Baby Come Back Ch. 02bylindiana©
You are talking like I have amnesia and don't remember who I am, who we are. I remember. It isn't that I did not enjoy those days together. I did. But people change. I have changed.
I need more than hot riotous sex on rainy Sunday afternoons. Oh I know you are thinking we did have more. But what, tell me what exactly we shared?
We come from two different places. You are so academic, so educated, and so worldly and I am just some girl who wants to have fun. I am! You tried to turn me into you, a female version of you but it was never me. I wanted more.
I wanted so much more. Yes you tried so hard to give me everything I wanted and needed. But there are some things you just don't have to give. I don't mean money or property or security. I don't mean a commitment or a church wedding. I don't mean children and a house with a picket fence and a dog. Those are the things you wanted. Those are the things you wanted me to want.
Maybe someday I will want those things. Maybe someday I will want nothing more than those things. But the world is spinning by so fast and I seem to be missing everything. I need to stop and breathe and take a minute to center myself. I need to find me.
What I really want is to fuck. I want to get naked and climb between pristine sheets. I want to entwine my limbs with yours until we cannot tell whose arm is whose. I want to feel the warmth of your skin pressing against mine. I want to smell the scent of your need frying in my nostrils. I want to feel the clamminess of your skin as the sweat wells up to the surface like steam, the fire building until your eyes slam shut, trying to hold it back. But it will not be denied. It will escape and thus it does, inside of me.
I want to feel that moment when it jumps from you to me. That scalding heat burning inside my womb, making it hot and cold at the same instant until my breath matches your breath and our eyes are the bottomless pits of desire they were born to be. I want to feel that clamminess rising up in my own body, tumbling merrily to the surface so that our bodies glide off each other like two children on a water ride. I want the need generated between us to be so wet and so wild that the sheets are soaked through and we don't care, we continue riding like maniacs, trying to get to a place we have never been but are dying to explore. I want us to reach that place, that magical place, together as one, eternally connected as one with two hearts that beat as one. And when we finally fall gently back to Earth, and we will for how can we ever enjoy the intensity of the moment if we stay eternally within it, we can simply smile at each other and mention soft words about how wonderful it truly was. Words that cannot now or ever adequately describe the defiance of our lovemaking, the self-exploration and yet intense desire to know another that left us physically weak.
That is what I want, baby. That kind of mind blowing sex that comes from open intimacy, the door always left open intimacy. The kind two people have that know each other so well they can complete each others thoughts let alone their sentences. I want what my parents have. I want that connection. That emotional, physical, spiritual and mental connection that exists when two so completely become one that they cannot find the edges of their separate bodies, this is what I want.
Can you give me this, baby? Can you? I don't think so. I think the world and all its' day to day monotony has left you beaten down and too afraid to give in to passion. Let me know when you are ready to open that door. Let me know when you decide that passion is worth it.
I don't expect you will ever come to that conclusion. You and your button-downed world are far too safe for the kind of experience I so crave. I can't compromise on this. I wish I could because I admit our time together has been wonderful. But I need more. I wish I didn't. No, scratch that. I don't wish it at all. I don't want to conform. I don't want to fit in the same mold as a thousand other women. I want to be me, gloriously me. Don't fault me for that. I know you will not because it was that me you fell in love with and that me I am determined to keep from drowning inside you.
Forever and always,
- Add a