Backsliding Ch. 05

This felt too good not to share. I took the bottle from her and held it to her nose. She shook her head violently, real fear in her eyes. I understood her apprehension. I was the same way ten minutes ago, but now a line had been crossed and there was no going back. I held the bottle to her nose again.

"What's it like?" she asked, obviously curious.

"It's amazing. I really don't know how to describe. It doesn't last long, but for two or three minutes, you're fucked up and ready to fuck anything with a heartbeat. Try it."

"I can't. I'm not ready." Her mouth said one thing, but her eyes told me something else. She wanted to, but she was still afraid. "I just bought it more or less as a gag. I wanted to see how you'd like it, not actually use any myself."

"Come on, try it," I whispered softly. "It won't hurt you, I promise."

I pushed the bottle toward her nose again. She looked at me with a sad, defeated look in her eyes, but didn't turn her nose away this time. I took it as a signal and held her opposite nostril closed. She looked up at me then closed her eyes an inhaled deeply. For a few seconds, nothing happened, all of a sudden her eyes sprang open and she stared at me. I swear I could literally see her pupils dilate as the head rush hit her. She smiled and closed her eyes again. She sat motionless for a few seconds, obviously enjoying her first experience at being high, and then began to ride my cock even harder.

I was about to come, but I was trying to hold back. Sarah continued to ride me harder, moaning a deep guttural moan from somewhere down deep. I didn't know if it was the amyl nitrate or my dick making her feel this way, but I really didn't care. I pushed the bottle back to her nose. She pushed it back.

"You first," she said. I closed off one nostril with my thumb and inhaled, then repeated the process with the other nostril. I smiled when the rush hit me. The high was so intense that I just sat there with the bottle held loosely in my hands. I barely registered at first as I felt Sarah take the bottle from my hand. Then I saw her bring it to her own nose without any encouragement from me. She closed off a nostril with her thumb like she had seen me do and inhaled. She inhaled so deeply that I feared she was going to actually snort some of the toxic liquid. She repeated the process. Again, she sat motionless on my throbbing shaft as she rode the euphoria of the head rush, then as the blood vessels in her pussy expanded and the wave of lust hit her, she began to thrust on my shaft with wild abandon. I knew at that moment she was as high as I was. We had both crossed a line that could never be uncrossed.

We both came at the same moment, moaning and fucking like animals. When we were done, we collapsed in each other's arms and slept the whole night together in the nude. She woke me up long before dawn and we went another round, but this time without the amyl. I'd never seen her want sex so much, but I wasn't complaining.

That night proved to be a turning point in our journey as a couple. We both got up the next morning and went to work as if nothing had changed, but I knew it had. The sweet, totally innocent church wife who left to go to Miami last week wasn't the same person who returned. I suspected that person would never return again.

My suspicions were confirmed when I came in from work that night and found Sarah watching TV in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. I'd never known her to wear shorts before, not even around the house.

"Aren't you going to be late for the revival tonight?" I asked. She knew immediately that I was fishing for answers to questions I was too afraid to ask.

"No, I'm not going to be late because I'm not going," she replied coyly. Then she looked up at me with a serious expression on her face and said, "I'll go tomorrow night. Tonight I just want to sit here and sort some things out in my head. "

The voice of reason said to let her work it out on her own, but I was still sympathetic to what she was struggling with. I'd been there myself and I knew she was having a tougher time dealing with it than I did. I decided to push the subject.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked.

"No. Yes. I don't know. I know it's something I have to figure out on my own, but I don't know which way to turn anymore. A week ago, I thought I had it all figured out. I knew I was sinning and I was sorry for it. I thought when I went to the pastor and confessed I could straighten it all out. My plan was to go and repent, get back on the straight and narrow and do right from now on. That whole women's retreat thing, back to back with this revival, was going to set me up to put my sins behind me. Then I got called to go to the hair show with the girls from work, and boom, I'm worse off now than when I started!" She started to cry softly.

I didn't say anything for several minutes.

"Are you happy?" I asked. She looked at me like I had two heads.

"Do I look happy?" She asked, incredulously. "I'm sitting her crying. My life is a roller coaster. One week I'm Sister Christian and the next I'm acting like a Jezebel. I'm miserable!"

"Then I think you just answered your own question. Why are you doing what you're doing if you're miserable? I think you made your decision a long time ago, you just didn't want to accept it." She just looked at me with a blank stare, so I let the conversation go.

The next night, I came home from work just in time to catch her heading out the door to go to the revival service. She was dressed in her typical conservative church outfit. I noticed that she had taken extra pains to fix her layered hair up so that it wasn't easily visible that she had cut it. I assumed she was headed out early to go meet with her pastor and seek his forgiveness for falling off the wagon again.

I went in, showered and settled down to a good movie. Even though it was a Friday night, I decided to skip my regular ritualistic trip to the watering hole with the guys, opting instead to just come home and relax. I was sitting on the couch drinking my third Bud Light of the night when I heard the front door open and close. I looked at my watch, surprised to see that she was home so early. I didn't even turn around when she walked into the den. I just turned up my beer and took another swallow. She stepped in front of me. I could see that her eyes were red from crying, but the tears were gone now.

"Do you have one of those for me?" She asked, nodding toward my beer. I knew she was joking, so I didn't even acknowledge her remark. She spoke up, "I'm serious. I want a beer."

"Sarah, are you okay? Did you fall and bump your head?" I asked.

"No, I didn't fall. I just need something to calm my nerves," she replied, turning and heading toward the kitchen. I heard the refrigerator door open and heard glass clinking. She walked back in with her own Bud Light and sat down beside me. I waited for her to continue. "Well, it's official. I am officially an ex-member of the First Pentecostal Church. Let the games begin."

The air left me like a steam roller. I couldn't speak. I just looked at her with a confused expression on my face. Before I could digest the news, she turned up her beer and took several large gulps. Whatever had happened tonight was monumental.

"Yuck. I don't see how you drink this stuff," she said, taking another big swallow and setting the bottle on the coffee table. "I guess you want to know what I'm talking about. Well, I resigned from Sunday school tonight and told the congregation I was quitting the church."

I was still speechless and just nodded for her to continue.

"I asked permission to address the congregation before the preaching started and I walked up to the microphone and told the entire church that I was resigning my Sunday school class and leaving the church. I then walked out and drove home. Now I'm working on getting drunk for the first time in my life." She finished off her beer and got up and walked to the kitchen again. This time she came back with two beers, handing me one of them.

I finally managed to ask, "What are you talking about? What do you mean, you resigned?"

"I mean, I resigned. I quit. I'm done with that church. I'm not going back. I made my decision."

"Care to explain what brought on this sudden change of heart?" I asked.

"It's not sudden. It's been coming for a long time and you know it. I've just been trying to fight it. I went to church tonight with every intention of going to the altar and praying back through. I really did. I even went early for that very reason. But something happened tonight that let me know I was making a huge mistake. For once, I listened to my heart and not my head."

"What happened?"

"Well, when I got there, Jennifer Beachum was waiting for me in the parking lot." Jennifer Beachum was the 21 year old daughter of Sarah's friend, Janet Beachum, and one of the members of Sarah's young adults Sunday school class. "I could tell that something was wrong right off the bat. Jenny asked if she could speak to me in private, so we went into my classroom and locked the door. Then she started to confide in me. She told me that she was really struggling in her walk with God and that she was considering quitting church. She's a college student and she was struggling with temptations that she couldn't control. Basically, she told me she was backsliding and she wanted me to talk her out of it."

"Did you?" I asked. She just looked at me with a look of defeat on her face and shook her head. She pulled at her Bud Light again, killing half the bottle. She looked at what she had done and let out a quick giggle. She was getting a buzz already.

"No, of course not, how could I? I realized right then that I couldn't tell her not to do what I'd been doing myself. I refuse to be a hypocrite. I told her that she had to follow her heart. When she left, I knew that I had to do the same thing. So I went to service, managed to force myself to sit through most of it, then asked to address the congregation. Needless to say, I stunned a whole church full of people with that announcement. I didn't wait around to see their reaction after the shock wore off. I got the hell out of there."

"Did you just swear?" I asked jokingly.

"Saying 'hell' isn't swearing. Besides, I'm sure you'll be hearing a lot worse from now on. I do work with some hardcore sinners, remember? Speaking of which, damn, I think I'm getting a buzz. Bring me another one of these," she said, handing me her second empty bottle.

I did as instructed, but didn't waste any time escorting her to the bedroom. She was feeling no pain after only three beers and she was horny as hell. She didn't say much. She just started pulling my clothes off and pushed me on the bed. She quickly stripped and mounted me. We fucked without saying a word.

There is a line in an old country song that says something about "changes don't come easy when you've been this way so long". I guess Sarah never heard that song. Change seemed to come to her very easily. The changes were almost immediate, too.

The day after her official resignation from church was a Saturday. I was already committed to going in to work to finish up a finance application on a bike someone was trying to buy, but I didn't want to. The minutes turned slowly into hours as I finished up my work around noon. I was anxious to rush home to Sarah to see if she had changed her mind or if she really had backslidden. Just before I was to leave, I got a text from her telling me that she was shopping and would be home later and wanted to take the Harley out for a ride.

I was just finishing washing my Harley in the driveway when her SUV pulled up. I glanced up as she got out, and my jaw hit the ground. Sarah was wearing the tightest pair of skinny jeans I'd ever seen. She saw me looking at her and smiled.

"What's the matter with you?" She asked playfully. She twirled around like a ballerina, showing off her amazing ass. "Do you like them?"

"Hell yes!" I nearly yelled. "Holy shit! I never thought I'd see the day that you were wearing pants."

"Me either. I was nervous as hell when I bought them. I guess I was afraid someone from church would see me or something. But once I tried them on, I knew I'd made the right decision. It was like I had finally fully committed to my decision. It felt like a huge weight of responsibility had been lifted off my shoulders. I paid for the jeans, bought three more pair, and asked the sales lady if I could wear them home."

"I'm glad you did," I said. "You're fucking hot!"

"Look what else I did," she said, pulling her hair back from her ears. They were pierced! I also noticed that she was wearing makeup for the first time. Dark eyeliner accented her already amazing blue eyes. I nodded my approval and told her to go put her things up so we could get on the road. She hurried inside and was back out in a few minutes wearing her knee high leather boots over her jeans. For the first time, she looked like she belonged on the back of a Harley.

We rode around town for several hours. Once in a while, I'd glance in my mirror at the sexy goddess I was lucky enough to be married to. Each time I'd look, she'd catch me looking and smile, her baby blue eyes radiating genuine warmth and affection. We were ending our ride and working our way back toward the house when we passed the Broken Spoke. The parking lot was filled with bikes. I knew it was Bike Night at the bar and most of my co-workers and their significant others would be there, but I also knew it was too soon to suggest to my wife that we go to a bar.

"Hey, let's stop!" Sarah said suddenly, in my ear, as if reading my mind. I pulled into the parking lot and killed the bike.

"Are you sure?" I asked. "This is a pretty big first step, don't you think?"

"Oh, I'm sure. I told you, I'm finally free. I want to party!"

And party we did. Just as I'd predicted, the bar was full of my co-workers. Tommy and Lizzie were there as well and when they saw us come in, Lizzie ran up to Sarah and started going on and on about how amazing she looked in those jeans and how cool it was that she was stepping out of her shell. The compliments really seemed to boost Sarah's confidence that she'd made the right decision. I ordered a round of beers for Tommy, Lizzie and myself, but I left Sarah out. I assumed it was much too soon for her to be seen drinking in public. It took me months to get up enough never to drink even in front of strangers, much less friends. Sarah, on the other hand, had no such hang-up. When the waitress brought our drinks, Sarah demanded to know where hers was. I corrected my mistake and the drinks flowed freely all night.

We had a great time that night, drinking, dancing and telling jokes. After her second beer, Lizzie ordered her and Sarah a shot of tequila with a Corona chaser. Sarah was seriously buzzed after that and started telling jokes with the rest of us. I never knew she had been corrupted by the women at work so deeply, but she seemed to remember every dirty joke they'd ever told and she had no qualms about repeating them here. This was a side of Sarah that I'd never seen before and one that would take some getting used to.

As the night wore on, I could tell that Sarah was getting pretty drunk. She wasn't falling down piss-drunk yet, but she was beyond a slight buzz, too, or so I suspected. My suspicions were founded a few minutes later when Lizzie came back in the bar from the convenience store across the street. She had a box of Marlboro Light 100s in her hand and a lighter. I knew Lizzie didn't smoke on a regular basis, but would from time to time if she was drinking. I didn't think much of it when Lizzie lit up, but I nearly fell out of my chair when I saw Sarah reach across the table and grab the pack of cigarettes. She pulled the pack to her and opened the lid, revealing the white filtered cigarettes inside. She pulled on out and held it between her fingers. This was too much for me to take.

"Sarah, what the hell do you think you're doing?" I demanded, still in shock.

"I'm holding a cigarette, Jim, what the hell does it look like I'm doing?" She shot back. "I want to know what it's like. All the girls at work smoke and they act like they can't live with them. I wonder what all the fuss is about."

Tommy and Lizzie had stopped talking and were listening to the conversation. They knew this was important. Lizzie had ordered another round of tequila for all of us and all four shot glasses still sat on the table. The tension in the air at our table was thick.

"Sarah, you hate smoking. You're always talking about how disgusting it is and how trashy it looks to see a woman smoke," I tried to reason with her. I was fuming inside. Sarah was making too many changes too quickly for me. I couldn't understand how someone could be so sweet and innocent one day and be so completely corrupted the next.

She chuckled and looked at me with her watery, drunk eyes, but I swear for a second they cleared up and the Sarah looking back at me was stone-cold sober. "That was the old Sarah. The 'old' Sarah didn't do a lot of things, but the new Sarah does. See?" She reached for her shot of tequila and downed it in one gulp, then brought the cigarette to her lips and reached for Lizzie's lighter. She fired up the cigarette, inhaled like a pro, and promptly started coughing her lungs out.

The comical scene broke the tension and we all busted up, roaring with laughter. Sarah didn't crush the cigarette out in the ashtray on the table, but she didn't inhale deeply again, either. Instead, she took small, light amateurish puffs until the cigarette was gone. She didn't smoke another that night. Instead we didn't mention that awkward moment. It was getting late, so we backed off on our drinking, but continued to have a good time until the lights flickered for "last call".

It had been a day of firsts for Sarah. She had her first pair of pants, her first earrings, her first cigarette, and her first time getting drunk. Sunday morning brought her first head-splitting hangover. I let her sleep late, but when she was up and about after noon, I told her we had to have a talk. I told her that I was worried that she was making too many changes too quickly and that moderation had to be the key. We had a civil discussion for a long time and it ended with her agreeing that last night was a mistake and she needed to slow down.

Working in a high-end hair salon has its perks for the ladies who work there, and Sarah was no exception. Little by little, Sarah's outward appearance began to change. The first thing to change was her hair. She had asked her friend Carissa to cut her hair again and highlight it. She was also wearing makeup regularly and developed a real liking for jewelry. She had one of the ladies at work pierce her ears several more times. She now sported three holes in her ear lobes and one in the cartilage at the top of her left ear. Down deep, I was sad to see some of the changes, but I knew this was a journey of self-discovery and Sarah needed to find herself. I had to accept the fact that what she found may be far different than what either of us were accustomed to.

One Friday afternoon I came home to find Kelly Wells at my house. She and Sarah had reconnected their friendship after Sarah left the church. I guess they had something in common again. Now that both she and Sarah were free to wear whatever they liked, Kelly spent a lot more time helping Sarah replace her old church wardrobe. Sarah seldom wore skirts anymore, except for the occasional miniskirt or nice skirt for something special at work. Most of the time, however, Sarah preferred pants.

As I walked into the house, Kelly was picking up her purse to head home. She spoke her greeting and then left. I walked to the fridge, grabbed a beer and asked Sarah if she wanted one. She said yes. Sarah had always been completely against drinking, but she seemed to like it now. She enjoyed going out on weekends, having a few drinks and letting her hair down after a stressful week at work. From time to time, she would call and tell me she was going out for margaritas with the girls after work. It was a new routine I'd come to accept.