Better Days

"Jim, trust me. It gets better even if it doesn't look like it will right now. Amanda and I have as much—no, even more love than I ever had with Charlene. It is a different kind of love but she is my life now. Sometimes I am ashamed to admit how much I love and depend on her. She is my life, my lover, my reason for living and I know there is no way I could get by without her. I don't mean to disrespect Charlene in any way. She is my first love and there is still a small place in my heart set aside just for her but Amanda is my life now. Even if you don't find another love as wonderful as I have you will find something in the future to make your life wonderful and worth living again."

Jim looked over at Charlie. He started to speak then his eyes got large and he muttered, "Oh Shit."

Charlie turned toward where Jim was looking and saw Amanda standing there crying. She slowly moved toward Charlie then sat on his lap. She bent and gave him a gentle kiss then hugged him. She looked up at Jim and said, "Jim, he's right you know. I didn't lose my first husband because he died. I divorced him because I caught him cheating on me so I don't know how the two of you felt at the loss you experienced. Charlie IS right about life getting better if you try to live it happily though. I've heard him now twice talking about how much I mean to him when he didn't know I was around and it just makes me love him more. I can't believe how lucky I am to have Charlie and I don't begrudge Charlene that little piece of his heart he holds her memory in. You need to get your shit together as you soldiers say and move on. I never knew Della but I know in my heart that she would want you to be happy again."

Amanda smiled and stood. She held her hand out for Charlie and continued talking. "Now Honey, it's time for you to come home and go to sleep. Sarah called and told me I should come take you home because you were way too drunk to be driving."

Amanda looked over at Jim and said, "We'll see you tomorrow Jim. Why don't you come over to our place for supper?"

Over the two week period Jim did begin to heal. He relaxed and began to make friends with the residents of the Steelville area. He even went on some calls with Charlie and met some of the local farmers too.

Several times he went to fish in the mill pond at Wilsons Mill. He felt more relaxed there than he did at the Resort. Many of the young people of the town swam in the mill pond and he spoke to some of the older townsfolk as well. Jim always had to take his own drinks and meal when he went to Wilsons Mill because there was nowhere in town to purchase those items. He had asked about that on his first visit and was surprised to find out the local convenience store and service station had burned a year before and never been rebuilt. Many of the residents were upset about that but they said the old store owner had decided to retire on the money they got from insurance. They had said they barely made a living from sales and saw that as a good way out.

Before the two week leave was up Jim Ross contacted the real estate agent about the mill. They toured the building and discussed improvements and the price of the property. Jim liked the area and the property. He had friends in the Fieldings and felt like he was making friends in Wilsons Mill and the surrounding area. Jim decided to make an offer on the property contingent on his home outside Ft. Riley selling. The mill owners were asking $149,990 for the mill and surrounding land. Jim offered $125,000 and ended up purchasing the place for $137,000.

When he returned to duty Jim was on the mend but he felt out of place. For some reason he felt uncomfortable now in his office, almost as if he were an outsider now. At the end of his second week he made a decision that would change his life forever. Jim decided that the military part of his life was over. He missed the Wilsons Mill area and the slower more relaxed life he could have there. Jim went to the Personnel Services Office and put in for his retirement effective at the earliest possible time. He was informed it would be at least two months before everything was approved and possibly three.

Jim left that office feeling better than he had in months. When he returned to his office he walked straight to the General's office and knocked on his door. When the General looked up he asked, "General do you have a moment please Sir?"

General frowned slightly and motioned his Sergeant Major into his office. After the formalities, he asked SGM Ross to have a seat. Jim leaned back in his chair and licked his lips. He said, "General I want to thank you again for making me take that leave. It was what I needed and Major Fielding, hell, all the Fieldings were what I needed to get my head screwed on straight. I think it really helped to talk to Major Fielding about how he felt when his wife was shot down."

Jim looked up and saw the question in the General's eyes. He knew the General was busy and could tell he wanted him to get on with his business. He took a deep breath and said, "General I'm sorry for taking up your time but I wanted to tell you sir that I have realized the last two weeks since I returned from that leave that I don't belong here any longer. I think this phase of my life is over sir and I applied for my retirement this morning."

The General's face showed his surprise. He leaned back in his chair and stared at his Sergeant Major in shock. Finally he said, "Jim are you sure that is the best thing for you? I don't know what I would do, what the Division would do without you. Hell, the Army has been your life now for what, 26 years?"

"No Sir. I've been in almost 27 years but I think it's time to move on. I found a nice little town near Steelville that I like and I like the people there. I was able to begin to forget the pain there and here everything I see and do reminds me of Della. I see a young soldier and I remember that little asshole that killed her. I am still having trouble dealing with my feelings and I am not as productive as I was, as I need to be. You and the Division deserve, you need, more than I have to give now. Sir, it's time to go. I'm sure of that."

"Well I have to admit I'm very surprised and somewhat disappointed but I understand. We all have to face the fact that sometime in our career it is, or it will be time to hang it up. I'll miss you but I'll do my best to help you move on with your life."

"Thank you General."

The next two and a half months went by. Some days, some weeks, went slowly; some flew by depending on Jim's emotional health, his anticipation of his retirement and, of course, upon his workload. He was impressed with his replacement and knew he had made the right decision. His replacement was as efficient as Jim had ever been and seemed to be very knowledgeable.

Finally the day of his retirement came. Jim's two children and their families were in a place of honor on the reviewing stand with him. After the speeches were made and the troops marched past Jim closed the door on that part of his life. His house had sold several weeks before his retirement. Jim had made arrangements to close on his new property the Monday after his retirement. In a way Jim was sorry to leave the Army but for the most part he was now eagerly awaiting his new life. He had been back to Wilsons Mill a couple of times and had plans for reworking the old mill. He was going to turn one end of the building into living quarters for himself and had decided he wanted to make the mill fully operational once more too.

Jim spent the rest of Thursday July 3 and the holiday weekend with his family near Ft. Riley, Ks, his last duty post. Early on the first Sunday after his retirement Jim and his children had breakfast together then they all departed promising to get together once again soon. His children returned to their homes and jobs and Jim drove to his new home and the old mill at Wilsons Mill MO. He still missed his Della deeply but he was looking forward to his new life also. Something about his new town resonated deeply within him.

Jim pulled into the mill parking lot late that evening and camped under the trees near the millpond. The next morning Jim was sitting in a lawn chair enjoying the coffee he had made on his camp stove. He had rose at his normal time and was watching as the sun began peeking through the trees to the east of his property. He was watching the world come alive and enjoying both the morning and his coffee when his solitude was rudely interrupted by two cars speeding into the dusty gravel parking lot. They slid to a stop nearby and four large teen age boys tumbled from them. They grabbed fishing equipment and headed for the pond.

Two of the boys detoured from the most direct route and walked arrogantly up to Jim. The larger of the two sneered at Jim and said, "Hey old man. This is private property. You need to get your ass back into that truck and get out of here. Jim felt his temper surge. He clamped down on his immediate angry response and carefully sat his coffee cup down.

Jim stood and faced the two boys. He carefully looked them up and down then used the voice that had sent many young soldiers quaking when he felt the need to correct their behavior in his prior life. Jim said, "Son I know this is private property and I don't appreciate either your attitude or your arrogant demands that I leave. I was going to allow you and your friends to fish this morning but now I think you all just need to leave before things happen that would be painful for everyone concerned."

"Old Man you got this all wrong. This is our private fishing hole and we don't allow anyone else to use it. If you don't want to get hurt you better get your ass gone right now." The tall boy set his fishing gear down and moved toward Jim as he said that.

Jim set his feet and said, "I'm telling you for the last time son. You need to get off my land right now. I bought this property and I don't need young hot headed boys around causing trouble. Now git!"

The other two boys had come up from the pond when they saw their friends and Jim arguing. They were moving to surround him when yet another vehicle pulled into the parking lot. A young law enforcement officer got out of the unmarked car and moved up to the tense group. He looked at Jim surrounded by the four boys and asked, "Ok Pete. What's going on here this morning?"

"This asshole has been camping here at our fishing hole and we told him he needed to leave because it was private property. We were just making sure he moved on Sam."

The patrolman looked over at Jim then back to Pete before he said, "Pete I wasn't aware you had purchased the old mill. What gives you the right to ask this gentleman to move on?"

"Hell Sam. You know Pa's been hired to take care of the place. I was just roustin him out so's he didn't break nothing or steal it. This's been our spot ever since that rich bitch and her husband left and asked Pa to take care of it for them. He don't belong here and if you're set on bothering someone ya need to take after him. He's tha one that don't belong here."

The Patrolman turned to Jim and asked for some ID. Jim reached into his pocket and handed him his retired Military ID Card. After he looked it over it was handed back to Jim and the Patrolman said, "OK Sergeant Major. Pete is correct even though I am pretty sure he wasn't the most polite individual while imparting his information. This IS private property and no camping is allowed." He turned to Pete and continued, "Pete I think you and your friends need to leave also. I'll handle this from here."

With black looks and subdued mutterings the four boys angrily returned to their vehicles and left in another cloud of dust. Sam turned back to Jim and began talking once more. He said, "I'm sorry for having to run you off but the owners don't allow anyone to camp or use this area. They even told me they don't want Pete and his friends here except to help Pete's father keep the place up. I can see you aren't damaging anything but the place is posted against trespassing and I will have to ask you to leave." He smiled and continued, "I have to go make my rounds now though so I don't suppose I would notice if you just happened to finish your coffee and maybe breakfast before you packed back up and left."

Jim smiled at Sam and said, "Well, Sam. I appreciate that but I don't think I'll be leaving." Before he could continue he saw the dark look come over Sam's face and held up his hand. He rapidly continued talking, "I'm sorry Sam. I didn't mean it like that. I should have told you first that I just bought the old mill and I'm going to be living here now. I will sign the final papers later today. I just retired from the Army and am moving back here to find some peace and quiet. I was visiting with the Fieldings this spring and they showed me this place and it felt so much like home I decided to move back here and make it my home."

Sam relaxed and a big grin split his face. He said, "Oh, good. I'm sorry I took you wrong but...well, you know how it is I'm sure. You may have some trouble with Pete and his crew though. They try to run roughshod over folks hereabouts. He was quarterback of the football team and thinks he's the best thing to hit this town in forever. One of these days he's going to get into some real trouble if something doesn't happen. Well, anyway, I have to get on with my rounds. Congratulations on your new home and I guess I'll be seeing ya around now."

"Sure Sam. Hell, drop by for some coffee anytime if ya want."

After the paperwork on the property was completed Jim unloaded his truck into the old mill. Over the next few days he cleaned out the debris in and around the mill and made a list of material he would need to begin the refurbishing. Before he started working on the structure he wanted to know if it was sound and what he needed to do to reinforce it if it was not. Jim was lucky in several ways. There was no county or village zoning so he didn't need permits to remodel. He also made use of contacts he made in the service and called in some favors to get a couple of friends who were engineers to come inspect the building. They wrote up their impression informally and he was relieved. The building was structurally sound and mostly needed cosmetic repairs. Of course since it had been a mill for its entire life it needed major renovation before Jim could live within.

His mill did need modern wiring and heating but that was a given. They did point out where the structural supports for the mill wheel and grinding wheels needed repair but that, too, was minor. Jim also opted to build on a three car garage at one end of the structure. One of the bays he would make into a small workshop, another would be used for his small lawn tractor.

Jim decided his first jobs would be to replace all the windows and doors then get his new living quarters built. The mill had been a large one with a large open area for storing and selling grain, feed and meal. At one time it had been a feed mill as well as a grist mill so had quite a lot of room to convert. As much as he hated the thought of getting the interior wet Jim decided to power wash the dust out of the area he was converting to living quarters. Since it was summer he thought it would dry fine by the time new windows were installed and the interior partitions were up.

Jim decided to make a large living area downstairs to include a master suite and large kitchen dining area. There would be a small office and larger living room also. Upstairs he would eventually make another two bedrooms, small sitting area and bath for when his children visited. In the area over the milling area he would build storage and still leave a small warehouse area for unground grain. Downstairs in front of the grinding wheel area there was approximately 30X60 feet of office space and display area where inventory had been displayed in the past.

Jim was surprisingly happy as he began his work. Jim decided to continue his exercise regimen from the Army albeit at a less intense rate. He would run at least three times a week and did some other exercises on other days. After his exercise he would sit and have his coffee each morning alongside the mill pond. He would have a light breakfast then work until he got hungry, eat, rest a while and work more during the afternoon. Many afternoons he would cook and eat beside the mill pond. The previous owners had installed a covered patio or picnic area there with a gas grill. He liked to sit there and relax as he watched the sun set behind the trees to the west.

From time to time Sam would drop by for coffee in the morning or just to visit during the day or evening. As time progressed some of the townsfolk would also drop by to see what Jim was doing. He was impressed with how friendly everyone was. He knew some of these small towns were sort of clickish but this one didn't seem to be so bad. Of course people became even friendlier when they began to notice that some of the Fieldings and Stevens would drop by to visit Jim from time to time.

Jim did the interior conversion right. He had solid oak paneling on the walls, triple pane windows installed, granite counter tops and stainless appliances. The carpets were thick and well padded and there was a floating pergo floor installed in the kitchen, ceramic tile in the large bathroom. In short, his living quarters were quite luxurious. He had finished the downstairs living area by the end of September and had begun working on the mill works and milling area.

From time to time some of the younger and not so young local residents would come to see if they could fish in the mill pond. Well, that wasn't quite correct either. Jim owned up to the water line and they would ask if they could park on and fish from his property. He also had easements and permissions from the Corps of Engineers to maintain and control the mill dam and water flume for his waterwheel. He could not stop people from using boats or wading in the water.

After he had been in town a couple of weeks Jim had met enough people he was beginning to be well known. While he was running around town they would wave and speak. When he was in the Army he ran 4 to 6 miles a day three to five days a week as well as did calisthenics. Jim decided he would continue running but shorter distances. He thought he would purchase some weight machines to put in the mill after he finished the renovations but for now he would just run and do his exercises.

Jim continued to have trouble with Pete and his friends and they exchanged words more than once. One afternoon Jim saw Pete and his friends roughing up a young boy while a younger girl watched crying. She saw him standing by the mill and ran to him. She cried, "Please help! Pete's going to hurt Calvin. We didn't do anything to them and they're going to hit him."

Jim had already decided to stop things before she came up. He was starting for the boys when he saw Pete's friends hold the boys' arms and Pete began to hit him in the stomach and face. Jim told the girl to go into his house and call Sam then he ran for the three older boys and Calvin.

Jim grabbed Pete and pulled him away from Calvin. "Damn it Pete stop that. I want you off this property now and I don't ever want to see you here again. Do I make myself clear?"

Pete stumbled away from Calvin. After he got his balance he turned to Jim and snarled, "You asshole. I've had it with you. Now I'm going to teach you a lesson. We'll come onto this property any time we want to old man and we'll do anything we want to while we're here. I'm tired of your shit."

Pete threw a punch at Jim but it never landed. Jim dodged the punch and launched himself at Pete. Pete never landed a blow. Jim took him down and left him lying in the dust before he turned to the two boys holding Calvin. They threw Calvin from them and into the mill pond before advancing on Jim. Even two on one it was no match. One of the boys did get a hold on Jim's arm but he broke the hold, twisted the boys arm and dislocated it. It hurt so much the young man just sat cradling it while he watched his buddy advance on Jim. Jim heard Sam drive into his lot and saw the billowing dust out of the corner of his eye as the third boy approached.