Be a God!

Be a God!

Or, How to deal with Story-Haters and other Lesser Mortals

This essay is not written by a seasoned Literotica contributor, but rather by a first-time author who is musing on his initial experiences with hate mail, and the self-doubt that it produces. It is not aimed at those who provide truly constructive criticism (and thus are more valuable than gold!), but rather at the no-namers whom KillerMuffin called "Mr. You Suck!"

So.

You busted your ass for days or even weeks to write that cum-dripping, bra-ripping piece of erotic excellence that became your first (or latest) contribution to Literotica. You carefully herded it through the editorial jungle, painstakingly working out every kink until it seemed ready to go. "Finally!!!" you shouted, if only to yourself. This tale was sure to win an "h" or "e", together with tons of kudos from the adoring masses. After all, you're the new Updike of upskirt, the Steinbeck of sleaze--and it's about time the rest of the world knew.

Uh...yeah.

Oh, your reality check wasn't all that bad--not by any means. You heard from folks who loved your story; a few even made it a "favorite." Good stuff! The kind of feedback that stokes a writer's fire, confirming each and every platitude you willingly heaped upon yourself.

But for some inexplicable reason, you weren't drawn to the praise. You should have been, but you weren't. You gravitated to those other comments, the ones that read like this:

"Loser!"

"Moron!"

"Shithead!!"

"The only thing worse than these pathetic characters is the idiot who made them up!"

"Hey, wait a minute!!!" you fumed, incensed at their conspicuous lack of taste. "What's their problem??? Don't they recognize the next Hemmingway of hump? The Orwell of orgasm? The Faulkner of fuck-fiction?"

Okay, that was bad. And despite all your reveries, you always knew, deep-down, that you might not be as good as your dreams. Maybe you do suck--but did they have to be so mean about it?

Anyone who's ever been a writer, an athlete, a politician, an artist or otherwise in the public eye has had to deal with haters: those anonymous little people who can't seem to get their rocks off except by tearing others down. They're not nice enough to tell you why they didn't like your story; why they think you're a loser, moron or shithead, or what exactly made your tale so pathetic to them. They're not even nice enough to sign their names. Literotica--like other towering centers of art and culture--is no exception to this rule.

And that little voice inside your head doesn't help very much.

You know: that saucy little spirit who tells you that if you can't learn to deal with these types, you'd better get your mind right--or find another way to amuse yourself. Or maybe it's worse than that: maybe that whisper belongs to a living human being, someone who's close to you. You can just hear your old man, now: "if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen!" Or Mom chimes in: "sticks and stones can break my bones...." Okay, Mom; I love you--but enough, already! I get it: ignore those oafs, and they'll eventually go away.

Then again, Mom's never written a story for Literotica (that you know of, at least)! She's never dealt with those misanthropic agents of darkness, and the self-doubt they can induce.

George Orwell once wrote that sheer egoism is the first motivation of any writer; authors crave adoration, as much as any actor or other public persona. But these guys weren't giving it. And you wondered why. It didn't matter that they were most likely just being pricks; maybe they hadn't even read your story at all. Who cares? They weren't giving you love. You'd like to say that you easily blew them off, like Mom said to do, but it just wasn't that simple. Maybe you're new to fiction writing, like I am, and you wonder if it's really not them--perhaps you might really be that bad. There's that damn muse, again! Aren't you supposed to be on my side, here? Having such insightful assertions of your appalling lack of talent to gnaw on, especially over the course of a stressful day at work, can make even a veteran writer question whether they want to pen anything amatory again.

Sound familiar? It must, or I'm guessing you wouldn't have read this far--unless you're really curious, or really bored.

So how do you get out of this funk? You tell yourself, even insist, that you're above getting rattled by those guys, but truth is, the harder we work, the less tolerance we have for criticism. If you slave all day in the hot sun building an addition to my house, only to have me call you a "moron" or "loser" without even telling you why, you're probably not going to take that graciously. It's no different, here! But you can't reach through your monitor and strangle the hell out of them, and you can't unload on them with your Glock (and you really wouldn't want to, anyway; you're so much nicer than that!), and replying to their juvenile drivel would only stoke their over-inflated egos--which they use to compensate for their under-inflated brains (or so you tell yourself!). Besides, it just isn't worth your time.

So what do you do? You're not getting paid for this, so why keep coming back?

I can tell you why I did. Don't know if this will help you, but it helped me.

It was all very simple, really: I merely changed the question. It's not: "do I ever want to write erotic fiction again?" Instead, I asked myself: "why am I here?" While there are many possible replies to this question, I limited myself to three: accolades, awards, or just plain fun. In the end, the answer I gave to the second question determined my answer to the first.

Am I looking primarily for praise? We all want it, and I might find it here, but I'm just as likely to find put-downs and full verbal body-slams, so that's a risky proposition at best. If my primary reason for writing is for the accolades it will bring, I'm setting myself up for a lot of disappointment--and a good chance that eventually, given enough negative feedback, I'll quit.

Besides, my stories might really suck, in which case I'll need to know if I'm going to improve. If all of my feedback on a given story is uniformly negative, especially from folks who actually know how to sign their names, then that's a good sign that I've got work to do.

Am I looking for "e's" or "h's"? We'd all like to see one of those next to our title; it tells us that we made the cut: someone out there really does see that horny little Huxley inside us! Again: not the easiest thing in the world, especially for a newbie. They're both pretty subjective, anyway, so I can't take their absence as indicating that my story totally blew. "Mystery Father" (in the Incest category) never won an award of any kind, but I can't even tell you how much spuzz I've jetted onto my carpet, while reading about that henpecked dad who knocks up his slut daughter in a church nursery during the Sunday service. Don't know what it lacked for others, but it's gotten me off dozens of times! Then again, my dad was a preacher, and raised me in a sexually-repressed, super-religious environment.

Everybody's tastes are different. What some Literotica readers see as "hot" or "choice" may not play that way with you, or me, or someone else. In the same vein, the stuff I cum gallons for (yeah, right!) might not do anything at all for them--or anyone else, for that matter. Think back to the last time you read a really scathing review of a feature film or play, only to find that you loved it when you saw it for yourself. So long as your story's decently composed, with reasonably hot sex, someone out there is probably going to like it, even if it never garners an "h" or "e". "Rescue Me," for example, hit in the middle ratings and feedback wise, so I can't totally believe everything those haters said. But then again, I can't believe my own self-induced hype about being the next Austen of ass, either.

At least not yet.

So--if lauds and laurels aren't the reason to write stroke-stories, what is? Why keep going--especially for free--in the face of those who keep savaging your work?

That's easy: FUN!!!

You know: pure, unadulterated, pussy-pounding, ass-reaming, cum-shooting, mother-fucking (and sister, and brother, and daddy, and grandma, and...), two-ball, nasty fun. As an erotic author, I get to create my own semen-filled, cock-stroking, parent-pumping little world, where all of my filthiest fantasies can come to life--and then be shared with others. It costs me nothing but time and a little effort, and the payoffs can be incredible. After all, isn't it a blast to forge something out of nothing--especially this stuff? Isn't that why you're really here?

You know it is!! You just needed to be reminded, like I did.

Maybe you'll never be that titty-fucking Tolstoy you've dreamed of becoming, but is that any reason to give up trying? Are you going to let some no-name pipsqueak take away your stage? Fuck them! You're a GOD!!! You're the master of your own universe--for at least so long as you keep writing. Can they deprive you of your divinity? Only if you let them!! So hit that delete button, and send them into the oblivion they so richly deserve. Gods can do that! Then, get back to that story you were writing, the one that'll finally make your name on this site. After all, you're far more deserving of worship than them.

Aren't you???

Okay: maybe your stories will never win an award, and you can be sure as shit that you're going to get more hate mail. Maybe you'll never reach the heights of Olympus, where the Literotica deities dwell. Me, neither! But ascending to the pantheon was never the point. The point, at least to me, is to enjoy yourself. So can the criticism, unless it's from one who offers a legitimate gripe, something specific to improve upon. Those critics are more valuable than gold--as opposed to the schmucks we mentioned earlier. And don't worry about "h's" and "e's," either; who gives a damn, if you're having fun? Focus instead on the pleasure, the passion, the sheer joy of writing fuck-fiction. Accentuate the positive in your feedback (be it adoring adulation or constructive critique), and eliminate the negative. HAVE FUN.

And if you're looking for more pointers, check out "The 10 Commandments" by TheEarl, "The Art of Writing Smut," by Boxlicker101, "How to Break the Literotica Toplist," by Tink4Fairy, "A Quick and Dirty Guide," by TammyTrueheart, or any of the articles in the "Writer's Resources" section. Who knows? If I ever manage to imbibe even a tenth of their advice, I might actually write a decent story someday. But remember, the point is to HAVE FUN. Enjoy the journey. It's a hell of a ride! And that's what keeps us coming back for more.

Be a god! After all, isn't that why we're all here?

For Emma

With special thanks to my editors: Elizabeth Darcy, James Hart, and Love My Pitbulls. Pitbulls, you took a raving rant, and after an honest and difficult critique, challenged me to raise it to a higher level. I hope I've done that, here. Elizabeth, you gave me a good approach to use, one that made a successful revision possible. You guys really are the best. Thanks for all your help--and your candor!

And also to Espresso Bolus, Jadesfire007, Pesce4wanda and Fivestar100 for your kind comments; as well as Pistolpackinpete--even if "Rescue Me" didn't do much for you, Pete, you still signed your name, and you were nice about it. Thanks, y'all!