Back to Bristol Ch. 11

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GaryAPB
GaryAPB
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That word 'duty' hit me. "It's not my duty to patch up some uneasy truce with Molly just so that Jamie and Ben have their mother and father under one roof. It's better that they live in a happy home with only one parent, or with a step-dad or something, than that Molly and myself pretend we're back together. I don't need a lecture on duty to my sons, Mum."

She looked at me, her eyes closing slightly with steely determination, forged by years of widowhood and being a lone parent. "And you don't know the first thing about being a single mother. Yes it is your duty to provide a loving home for Jamie and Ben, just as it was my duty to provide a loving home for you and Brian when your father died."

"That was different, Mum. Dad was killed, and of course that's the worst thing, but he was never unfaithful. You don't have to live with the image of him in the arms of another woman. He didn't turn his back on you and choose someone else."

"No he didn't. But I wish he had. Then, at least maybe I might have had the option that you have now, of being able to take him back." She put her hand out to take hold of Len's hand as it lay on the table, he naturally spread his fingers and they held hands, fingers intertwined, as she went on, "I remember the day he died. Mrs Foxton came in and she cooked yours and Brian's tea, but it was me that read you your bedtime story. I don't know how I could see the words on the page through my tears. The man I loved, the man who was the father of my sons, was lying dead in a mortuary. And that wasn't your fault. You'd lost your Daddy, and you were innocent, and it was my duty, yes Duty, to give you as loving and as normal a life as I could. I wanted to curl up and die but I couldn't, I had a duty to his sons....."

I listened, and I watched her knuckles go white with tension as she gripped Len's hand. She was crushing it.

"...and doing my duty was actually what helped give me my life back. You and Brian had to be looked after. You had to have your laundry done. You had to have your meals cooked. I couldn't just lie in bed and mourn the death of the man I loved. And slowly, very slowly I learnt how to live my new life. It wasn't a life that I would have chosen, but it was all I had. I loved you and Brian, and it was my duty to see it through." She looked at me, a couple of tears running down her cheek, "Now it's your duty to try and give your innocent sons their family back."

She sat back in her chair and I saw her relax her grip on Len's hand. He withdrew his hand and quietly flexed it, probably checking that it still worked. There was silence for a long pause, until Len said, "We ought to order."

Somehow we got through the meal. The conversation was strained and limited. I wasn't happy, not at all happy, and there was a big black cloud over us.

I did learn a little of the story of how they decided to join Ralph in his plot to bring myself and Molly together. When Ralph phoned Mum she was very doubtful, but she phoned me to try and find out if I would even consider going back to Molly. Well, because I didn't know what questions she was asking, I didn't answer them very well. So she phoned Brian, and he agreed to come and see me, and make his own judgement.

"You got him to travel hundreds miles just to chat to me. And you mean there is no expert on Wordsworth at Bath University?"

Len smiled, "I'm sure there is. Whether Brian ever actually went to see him or not, we don't know."

Mum intervened, "And Brian apologises for being so rude about Molly. He couldn't think of any other way to get you to really react to the mention of her name."

I smiled, "I guess I fell for it."

"Well you convinced Brian that there was something still there. And he phoned me back. And I phoned Ralph and said we'd catch the next flight."

"You flew all that way just to play your part in yesterday's little game?"

She smiled, "No. It's nice to come back and see you, and to see Brian of course. But it's because we wanted to be here for you, Chris. You face some of the hardest days you're ever going to have to face, so we are here. That's what parents do for their children."

I noted the unspoken implication.

At the end, when it was time to pay, Mum excused herself to go to the Ladies. Len looked at me, and his face softened, "Your mother has strong views. I wouldn't have used the word she used. It isn't your duty, but it is an opportunity, and you're not the sort of man to turn down the opportunity to do the right thing."

"But there's no point, Len. Too much water has passed under the bridge. You can't put the toothpaste back in the tube."

"Yes you can if you do it carefully and take your time. And if you need a break, well why not come down to see us in Melbourne. You know there's always a bed there. Bring the boys if you want. And if you just need to remember why you've gone back, then look into Jamie's or Ben's eyes, that'll tell you why you have to try."

I realised that he may have used softer words, but actually he was in full agreement with Mum. Maybe that was why they were happily married. They saw eye to eye on the important things. I'm not sure I had their vision.

In the car heading back to Ralph's, I did find out their immediate plans. They were going to spend the rest of this week in Bristol, looking up old friends and old places. Then they were off to Newcastle to see Brian, Morag and the grandchildren. Then they thought they'd hire a car and do a tour of Scotland. Apparently they were in no rush to get home, and they would always be at the end of a phone for me, and would happily come back whenever I needed them. I got the distinct impression that they were going to stay until they saw me and Molly ensconced in a little cottage with roses around the door, and the boys happily riding their bikes up and down the drive. It could be a long holiday for them.

When we got to Ralph's I guess he heard the car because he came out to greet us. When the initial exchanges were over, I looked at him, "How is she?"

He shrugged, "Like me, getting used to the idea. We had a pleasant supper, and we talked. It is hard for her to know how much of what she thought at that time was guided, helped, by Susan. She doesn't think Susan ever lied to her, but maybe she was seeing Peter on the side to agree tactics. We just don't know."

I shook my head and sighed, "What a nightmare."

"Any idea what you'll do, Chris?"

"None whatsoever, except think about things. But I can't see.... I just don't see how.... It would never work."

"Give it time. And go on talking to her. If nothing else, try becoming friends again."

A thought suddenly hit me, "Do you know how things stand with Peter?"

"Not a clue. You'll have to ask her."

And I immediately decided that that was what I'd do. I got back in my car and headed for Molly's house. It was nearly eleven o'clock and I hoped she would still be up. I had a bit of trouble finding it, but I approached the house quietly. I didn't know whether Peter was there or not, the lights in the garage-gym-guest suite were off, but there were some on upstairs in the main house. I had no idea where Peter was. I was as quiet as I could be, but I had no option but to press the doorbell, hoping that it would ring deep inside the house and not disturb Peter if he was asleep in the guest suite. It didn't, and the door opened on the security chain. Molly peeped out, she saw it was me, and silently opened the door wide and waited for me to enter.

She was dressed in a towelling robe and a pair of towelling mules. She hadn't an ounce of make-up and her hair was straight and pulled back. I guess she was just out of a bath or shower.

"I'm sorry it's late, but I wanted to know something."

"Then I'm glad you came. Do you want a coffee, or a drink or something?"

"An orange juice would be nice."

She led the way to the kitchen, and whilst she poured an orange juice for me, and a glass of milk for herself, I looked round. The room looked emptier than when I'd last seen it.

"It looks barer in here. What's happened?"

"Peter's got the microwave and the television and a few other things. That's all."

We looked at each other as we sipped our drinks, "What happened after I left yesterday?"

"Everyone was very nice. Of course they wanted to know what you'd said. Your mother was the nicest, she made me go through all my story so that she heard it from my own lips, I guess. Until then, she'd been working on Ralph's word. But she said I had to give you time." She smiled forlornly, "As if I had an option."

"Well, don't hold your breath." I instantly responded, but then I thought that that was a cruel thing to say, so I followed it up with some kindness, "You've had a dreadful day, I understand. What do you think of Ralph's theory about Susan?"

She sighed, "Certainly there are parts of it that hold water. I didn't know she'd promised to come and see you when I wouldn't. But she was the one telling me that I had to leave you alone, that you had to make up your own mind. If she told me and Ralph different things, well that shows she was playing at something."

She paused and looked at me, I just waited, "More recently, since Peter and myself have got to the end, she's been a lot more open about wanting to bring him and me back together. But that was reasonable, I guess. She didn't want her daughter to face losing her second husband, she wanted to save the marriage if she could. She didn't make a big secret out of it. Although if she did see Peter on Good Friday without telling anyone, and then she lied about it to Ralph, well that's a different matter. I suppose it also explains the desperate need to go to a concert in Wells on Easter Day. That turned out to be a three hour lecture on what a wonderful husband Peter was, and that you were...I don't know what word she would use, but your job and your ambition got in the way of being a good husband. She also attacked you for deserting the boys, although I'm not sure what she expected you to do when you were based in Holland. Anyway, it was obvious that she'd do anything to stop you and I getting together."

"That doesn't take much deduction. I wondered if that was what she was playing at when she dragged you off to Wells, long before Ralph came up with his ideas."

She shrugged, "If you were to take me back, well I can't promise you a loving mother-in-law."

She sat down on a kitchen stool, and her robe fell open to show a delicious amount of leg. She looked down on it, and then looked up at me, but she didn't adjust the robe.

As she looked at me, she started talking, "What I hate is that, if it's all true, then I don't know how much she influenced me, how much she guided me towards things that were so wrong. I've just had a long hot bath, and I lay there, wondering if I actually know the truth of my own history." She smiled rather sadly, "I remember the first time I ever went out with Peter, after you and I had split. He'd been sending me flowers and cards regularly, and I'd got to the point where I wasn't actually avoiding him. It must have been at about the time we were arguing about custody we were just beginning to argue about the house and money. If he came and sat with me at lunch or in a coffee break, I didn't bother to send him away. I don't think I had the energy. Anyway, he invited me to go to his flat for dinner one evening. Of course I said No."

"But, Susan convinced you?" I asked.

"Basically, Yes. She said it would do me good to put on a nice dress and some make-up and go out for the evening, to not just sit at home and mope. And, of course, she would baby-sit. But I thought I couldn't go back to that flat. It was her that convinced me that it would help me if I faced my demons, that it was a nice flat with a nice man who understood what I was going through, and it was only dinner. I guess some of her ideas made some sense. I was very reluctant, but, as usual with me and Susan, I conceded. It was what happened when I was there that really I've been thinking about. That's where I'm beginning to reassess history."

I wasn't sure that I was going to like this bit, but I still asked, "What happened?"

"Well, I did feel better for getting dressed up. And Peter was very charming and sweet. But, when we had sat down and had our pre-dinner drinks there was a plate of wonderful mixed olives laid out. Well, you know how much I love olives, you got me some when I came to see you when you first came back to Bristol. These were Greek ones with feta cheese and sun dried tomatoes, they were delicious. But, I'm sure I never mentioned to Peter that I loved olives. So was it coincidence or had Susan tipped him off?"

"You'll never know. Sorry."

"But there's more. At the table there was a lovely bunch of sweet peas. Well, what are my favourite flowers?"

"Sweet peas."

"Exactly. And I know, I'm certain that I never told him. You don't say to a man who is sending you bouquets of roses and carnations and lilies that he would have done far better if he'd given you a simple bunch of sweet peas. But, when I said something about them, he told me they were his favourite flower. Coincidence or Susan's advice? And you'll never guess what the meat was."

"At this rate, a veal escalope?"

"Oh, how perceptive you are! Again, apparently it was his favourite. But for pudding it wasn't profiteroles, that would have been too obvious. But it was beautiful little chocolate mousses. Close enough for us to discuss how we both just love chocolate puds. You see, Chris, it was a Chinese water torture, drip, drip, drip, on how Peter and myself were destined for each other."

I didn't say anything, and she looked at me, "You have to remember how totally lost and low I was. You could have told me that black was white and I'd have believed you." She paused, "That was the first time he proposed. It wasn't a 'Molly, please marry me'. It was just when I was saying that we were now fighting over the house and I said it was inevitable that our lovely home would be sold. And he, of course, said how he'd never see me homeless, he'd always provide a home for me and the boys. Again, it was that you were walking away, and he was my rescuer. Drip, drip, drip."

"That was your first date?"

"It wasn't a date in the romantic sense. I think I allowed him to kiss my cheek when I arrived, but maybe my lips as I left. But it was still very chaste. But those drips became a flood over the next few weeks. I'd let him into my life, and for that I will always be ashamed. Well, I hope he really bloody hates veal and chocolate, because I certainly shoved them down his throat for the next four years." And she took a large gulp of milk.

That was the first time I'd heard her say anything against Peter. I liked it. I did wonder if I should tell him my version of Peter's character, but she'd had enough bad news of her mother for today.

Instead, I asked, "So how do things stand between you and Peter?"

She shrugged, "The marriage is over. When he moved into the gym he said he was going to see his solicitor, but I haven't heard anything. I haven't really given it a lot of thought. I've been thinking about you."

She looked up at me, and as she did so, her robe fell even more open. Now one side of the robe had fallen completely away from her lap, which was still completely covered by the overlap side. But one side of her leg, all the way up to her hip, was now open to view. She looked at me quite knowingly.

But then her face changed, she looked at bit sheepish, but didn't move the robe, "I want to say something about yesterday. I want to apologise about undressing and hoping that you'd...that we'd have sex. It was stupid to expect or even hope for that at that time. It's just that.... I want....I've spent four years fantasying about you. And I dream of you and me making love, doing things that I've not only denied Peter but I've denied myself. I'm embarrassed at just how stupid I was yesterday,. And thank you, you were the perfect gentleman."

"Was it only yesterday? It seems days ago.... " I paused, "Anyway, I wasn't such a perfect gentleman. I did notice that you are looking good. I guess that's having a home gym."

"That's Peter's. He does have a bit of an ego, he prides himself on his looks and his charm, and he worked hard to keep his body. As for me, well it was really just healthy good sense, but I always had you in mind, I think I always wondered if I would get a chance to win you back. I knew your last image of me was as a twenty seven year old girl, I'm a thirty one year old woman now." She smiled, "And you'd like me more now than yesterday, I just shaved myself when I was in the bath. The first time in over three years. And it felt very good."

"Completely?"

"No. Just as I used to be, maybe a little bit less, but not much. D'you want to see?"

"I don't think I should. I have no right. And anyway, I've got backache and my legs still ache from cycling too far yesterday. I couldn't do anything tonight, even if I wanted to."

"Ralph said that you went cycling."

There was a long pause, eventually I brought us back to the purpose of my visit, "You should do something about a divorce. It's not fair to you or the boys or even to Peter to let it drag on."

She looked at me for a long time, probably deciding if this was something I was demanding before we went any further. Maybe it was, but I hadn't thought of it like that. I just wanted her rid of that man.

Eventually, she said, "You're right. I'll try getting to a solicitor tomorrow. I'll use the same one I used for us. She seemed OK. I'll phone her in the morning."

"Good." was all I said because I didn't think it was the right time to tell her how I wanted to see her grind that man into the ground with the toughest, messiest divorce ever. So I changed the subject, "So, next question: What am I going to get Jamie for his birthday?"

"I'd tell you if I knew what I was going to get him myself. All he ever says he wants is a puppy, and now isn't the time to be buying puppies. And he wants his own phone, but I'm sorry, at nine years old he doesn't need it and he'd probably lose it within the first week."

"How about a Playstation or Wii?"

"Well, I've avoided them up until now, but maybe I've got to admit defeat. It's just that I'd have to keep my eye on what games they played and for how long."

"OK, I'll try to think of something else, but I'll keep them as first reserve if I get desperate."

"OK, I suppose. But do your best, please. It's a rough time for both of them, and I don't want to have to be the hard mother...."

I was tempted...but I didn't! Instead, I moved towards the door, saying, "I must be going."

"You don't have to. Please, Chris, couldn't you stay, we don't have to do anything. Please?"

I looked at her, "I'm sorry. I don't want you to think that we... that somehow it all just goes back together. It doesn't. And in your heart you know it."

She looked at me for a long time, and then she said, quite quietly, "As I said to your mother, I've no option but to wait. And I will wait. I love you, Chris. I just need a chance to show it.."

I kissed her on the cheek and let myself out, very quietly. I still wasn't sure whether Peter was asleep just the other side of window I was passing.

The next morning Carole brought me a coffee and the big diary.

"Thanks." Was all I said.

"You're in Exeter all day tomorrow. Anything you want me to do in your absence?"

"I should be back here by about four, and I can't think of anything that you don't know about....Oh, Yes, can you ask Piers McBaine to call in the next time he's over here? Nothing urgent, but I heard a rumour that Peter Davies isn't working too well at the moment. I thought I ought to pass it on."

She made a note on her pad, and then she looked at me, "Do you know, you haven't got anything booked for lunch today? And do you know, I'm not doing anything for lunch either?"

GaryAPB
GaryAPB
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