Bikini Bottom Gangbang

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SANDY: Why, I want to be on you like bark on a tree!

PEARL: Come here, squirrelly-girlie [grabs Sandy, pulls her on top, kissing her lips passionately. Pearl pulls top up so Sandy can lie between her massive boobs.]

SANDY [kissing Pearl’s hardening nipples]: Gosh, you’re a big ‘un with your clothes off, Pearl. And a good one. How does that feel?

PEARL: Better than eating a double order of Skabby Patties with a side of onion rings.

SANDY: Come to think of it, the eating part is going to come along real soon.

PEARL: You’re making me hungry. [Sits up abruptly] Sandy, why don’t you get out of that darned space suit? I wanna see what a fellow sappho looks like.

SANDY: Heck, you take it off me!

[Pearl stands Sandy up, unzips space suit, pulls it off Pearl. She’s nude underneath, with a petite figure, perky breasts, a firm little ass, all covered in light brown pelt. Pearl is in lust]

PEARL: Wow, you’ve got a great body. You’re so fuzzy and I’m so smooth [pulls Sandy to her, tongue-kisses her]

SANDY: Yep, we go together like salt and a margarita. Hey, you’re an awfully good kisser.

PEARL: I learned something from all those Erica Jong novels.

SANDY: Now you can learn at Sandy’s School of Super Sea Sex. Hi, I’m Sandy, I’ll be your teacher today.

PEARL [purring]: Hi, I’ll be your student. Some students polish apples, but I like to polish asses.

SANDY [wicked gleam in eyes]: Aren’t you the sweet talker. Time for some oral instruction! You just lay yourself back on the couch and let my tongue do the talkin’ for a while.

[Pearl reclines on couch, plays with breasts while Sandy removes her skirt and panties. Sandy rubs her cheek against Pearl’s smooth cunt, moves hands lightly over her thighs, kisses her clit]

SANDY: Pearl, you are one big-boned gal. I like that [fills her mouth by sucking in Pearl’s clit].

PEARL [running hands over Sandy’s hairy back]: And you’re so little. You fit just right between my legs. And between my pussy lips.

SANDY: Shoot, we squirrels are DESIGNED to wiggle around in tight places, and honey, you got one tight place down here.

PEARL [puts hand down, feels how wet she’s getting]: I’ll be your slip ‘n slide.

SANDY: Get those knees a little wider and I’ll slide right in [slips tongue deep into Pearl’s pussy, feels its warmth and wetness, tastes its salty tang, puts hands under Pearl’s ass]. I think you’re going to be teacher’s pet.

[Sandy keeps licking Pearl until she’s rocking back and forth on couch, licking lips, bouncing so hard Sandy is airborne.]

PEARL: If this is the Sappho experience, I’m glad I waited! Your tongue feels fantastic! Oh, oh, oh, I can’t hold back any more, Sandy.

SANDY [coming up for air]: Who told you to hold back? Let it rip, girl.

[Pearl comes with a shout, snapping knees around Sandy. They bounce off Sandy’s couch on to the floor. Pearl squeezes her breasts together, pushes Sandy’s face hard against her cunt. Finally Sandy raises her head, her hair matted down from the cunt juices. She licks her lips, then kisses Pearl’s lips]

SANDY: You taste better’n barbeque on the Fourth of July. Right tasty kooch you got there.

PEARL: Getting a good squirrel licking is a lot better than toys.

SANDY: One don’t exclude the other.

PEARL: Now let’s see if I can ace my orals! [Lifts Sandy, drapes Sandy’s legs around her shoulders, begins daintily licking Sandy’s pussy with her big pink tongue]

SANDY [sighing]: I’m going to promote you to a graduate assistant.

[fade-out with Pearl’s tongue darting in and out of Sandy. Moans, sighs, panting on soundtrack]

-----

SCENE 8

[Setting: Return to Krusty Skab offices. SpongeDick puts his finger on a page of the “Daily Tongue Bath.”]

SPONGEDICK: Hey, check out this ad. It’s from the Discovery Channel It says, “World famous journalist Geraldo Rivera is looking for segments for his new show, ‘Teenage Underwater Freakazoids.’ If you are wild, wet, and willing, Geraldo wants to hear from you. Remember our slogan: Get paid to get laid.” Hey, Mr. Skabs, maybe Pearl just needs an audience.

MR. SKABS [excited]: SpongeDick, what was the last thing you said, get what to get what?

SPONGEDICK: “Get paid to get laid.”

MR. SKABS: Quick, boy, my phone! [dollar signs appear in eyes as Mr. Skabs rapidly punches numbers. Cue ka-ching, ka-ching sound] I know Pearl will agree with this . . . Hello, Mr. Rivera please. Yes, hello Geraldo, how’s it hanging? This is Mr. Skabs down at Bikini Bottom. I’ve got a great location for your show, ‘Teenage Underwater Freakazoids.’ My daughter Pearl is eager to lose her virginity, and I think she’s lined up a way to turn the trick, so to speak. And you can use my restaurant, the Krusty Skab, for your set. Sounds intriguing? Good, good, now let’s talk turkey . . . .

-----

SCENE 9

[Setting: the Krusty Skab restaurant, surrounded by video vans, lights, throngs of fish trying to get in. Interior jammed with tables and film crews. Gigantic bed in center of stage. Famous Journalist stands in safari jacket on the side, speaking to camera]

GERALDO: Good evening, and welcome to “Teenage Underwater Freakazoids,” here on the Discovery Channel. Every week, we bring you the best in wacky, watery wildness. We never know what we’ll find, here under the deep blue sea. Tonight we’re broadcasting live from beautiful Bikini Bottom, at the Krusty Skab restaurant, world famous for its Skabby Patties and other fine foods. I’m here because we had a call from the proprietor, Mr. Skabs, alerting me to some pretty freaky possibilities. I’m standing with Mr. Skabs, who’s going to tell us about.

MR. SKABS [in tacky tuxedo, positioned so store sign is in background]: That’s right Geraldo. For some time my beautiful daughter Pearl has been angling to lose her virginity. My staff here at the Krusty Skab has been coming up with ideas for her.

GERALDO: I take it the local pickings are mighty slim.

MR. SKABS: Alas, yes. All the big boys wind up on this [pull down huge fish hook]. One wrong move and it’s off to the fillet factory. The well-hung ones are usually the dumb ones.

GERALDO: Not always true, as I can personally testify [turns to camera, flashes dazzling smile].

MR. SKABS: So, our young folks here in Bikini Bottom need to get creative when it comes to satisfying their carnal desires.

GERALDO: Which brings us to the Krusty Skab. I must say, in my long and illustrious career, I’ve covered many a strange story, from the death of Elvis to Al Capone’s hidden room to O.J. Simpson to my hand-to-hand combat against the Taliban in Tora Bora. But this is the wildest yet. Let’s talk to some of the other people involved in this special live edition of “Teenage Underwater Freakazoids.” Let’s meet Pearl Skabs, the star of the show [audience claps, cheers]. Pearl, what’s up tonight?

PEARL [wearing slinky maroon teddy with matching panties, cleavage bursting from top, hair and make-up freshly done] Well, Geraldo, I’ve thought long and hard about how to lose my virginity. I want it to be special. I’ve got my friends here to help. I find the idea of having sex in front of a national TV audience very erotic.

GERALDO: Let me say, right now on live television, I wouldn’t mind becoming a friend of yours, at least for tonight. You look adorable, and I’m a man who knows adorable.

PEARL: You’re so sweet.

GERALDO: Mind if I check your state of preparation?

PEARL: As a matter of fact, I do mind.

GERALDO: That sounded like a “yes” to me. [Tries to stick hand down Pearl’s panties. Pearl jumps back, gives him a tremendous slap.]

PEARL: Impudent scumbag! I didn’t give you permission to touch my twat! How dare you! What part of “no” don’t you understand? [Pearl walks off]

GERALDO [rubbing his sore, bruised cheek]: Oh, well. That gimmick worked when I tried it with Barbara Walters. When you cover the big stories, sometimes there’s danger involved. Putting your life on the line goes with the territory of major-league journalism, Geraldo-style. Next, I’d like to introduce one of Pearl’s special friends, Mr. SpongeDick SquarePants [Patrick carries out frozen SpongeDick, wearing tighty whity underwear with enormous bulge in front. Gary follows behind].

SPONGEDICK: H-h-h-h-e-l-l-o, Geral-d-d-d-d-o.

GERALDO: SpongeDick, my man, ready to lay some pipe tonight? I hear you’ve got a special sex technique guaranteed to drive Pearl wild.

SPONGEDICK: That’s the p-p-p-lan.

GERALDO: Now this is your friend Patrick?

PATRICK: That’s right. SpongeDick’s my bestest buddy. And I’m his fluffer.

GERALDO: While a worldly individual such as myself knows what that means, tell our audience, please, what a fluffer does.

PATRICK: Sure. I put SpongeDick in the freezer. When he’s good and hard, I take him out and thaw him until he’s not too hot, not too cold.

GERALDO: In technical terms, you thaw him until he’s “just right”?

PATRICK: That’s right. Here’s how I do it. [pulls SpongeDick’s cock out of his underwear slips it under his armpit]. Yeah, OK, feelin’ good there, SpongeDick. Wanna help out, Geraldo?

GERALDO [aghast]: I’ll hold off, champ, I don’t want to knock your rhythm off. [thinks to himself: Bill O’Reilly does that to me all the time, anyway] Speaking of rhythm, I’m told our next guest is a great rhythm ‘n blues musician, Squidward. Let’s have a hand for Mr. Squidward! [audience claps, cheers, as Squidward comes on camera in Blues Brothers regalia, wearing dark sunglasses and porkpie hat, carrying his clarinet].

SQUIDWARD [beaming]: You’re too kind, thank you, thank you all.

GERALDO: You’re laying down some heavy grooves here in the love shack, I do believe.

SQUIDWARD: Yes, I’m Mr. Soundtrack. I’ve got some very soulful Kenny G. style tunes on the playlist. Watch out, Barry White!

GERALDO: Guaranteed to make the panties moist and the cocks crow. All right [shoves Squidward off camera]. Finally, we’ve got Pearl’s own aide-de-cramp – little joke, don’t get offended girls – Sandy Labia. Let’s have a round of applause for Sandy.

[Sandy walks on camera, waving, wearing a cowboy hat on her underwater helmet]

SANDY: Howdy Geraldo, ready to party tonight?

GERALDO: Locked and loaded. But we’re here to talk about you guys, not me, at least for a while. What’s your role tonight?

SANDY: Why, Geraldo, a southern lady like me doesn’t kiss and tell before she’s even done with the kissin’. Let’s just say my role is to rock ‘n roll with Pearl.

GERALDO: Pearl and the Squirrel, ready to make midnight magic here in bewitching Bikini Bottom. And Geraldo is here, on top of the story, and, if things work out right, on top of Pearl. Let’s settle in and enjoy whatever develops here on “Teenage Underwater Freakazoids,” on the Discovery Channel!

[Lights dim, Squidward stands at side of bed and begins to tootle ghastly easy-listening music. Mr. Skabs goes to office to count money. Audience begins to chant]

AUDIENCE: We want Pearl, we want Pearl!

[Pearl enters from stage left in slinky maroon and white nightie, already turned on. Lies on bed, propped up on pillows]

PEARL: I’m so happy you’re all here to share this special moment with me. How do I look?

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Like a fox! [general laughter]

PEARL: That music is very relaxing. And it’s getting me turned on, too.

[Patrick carries out SpongeDick, frozen solid. Cock is long and yellow, sticking out from underwear. Patrick bends SpongeDick so he’s sitting on bed, then puts armpit around cock]

PATRICK: Fluffing is lots of fun. It’s helped me get in touch with my erogenous zones.

PEARL [watching SpongeDick begin to thaw and move]: You know, Patrick, watching you work on SpongeDick is getting me horny. I never knew armpit fucking could be so hot. [runs hands down sides of nightie, tickles inside of thighs]

PATRICK: I’ll do anything for my buddies. Like they say, what goes around comes around. And when SpongeDick comes, watch out, world! How you doing there, pal?

SPONGEDICK [flexing arms and legs, feeling cock pulsing]: Great fluffing, Patrick. I’m getting that tingling feeling all over. How hard am I?

PATRICK: Somewhere between a baseball bat and a section of rebar. How’s the rest checking out?

SPONGEDICK: Time to slip into teenage underwater freakazoid mode [stands up, stretches, walks over to Pearl]. Hi, Pearlie girlie, you’re looking nice tonight.

PEARL [daubing perfume on nipples]: This is fun. You and me and the gang and 100 million in TV land.

PATRICK: Let’s give ‘em a show they’ll remember, right Geraldo?

GERALDO: You know what to do, guys. Get it up, get it on, get it in, get it off, and get it out. It looks like you’re ready to move past the first stage.

PEARL: I’ll be the judge of what happens when. Come here, SpongeStud.

[SpongeDick leans over Pearl, kisses her lips. He unties bow at top of her nightie. It falls open, letting her breasts spring into the open. Audience oohs and aahs. He smells the perfume she daubed on her now-throbbing nipples. Drips from his melting body fall on Pearl’s boobs, making them shiny and moist. Pearl slips fingers into front of SpongeDick’s underwear, finding his cock. She plays with him through the fabric. He reaches out and encircles her nipples with his fingers]

PEARL: What have I found in your pants? I believe I’ve discovered a new species of sponge, the SpongeRod. I didn’t know something frozen could feel so warm.

SPONGEDICK: The magic of imagination. You smell so good, Pearl, and there’s so much to smell [puts head between her heaving breasts, inhales]. Better than a stovetop of Skabby Patties.

PEARL: You’re getting the Skabby daughter special. Hey, look at this [pulls yellow cock out of underwear]. You’re so massive. All that fluffing made you a champion. Are you a sea creature, or a horse?

SPONGEDICK: a seahorse, ready for a ride!

PEARL: You need to run free and wild, honey [pulls underwear down; SpongeDick steps out, lies down beside her]. Rub that big yellow hammer against me.

[SpongeDick lies beside Pearl. They start kissing. She keeps her nightie top on. They wrap their arms around each other. SpongeDick runs his hands over her back through the silky material. Pearl sticks her tongue in SpongeDick’s ear]

SPONGEDICK: Golly, Pearl, your tongue is giving me goosebumps. How’d you learn about that?

PEARL: Natural talent. Now put your talent to work [Pearl rolls over so they are spooning. SpongeDick pulls nightie up, nibbles on her shoulder, rubs hands on her ass]. Oh, Spongie, you’re the fry cook of my dreams. Rub your love spatula on my hot oily girl griddles!

GERALDO: Ladies and gentlemen, this is shaping up to be an incredible TV event. Look to Geraldo for unique TV. Objectivity be damned, I’m not ashamed to say I find this a terrific turn-on. Cameraman, pull back, will you [camera pulls back, shows Geraldo with giant bulge in pant]. Look at that folks, real arousal, real manmeat, still the master woodsman after all these years. But is SpongeDick a serious challenger to the love throne? Let’s take a look.

[SpongeDick slips his hands into Pearl’s panties, caressing her ass. He’s steaming a bit as he thaws. Camera pulls up close to him pulling down her panties and spreading her asscheeks. Pearl closes eyes, reaches back to give SpongeDick a squeeze. He’s getting slightly squishy.]

GERALDO: Pearl’s certainly enjoying herself, and SpongeDick’s still priming the pump. Ho-ho, what have we here?

[Camera pans to side of bed, where Sandy is stripping off her space suit. The inside of her helmet is steamy from her panting. Pearl, with SpongeDick still behind her, reaches out and pulls Sandy to her]

PEARL: Oh, Sandy, come join us. I wanna taste of that tight little squirrel twat of yours [wraps arms around Sandy’s shoulders, begins licking Sandy’s hard brown nipples with her big pink tongue. Sandy wraps arms around Pearl’s head, throws a leg over her torso. SpongeDick sees Sandy joining, becomes even more excited]

SANDY: Yee-haw, ride ‘em, cowgirl. This is more fun than the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo! [holds breast, guides it into Pearl’s mouth]. They big enough for you, Pearl honey?

PEARL [smacking lips, rolling tongue around nipple]: Right size, right girl, right taste. I’m just getting warmed up.

SPONGEDICK: Well I’m getting warmed up plenty. I’m going to hit the perfect balance before long.

PEARL [panting with excitement]: I’m feeling awfully on the edge right now. Let’s all rotate!

SPONGEDICK: As in, sit on it and rotate? [all three laugh, along with audience]

PEARL: That’s the right idea, SpongeStud. [Pearl rolls over on back, whips off panties, spreads legs. Nightie falls open, her shining breasts point skyward. She picks up Sandy and holds her above her face, so Sandy’s cunt juices dribble down on her] OK, SpongeDick, I’m ready for you to stick your eggbeater into me and give me the fucking I need. Ready for some tongue gymnastics, Sandy?

SANDY: Any more ready and you’d have to sew my pelt back on me.

GERALDO: Mr. Squidward, strike up the band! Play that funky music, invertebrate boy.

[Squidward and Patrick wander over. Squidward switches from Kenny G. tunes to Donna Summer’s “Love to Love You, Baby” with Patrick on vocals]

GERALDO: Go, SpongeDick, go.

[SpongeDick positions cock in front of Pearl’s spread cunt lips glowing with arousal. He inhales to get her cunt scent, making his yellow cock bigger than ever]

SPONGEDICK: Hold on, Pearl, I’m going in [slips cock into Pearl]

PEARL: I’m getting so wet I can’t stand it. Finally, finally, it feels sooooooo nice in me at least. Fuck me good, Spongie.

SANDY: Don’t ferget me, Pearl [lowers cunt to Pearl’s face]

PEARL: Never ever, Sandy Labia. Let me prove it [Pearl’s long tongue licks Sandy’s petite cunt from her clit back to her ass and back, then glides between her pussy lips]

SANDY: Sweet mother of pearl that feels fine.

[Camera pulls back to show SpongeDick pounding Pearl steadily. He supports himself on his arms to he can look down and see his cock pistoning in and out of her. Sandy cups her breasts and throws her head back as Pearl holds Sandy over her face and licks her pussy devilishly. Sandy’s little legs are wrapped around Pearl’s strong arms, which hold Sandy at the hips. All three are moaning and squirming. Squidward and Patrick play and sing, urging them on. At edge of camera, Geraldo has hand in pants, playing with himself]

GERALDO: A television first . . . freakazoid TV at its finest . . . ratings through the roof . . . Eat this Bill O’Reilly . . . Losing all sense of journalistic objectivity . . . where’s Connie Chung when I need her?

PEARL: I’m getting tingly all over.

SANDY: Me, too.

SPONGEDICK: I feel a tidal wave starting around me toes. I think that means . . .

PEARL: Harder, SpongeDick, I think the dough’s starting to rise in my oven.

SANDY: Keep that tongue a’going.

[SpongeDick pounds in and out, arches his yellow back. Pearl’s hips begin to twitch and her nipples poke out even more. Pearl drills her tongue in and out of Sandy, who waves her arms in the air like a windmill]

SPONGEDICK: Uh-oh, hold on tight, Pearl.

PEARL: Oh, oh, oh.

SANDY: Yee-haw, it’s Juneteen in my britches!

[All three are on the verge of exploding. Bed bounces furiously. Squidward jumps from tentacle to tentacle, playing wildly. Patrick sings “love to love you” like a banshee]

SANDY: What’s that smell?

SPONGEDICK: That smelly smell?

SANDY: Yeah, that smelly smell that . . .

SPONGEDICK: Smells smelly?

SPONGEDICK AND SANDY [together]: Pearl’s coming!!

[Sandy comes first, gushing over Pearl’s nose and cheeks; SpongeDick squirts into Pearl; the more he comes the closer he shrinks back to his normal size. Pearl comes with a shriek, with buckets of cunt juices blasting out of her on to the floor, knocking Geraldo off his feet. Gary jumps out of the way of the flood. Pearl rocks back and forth, pressing SpongeDick onto her cunt so he’s practically flat. Audience cheers as all three flail and moan in orgasmic delight. Finally, all three collapse in a panting heap. Juice dribbles out of Pearl, as Geraldo crawls on hands and knees to edge of bed to rub face in it. Camera pulls back to show Geraldo crawling up to Pearl, pants around ankles, rubbing his cock]