BDSM for Dummies

Danny burst through the front door. "Gloria! Gloria! I got it. I picked it up on the way home."

Gloria came out of the kitchen wiping her hands on a towel. She was used to Danny's enthusiasm for every hi-tech toy that came on the market. "What is it this time? A personal asswipe assistant? PDA and tissue dispenser?"

Danny grabbed her arm and pulled her into the bedroom. He dropped the box he was holding onto the bed and opened it for her approval.

"What the hell is it?"

"A BDSM Kit. Gloria, we talked about this. Spice up our sex life. Add a little mystery. Remember?"

"BDSM. Isn't that like whips and chains? I don't know, Danny."

"Come on, Gloria. You said you'd try it. It'll be fun."

"Do ya know what all these things are for? I mean, some of them look kinda dangerous."

"Don't worry. It comes with a book and everything."

"Alright. I cooked dinner. Let's eat, have some wine and then we'll come in and play with your new toys."

"Great! I love you, Gloria."

Gloria hadn't planned for a romantic evening. Dinner was left over pasta casserole and a wine of unknown heritage with an artificial cork. She found a couple of candles, dimmed the dining room lights, and tried her best to get in a romantic mood despite her occasional visions of cat-o-nine tails and spikey dog collars. She shuddered.

Danny couldn't have cared less about the less-than-fancy dinner. He was beside himself thinking about the evening's adventure. He dreamed of being Master and having his wife at his command. Ever since the kids moved out and she started working again, she had been awfully outspoken with him.

Danny did his best to be patient. He deliberately ate slowly to prolong the agony of waiting. Agony seemed fitting to get him attuned to an evening of BDSM. Gloria kept looking at him suspiciously. She had never seen him so anxious about sex before. He was good to her and actually wonderful in bed, but they hadn't done anything exotic before this other than the whipped cream that left her sticky in uncomfortable places for what seemed like weeks.

They cleared the table, put the dishes in the dishwasher and retired to the living room to finish their wine. They kissed and gently pawed one another, but it was obvious to Gloria that Danny was about to explode if he couldn't get back to the BDSM Kit.

"Danny, why don't we take this to the bedroom and you can show me your new toys."

"Damn. I can't wait. Come on Gloria. It'll be fun." He pulled her up from the couch and dragged her into the bedroom once again.

"OK, what do we do?" she offered expectantly.

"Well, let's start by taking our clothes off. Here, I'll rip your blouse off…"

"The hell you will. I paid $45 for this blouse. It's practically brand new!"

"Work with me here, Gloria."

"OK, what do we have to work with in that box?

"I didn't read the whole manual so I'm only guessing. Looks like these are handcuffs. A red ball with bungees on it. A bunch of rope. Alligator clips."

"Any pot in there?" For the first time she raised her eyebrows in interest.

"They're not for roach clips. I think I'm supposed to clip them on your nipples."

"…and then you die," she said emphatically.

"Nobody gets really hurt, Gloria. It says here we need a safe word."

"What do you mean?"

"Couples should have a special word. If either one says it, everything stops so nobody gets hurt."

" How about, 'If you hurt me, motherfucker, I'll cut your balls off when it's my turn.'" Gloria slipped off her blouse and dropped her skirt to the floor.

"OK….good. You're showing some interest…but maybe something shorter."

"How about, 'You motherfucker!!" she said slingshotting her panties at him.

"Better. We'll go with that."

Danny pulled off all his clothes except for his dark dress socks. He wasn't a complete novice at this remembering the only stag film he had ever seen. Then he fished through the box and pulled out the padded handcuffs. "OK, Gloria, lay down on the bed on your back. I'm going to tie you up."

Danny fumbled with the handcuffs and finally got them on Gloria's wrists and locked to the bedposts.

"You do have the key, don't you? I don't want to be explaining to a locksmith why I'm stark naked handcuffed to the bed."

Danny assured her it would not be a problem, then busied himself with the braided nylon rope provided in the kit. After several tries, he managed to tie her legs apart well enough that she couldn't just slip her feet out.

"OK, " he stood back to admire his handiwork. "Now I can do things to you."

"Like what?"

"I don't know…like stick things in your pussy."

"Like WHAT??

"Well," Danny looks through the kit, "they didn't really give us anything like that."

"Brother…," she mutters under her breath.

"Uhhh," looking around the room hopefully, "how about this?"

"My hairbrush? Jesus, Danny."

"Well, it's supposed to be a little kinky, I think."

"OK, great. Be careful." Danny started to insert the bristle end into her pussy, but one look at the mayhem in Gloria's eyes made him turn it around and insert the handle.

"Oh wait, what's this? It says it's a ball gag. We gotta put this on you."

"Why?"

"So you can't scream for help, I guess."

"Then how am I going to say the safe word?"

"Good point. Maybe we could put it on loose and you can spit it out if you need to."

"Yeah…oh baby…I'm really getting turned on now."

"Come on, Gloria. Why aren't you getting into this?"

"I'm tied up. I have my hairbrush up my twat and you want to stuff a red rubber ball in my mouth…you figure it out."

"I thought you wanted to spice up our sex life. Alright, maybe we could do it the other way around. You tie me up and do things."

"Alright! That might work."

Danny uncuffed her and Gloria kicked her feet out of the ropes.

"How'd you do that?" Danny said dejectedly. Then he layed down on the bed in Gloria's place.

Like a rodeo cowboy hog-tying a steer, she expertly tied his hands to the bedposts with the pillow cases. She pulled his legs apart and bound them to the bed with the top sheet.

"Damn…how'd you learn that?"

"Girl Scouts."

"Oh…."

"Any last words?"

"Huh?" Her efficiency had him genuinely concerned.

"You know…before I put the gag on you and do stuff."

"No…I guess not." Almost before he got the words out, she stuffed her panties in his mouth and tied a silk scarf around his head to hold it.

"How's that? Comfy?"

"It's a little tight," his pleading voice came out a little muffled.

Gloria makes a quick adjustment making it tighter. "Now?"

"Huu wff gug mmumm duu?" he pleaded, cheeks puffing with each syllable.

"I like it. OK, I'm going to do stuff now. First I'm going to take all this stuff back where it came from. I'll be back in an hour."

"Hai muffuf goofduf duu wha!!"

"I love you too, sweetie. But it'll be back to the missionary position when I get home."