Best Friends

"May 2nd, 2002", I had read it for the first time since she first wrote it to me. This was the day she moved with her new family she decided to 'inherit' in what I considered an unusual marriage which wasn't expected by me.

Here's what she wrote me, "Dear Ken, as you always will know, I am going to love you with all my heart and soul, forever. When I met Harry, I had no idea that you moved in the apartment below us. I didn't know you were... well you know that story Ken. I know you do.

I love you Ken and I always will, but I also love Harry. He is a wonderful loving man and father. His kids are wonderful. His daughter and I get along so well together.

Ken dear, I will write soon, but how often, I don't know. I'm sure you can understand, now that I am married, our relationship is probably over, sadly enough. I become sad while reading the part over which I've just wrote. We always will be friends... always, I'm sure of it.

Ken, I will miss you deeply and again, I will always love you for the sweet times you and I shared with one another... in all respects sweetheart. Take care and may you be blessed with similar joy that we shared together. Love Trish, forever and ever."

It was May 2nd, 2005. I was cleaning my closet out as I was preparing to move into a new condominium that would have much better facilities and a better environment overall.

Many people have come and gone in this building. In fact an older woman of 38 lived here and was quite fine looking. As sweet as she was, I didn't feel that same 'friendship' towards her that Trish and I had. Trish is or was, should I note, my best friend.

Trish and I shared memories that could be considered socially remarkable and sometimes unspeakable. There were things that happened to each of us, intentionally or unintentionally that no one else ever knew about except the two of us.

I suppose I was spoiled in that way. Trish and I were more then friends, confidants, and shrinks for the other... we were in fact, virtually lovers, almost!

We almost came to making love, but never did. We talked intimately of having sex, but never did. We comforted the other intimately but never had sex. That was so often, you would have thought we were married or in a serious relationship. I had seen almost every ounce of her body. I mean almost every last fragment of her frame! We always felt that each was beautiful, potentially arousing, and appealing, to say the least!

Ours was a respectful bond. We did a 'blood brothers' type of commitment once for some unusual reason. If she did something or I did something that I didn't want someone to know about, the other was there. If either of us made a mistake, we vowed we would tell the other. Some shit got pretty serious, intense, and sometimes, even outrageous!

Oddly, you could almost consider ours a "Will and Grace" relationship, although I'm straight.

I'm extremely straight and love the presence of a woman. Does a woman want me around all that much? I don't know, but Trish did.

But the woman who did move in after Trish, well she was nice, attractive, mature, but we didn't hit it off like Trish and me. Yeah she liked that I was around and we talked often enough, and even had dinner many times, but there wasn't the electricity that Trish and I generated. I wish I became intimate with that woman because that would have been so interesting for golf league convo.

Like I mentioned, I sat reading that letter after I got out of the shower, the day I was done cleaning out my closet and preparing to move into my new place. The woman, who moved in after Trish already moved into the area I was moving to as I understood, but she found herself a new beau. Oddly, she left me her forwarding address and phone number as well. I carefully laughed about that when I got her forwarding info. What was even stranger possibly was her email address was with that info as well.

I suppose I should fully introduce myself. My name's Ken Hopkins. I'm a 28 year old computer analyst with experience in website domain technology error control issues.

Trish is two years older. Why she felt attracted to me, I never really knew, but somehow we got along superbly, until this Harry guy swept her off her feet. Thanks to his two kids and he was widower, I suppose gave him an upper hand.

My life isn't mundane. I play softball and golf on a regular basis in weekly leagues. That keeps me busy, when I'm not out of town. My neighbor who moved in loved the idea I played softball. She came and watched me play often. The guys picked on me that I was jail bait for her.

After packing almost all my boxes, I was ready to move. Almost everything was in the other room, including my change of clothes. I dumped them on a box which I carried to that room earlier. A moving company I hired would be here in a few hours. I decided at that point, I'd shower, shave, and brush my teeth, regardless if I had to shower later on.

Toweling off next to my bed, I had not packed that up anywhere. I put her letter aside on the mattresses and saw it again after getting out of the shower.

I became remorseful as I thought to myself, "Why didn't I ask her to marry me? I should have been smarter, but I wasn't ready and I guess, she was. Maybe Trish was too sweet to push me into something she thought I wasn't ready for. She loved me that much, maybe that she wasn't going to ask me in the first place. I don't know for sure, although she and I told each other everything, I thought.

She and I spent less time after she met Harry. The times we did share were still great, however we didn't really share the intimacy and friendly lip-locking kissing that we had early on. Trish and I knew each other for 2 and half years prior to her meeting Harry, I believe. I didn't see any drop off in our friendship. She still shared a lot except her outings and relationship with him and his kids.

Before I knew it, she came over and told me about him and her 'friendship' with him and his kids. I didn't get into any romantic details. I assumed it was a romance, but only a light one. I supposed I assumed too much apparently.

That was a mistake, obviously. Before I knew it, she was gone and I was alone. I had my friends through golf and softball, but we all know better, right? It's nothing like the companionship, friendship, and intimacy of a woman. That's how I saw it and it was mutual for Trish.

Anyhow, looking at the letter as I dried off, I wanted to read it again...and again. I sat down with no clothes on. I read it twice and began remembering the times we had.

We kissed, had foreplay, touched each other, and we talked about stuff that we did alone, without anyone around. I knew that Trish masturbated and I knew how often she did, and what that all felt like to her. I knew exactly how many times she did it in a day, week, or a month's time. Likewise, she knew exactly how often I did it, where I did it, how I did it, and what fantasies I had when I did it.

As I read the letter slowly, I decided to read between the lines. I rested on the bed, naked, and stared out the window afterwards at the sunny landscapes of the tops of the trees. It was a great morning. I was in great mood, despite that letter that made me dismal that day. Life moved on and eventually I was fine.

After reading the letter, when I got out of the shower though, I was transfixed on various past events between her and me. The times we talked and talked, the times where those talks somehow led to kissing, the times we talked about how we masturbated, and even why we did what we did.

Simply put, we were horny at times and we wanted sex, but we weren't going to do it with the other just because we were horny... no we weren't going to do that. It had crossed our minds.

I was absorbed on those past memories that morning. It was silent in my apartment. I moved remaining boxes, including one which I threw my clothes on out to the living room. I casually walked out but I guess I didn't hear any knocks on my door.

I dropped my towel on the bed. I walked out to retrieve my clothes. I carried them around the room and placed everything on another box as I shifted other boxes around. She supposedly didn't get an answer, walked down to her car, but saw a man's shadow. She hesitated whether or not to come back up. Trish still had my apartment key. After all these years, I hadn't changed my lock and she still kept my key. Why, in fact, would she be coming to see me after all these years? I didn't know why, but she saw my figure through the translucent curtains. She could see that it was me, but not details. She had no idea what I was doing, other then I walked from left to right as I passed by the shear like curtains.

She walked back up the stairs. Without my clothes in hand again since putting them on another box, I walked back to the bedroom, naked. Then I remembered my clothes. The moving company would be there in a couple hours. For some odd reason, she came into my mind. Something set it off. Something subconsciously set it off. I still don't know what.

I thought about her and I wondered if she had kids of her own. I wondered if she was as beautiful as the day she left. I wondered if she had put on any weight like me, lost weight, changed her hair, and what else might be different about her, if anything.

I was lost in thought while I aimlessly walked about the apartment. I didn't hear from her. She didn't call.

Standing in the middle of the living room of the apartment, naked I heard something clicking in the doorknob. She was letting herself in. Not realizing she still had a key, or that she was even in town, I was trying fruitlessly to make a mad dash for my clothes.

She opened the door. She called my name out not seeing me in the corner. I hid behind 3 boxes stacked atop each other. They were just enough to cover me up.

She saw the movement to her right, turned and saw me without clothes on. I was flabbergasted! I was speechless! I asked her what she was doing as if she was not welcome. But I was more surprised then anything thing else in the world! It had been three years. We hadn't communicated in over two.

Trish was as beautiful that morning as ever. I was already prepped for her, so to speak. I think it was her intention to come and see me, talk, and possibly become more then just close with her that day. She didn't need to prepare me any further. I was already undressed for her and I was scrambling to at least put on my underwear.

She was alone, still married, and she had the kids. They were with her family. She came to town to visit her parents and told them she wanted to clear up some business she left behind at the bank and other stuff.

She walked quietly into my apartment, but didn't smile. Her eyes glistened though and that was good.

Then she said, "Isn't that typical; the man I love is naked and he welcomes me with that piece of artwork and nothing else, not even a smile." She was waiting for me to blush more, cover up more then just my midsection, but I didn't.

It had been a couple years and no word whatsoever. Here I was almost stark naked. What a welcome home present huh? Maybe, maybe not, I suppose that depends on the recipient's point of view.

All of a sudden, she had a glowing wide eyed smile. Her eyes gleamed as she smiled. She didn't look at my mid-section profusely, but she would glance there, like a guy might with a woman's upper body.

I was stunned that she was even there. I hadn't even thought about covering up, other then to put on the undies. The clothes were right next to me on the box. Finally, I grabbed my shorts, slipped them on, tripped over another box, and without saying hi even, I gave her the biggest, warmest hug a man could give a woman.

"I wasn't sure you still lived here Ken. I wasn't sure this was the right thing to do. In fact, you probably have a girlfriend. In fact, I thought, you could be married", she said quietly while she and I hugged.

I didn't indicate anything except, "I love you Trish". That's all I could say. I continued to hug her affectionately. I wouldn't let go of her. She let me.

"That is a superior... no an incredible welcoming home hug. I love you too Ken and..." She didn't finish her next thought.

Wow did I just hear her right? Did I just hear her say, "I love you too Ken"? Yeah I sure did. Damn straight I did. Now what does that mean from this point on?

"Umm, Kenny, I miss something so badly I had to come and say hi. There's a lot to talk about and if you and I had time, I'd love to talk."

Without skipping a beat, I said hold on and walked to the kitchenette. I called the moving company and requested a cancellation for that day. I was charged two hundred as a late notification fee. I didn't care. I called the condominium's business office and stated there would be a delay in my moving in. I was charged a late fee due to contractual agreements with the association for one hundred and fifty dollars. This was going to be an expensive weekend.

Sarcastically while turning around, I said to Trish, "You haven't been here but two minutes and I've already spent $350.00 on you. Should we go the Highland Mall and I'll give you a credit card?"

I snickered and so did she. She came up, hugged me again and we sat on the couch after I offered her a bottle of water. We looked at the other. I gave her the once over, then another, and another. Then I looked into her face and her eyes directly and said, "Trish, how can I say to you how much I miss you. How can I express how awesome it is to..?"

I trailed off because I was lost for words of sentiment. "I know Ken, I know... I know. I really do. I know what you feel, I think. I understand what sentiments you have, I think. I know. I do Ken. How are you? How have you been? Obviously you are moving? You should call them all back and reverse the cancellations. I'm going to be in town for 4 more days."

"Let's have sex Trish! I mean, let's you and I have King Kong sex. Nothing other then that, okay! I love you and have to show you how much I love you."

Knowing me as well as she did, she knew exactly what would be the appropriate comeback. "Awww, you're such a sweet talker. You do remember I'm still happily married right? You give the best compliments to a girl such as 'you and I have King Kong sex'. Kenny, honey, haven't you met a woman yet?"

"Yes Trish I have met the woman of my dreams. She and I are perfect together. She and I are so freakin' compatible, it's unbelievable! She is perfect for me. I'm perfect for her. We know everything about the other, almost!"

She interceded in a naïve tone, "Who, who is she Kenny? Come on... tell me, tell me!"

"Well, you will know her pretty well. Her name is Trish something or another."

She was not expecting that answer. She thought she and I were done with as far as any relationship was concerned. "Me, come on Kenny, you haven't got over our relationship?"

"No Trish, well yes I did eventually. But seeing you here, god girl, it twists me everywhere inside. I'm nuts about... no, I'm more then that for you. But why are you in town? What is going on with you? I assume you are still married? I should ask do you have children of your own. Tell me everything... everything. I want to know, alright?"

"You don't want to know about my life. You really, really don't. It is nice. It's a typical marriage, I understand, but it has had a tragic twist to it."

"What do you mean, tragic Trish? What could be tragic; I can't imagine your life being tragic at all."

She began sobbing. Out of nowhere, my friend and former lover began crying buckets of tears. Her pipes were full of the salty liquid which she kept inside for the right moment. I happened to be the perfect moment. She cried, cried, and cried!

Then she finally stopped releasing the emotions. She sniffle off and on, catching her breath frequently, and tears would drip less often as her breathing was more consistent too.

She finally looked at me with a smile, worthy of praise, hugging, and hopefully more. Yeah, as far as I felt, hopefully more, that's for sure. I looked at her all over again as I said to myself how much I appreciated her presence in many ways!

She saw my eyes move about her and she gave me various looks. The last one was a pert smile that said she might be happy to be here. "Are you or is your life good Trish or is it not so good?"

She looked at me pausing before answering that question. "It's okay Ken. It's fair I guess. I love Harry, but our marriage has been more then difficult. The girls, they are the most adorable creatures on the face of the earth. I am their true mother now. Since they do not have one, I'm their mom and they've latched on to me and come to love me as I have come to know and love them inherently. We bond well, I am still free at heart, and I am still the young woman I was three years ago. Although I am involved in many community things, there's one part of me that contains a vacuum like state in my life."

I looked at her quizzically. I hoped she meant me, but I thought I knew better. I was ignorant. Even though that morning, after reading her letter and saying to myself, I loved those times, I didn't know any better.

"What's a vacuum in your life Trish? What's missing in your life?"

She looked at me and her smile disappeared. The glistening beauty in her eyes became vacant also. Then they moistened up faster then swelling waters at a damn in a low lying area near a flood. She started to sob again. Then the sobbing transformed into bawling. She cried and cried. I leaped from the end of the couch next to her shoulder strictly to empathize for her. I wouldn't be able to relate, but I could at least empathize with her.

Then she told me the whole story. She never once told me this after she moved away when we still kept in touch by email. We really never talked after she moved except a few times early on. She finally calmed down. I continued to console her with around-the-shoulder type hugs. I wanted to do a lot more then that, but felt it to be inappropriate.

It wouldn't have been, considering our history. It had been three years. Who knows how things change in that time. Some things do, some things don't... we did not as far as our feelings for the other were concerned. We didn't realize the foundation yet of how much we love one another, but nothing would have been inappropriate, nothing at all would be inappropriate!

She turned towards me once she finished sobbing. "He had testicular cancer." That's all she said at first. Then she said, "It was all removed, all of it. Every last piece that could seed me was removed. His dad experienced the same thing. He lived a long good life until last year. His dad passed away at 68 from a brain aneurysm. There was a tumor and we knew that, but it ruptured and he went quickly. The funeral was here in town, although I didn't come. I was supposed to, but I got sick with the flu. I was bed ridden so I didn't make that trip."

"Trish, so what's been wrong in your marriage?"

"I can not get pregnant. Not by him at least I can't."

"So... and I paused wondering if she came around to use me or of she came around because she wanted me and not Harry. I didn't want to be her rebound affair; I wanted to be her husband, are you here to... I paused again... to get pregnant and I'm your steed for that?"

She looked at me with disdain. Instantly I knew I put my foot in my mouth and I apologized profusely to her. She accepted it threefold. All was instantly good between us. I was happy that we were cool because I can't ever remember a moment whatsoever that we were upset with the other.

"Honestly Trish, if we did something to help you become pregnant with child, I would offer to do it anyways you pleased. I'd put it in a sterile jar and let you be inseminated if that's what you wanted. Not that you are asking, I'm only offering as a FYI, all right?"