...

"You're just like your father."

10. My Mother taught me about my ROOTS...

"Do you think you were born in a barn?"

11. My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE...

"When you get to be my age, you will understand."

And last but not least...

12. My Mother taught me about JUSTICE...

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you....Then you'll see what it's like!"

Chris looked at the papers he held in his hand and began reading:

"Here are some interesting animal facts concerning mother hood.

A baby baleen whale depends on its mother's milk diet for at least six months.

A baby Harp seal doubles its weight in only five days after birth, thanks to the amount of protein in its mother's milk. It takes a horse sixty days to double its birth weight.

A female kangaroo that has become a recent mother holds a reserve embryo inside of her after her first baby has crawled into her pouch. This embryo is an "emergency back-up" baby, should the first one die prematurely.

A mother giraffe often gives birth while standing, so the newborn's first experience outside the womb is a 1.8-meter (6-foot) drop.

An AT&T survey estimated that 122.5 million phone calls to Mom are made on Mother's Day. Other Mother's Day findings revealed that 11 percent never call their mothers, and 3 percent of the 68 percent planning to ring Mom up called her collect.

If frightened or threatened, a mother rabbit may abandon, ignore, or eat her young.

In 340 B.C., Aristotle observed that dolphins gave birth to live young that were attached to their mothers by umbilical cords. For this reason, he considered dolphins and related creatures to be mammals. Twenty-four centuries later, biologists agreed with him.

In the vast majority of the world's languages, the word for "mother" begins with the letter M.

Just like people, mother chimpanzees often develop lifelong relationships with their offspring.

Kittens are born both blind and deaf, but the vibration of their mother's purring is a physical signal that the kittens can feel - it acts like a homing device, signaling them to nurse.

Missy is the name of Snoopy's mother from the Peanuts cartoon strip.

Mother Mexican free-tailed bats find and nurse their own young, even in huge colonies where many millions of babies cluster at up to 500 bats per square foot.

Mother prairie dogs will nurse their young only while underground in the safety of the burrow. If an infant tries to suckle above ground, the mother will slap it.

The average woman in 17th-century America gave birth to 13 children.

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