Because It's Wrong

I hang out with a great group of women. Good friends like them are really hard to find - friends with big hearts and great senses of humor, who aren't about competing with each other for the attention of men. We lift each other up and helping each other out when times get tough.

That's what made my crush on Veronica's boyfriend, Theo, that much more painful. She'd been through some bad relationships and to see her with such a great guy made me so happy for her. She really deserved him. He was sweet, attentive, treated her like a queen, and respected her independence. The perfect guy. He was 6 feet tall, with dark, tousled brown hair, and dark brown eyes. He had a great smile, heightened by adorable dimples. He was a little out of shape but you could tell he used to be a soccer player. Of course I was wildly attracted to him. But I could never be the kind of woman to steal away a man from someone else, much less a good friend.

But I still hadn't found anyone for me. Sure, I get plenty of dates, but they never worked out. I'd either get asked out by jerks who never make it through the first date, or truly nice but much too timid men. I'm fairly attractive. Long wavy brown hair, and I'm often told I have killer eyes and a great smile. I'm very petite, 5'3", a small frame, but my breasts are still a nice handful. When the clothes come off, some guys are afraid of crushing me... that's no fun. I like to feel a man on top of me. Or they just can't stop asking "you're soo hot, why would you want to be with me?" Talk about self-fulfilling prophecies... I'm not a therapist. I wish I could help them to see that they're good guys, but you can't make someone change... their neediness was just too much.

But just because I couldn't find a guy like Theo wasn't going to stop me from going out and having a good time. Our group of friends would often throw dinner parties, which after a few bottles of wine had been recycled, always devolve into crazy dance-offs. Or hit the clubs and bars in the area. Veronica and Theo weren't the type of couple to be attached at the hip, so I got to talk to him a lot, just the two of us. Often, when the nights got later and the clubs got more crowded, we'd find ourselves bumping into each other a lot more than because we were being jostled by other clubgoers. That was hard enough. Each time we touched, it was like fire spreading through my body. I would always have to excuse myself to the bathroom, just to cool down and regain composure.

One weekend Veronica decided to go home to visit her family. Theo had to stay in town to finish up some work for a very important client. She left on Friday; he was still in the office that Saturday.

"We should all go out once Theo is done with work," our mutual friend, Beth, said when she called. "He's really going to need to blow off some steam. Let's go dancing," Never one to turn down a night out dancing, I accepted. We decided to go to the hottest place in town. The DJs were great, changing it up from funky old soul to smooth rhythm & blues. The lighting was dim, the drinks were strong, the doormen were all very attractive and flirty.

"Only if I can crash at your place," I said to Beth. The club was very close to her apartment, and I lived much further out of the city. Public transportation shuts down kind of early, and I hate taking cabs alone. Besides, it's much more fun to go get brunch the next day with your friends.

When our group assembled, it was just four of us. Beth and her roommate Lauren, Theo, and me. It was a cold night and the others had opted to stay in. But once we got inside the club, people couldn't strip their coats and clothes off fast enough. It was so packed with sweaty bodies - the windows were completely fogged up.

Theo announced drinks were on him that evening. Having finally finished his project with his big client, and successfully, he just wanted to celebrate. We all celebrated with cranberry vodkas for the girls and he had a Stella. The rest of the night in the club was pretty much the same as usual... dancing, grinding, more drinks. We were all pretty close so it wasn't uncommon for the 4 of us to smack each other's asses, all in good fun, when the song called for it. In the big mass of throbbing bodies, we lost Beth and Lauren for a minute. Theo and I danced for awhile, the song turning to a slo-jam, and he put his arms around me. It felt incredibly uncomfortable yet completely turned on at the same time. I felt my heart leap into my throat. He pulled me closer and I could feel his breath on my neck. It drove me wild. The smell of his cologne was intoxicating. I wasn't drunk enough to do something stupid, but I danced with him for the rest of the song... I thought that if I pulled away, it would somehow acknowledge my crush. By continuing to dance with him I could claim that we were "just dancing," like we were "just friends." I didn't know if he felt the same way about me... not that it would make a difference. I still couldn't be with him. It was wrong no matter what.

The song changed and I slipped out of his arms. "I think Beth must've fallen into the toilet or something," I quipped. "I'll be right back." I went to the bathroom to splash cold water on me. I had to calm down. Theo got me so hot. I knew I had to get out of here.

I turned around when I saw Lauren and Beth come out of one of the stalls in the mirror. It looked like Lauren had gotten sick. Funny, she almost never gets sick, I thought. Sure, we'd had a lot to drink, but at this age we had figured out our limits. I guess even so, we sometimes slip up.

"We've got to go, now," Beth was saying. "You and Theo stay and have fun."

"No," I said. "I'm coming with you. I'm staying at your place, remember?" I followed them out of the bathroom, headed for our coats.

"Why don't you stay at Theo's?" Beth asked. "I don't think you want to deal with this." It was hard to argue... he lived even closer to the club than Beth and Lauren did. I had stayed at Theo's before, but Veronica was always there.

I had never told anyone about my crush on him. I knew that if I did, someone might let something slip. I think really couldn't say it because I knew that the minute the words passed my lips, it would become real, and beyond my control. I knew that now I should tell Beth the truth, that I was uncomfortable staying there because I was afraid something might happen, and she would understand. But I just didn't. I told myself that something wouldn't happen. That I wouldn't let it. That Theo wasn't interested anyway, we were just friends.

"Well at least let me find him and tell him, he'll want to walk you home," Theo being such a gentleman, it was true. I helped Lauren get her coat on.

"We need to get out now. Get her some cold air. It'll take forever for him to pay the tab. We'll see ya... call tomorrow, bye," Beth pushed Lauren out the door.

It took another minute but I found Theo. He had 4 more drinks. "Did you fall in too?" he asked. He gestured to my cleavage which was still wet from me splashing water all over myself. I blushed and pulled my shirt up. I told him what happened and he looked sad. He tried to look out the fogged windows to see where they'd gone, but it was no use. "Well, let's just finish these drinks then." I hesitated. But I kept reassuring myself, nothing's going to happen, I won't let it. The night had soured considerably anyway. We didn't dance anymore, we just sat and finished the drinks. I only had one more - I still wanted to remain somewhat in control... but since Theo had a higher tolerance, he finished the rest quickly.

We stumbled over the icy streets back to his place, barely speaking the whole time. I felt bad for Lauren, and now I was feeling bad for Theo that his night of celebration and de-stressing had come to such an abrupt and depressing end.

We got back to his place and took off our coats. My clubbing outfit looked silly in the flourescent light of his hallway. I'd worn a black tank top with some sparkles lining the edges. In the club you can't see much, but in bright light it's completely transparent. I'd worn a black push-up bra... I like to look just a little sexy, catch some eyes when I dance. But regular jeans and classy boots. Not the fuck-me kind. I believe there's something sexier about a woman who doesn't put it all out there.

Which Theo immediately noticed. He put his hand on my waist. "Nice bellybutton," he said drunkily. I blushed and pulled away and tried to cover myself. "I didn't think you'd see me in this light." Oops. I didn't mean him, just him. I didn't want him to know how much I thought about *just him.* My alcohol-soaked brain raced, slowly, to change the subject. What is unsexy? Work. Work is unsexy. "So, you must be so happy you finished that project, huh?" I asked. I moved into the living room where I would be sleeping on the couch.

He followed me. "I'm glad it's over, but... I just ... I don't feel any relief. I'm so tense in my neck. Will you massage me for just a minute?"

I balked. "I'm not very good at massage." Touching his neck? His gorgeous neck? There was something about the nape of his neck that made my skin crawl in a delicious way.

"Sure you are. Come on. Just anything on my neck will feel good right now. Please?"

What could I do? Say, "No, I'm wildly attracted to you, and it will kill me to touch you?" I could feel my heart in my throat again. "Okay, come sit down." I was actually fairly decent at massage, so I went ahead and started working at his neck. He really was tense. As I touched him I could feel myself getting turned on again. His shirt was getting in the way but I didn't ask him to remove it, as much as I wanted to. But it did remind me that I needed to change.

"Can I borrow a shirt to sleep in? This thing is uncomfortable," I said when I'd finished. Or rather, when I couldn't take another minute of touching his incredible body.

"Sure," he left to get one. I let out a sigh of relief. Or was it longing? He came back with the shirt, and then leaned against the wall.

I stared at him and he started back at me. "Uh, I need some privacy," I said.

"Why?" he said. "We're friends."

I was in trouble. I knew it right then. I was in trouble before, probably, but I'd denied it until this point. "What would Veronica say?"

"Why would you tell her?" he asked.

I couldn't believe it. This was Theo, the sweetest, nicest guy I knew. He adored Veronica. They had a healthy relationship full of honesty and openness and everything that I wanted. It was like I was talking to someone else. Someone I didn't know. My heart beat even faster, but now it was a little bit out of fear.

"That you watched me undress? Don't you think she'd find that a little weird?"

"So don't tell her," he said a little more adamantly. He had started to move toward me. A little bit menacingly.

"Wouldn't that be wrong?" I asked. I should have said something else. I should have said, "That makes me uncomfortable," I should have said, "I wouldn't hide something from my friend."

He was right next to me. I backed away but he kept close. "It would be wrong," he agreed. "I know it's a cliché, but sometimes something very, very wrong can feel very, very right."

I was so confused. I was getting even more turned on but I was frightened at the same time. It was like when we were dancing. I wanted to run. The panic rising in me was making my breath short.

"I think I should go," I gasped. It was all I could think to say. I tried to move past him but he grabbed my arms. I yelped and struggled but he forced me to sit on the couch.

"Shhh, shhh, shhh," he shushed as I tried to break free.

"Stop it," I said. "I mean it. This isn't funny."

"Calm down, I'm not going to do anything, stop freaking out," he said. I couldn't break free from his grip. Part of me felt I should go all out, kick him, scream, do whatever it took to get away. But another part of me said, no, he's your friend, he'd never hurt you or do anything you didn't really want him to do. I decided that if I relaxed he might loosen his grip and give me a chance to get out of this situation. It worked. He let go, still saying, "it's ok," like he was trying to tame an animal.

"I should go," I said again. With more force in my voice.

"No, wait," he said. "Please don't. I'm sorry. I'm just... I'm so attracted to you, and it makes me crazy. I know we can't be together. It makes me want you more. It's so hard to hold back, is all." I looked in his eyes. I couldn't tell if he was being genuine or if this was a line or what. I tried to think but the alcohol was clouding my brain. "I know," I said. "I get that way, too, but... I just can't be that kind of person."

That was another mistake. I shouldn't have let him know I wanted him. He didn't even say anything this time. He just pounced. He flattened me on the couch and tried to kiss me. I turned my head away so he couldn't, and shouted at him to stop. He started sucking on my neck and gently biting my ear. "I know you want this," he said. "But you can shout all you want anyway. No one will hear us."

I struggled to get him off but it was pointless. When I reached up to hit him, he'd grab my wrists and hold them above my head. I could feel his erection in his jeans as he started to grind against me. He was taller so the bulge would hit my clitoris with each undulation. The fear was giving way to excitement. My thoughts were swimming. Was this really happening? What would I tell Veronica? God, why I do I want this to happen so much? It's going to happen... I can't stop it. I can either sit here and scream and protest or I can enjoy it. Because I do enjoy it...

I stopped trying to get loose. I moved my head to meet his mouth. His kiss was firm, there was an urgency in it. He sucked on my bottom lip. I kissed him back, teasing his tongue with mine. I sucked on his bottom lip too, but I bit it just a little bit as I pulled away.

We stayed like that for awhile, kissing, necking. He let go of one of my hands so that he could slip his under my shirt. I raked my free hand through his hair, gently scratching. He let go of my other hand and pulled me up so that he could take my top off. Then I pulled his off over his head. I was pleased to find a nice healthy patch of chest hair. I don't know why so many guys wax their chests... I find a hairy guy so manly! It made me even crazier.

He undid my bra as I laced my fingers through that gorgeous chest hair. Then he picked me up in his arms and carried me into his bedroom. In that brief moment, things had gone from animalistic groping to something more tender and emotional. He laid me down gently on his bed and started to trace his fingers lightly over my breasts and stomach. It was nice, and I felt safe with my friend again. But I wanted the roughness back.

"So this is where you've been with Veronica before, huh? This is kind of dirty. Definitely wrong," I said. That was enough. The fire was back in his eyes. He threw himself back on top of me and started grabbing my breasts, and he wasn't gentle. I loved it. Each twinge of pain made me gasp in ecstasy. I dug my nails into his back in response.

He grunted as he fumbled with my jeans. I couldn't wait for him to get them off. Quickly he pulled them down. As he pulled off my boots I reached up to undo the button of his pants. It was actually a little difficult with his penis straining against them. I giggled at this thought. It wasn't long before we were totally nude.

I climbed on top now, returning the favor. Sucking his neck, biting his earlobes. I nibbled gently on his nipples. My hair spilled over my shoulders and tickled his stomach. As I worked my way down from his chest, to his stomach, to lower, I could hear him groaning with delight. "You're so hot," he said. "God, I've wanted you for so long. You look so fucking good." When I got to his penis I started licking it up and down, tasting his salty pre-cum, lubricating his shaft. I slipped my tongue around his head as he groaned louder. I had only just put my whole mouth around it when he sat up. "Baby," he said, the tenderness back. "I want *you* first."

He threw me back down. I can't say I was disappointed. I love giving head, that feeling of being in control, pleasing your lover, but right then all I wanted was him inside of me. We could do the gentle, tender, slow sex another time, but now I just wanted a good, hard, fuck.

He rubbed his cock over my vaginal lips. Slowly, teasingly. My wetness mingling with his. Getting me ready for what was to come. Then he entered me, but just ever so slowly. He would dip in, just a little, and then pull out. Then push in a little bit further, and draw out again. It was making me crazy. "Oh god," this whole time I'd been a bit loud, gasping and calling out. "That feels so good. It feels so damn good. I just want your dick inside me, now!"

He ignored my pleading. He kept on with the slow teasing, the exquisite torture. Each time a little bit deeper. Finally, fucking finally, he was all the way in with one, hard thrust. I gasped again. "Ahhh, you're so fucking tight. You feel so good, baby, ohhhh, oh my god."

"You are so hard," I said. "Your big, hard cock feels so damn good." He began to thrust, and I bucked my hips in time. I could feel myself getting close, but I had to be on top. I pushed him over and mounted him, grinding my hips just the right way. Putting just the right pressure on my clit. I could feel my orgasm building, taking over everything in my body. My breath quickened. It was like I was entirely consumed by that fire. Finally, it hit me, and I cried out.

I held Theo for a minute and he held me. When the flames died down, I started moving gently again. Already I could feel another orgasm building. He sat up and threw me over, and then fucked me from behind. I yelled out with each thrust, each time his balls slapped my clit, each time his giant dick filled me to the hilt. I moved my hand to my clit to help things along. I came again just as I could feel him burst inside me. Waves of hot cum filled me up. He moaned with pleasure as he collapsed on my back. We both fell back into the bed together. He wrapped his arms around me and we basked in the afterglow. We didn't even speak and I fell asleep right there, completely filled with bliss, not one thought of the terrible thing we'd just done to my friend.