Back to Bristol Ch. 09

My mind immediately went to the thought that she was going to ask me to move away and give up my sons. "And would you like to tell me what that hard thing is? Because I have a funny feeling that I can guess, and the answer is No. A very big, very determined No. Tell her not to waste her time."

"No. You have to hear it from Molly. I'm only guessing, but I think I know my own daughter."

"Well, I choose not to hear it, thank you. Not now, not ever."

There was an awkward pause, both of us sipping our sherries quite fast. It was Ralph that spoke first, "Tell me, this has worried me since we went to see the rugby. What happened on the night that Molly came down to see you after you'd separated but before you were divorced? I know she did."

I remembered that night as if it was yesterday, but there was no way I was talking about that with Ralph, not now. "It was all a very long time ago, Ralph. Let it drop."

He looked at me, and then said, "Well, I'll tell you what I saw. I saw you turn your back on your wife and children without any attempt to reconcile. I know it must have been hard, but you should have done better than that."

He paused and I just looked at him, questioningly.

He went on, "I brought Molly down that night, I was sitting in my car waiting for her, I was watching. To my mind she'd been seeing too much of Peter before she'd run out of options with you. I insisted that I was going to interfere just that once, much against Susan's better judgement I might add. I took her down to talk to you. We sat in the car for ages, until you drove passed and parked further up the street. Molly got out and met you at the gate. She talked to you, she said her piece, and it must have taken her three or four minutes. I couldn't see her face, she had her back to me, but I could see you listening. And then you said just something quite short and went in. She told me that you all you did was to wish her well with Peter. Is that true?"

OK, that travesty of the truth got to me, and I did reply: "Well, first, you've got to remember that only two days before, I'd received a letter from Molly saying that Peter had asked her to marry him, and she was inclined to accept. It would get us out of the money argument the lawyers were having. How do you think I felt about that, Ralph? My side of the bed is hardly cold. I prayed every day for some way back, but she was off with her one true love. I knew she had fallen for Peter, was obsessed by him, but so soon?"

I paused to look at him, he looked horrified.

I continued, "And Yes, she did meet me at the door to my flat. She stood there, I didn't know what to say. What could I say? She Um'd a bit, then she put her weight on the other leg and Ah'd a bit. Then she put her hands in her pockets and just looked at me. Then she put her head on one side and Er'd a bit. Then she took her hands out of her pockets and just looked at me. You tell me it was four minutes. It was half a life time. The woman who I loved so much couldn't even use one comprehendible English word to me. She'd just told me by letter that she was going to marry Peter. What the Hell was I meant to do, Ralph? What was I meant to say? Until that evening I'd clung to the hope that somehow, someway, there would have been a way back for us, that Peter was just a passing fancy. He wasn't. And No, there was no way back. I congratulated her on her engagement and I went in."

I could hardly speak, my voice was thick with emotion, I looked at him, he just watched me, "I went in, but even then I didn't shut the door on her. All she had to do was give it a push, if only she would. But she didn't. If she had, she would have found me sitting on the stairs, crying my heart out. I'd just lost everything, every damn thing. My marriage was over, there was no going back, not even in my dreams. You tell me Ralph, what was I meant to do? Why did she come? Why did she want to hurt me so much? All I ever did was love her."

My eyes were streaming tears, just like they had on that night. Ralph was still just watching me, but he looked so shocked, and there were tears rolling down his cheeks as well. Then all he said, slowly and very precisely, was "The stupid.....dumb....cunt."

His jaw seemed to set, his face flushed, and I don't think he was with me at that moment. He was somewhere else, thinking something else. Suddenly he seemed to notice my presence, "Drink your sherry and go." And he walked out.

I did sit there, drinking my sherry and composing myself. When I walked up the garden path I could see Ralph. He was in the kitchen, standing on one side of the kitchen table, Susan sat on the other side, looking very cowed. I couldn't hear a sound, but from the body language, Ralph was shouting his head off at her. You could tell he was in a temper that I never knew he had. As I walked up the path, I must have caught his eye, because he obviously went silent as I passed. But he was ramrod straight, and very angry indeed.

I drove home and poured myself one very large whisky. As I drank it I promised myself that tonight was the last time I'd ever try having a conversation about Molly or my marriage or Peter ever again with any of the Tremaine or Davies families. I was through with it all. The only contact would be with the boys, and Molly when it was necessary to talk about the boys.

I sat down and sent one of my irregular but fairly frequent emails to Mum. Thinking of her seemed warm and safe.

When I got to my office on Monday morning, Carole had beaten me in. She had Annette Morgan, the Deputy Head of Production, sitting on one of her sofas, waiting. I said Good Morning, and Carole followed me in to my office.

"I'll get you a coffee in a minute. I made space in your diary for you to see Annette. I guessed you'd want to see her as soon as you got in. She's being filling in for Dennis Murrell since last Tuesday, remember? And she hasn't seen you."

"You're right. Send her in, and you'd better make it coffee for two. Thanks Carole."

Annette Morgan is about fifty-ish, tall, angular and plain. But rumour has it she is really liked and respected on the shop floor. So, I greeted her warmly, and thanked her for stepping into the breach on Dennis's sudden departure. Then I told her that I wasn't going to promote her immediately, but that I was going to take the opportunity to look at the whole structure of production, and its relationship to the Exeter outfit. Of course she would be invited to have her input to that planning.

She surprised me as to how confident and understanding she was about the situation. Dennis was hardly mentioned, but there was the occasional aside on how she might now be able to restructure some things. When I mentioned Exeter, she immediately smiled. "You know, I have an awful lot of time for Stephen Hobbs. If your reorganisation meant that I had to report to him, well I really wouldn't mind."

"Thank you, Annette. It's nice to know that we have that sort of flexibility without problems. I'm very grateful."

After she'd left, Carole came back in.

"OK?" she asked.

"Very good indeed. Try sorting out an evening, I should take her and her husband or boyfriend out to dinner."

"Her husband's name is Samantha."

"Oh!"

"They've been together for years, but she's terribly discreet about it. A dyke on an engineering shop floor? Of course everyone knows, but it's never mentioned. They might not want to go out to dinner with you."

"Ok. Maybe I should give the diner idea a miss then. At least until I've built a better relationship with her."

After that we talked through my trip to London, and Head Office's reaction to Dennis's departure. Carole reported that most people were not surprised, and plenty were pleased to see him go. Apparently Production Department seemed very happy, now that Annette was properly in charge.

"By the way," Carole looked pleased with herself, "A television producer phoned and wanted to know if you'd be a regular on a new business programme their launching. It's a weekly programme, but you'd do it about once a month, on a panel discussing business ideas. A mix of politics and business as it affects the area."

I smiled, and my ego was pleased, as Carole knew, "They'll have to have a word with my agent."

"They did. And I said you'd do it, but that I'd have to check it with you."

I was still smiling, "Good. If I'm paid for it, you can have ten percent." And she laughed.

Then she looked at me, "And my soap opera?"

"Not a lot to report really. Molly went on playing her silly games, and I had a pretty emotional exchange with her father when I told him to bugger off. He didn't seem to mind, he just didn't want to do it." I shrugged.

"There's more to this than meets the eye." She said wisely, but meaninglessly.

"Yes. I think Molly wants me to change my job, get out of Bristol and leave my boys behind, but leaving her to happily restore her marriage with Peter. Well, she's got a surprise coming. I ain't going to do it. And if she tries moving away with my boys then I'll fight it through every court in the land if I have to. If it's a choice between breaking up her marriage or me having to say good-bye to my sons, then she'd better find herself a good divorce lawyer."

"Do you really think she wants to do that?"

"Yes. I really think she wants to do that. Everything seems to point that way. There is no other explanation for her attitude. And even Ralph, her father, says she wants to ask me to do something that will be the hardest decision I'll ever have to make. What else could it be? Well, they've got a surprise coming, it's not on."

"What sort of mother would want to separate two boys from their father? That's a horrid thought."

Monday went quite peacefully after that. As did Tuesday, well until about ten o'clock that evening, when my phone rang.

"Hello, Chris Bennett speaking."

"Chris, it's Mum."

"Mum! How lovely to hear you. There's nothing wrong is there?"

"No. It was just that I had your email and one from Jamie and Ben. Theirs says that Molly and Peter are finished. And I got worried about what will happen, what you will do, that's all."

"Well, I've already told Ralph that I won't see them homeless, so don't you worry."

"How about poor Molly?"

"Well, I guess she has to go where the boys go. How's Len?" I asked, trying to change subject.

"Oh, he's fine. Do you mean that you'd take her back?"

"No, I don't mean that. Molly left me for Peter. I'm history. You know that, I know that. There's no going back. You can't go back in time, and I wouldn't want to."

"But somehow, it would be a chance to put your family back together again."

"My family was torn asunder. You can't put it back together again."

"But if you could?"

"It'd be a bloody miracle, but you can't. And you certainly can't if no one suggests it, and I'm certainly not going to suggest it. Actually, I worry that Molly is more likely to want to separate me from the boys, in a last desperate attempt to save her current marriage."

"She would never do that. Molly is just not that sort of girl. She makes mistakes, we all do, but she'd never do that. You needn't worry about that, Chris. I'd stake my life on it."

"Well, that's good to hear. Look, don't worry, Mum. I promise you the boys will be alright. It can't be good for them at the moment, in the middle of a break-up, but Ralph and Susan are being superb. And I see them every weekend. They'll be OK. I'll see to it. And if you're worried, phone Susan or Ralph, they're closer to it than I am."

After that we talked a little bit about our lives, she asked if I had any travel plans. I assumed she meant: was I likely to visit her in Australia. I told her I was going to be in Bristol for the foreseeable future. Then she said she had to get Len's breakfast, so she better go. I looked at my watch, I guessed that it was seven o'clock on Wednesday morning in Melbourne.

My Wednesday morning was interrupted by a phone call from my brother, Brian.

"Good Heavens! Last night it was Mum on the phone. Now I hear from you. Is it family week or something?"

"I spoke to Mum last night as well. I guess she's feeling a bit homesick or something. Anyway, talking to her reminded me that I've got a little brother who lives in Bristol at the moment. And he can do me a favour."

"Anything. Anything at all, Brian. You know that. Only don't make it involve money, or anything that means I have to put myself out one inch." I said with warmth in my voice.

"You can offer me a bed for the night. I'm coming down to University of Bath tomorrow, and rather than doing it in the day, which is just too long a trip, Mum reminded me that you are back in Bristol these days."

"The best I can do is offer you a sofa. It's quite a decent size sofa, but you'll have to bring your own sleeping bag. But I'd love to see you. What brings you to Bath?"

"There's a guy at the University there who's an expert on Wordsworth, when he and Dorothy were living near Bristol, out in Somerset. And I want to see him to put some ideas passed him that might go in a book I'm thinking of writing."

Brian was a Lecturer on the English Poets, he was the literary member of the family. Some of my earliest memories are of him with his head buried in a book.

"So, what's your timing for tomorrow?"

"Well, if I come down by train, I reckon I'll get to Bath just before lunch. Give me the afternoon with the guy. How about after work?"

"Sounds good. Get him to give you a lift back to Bath Spa station, and I'll pick you up in Bristol, at Temple Meads, at six thirty say?"

"Times about right. But I'd rather you were in a pub. Then I won't feel so guilty if I'm a bit late."

"OK. How about .... I don't know....the Llandoger Trow? Lot's of nice literary connections that should please you, and there's plenty of restaurants around there to eat in."

"Daniel Defoe's meeting with Alexander Selkirk before he wrote Gulliver's Travels. See? I know my literary history as well as poetry. Sounds good."

"Well there aren't many literary pubs in Bristol."

"There's the Hole in the Wall in Queen's Square. That's meant to be the basis for The Spyglass in Robert Louis Stephenson's Treasure Island."

"Show off!" I said, laughing, "I'll see you tomorrow at about six thirty in the Llandoger Trow in King Street. Now I've got work to do. I'm not an academic who only has the occasional lecture to give."

I put the phone down. Well that was a nice surprise. I haven't seen Brian for nearly a year. He, Morag and their children had stayed with me and Helene in Apeldoorn for a few days last summer. I shall look forward to an evening with my big brother.

Later that evening I was back in my flat when the door bell buzzed, it was Ralph. Instantly, I felt suspicious and reluctant to let him in, but thought I had to, I couldn't think of an excuse. He looked tired and sad, but there was also an urgency about him.

"So what do you want, Ralph?"

He looked defeated at my tone, "I've just come from Molly. I left her in tears."

I felt drained. So, Molly was in tears? I thought it was beyond me to care any more, but of course I did. "What's happened?"

"Oh, I was the one who drove her to tears this time. I tore into her about that night she met you, before you were divorced. I owe you such a huge apology, Chris. I didn't know the truth of it at the time, I'm not sure I know it all now, but I understand more. But, it was totally wrong of her to leave you like that. I can understand what you went through."

I nodded, "I think that night rates as the worse night of my life. I'm sorry I got so emotional on Sunday, but of all my memories, that's the one that still gets to me."

"Don't worry about it. Sometimes the past catches up with us."

We stared at each other. Like before, Ralph's honesty got to me. I wanted to ask him what the argument between him and Susan was about, but I had to respect the privacy of a man and his wife. I smiled, "Do you want a coffee, or a drink?"

"I wouldn't say no to a whisky. I'm the one feeling a bit emotional tonight. I don't normally drive my grown up daughter to tears, and I didn't enjoy it."

As I poured a couple of whiskies, I had my back to him as I replied, "You shouldn't have done it. It doesn't make any difference. It was a long time ago. And even if she had been a bit kinder on that night, it wouldn't have made any real difference."

When I turned to face him, he was staring at me, I wasn't sure what he was thinking, but when I handed him his whisky he returned to a familiar track, "Please, Chris, I beg you, talk to her. I'll take you there right now if you like, but please..... She won't come and see you. I don't know, she's either scared or ashamed, I don't know which. You're the only one who can help her. Please."

"How many times do I have to say it, Ralph? No."

"Why not?"

I sipped my whisky, "For several reasons. First, as I told you, when myself and Molly had our problem, maybe we could of got over it, maybe not. But I wasn't given a chance, that very week she was back with him, lunching with him and you can imagine what else they were probably getting up to. I didn't stand a chance. Now she's got problems with Peter and the best thing I can do for your daughter is to stay away."

"I don't think they are going to get over it, not this time."

"Well, I loved your daughter; I know her; she will fight tooth and nail for the man she loves. She's the sort of person that is committed two hundred percent to a relationship, nothing can get in the way. I think she is totally impervious to all the little problems that go on in the lives of us ordinary mortals. That's why I know just how strongly she feels about Peter. He managed to break through and got to her. And she will do whatever is necessary to keep things together."

I paused and took a large sip of whisky. I didn't look at Ralph, but I knew he was watching me, "If Peter thinks that having me around is a problem, and let's be honest, their problems only started when I turned up again, then I'm pretty sure Molly will ask me to move on." I looked up at Ralph, to make sure he was looking into my eyes, "I lost my sons for a couple of years; I guess I lost myself for that long as well. But I'm back now, and I'll be damned before I move on and out of their lives. I'm not going to see Molly. I'm not going to be asked to leave my sons behind. I won't do it, I can't do it."

Ralph swirled the last remain drops of whisky in his glass, he shook his head, "You're wrong, Chris. Actually, no, in some ways you're so right you don't even know it. But I promise you, I'm sure, I'm absolutely certain, that Molly would never ask you to part with your boys." He looked at me for a long pause, "But you're not going to believe me, are you? I'm wasting my time. You and Molly were well matched, you're both as stubborn as each other."

"I don't understand what you're talking about, but I'm glad you realise you are wasting your time."

He smiled, "Do you want to see your boys this weekend? It's a long one remember, you've got three days to choose from"

"Of course I want to see them, but I'm fairly easy as to when."

"Well is there any chance you can make it Monday? I think I might be having visitors, old friends from oversees, and Monday might be better."

"I'm OK with that. But, I'll collect them from Molly's if you prefer. I suspect that Susan can get through a weekend without seeing me."

"Susan's away at the moment. She's gone down to stay with her sister Brenda in Weymouth. They run a guest house, if you remember, and Susan is helping them out."

"Oh! Well Monday would be quite good. If I collect them at about noon, I can take them down to the mall. I want Jamie to do a bit of window shopping, just to see if he'll give me a clue about his birthday present. I'll give them lunch somewhere, and then there's a film that they want to see. Afterwards, I'll take them for a burger or something and bring them back at about six or seven say. How's that?"