Babydoll Ch. 11

I was later awoken by the sound of the dude's motorcycle cranking up and taking off. I laid awake for a while and then to my surprise the door to my room gently opened and in stepped Ash. She asked, "Jimmy.. Jimmy?"

"Yeah Ash," I replied.

I felt tension in the air and sensed the nervousness between us, "You know this is tough. I don't want to even say this. I love you and I hate you. I've missed you and I never wanted to see you again. We can't make this be hard. You fucked up and it changed our lives forever. You did something to me that can never be taken back, but we have to do the best we can and get through this one day at a time and you can't just fucking disappear. It doesn't look right or feel right. You just can't fucking do that."

My heart tremored down to my soul as the tears began to fill my eyes. I exclaimed, "I know Ashley, I know. I can't take it back and I know I ruined a lot of stuff, but you'll never understand that I love you with my whole heart. Honestly I do."

She chided me, "Little too late for that isn't it. You bastard. I gave you my heart and my soul and you fucked me over and I don't trust you. I should've never trusted you. You betrayed me twice now. And I gave you everything that I have and I let you see into my soul. Tomorrow, the family will be together for Thanksgiving and you and I are gonna be the loving brother and sister. .. You got that. " She then hesitated and sneered shaking her head, "Do you understand that?.. And you don't be mean to my boyfriend . You better fucking be nice to him!!!"

I nodded. She pretty much emasculated me right then and there. What had she said that wasn't true? "So he is your boyfriend," I whimpered.

"Yes!" she exclaimed "He always wanted me and kept after me until I agreed to finally go out with him. I began seeing him the day that I caught you and our mother fucking."

(Jimmy) - "Do you love him?"

She responded tentatively, "What is love? I love you, but I hate your guts too. So what is love?"

I simmered thinking about Ashley with this asshole, "Well you've got me. This is killing me... my heart is broken. I know I deserve this. This feels like the end of me. I'll do what you want. I can't be nice to this guy, but I'll try not to be rude to him."

She responded, "I remember last Christmas when you asked me if I slept with any of the guys I had dated. Well, I am telling you now that I never did. I never even kissed any of them seriously. I never went on any multiple dates and most of the guys didn't even want to go on another date with me after the first."

She paused for a second and trembling with anger continued, "And I forgave you, you fucking bastard, because I had made a vow to you. And the worst thing that you could've done was what I caught you doing. Not only did I find out that I couldn't trust you, but I found out that I wasn't as special to you as I thought I was. You're just a male whore. You just like to fuck and you'll fuck anything at any time."

The Crimson Tide continued to flow from my sister, "I never questioned you. I believed you. You are such a stupid bastard. I always gave you the benefit of the doubt and you expected me to be a hermit."

"This has destroyed my relationship with Mama. I just finally got tired of that bitch's shit. You know that woman has always loved you more than Jan or me. She's never cared about us the way she does you. She has always doted over you. There's so many things that run through my mind on that. How many times did you fuck her? She set us both up, but you loved it, you enjoyed it. I saw it with my own eyes. It's all about sex with you. Our mother is beautiful and that is all you care about along with being a spoiled asshole."

Tears streamed down my eyes as I pleaded, "You're so wrong." At that moment she turned and left the room. This is the lowest that I'd ever felt in my life. This had brought it all home. Being away from her was so hard and now here she was, so close and yet so far away.

I laid in the bed stunned and mind numbed. The last time I looked at the clock it read 3am. I woke the next morning with a hangover and dreaded the thought of getting up. The time on the alarm clock said 10am. I knew we had to be ready in just a little while so that we could leave the house by 12:30pm to get to the club for our one o'clock reservation. I wasn't hungry and I really didn't need anything to eat. I went to the bathroom for my normal morning routine of shaving and showering. The house was subdued. There was no noise. When finished I went back to my room and dressed, it was 10:45am.

I decided what the hell, this is going to be a long day, I'm going to go catch a buzz. So I rolled the Doobie and went for a walk in the woods to my favorite spot. It was a misty morning and the fog and drizzle hung low in the sky clinging to me. It can be this way for days at a time in the fall where we live. This type of weather serves its purpose. It is low energy and it keeps you relaxed and frankly I just wanted to relax.

Jill gave me a call on my cell phone and I told her that I hoped that she had a wonderful Thanksgiving with her family. You know, I realized exactly what Ashley was getting at the night before about love. I do care about Jill, but she does not fulfill me the way that Ashley does. My mother does not fulfill me the way that Ashley does. But, everybody needs somebody and Jill has been there for me and I hated the thought of casting her away. I really have always felt in my heart that it is better to be loved than to love. I digress...

By the time I got back to the house it was 11:30am. I could see in the driveway that my grandparents had arrived and I saw what appeared to be a Honda motorcycle, it was a cruiser not a crotch rocket, so that must belong to Ashley's boyfriend David. I took a deep breath and walked inside. My grandparents came up and gave me a hug. I could tell that they were truly glad to see me. That's the thing about grandparents. They see their grandchildren as their legacy -- their progeny – and that creates that admirational bond for each.

Sitting around in the living room we went over the latest family life events, save the discussion about Joe and my mother. My Grandfather talked about what was going on at the law office, while I passed on information about my studies at the University. My Grandmother asked if I had met anyone special and my mother swiftly interjected about Jill. That caused me to glimpse at Ashley, whose eyes tilted downward, as I expressed that it wasn't anything serious, just someone I have been studying with and have gotten to know.

Soon the clock read 12:30pm and then my mother, my grandparents, and I got into my grandfather's Cadillac to head to the club. Ashley and David got into her Accord and rode separately. My grandparents asked question after question about what was going on at the University. I answered them all, but my mind was off far away thinking of my sister and that guy that she was with. My grandmother asked if I was feeling well. I told her I was fine, just tired. Truth be told, it was because I couldn't take my mind off the situation with my sister. I was depressed about that and maybe the buzz I had affected that.

When I looked over at my mother I could tell that she also had a forlorn look and that her mind was elsewhere. My mother most certainly was a beautiful woman. She had definitely put on some weight, but was by no means fat, only a little thicker. Her waist appeared to have widened, her belly pooched a little more, her legs looked a little thicker, but her hips seemed the same.

She was wearing what I thought was the most perfect and elegant earth tone patterned knit dress to fit this occasion along with a brown knee length trench coat with a hood that looked like a collar as she wore it down inside the car. I've always truly appreciated my mother's style and elegance. She is definitely beautiful. She always wore clothes that perfectly matched the occasion. And this dress with its various autumn colors certainly fit the Thanksgiving occasion.

We arrived at the club at 10 'til and gathered out in the lobby before being taken directly to our table. We had always spent Thanksgiving at our house as a family. This was certainly a different experience. Of course you will understand why my older sister Jan, as I explained earlier, wasn't there. We sat at a table for six. The club's dining area was packed and people kept coming up and speaking to my Grandparents and introducing themselves to all of us. I knew some of these people and there were others I had never met. My Grandfather has always been a big wheel in this town and this reassured me of the prestige that my family held.

The selection of food was enormous and the atmosphere was very nice. There were all types of carved meats, fall vegetables, salads, breads, cheeses, etc. We had always had the traditional bird on Thanksgiving with my mother and grandmother fixing the accompanying foods. It had become a tradition, but now with Joe gone there was not that family feeling. Even if he was a step-parent, Joe had been the male figurehead in our household. But now all pretenses were gone.

Ashley sat directly to my left and her boyfriend was next to her left. My grandmother sat to my right. This was good, because it kept me from staring at my beautiful sister. But I could feel her aura next to me and her perfume was driving me nuts. She was a great actress, because from the moment we sat down, she was able to carry on conversations with no sign of tension. Of course, David and my grandparents were oblivious to the true nature of the situation, but my mother and I had things to hide and it must have shown, because my grandmother asked us both at times during this dinner, whether we were alright. I had told her that I had had tests and had to prepare for fall finals when I got back to college and Mama told her that work had been hectic and with all that had gone on that she was just worn out.

Ashley was jovial and spoke glowingly about various events she had attended and how she couldn't wait until Christmas. She continued on about her freshman year at the local college and how she couldn't decide what she wanted to focus her studies on. Of course my Grandfather mentioned the legal profession and how he could provide her with opportunities and he mentioned my studies and how well I was doing and that he was willing to do the same for her.

My mother seemed agitated about the direction of the conversation and eventually excused herself to the ladies' room. We continued with dinner until it became noticeable that Mama had been gone for 30 minutes. My Grandmother asked me to go check on her. I found her in the bar with what appeared to be a vodka tonic. I walked up to her as she spotted me , "Mom, I don't know if having a drink is going to go over to well in this setting."

She gave me a mean look, "First of all, I don't give a shit and secondly, you assholes make me nervous." She then took another swig from her double rocks glass. "I'll be back there in a few minutes just leave me in peace."

I retorted, "If it makes you feel any better, I feel like a fifth wheel too. I don't want to be here either."

Mom shot back, "No, it doesn't make me feel better, so just leave me be and I'll be back when I'm done. Fuckin' tell'em I'm having a drink. I don't give a shit."

She was being a bitch and all I was trying to do was be supportive. It really pissed me off. "I'm not going to tell them that. I'll tell them that you weren't feeling well and you needed some air."

"Jimmy," she chided, "Do you not understand the words, I don't give a fuck."

"Fine," I shot back as I headed back to the table. When I got back, I noticed that Ash was gone and my grandmother said that she had said she would see us back at the house. My grandmother asked if my mother was ok and I told her that she wasn't feeling well and Gramms said she was going to go check on her, but I convinced her not to by telling her that my mother just wanted a few minutes to get some air and she would be back shortly.

Mama came back about 10 minutes later as everyone was finishing dessert. Her body language showed that she had lightened up a bit. Gramms asked if she was okay and my mother actually smiled saying, "Yes mother, I just needed some fresh air. I thought about some things and I'm going to be alright." My grandmother patted her on the hand as if to reaffirm this revelation. Then she looked over at me and smiled, "Jim, thank you." And then she turned and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

I was bewildered. Here it was only 15 minutes ago that she had basically jumped my shit for checking on her and now she was acting like I had done her some kind of favor. It was now a little after 3pm and my Grandfather said he was ready to head out. That was cool, because the club was emptying and the staff had begun breaking things down cleaning.

On the way home, my mother seemed as though she was sitting closer to me and eventually she reached over and held my hand. I was a little hesitant about that, but I wanted her to feel better. I just didn't have a clue about what was running through her mind. Hell, thinking about it, I never had a clue what was running through her mind.

We arrived home and I saw that Ashley's car was in the driveway. My grandparent's came inside and we all headed to the living room. Ashley and David were nowhere to be found. My Grandfather asked me to go tell Ashley he'd like for her to visit. In the back of my mind, I was hesitant, because I was thinking about what I might find. I thought she had to have heard us enter the house.

I didn't think she would be upstairs in her room, so I headed down to the basement and called her. As I rounded the corner, I saw that she and David were heavily making out. Dammit, I knew that she had to have heard me. They were on the sofa and she was facing me. She moved her head towards his shoulder and looked towards me as he continued groping her. It made my blood boil seeing this. He was feeling her up and her eyes locked on mine as she told him she loved him. I stepped back around the corner and called her name one more time. She finally responded as I told her, "Big Daddy and Gramms are upstairs and they want to visit before they head home, will you join us?"

Her clothes were tussled and I could tell that they had been hot and heavy into it for a while. David looked back towards me sheepishly seeming startled, but Ashley seemed to enjoy herself as she told me that they would be up in a minute.

I headed back upstairs and my Grandparents asked if I had found Ashley and I stated that I had and she was heading up. A few minutes later she arrived in the living room and sat down and my Grandparents chatted with us all, but I had turned on the TV and pretended to watch the Thanksgiving football game. I wasn't really paying attention to the game, because I was checking out Ashley and this dumbass that she called her boyfriend.

Ashley was cozied up next to David on the loveseat, while I sat in the recliner over in the corner. My mother was sitting in the other living room recliner, while my grandparents sat on the sofa across the room. I was getting as uncomfortable as I was at the Club eating Thanksgiving dinner. I sat back and assessed the situation and kept my mouth shut, while staring at the television, but tuning into the conversation going on around me. My grandparents seemingly didn't notice the contrived banter going back and forth between my mother and Ashley. There seemed to be some backhanded compliments and such, but since I appeared to be watching the game, which was drawing to a conclusion, everyone left me to myself.

The game ended at 4:15 and as most of you know, there are always multiple games played on Thanksgiving and the second game would begin in about 15 minutes. I excused myself and went up to my room where I decided to smoke a bud before heading back downstairs.

When I arrived back downstairs, I observed my mother on the telephone. Apparently, her friend Kathy had called and she was asking my mother to come over for a get together at her place. Kathy and my mother have been friends for years. It was just going to be a few friends over for the evening. My mother was begging off, "I appreciate the invite Kathy, but I'm tired and was just planning on getting some sleep this evening. And I really don't want to go out driving anywhere."

My grandmother, who obviously was worried about my mother's wellbeing and reclusiveness since her separation, interjected, "Patricia, we'll give you a ride over there. You need to get out and I'm sure they will get you a ride home." Ashley added, "Yeah Mom, you should get out. You're always here lately." My mother glared at my grandmother with a look that could have popped a balloon. We couldn't hear Kathy, but it seemed as though she wasn't going to take no for an answer.

My mother answered back to Kathy, "Well, I guess I could use some time out. I guess, I'll be over in an hour or so." My mother, then looked at my grandparents, "Well let me go freshen up and we'll head out."

My mother headed up the steps to her room and when she came back down it was getting close to 5pm. She put on her jacket and we walked to the front door where my grandparents hugged and kissed us and we said our goodbyes.

I went back to watching football and Ash and David drifted back down to the basement. I was all to myself, but I was definitely fidgety with my mind running in overdrive with thoughts about what was probably happening downstairs. I decided to go out and go for a walk in the misty forest to my spot. I first walked upstairs and rolled a big one and headed out, bundled in my warm clothes and my rain jacket.

When I got to my spot and lit up, it wasn't relaxing. The flood of emotions came over me as I thought about the times with Ashley. I was consumed. I stood and leaned against the old tree next to the old stump where I'd usually sit, but it was wet out and so I leaned against the tree thinking about how good things had been the Christmas before and how down I was feeling at the moment. It was just about completely dark out and I felt it was time to make my way back to the house. I finished off the joint and headed on back. I had a good buzz going, but it was a bit of a downer. You know how weed can intensify ones mood.

When I got back, I noticed that David's motorcycle was still there. I wanted to go take a baseball bat to it, but I knew I couldn't; so I just headed in and back to the football game, which was nearing halftime, but wasn't proving to be much of a game as the Cowboys were up by 21.

I sat there as my curiosity was getting the best of me. It's one of those feelings like the need to touch a hot stove. You don't want to do it, but there is something pulling you towards it. God, why was I going to do this? I didn't want to know, but I had to. FUCK!!! God Damnit!!!

I removed my shoes and took my time, walking stealthfully, I opened the door to the basement and headed down. When I got to the bottom of the steps, I held my breath. Then I headed to where the wall comes to a corner and thought to myself at that moment about how this is what my mother had done when she had seen Ash and myself last New Year's Eve.

As I stood around the corner of the television room, I heard some indistinct sounds of movement and what sounded like sighs of passion. I knew they were making out again. Walking to the edge of the entrance to the room, I was comfortable that the decorative curtain and door would conceal my presence. It took a few moments for my eyes to adjust to the darkness, but as I peered around the corner I caught a 3-D view of the scene of Ashley and David settled on the sofa as Ash uttered one of the sensual, sexy moans that were a characteristic of her passion. "Come here, let's get more comfortable," she coaxed.