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They walked slowly into the room and both Olivia and Kaane's eyes roamed the ornate room. Gold and platinum covered every surface, the untold wealth of jewels and lush animal hides laid everywhere. The king of the dark elvin court lay naked on a bed of sable wolf skins. His eyes roamed them both and seeing blood, he frowned at Kaane, "What have you allowed my pet to get into?"
"My lord, a slave trader hit her and it unleashed her other side." Kaane whispered quietly.
The king smiled and showed a glimpse of silver teeth. "How did he die?"
Olivia stepped forward to answer when she saw the discomfort Kaane had in answering, "My lord, I am truly sorry but I ripped the man's spine from his body."
She looked up and saw his eyes rest coolly on her; he glanced back up at Kaane and barked, "Leave us now!"
Kaane bowed and walked out of the room, closing the door without so much as a click.
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To be continued:
- COMMENTS
Anonymousalmost 5 years agoThere where some rough transitions making it a bit confusing to follow the characters through the chapter without re-reading. You could explain the diffrences in the surroundings as the caracters move from one enviroment to the next as they transition and it would make it easyer to follow. It dosnt need to be detailed if you dont want it to be just highlight the basic features and the general feeling of the atmosphere. Ex: (The space opened up as she passed through the heavy doors the night air cool and refreashing lessening her headache. Unease tugged at her stomach as she followed her gaurds down a dimly lit path, something was wrong. She realized the cause of her nerves with a start. "Where are the stars?" The sky was black as coal the stars and moon eerily absent. The gaurd ahead of her scoffed and spoke over his shoulder his voice condescending "The stars dont shine on us. We are underground. Now hurry up His majesty dosnt like to be kept waiting." Her anger flared but was soon replaced with curiosity as they began passing buildings of dark pollished stone. More dimly lit paths joined to theirs as they walked, with an increasing number of beings traveling them. A variety of races went about their business paying their procession little mind from exotic blue skinned fairys sporting dark wings to a dull rainbow of large eyed cave dwellers. The occasional human passed by with sunken eyes and pale skin the tattered clothes they wore failing to hide their skinny frames. ) Sudden changes of the environment are jarring and pull readers from the story. You dont have to spend three pages on discription just smoothe it togeather a bit with an extra sentance or two using what feels like the most important details. Hope this helps and doesn't offend.
Anonymousabout 12 years agoThis story is going good so far and i like the spike's and claws but there's one problem berserker's are known to be uncontrollable the only thing u can do is set them 'free' and see the chaos unfold. So that begs the question how in the hell is the king going to control her without setting her off and get himself killed?
Emeraldfaeabout 12 years agoAuthorThanks for the comments and the votes everyone! Next chapter will be posted on Friday!
Anonymousabout 12 years agoLove that Olivia's Berseker side is slowly growing more aggressive, violent and just plain crazy!
Your story has been a fab read so far and I hope you continue it! I read TONS of stories not just on Literotica, but also the old-fashioned, turn the pages kind and being an Aries, I'm too easily bored. Well, you've got my attention and I can't wait for your next chapter!
K. Veracious
